Secretly Hers (Sterling Canyon)

by Jamie Beck

  Following a pronounced pause, his dad said, “It’s pretty clear to me our history—actually, your whole take on the past—is screwing up your ability to have a normal relationship with a woman.”

  No shit. “Well, nothing you can do about it either way.”

  “Maybe not.” His dad fell silent for a moment. “So tell me this, does Kelsey have anything to do with your latest request from your trust?”

  Trip could lie, but for what purpose? “Partly. When I tanked Wade Kessler’s proposed development, Kelsey lost out on a major commission. Maybe I can’t give her everything she needs, but at least I can make sure she has the money she’d been counting on to expand her business. Plus, if I buy the land, I can control how it’s developed.”

  “Let’s put aside the whole ‘I can’t give her what she needs’ part for a minute. Tell me what you plan to do with that land.”

  “Turn it into a public park, with athletic fields, a playground, maybe a skateboard park. If there’s enough space, maybe I’d leave some of the woods and build a little house for myself way back in the northwest corner of the lot.”

  “Not much return on that kind of project. As trustee, I have some concerns, but as your dad, I’m proud of you. That’s a great resource to give to your community.”

  “Thanks.” Trip formed the beginning of his first smile all day because of his dad’s remark. Of course, pride didn’t eliminate his frustration at not having control over the fund. “I know you’ve got your legal duty, but I’m not a kid, Dad. I know what I want. If there weren’t a timing issue, I’d wait until I gain control of the fund and then buy the land.”

  Trip drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair while his dad mulled over the request.

  “Well, you do need a house. That apartment you’re sharing with your partner isn’t ideal.”

  “So you’ll release the funds?” Trip sat forward.

  “Let’s get back to that other thing first.”

  “What other thing?”

  “That part about not being able to give Kelsey what she needs.” When Trip didn’t respond, his dad continued. “Last time I saw you, we both said some things that were hard to hear. But still, I know you were holding back. Let’s put all our cards on the table once and for all.”

  Trip stared at the ceiling, debating the topic he’d always been too uncomfortable to broach. After all, he owed his very existence to his dad’s affair, which made him feel guilty for being judgmental rather than grateful. But his dad had opened this topic up again, so maybe he should just get on with it.

  “Why’d you cheat on Deb?” Trip asked. “I mean, it’s not like you were in love with my mom. That I could maybe understand. But to risk so much—maybe breaking up a family—just for a brief fling?”

  “Didn’t expect that one,” his dad replied. After a pause, he asked, “Why does the reason matter?”

  “We’re a lot alike. We push hard, we take no bullshit . . . we have an eye for beautiful women. So I’ve always figured the best way to avoid breaking a vow was by never making one in the first place.” He shook his head, feeling uncomfortable. “I don’t know why I need to know, but reasons matter, at least to me. If Deb was cold and withholding, that would be better than if you were just bored. Or maybe you didn’t really love Deb in the first place?”

  “I love Deb, so don’t doubt that. I met your mom in the middle of a full-blown midlife crisis. I was jealous of the attention Deb showered on Mason, and my head got turned by a witty, fun lady who made me feel like a man instead of a neglectful husband who didn’t help enough with the baby.” His dad cleared his throat. “Honestly, I can’t see how hearing that helps. You’re your own man. You’re not doomed to make every mistake I’ve ever made. Son, it’s time to grow up and move on, for chrissakes.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  “You don’t normally shy away from things that are hard.”

  On that note, Trip pressed further. “Why’d you go back to Deb?”

  “Because I loved her. ‘Went back’ isn’t even a fair characterization. I ran back and felt shitty for a long time, praying she’d never find out. I hoped to make it up to her by being a better husband. I wish I could go back in time and do that over, too—be more honest with her right up front.”

  “But if you loved Deb and cheated, then what good is love? Or maybe you only thought you loved her, but you really didn’t? I mean, how does someone really know what love is, anyway?”

  “I already told you, I do love Deb. Always did.”

  “But how did you know it was love, not just lust or infatuation or some kind of obsession?”

  His dad grew quiet for a while, apparently giving thought to his answer. “Because whenever I thought about the future, I always saw her in it with me. I’d never done that before her, or since. Deb gets me. She lets me be myself. And, say what you will, she forgave my sins and doesn’t throw them in my face every time we fight. Hell, I suppose part of me loved her because of the way she loved me.” After another quiet moment, he asked, “Do you love Kelsey?”

  Trip froze. Would this be how he’d respond every time he heard her name, thought about her, saw her? How would he function this way? The anxiety was worse than dangling from a loose carabiner several hundred feet off the ground.

  “There you go again, always with the silence. What’s so hard about answering a straight question? There’s no right answer, just an honest one.”

  “Maybe,” Trip muttered. “Hell, Dad, I don’t know. Why do you think I’m asking you these questions? I’ve got no experience with all these emotions.”

  “How do you feel today, now that Kelsey’s dumped you?”

  “Like shit, thanks.” God, his dad was like an obnoxious member of the press corps.

  “What’s that tell you?”

  “Tells me I care about her a lot. She’s special, and I wasn’t ready for things to end. But that doesn’t mean I’m able to promise her a forever.”

  “For what it’s worth, I remember watching you with her that first time I met with Wade. Then you beat the shit out of your brother over her. Before you knew about the baby, you’d stopped seeing other women. And you embraced the pregnancy like a man who was happy about his future. Now you’re feeling ‘shitty’ and asking for the majority of your trust funds just to make things better for her. All things considered, I think you love this girl.”

  “Well,” Trip started, growing increasingly hot and itchy from being so exposed.

  “Last piece of advice, then I’ll let you go. No one knows what forever looks like. We just do the best we can each day. And when people are in love, any mistakes can be resolved. You look at my marriage as a failure because I made a mistake. But I see it as a success, because we put my mistake behind us and are still together and happy.”

  Trip scrubbed his face with his palm, unprepared to handle that perspective.

  His dad filled the silence. “If you love Kelsey, tell her. Sooner or later, you’ve got to learn to commit to something bigger than the next ski slope.”

  “Hey, I made a commitment to Backtrax, and I’m about to sink millions into this town.”

  “True. There’s hope for you yet.” His dad chuckled.

  “So does that mean you’ll release the funds?” Trip asked, happy to redirect the conversation away from him and his outlook on love.

  “Yes. But when you build that house, make sure it has more than one bedroom.”

  Trip chose not to respond to the less-than-subtle nudge toward marriage and family. Before he hung up, he asked, “Can one of your attorneys handle setting up an anonymous nonprofit entity to buy the parcel?”

  “Why do you want it to be anonymous?”

  “I think Kelsey’d be uncomfortable brokering the deal if she knew I was the buyer. Besides, I’m not doing this to win points with her, I just want to make sure she’s got something positive to focus on now. Something to help take her mind off the loss of the baby.”

  Trip tried not t
o hear his dad smiling through the phone when he said, “That, my boy, is what love is all about.”

  Kelsey typed the details of her newest listing into the MLS system. The cute in-town home had an updated kitchen, two-and-a-half baths, three bedrooms, and a fenced yard. Perfect starter home for a young family.

  Of course, that thought made her nose tingle, but she’d been growing stronger every day. Three days post-miscarriage, everything she’d lost only crossed her mind about once every hour—a big improvement from being unable to think about anything else.

  It took a lot of effort on her part. A complete commitment to repressing any thought of her baby or Trip the instant either popped into her mind. Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest approach, but if she gave in to temptation, the raw ache of missing them chafed like a blister inside a new shoe.

  Her phone rang, jarring her from her thoughts. “Peak Properties, Kelsey speaking.”

  “Ms. Callihan, my name is Amy Katz. I’m a real estate attorney representing a nonprofit that’s interested in the eight-acre parcel you’ve listed on Mountain View Road.”

  Kelsey sat upright. Ms. Katz’s words burst like a ray of sunlight streaming through an otherwise gloomy week. “That’s wonderful. I’d be happy to meet with someone from the organization to walk the property and discuss the details.”

  “The principal is unavailable at this time, but is familiar with the land. I’ve got a power of attorney to oversee the negotiation and closing. We’re prepared to make a no-contingency offer of six million, closing within thirty days.”

  Kelsey’s heart sped up. Six million was twenty percent below asking, but a no-contingency offer was worth a lot. No inspections or other due diligence, no financing issues, no community referendums. The family would have their money within thirty days, and she’d have the entire commission to herself. “That figure is substantially below asking, but I’m sure the owners will consider it if you’re able to provide confirmation of availability of funds.”

  “Of course.”

  “And may I ask, what’s the name of this nonprofit entity?”

  “White Room Group.”

  “Is that some kind of skiing association?” Given the deep powder reference, she assumed it might be another backcountry outfit. Should she warn Trip of incoming competition?

  “No.” Ms. Katz said nothing more, which Kelsey found disconcerting.

  “Oh. Well, as you may have heard, the community is fairly invested in what happens with this parcel. Is your client aware there may be some hurdles to whatever its development plans may be, and that buying the land before going through due diligence may be a mistake.”

  “My client is aware of the risks.”

  Kelsey’s brows pinched together. What kind of organization would spend that much money without tying up every loose end? But it wasn’t her job to warn the buyer; it was her job to sell. “Give me your contact information and I’ll get back to you with the owners’ response.”

  “Great. But please impress upon them that this is the best offer my client can make.”

  “I will.” After writing down Ms. Katz’s information, Kelsey immediately phoned Nick Copeland, who sounded amenable, but needed to confer with his siblings.

  Kelsey hung up the phone with a smile. The first one she’d worn in days.

  Despite her grief, the world kept turning. Deep down she knew she had to keep moving, too.

  This deal would be one healing step forward. A step toward expanding her business and planning for her future. The future of her dreams, not one for which she might’ve settled because she’d been too afraid of ending up alone.

  As she shut down her computer, Avery walked through her door.

  “Thought I’d drop in and see if you wanted to grab dinner.” Avery collapsed into the chair across from Kelsey’s desk. “Emma can meet up with us because her only hotel guests made other plans this evening.”

  “Um.” Kelsey paused, unsure of whether she felt up to socializing.

  “Those are gorgeous roses.” Avery nodded to the vase of multicolored long-stemmed roses on the corner of Kelsey’s desk.

  A pang cinched her stomach as she mindlessly brushed the velvety petals with her fingertips.

  “Trip sent them.” She’d been avoiding him, too afraid that, if she saw him, she’d cave in and run back into the comfort of his arms. It would be so easy. His sexy smile, his safe embrace, his willingness to lock horns with her without getting mad. She missed him, but she didn’t want a relationship that lingered in a permanent state of limbo, so she had to cut all ties for a while.

  Then, like a child unable to stop picking at a scab, she asked, “How’s he doing?”

  “Not so great, actually. Grey says he’s pretty listless. No glib jokes. Kind of just going through the motions.” Avery sat forward. “I’d never have believed him capable of caring so deeply about anything or anyone.”

  “That’s not fair. Look at how loyal he’s been to Grey this past year. There’s a lot more to him than he lets most people see.” Kelsey hugged herself, as if somehow her own arms could take the place of his. “He really did want our baby—once he got over the initial shock.”

  “Kels, it seems like you two really care about each other, so why have you cut him out of your life?” Avery tipped her head. “It’s so unlike you. You’re the great romantic. The true believer of ‘love conquers all.’ If your faith is shaken, well, that scares the pants off me!”

  “I still think love conquers all, but only when it’s mutual. One person’s love isn’t strong enough to overcome all obstacles. I’m tired of always being the one who cares more, who loves more, who wants more. I know Trip misses me right now. But he doesn’t love me. At least, not enough, anyway. And I’ve finally realized it’s better to be alone than to settle for less than I deserve.”

  Avery smiled although her eyes were glassy. “If anyone deserves to be loved, it’s you. I know you’ll finally meet that Prince Charming you’ve been dreaming of your whole life. I’m just sorry both you and Trip have had to suffer all this loss.”

  Prince Charming. Kelsey couldn’t help but grin at the memory of Fee’s introduction to Trip in July. “Me too.”

  They both sat there absorbed in their own thoughts, but then Avery tapped her hands on the arms of her chair. “So, come on. Join me for dinner. We can go to Mamacitas and have your favorite flan.”

  Kelsey cracked a smile. “I never have been able to say no to that flan.”

  “I’ll call Emma.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “Trip, can we talk?” Grey tossed his pack in the corner of the office and grabbed a bottle of water from the small refrigerator. “I’m getting more concerned with each day that goes by. You haven’t been yourself, which is understandable. But more than two weeks later, it feels like you’re getting worse instead of better. You’ve barely taken advantage of all this snow that keeps falling.”

  “Sorry. Wasn’t aware my mourning period had an expiration date.” Trip stiffened, considering turning on his heel and walking out the door. He stopped himself because he knew Grey meant well.

  “That’s not what I meant.” Grey plopped into his chair. “I wish you’d talk to me, or someone. Better yet, maybe you ought to go talk to Kelsey.”

  “Kelsey asked me to give her space, so that’s what I’m doing.” Trip sat across from Grey and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m giving her what she wants.”

  “Yeah? Keep telling yourself that, pal.” Grey turned on the computer, pretending to give up on his attempt to get Trip to talk. But Trip knew Grey too well to believe he hadn’t just goaded him in order to pry him open.

  “Just because you and Avery found a way to patch things up after your big fallout doesn’t mean everyone else will follow suit.” A streak of resentment burned through Trip, propelling him out of his seat. “If you need proof that I’m getting back to my old self, come out for a drink.”

  Grey stuck a lollipop into his mouth and shook his hea
d. “That’s not what I’m suggesting, and I think you know it.”

  “Maybe not, but maybe it’s exactly what I need.” Trip defiantly picked up his cowboy hat and nodded at Grey. “See you in the morning.”

  Trip strolled through town on his way to Grizzly’s, noticing all the Halloween decorations in the store windows, which looked a little funny surrounded by the mounds of snow on the sidewalks. He’d loved Halloween as a young boy, but after his mom died, things had changed, and the door-to-door event had changed to fancy “neighborhood parties” with parents and kids. One of many changes he’d disliked about life with his dad’s family.

  A cold breeze caused Trip to zip up his jacket and tuck his hands in his pockets as he kept walking through town. Kelsey’s office wasn’t along the most direct route to the bar, but he found himself walking down that block anyway—across the street, of course. Six thirty, but her office lights were still on. He smiled, assuming she might be diligently working on the Copeland sale. Perhaps his plan had worked, and he’d given her some small comfort.

  When he spied her from a distance through the plate glass, his heart nearly dropped to the sidewalk. Mason was sitting across from Kelsey’s desk. What the hell was his brother doing with her? Had they made plans to go to dinner?

  Jealousy singed his lungs, but he backed away and waited for Mason to emerge. When his brother finally crossed the street alone, Trip called out, “Just couldn’t keep away from Kelsey, could you? I can’t believe you’d go after her after what just happened.”

  Mason crossed the street. “Gunner, I can assure you, it’s not what you think.”

  “And I should believe you because you’ve always been so honest?” Trip tipped his cowboy hat back and cocked his head.

  “Actually, I was coming to see you next.” Mason maintained a calm expression. “First, let me say I’m sorry about the baby. Dad mentioned that to me last week, but I figured I’d be the last person you’d want to see so soon afterward.”

  Trip shrugged and cleared his throat, waiting to hear what else Mason planned to say.

  “Secondly—and what I’m sure you’ll consider to be good news—is that I’m returning to Denver to be near my girls. Dad finally stopped fighting me on it. He’s got a replacement coming next week to take over. I needed to meet with Kelsey tonight about whether the landlord would let me assign my lease over to the new guy.”