by K. C. Hamby
I wake in a daze, but it’s like I’m a brand-new person. I sit up in bed with the I’ve-been-asleep-for-years drowsiness and roll out of the blankets to get dressed for a day that I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do in it for the first time in a while.
I have to do something. I’m going to go stir crazy if I just sit here. I’m not good with boredom. I need something to do unless I’m sleeping or my pent-up energy and lingering bloodlust will drive me up the wall.
Running will kill some time and energy. I throw on some black leggings to match my sports bra and some black running shoes. I brush my hair out of its still slightly damp braid and leave it in a long, wavy ponytail. I stretch my legs a bit and head out the door.
I usually run around the Complex a few times. In all, it’s about six or so miles around once, so I like to do two laps. I always start in the parking lot and today I get to admire how my car shines in the 8:00 A.M. sunshine. After smiling at the thing like a lovesick moron, I break into a run along the fence surrounding the Complex.
My thoughts normally focus on my breathing. That’s why I like to run. It’s a great way to keep me present. I don’t think of anything else bothering me because I’m too focused on keeping my breathing even. But today, my thoughts soar right on over to that street where I left Nina. I attempt to squash the guilt churning in my stomach for leaving her there, but the knot stuck in my throat yesterday has formed a large pit in my stomach. I’m not sure I can take any kind of medicine to make that go away.
What is it about her anyway? Sure, I caught some protectiveness from the night I helped her last week, but I’ve never felt leftover protectiveness before. I’ve saved plenty of people, but something keeps drawing my thoughts back to her.
Yelling pulls me from the dark pits of my mind. I glimpse to my left and find a group of six younger Lupi—probably eight or nine years old—huddled together, pushing around something in the middle of their group. I slow down to a jog, curiosity taking over me.
Wait. It’s not something. It’s someone.
Nathan is right in the middle of all these kids. They are shoving and taunting him. I slow to a walk.
They haven’t noticed me yet.
My eyes dilate and see Nathan is trying not to react to any of this. He’s just taking the beating.
I mean, I get it. He thinks this is what he’s supposed to do; he thinks he just shuts off his emotions and deals with it. But Lupi fight back. He’s supposed to fight them off and stick up for himself.
The kids’ words reach my ears.
“Little mutt, Nathan,” one kid spits.
Mutt is an insult younger Lupi use and abuse. If someone is called a mutt, they are seen as weak and worthless; an animal that isn’t fully a wolf.
“You suck so much. You’re like, the worst in the whole school,” one of the girls mocks and shoves him hard.
“You’ll never be anything but a cripple’s son,” a boy laughs and punches Nathan right in the lip. My wolf bristles in my chest and pushes a snarl out of my mouth.
Oh hell no.
“Hey!” I yell menacingly, walking up to the group with my fists clenched at my sides.
They all stop immediately and turn to face me. They move away from Nathan in fear when recognition flashes in their eyes.
I guess I have a reputation with the younger Lupi too.
I meet all of their terrified stares with fire flickering behind mine. I soften when I look at Nathan.
“You’re late,” I chastise him and squint, hoping he understands what I’m trying to do. “You’re supposed to come train with me, remember?” I lift an eyebrow and shove a hand to my hip in fake exasperation. His head jerks back slightly, confused. Then, understanding softens his stance.
“Oh! Right. Sorry, Fal.” He walks up to me and I place a hand on his shoulder. The gasps of awe from the little heathens flood into the air. We turn around and head in the direction of the training gyms. He runs ahead in a blur of speed, but I hold back and face the group. I glare at them, my wolf pushing through my eyes and growling. Some gulp. Most shake.
“If this happens again, you will all be dealing with me. Got it?” I snarl. They all nod so fast, I’m afraid their heads will fall off and roll away. I sneer and turn to catch up with Nathan. After blurrily sprinting, I slow to a walk beside him in a cloud of dust.
“Thank you,” he whispers, staring holes in his shoes. I don’t say anything. He peers up at me, managing a smile. My chest grumbles. His lip is busted.
“Hey, we match.” I point at where my lip was busted but has now healed into a white scar. I tilt my the corners of my mouth into a half smile. He laughs a little, but grows quiet again.
I can’t believe they make fun of him because of his mom.
I remember when it happened. I was fifteen. Cosma had just received the Pack Alpha title a year before she got pregnant with Nathan. She is the Alpha in her class and Chosen like me, but she didn’t hide it and was made Pack Alpha. Being Chosen, she had to procreate with another Chosen. Our High Council—our leaders—have some crazy idea that two Chosen that mate will produce Chosen children. This is the only way assassins are allowed to have children. It’s the reason Ash told me to keep quiet. The idea of having to mate and have a child terrifies me.
Cosma had just gotten back from her maternity leave—about two weeks after Nathan was born—and decided to go on a job alone. I don’t know the full details, but apparently, she was surrounded by Poachers at some point. She managed to take them all after a painful shift to wolf form due to pregnancy preventing her from shifting. She was banged up pretty badly afterwards, but she held her own and shifted back to person form. She called a Voítheia to pick her and the bodies up, but before she hung up, a Poacher driving a van hit her head-on before she could even think to move out of its way. It ended up paralyzing her from the waist down and she may not have made it if she hadn’t been on the phone with that Voítheia. He picked her up and rushed her to the hospital on the Complex.
No one really understands why she couldn’t heal herself. I’ve heard that the damage was just too much for her body to handle and heal correctly. No one really knows. No one has asked.
Normally, a Lupi would be taken from their position and sent to live as a Voítheia for their protection, but she was Pack Alpha and Chosen. The High Council voted for her to stay. She can’t shift into her wolf because of the paralysis. I don’t shift, but that’s my choice. She doesn’t have a choice. Our wolves are the most intimate parts of ourselves and hers was just taken away. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. I respect the hell out of her. She can go through all of that and doesn’t let it affect her duties to the Pack.
Ah, Nathan. I peer over at him now, mustering the courage to walk tall and act like everything is okay. He loves his mom. It’s just a fact. Everyone can tell. I just hate that he can’t practice with his mom like Ash and I practiced with ours.
Nope. Not doing this right now.
I push the memories from my mind. It’s getting harder to keep them away.
Anyway, Nathan helps her more than she helps him. He is such a good kid. I feel terrible for being mean to him. I just couldn’t be around someone who’s so reckless with their emotions, but he isn’t that bad. I would rather hangout with him than those little demons bullying him. He just reminds me of how little good I have in me. It’s more painful than I care to admit.
“Okay, I think we are in the clear.” Nathan stares over his shoulder. “Thanks again, Fal. I’ll see you around,” he whispers with dejection as he turns to walk away.
Okay, here’s my chance to make it right.
“Oh? Did you decide that you don’t want my help?” I stop walking and put my hands on my hips, striving to appear and sound offended.
He glares at me with confusion, his face scrunching up in odd angles.
“I mean…if you don’t want my help…” I trail off and throw my hands up as I slink away. He tackles me from behind and starts jumping
up and down in excitement. He grabs my arm and nearly yanks it out of socket.
“Please please please, Fal!” He jumps with every word. “I want your help!” I can’t help the laugh bubbling out of my mouth.
“Okay Nathan. Nathan, I said okay!” He stops jumping and releases my arm. I roll my shoulder, making sure my arm is still attached. He grins sheepishly.
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, okay.” I shake my head. “We have to get permission from your mom. I’m not trying to get in trou-“ I’m cut off by Nathan yanking me in the direction of Cosma’s office.
“Come on!”
Goddess, what have I gotten myself into?
***
I don’t even have time to pay attention to the ominous sounds my steps usually make in the hallway to Cosma’s office because Nathan is making me run. He bursts through the door like he owns the place and I want to tuck my tail and run as soon as I meet Cosma’s gaze.
She doesn’t look surprised to see Nathan at all. I think I even see the hint of a smile on her lips. Huh. She hides it quickly.
She does look surprised to see me.
“Falen. I didn’t expect to see you for a few days,” she clucks, an inquisitive gleam in her eye. She wheels her chair out from behind her desk and makes her way around to Nathan. “Nathan, you haven’t been pestering Falen, have you?” She raises an amused eyebrow which tells me she would find it absolutely hilarious if he was.
“Mom, no.” He blows out a breath. Having them side by side, they look just alike. The Native American genes run strong in their blood. “We came to ask you something,” he announces and looks at me expectantly.
“Oh no. If you want it, you have to ask.” I hold up my hands in front of me. Cosma glances back and forth between us.
“Will one of you spit it out?”
“Okay.” Nathan takes a deep breath. “Is it okay if I train with Fal?” He gazes at his mom with so much hope in his eyes, it’s seeping into my skin. Cosma stares at me with questions on her lips. I shrug.
You and me both, boss lady.
She turns back to Nathan, seemingly deliberating whether or not this is a good idea. I thought I would be neutral, but I catch myself wanting her to say yes. I don’t think I would mind his company all that much.
Why is that? Is it because he actually wants to hang out with me? Not many people do.
Cosma sighs and I meet her eyes. “Okay.”
Nathan jumps up in victory.
“But only an hour a day.”
“Aw, Mom.” He frowns in disappointment.
“Don’t worry.” I smirk at him. “We can hangout some other than that too.”
I jerk my head back in surprise.
I just said what now? Nathan’s mouth drops open in astonishment. Shit. Can’t take it back now.
“Yes,” he whispers and runs off yelling about how he’s going to get dressed or something. I watch him run out of the office and turn back to meet the suspicious gaze of Cosma. She gives me a slight once-over and I remember I’m only in leggings and a sports bra. Goddess. Today has already been interestingly awkward and it’s only 8:20 A.M.
“Why are you doing this?” she asks, watching me carefully. I hesitate.
“Nathan is a good kid, Alpha,” I admit truthfully and add, “and you’re my Alpha. I respect you. I wouldn’t do it for just anyone. Nathan is pretty entertaining, though.” I laugh and I barely hear a chuckle from her.
“You’re right about that.” She dips her head at me.
My eyes may pop out of my head. It’s a sign of respect and she’s doing it to me? I dip my head in return before I say something stupid and make my way out of the office to meet Nathan.
This day. Weird.
Chapter 15
We stand in the grass in the middle of one of the training fields. This particular field has various obstacles like walls, rope swings, a climbing wall, and a lot of other agility training equipment. I remember training here when I was in school. ‘Poachers’, which were actually our classmates, would either run from us or chase us. We would have to make it through the course without being caught or with catching our ‘Poacher’ before the course ended. We could do parts of it in our wolf forms, but I never did. I never failed, though. It was my favorite training exercise. Other than knife fighting, of course.
“So,” Nathan says, being his chipper self, “what are we doing here? Are you going to teach me how to fight?” He leaps into a position that vaguely resembles a fighting stance. He’s left his head unguarded. I quickly reach around him and slap him in the forehead.
“Hey! What was that for?” He rubs his head while glaring accusingly at me.
“You left one of the most important parts of you wide open for the taking.” I cross my arms over my chest and dramatically cock my hip to the side. “Keep your hands up,” I admonish. “Anyway, no. I’m not teaching you how to fight today. We have to go through the basics first.”
“Aw, ma.” He groans loudly, but still manages to look excited. Albeit, not as much.
“I know you learn things in your classes, but I personally think I’m the better teacher.” I wink at him and he gives me a sly grin. I’m getting the hang of this winking thing. “Today, you’re going to learn to listen.”
“Learn to listen? What are you talking about? I know how to listen.” He scoffs and slaps his forehead in a ‘duh’ fashion. That poor forehead.
“Maybe if you listen,” I hiss, “you’ll understand.” He ducks his head and nods for me to continue. “Now, you need to know how to listen and see with your ears.” I sit down on the grass and lie on my back. Nathan follows suit when I motion for him to join me.
“Close your eyes,” I prod him as soon as he’s firmly lying on the ground and stops squirming. He shuts his eyes tight. “Okay, now slow your breathing. Take slow, deep breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I demonstrate and his breathing falls in line with mine. I wait for him to get the tempo of the breathing down until I’m convinced he’s relaxed enough for me to continue. “Now, Nathan, what do you feel? What do you smell? What about what you hear?” The concentration of his face deepens.
“Um, I feel the scratchy grass under my arms and the wind in my hair. I can kinda feel a little warmth coming from the sun.” I nod for him to continue even though his eyes are closed. “I smell you; your scent. You smell like,” he sniffs melodramatically, “cinnamon.”
Huh. I’ve never been told what my scent is like. I’ve never even thought to ask. Every Lupi has one. Like Nathan; he smells like wild grass and it brings on a sting of nostalgia for my childhood. It reminds me of when Mom used to take me and Ash to the natural spring a few miles off the Complex..
Ugh. Stop it, brain.
“I don’t really hear much of anything,” he admits, growing frustrated. “Well, nothing except you breathing hard.”
Wow, that’s embarrassing. My intrusive memories are stressing me out. I get my breathing under control.
“Listen really hard. Get out of your head and just let the world happen around you. Be a part of the earth and let it tell you what it wants.” His face loses all sign of tension and his body relaxes. He breathes deeply and goes quiet.
“I hear Lupi training across the Complex. Guns, but they are quiet guns.” He pauses. “And I hear your heartbeat.”
I close my eyes and open myself up to the sounds around me. Far across the Complex, I vaguely hear the sounds of silenced gunfire.
Holy shit. How the hell did he hear that? I can barely hear that.
“Wow, Nathan. That’s….that’s really good,” I tell him, stunned.
“Well, after I did what you said, I could hear a lot more than I thought I could. Cool. You are a better teacher,” he whispers and I’m still so shocked, I barely register the praise. I only come out of it when Nathan waves his hand in front of my face. “What now?”
“Oh. Uh, now I’m going to hide. We are going to play a glorified and intense game of hide and s
eek. The catch? You can only use your hearing. You have to keep your eyes closed while you are trying to find me.” His eyes grow wide.
“That sounds kinda hard.”
“Yeah well, you may have to rely on just your hearing sometimes.”
“But, wouldn’t I be able to see? I don’t understand why I would need to know how to do that.”
“Trust me, sometimes hearing is the only thing you have.” I point at my face for reference.
“Oh,” he whispers, appearing bashful. “Sorry.”
I wave him off. “Nah, it’s fine.”
We spend the rest of the hour with me hiding in different places and he walks around with his eyes closed trying to find me. I’m impressed. He finds me every time except once. I got frustrated he kept finding me, so I blended into the dark and hid. I’m the master of stealth.
I have to admit, I’m actually not having too bad of a time with Nathan. I’ve never liked kids, but he’s different. He isn’t afraid of me. I bet he would try to fight me if I told him to. Which, I won’t be doing that.
Yet.
By the time the hour is over, it’s a little before 10:00 A.M.. Nathan is sweaty from his efforts, but he’s extra excited he learned something new.
“You’re right,” he says, breathing hard.
“Probably, but about what?” A smirk dances across my lips.
“You’re definitely a better teacher.” My face grows hot.
“Pff, told you so.” I playfully punch his shoulder. “You did a good job for the first day. After lunch, do you want to go with me and get some ice cream?”
Wait, what the hell did I just say?
“Whoa, yeah!” Nathan exclaims and his eyes grow wide with elation as he grabs my arm. “We gotta ask Mom about this too!”
He drags me across the Complex again and straight into Cosma’s office building while all I can think about is how much I want to shove my foot in my mouth where it will hopefully get stuck forever. Or at least until I can learn how to control this word vomit.
On our way down the hall, some Lupi pass us and give me this strange look. I give the best intimidating ‘try me’ face I can while being dragged by Nathan and they whip their heads around and hurry away.