He looked so innocent. There was not even the slightest trace of tension on his childlike face.
It was completely different from his strained attempt at lightheartedness when last they had spoken during work. It was enough to make her earlier suspicion seem incredibly stupid.
“It is hard to think of that when you see him sleeping like this, though.”
Rem seemed to be murmuring that more to herself than to Emilia as she gave Subaru’s hair a light caress with her fingers.
His ignorance of the world, like an innocent babe, made Rem’s lips slacken just a little.
“I will inform Sister that Subaru is of no use for today. We must reallot today’s chores.”
Rem left things at that, bowing politely as she turned to leave.
She started to go find her sister. Around this time, she would still be cleaning up the dining hall. There, they would rearrange their schedule for the day.
“Rem…”
Abruptly called, Rem stopped and gently turned her whole body around.
Emilia was sitting below her on the floor. In spite of that, Rem mysteriously felt a powerful pressure coming from Emilia’s gaze, like Rem was the one who stood lower.
Emilia, not noticing Rem’s small measure of surprise, spoke in a quiet voice.
“Subaru is a good boy.”
“—”
Rem responded with a single, solemn bow.
Then, without another word, she headed to the door and left Subaru and Emilia behind in the guest room.
She mulled over Emilia’s statement as she walked down the hallway.
Even Rem did not notice the slight tremble on the side of her neutral visage.
—But the faintest trace of a vile odor remained lodged in a corner of Rem’s mind.
CHAPTER 2
I CRIED AND SCREAMED AND WILL CRY NO MORE
1
“Borrowing a girl’s lap, letting her caress my head, and falling into a peaceful sleep… By itself you’d think it was awesome, but man…”
Subaru said things like that over and over, red to the tips of his ears as he plucked a bit of hair from his head.
He thought back to the scene several hours before, when he’d spectacularly laid bare his soul.
“So I was a big crybaby in front of my sweetheart, fell asleep with tears on my face and a runny nose. Plus, I had her lap to myself for hours on end… This is like a humiliation game.”
He thought back to the sensation of Emilia’s knees, as well as the price they had paid to convey it to him.
The spectacle had left Emilia’s skirt all a mess from his runny nose. No matter what problems Subaru had been going through, this was inexcusable, even if just from a hygienic view.
Still, Emilia hadn’t rocked him awake in all that time, nor did she hold it against Subaru as he earnestly apologized for dirtying her clothes.
“That’s fine if it makes you feel a little better. Besides, you really don’t understand, Subaru.”
“Eh?”
“It’s more satisfying for the other person to hear a single thank-you than a dozen apologies. I don’t want you to apologize for something I wanted to offer you, so there.”
The way she pressed a finger to his apologizing lips and winked at him would bowl over any man. Indeed, Subaru bowled over right on the spot.
Now that Subaru knew he loved her, everything she said and did, that included, seemed covered in glitter and gloss.
Emilia headed off to change clothes in her room. Subaru kept wandering around the mansion in a dreamy state for a little while before finally regaining his senses and clutching his head at what he’d done.
“Oh man, I’ve totally done it now. Emilia’s the one I didn’t want to look weak in front of. Is there anything more embarrassing I could’ve done? I seriously can’t look her in the eye now!”
“…Is that what a person says when entering someone’s room late at night, I wonder?”
The way Subaru pressed the middle of his thigh against the stool and writhed around it put the girl in the dress—Beatrice—in a particularly bad mood, bringing a dreadful scowl over her adorable face.
After parting ways with Emilia, Subaru had it in his head that he couldn’t let anyone else see him, so his feet carried him to the archive of forbidden books, and thus beyond anyone’s reach. Though, he liked tweaking the nose of the girl in charge of it, too.
“Don’t say that, Beako. We’re friends, right?”
“What kind of relationship do you think—Wait, what did you call me just now, I wonder?”
Beatrice raised an eyebrow with a twitch of her cheek when Subaru clapped his hands.
“Beako. I think nicknames are an indispensable way to show my friendship. You’re the only one in the mansion so far who didn’t like it even a little bit, though…”
He thought back to the last loop, when the loneliness and despair had been driven home.
One could even say he was cajoling her into bringing sophistry and threats at him. It was from such humble beginnings that a firm pact had been established between them.
In the end, Subaru had unilaterally severed the deal. But Beatrice had exploited the vagueness of the details to continue to protect him.
Even if Beatrice had forgotten, Subaru would never forget how he felt back then.
“—So I don’t care what you think of me, I’m going to call you Beako. It’s the greatest sign of affection I can give you!”
“That does not please me whatsoever! What is with that overbearing goodwill?! Is it merely distasteful or completely disgusting, I wonder?!”
“Hey, what’s with that way of talking?! I’m thanking you from the bottom of my heart here. This is no time to make fun!”
“If you’re going to insist that what you said just now was not meant in jest, you and I are no longer engaged in conversation. It may look like dialogue, but it is not!”
She informed him that if conversation was supposed to be a game of catch, this was more like rugby.
He was showing considerable affection in an appropriately Subaru-like way, but that seemed to be lost on Beatrice.
“Well, I’ll set that aside, but I’ll still call you Beako.”
“Such single-minded resolve is quite unnecessary. What would happen if I simply do not respond to that name, I wonder?”
“Don’t say cold things like that, Beako.”
“…”
Subaru called out to Beatrice, but silently keeping her gaze lowered to her book, she made no reply. Apparently she meant what she had said earlier.
While Beatrice acted stubborn, Subaru grudgingly walked over and paced around the stool.
“What’s wrong, Beako? You look glum, Beako. Are you all right, Beako? If there’s something wrong, you can talk to me, Beako. Mm? What is it, Beako? We can do this, Beako. Beako, Beako!”
“I have never seen anyone as annoying as you! What is with you, I wonder?!”
Someone as thin-skinned as Beatrice was natural prey for someone born with a talent for getting on other people’s nerves like Subaru. He pumped a fist, the corners of his lips twisting as Beatrice’s shoulders shook in anger.
“Actually, I’ve got an admission to make. I’m backed into a corner and really need your help.”
—He explained to the curly-haired girl the conclusion he’d formed after pathetically bawling his eyes out.
2
While on Emilia’s lap, all the ugly feelings and tears built up inside Subaru had come pouring out. What remained were Subaru’s pure personal desires.
—He loved Emilia.
He’d thought he loved her before, but now he truly knew what falling for someone meant. It was love at first sight. Just hearing her voice made his heart skip a beat. Just talking with her was so pleasant it felt like a dream.
He couldn’t leave this girl who put herself in harm’s way for others.
That’s why I love her, he had thought, but now he sincerely understood what he’d felt. S
he was the first one to save Subaru when he was summoned to another world without anyone to depend on.
And, when he’d been backed into a dark alley of despair, it was she who had saved his dying heart. She’d saved both his life and his heart.
—He could no longer think of living in a world without Emilia.
He loved spending his days with Emilia at the mansion. He loved learning all sorts of things about the world. He loved Ram, who’d taken such care of him in spite of her blunt tongue. He really loved Emilia. He loved Rem, who insulted him with polite language but always showed him how to do things. He was enveloped by goodwill toward everyone living at the mansion. Subaru wanted to stay there forever.
Those overflowing feelings filled his chest to bursting.
But on the other side of that happy coin—
He loved Emilia. He despaired at lacking the power to protect her. Life at the mansion had grown stale. He didn’t know where or when he’d be found out. He feared Ram, who commanded Blades of Wind that could slice his throat. He was terrified of Rem and her skull-crushing iron ball. Roswaal’s disturbing madness could lead him to command the twins to eliminate Subaru without mercy. Every time he woke up, he checked whether he was still alive, and he could sense himself cracking under his own constant vigilance against despair.
These, too, were Subaru’s true, indelible feelings.
Emilia had saved Subaru before the friction in his mind had roasted Subaru from the inside out.
By consoling him, Emilia had pulled his heart back from the brink.
Thinking about her filled him with life and energy. Emilia was what kept his urge to flee in check.
“In other words, E M D (Emilia-tan’s Majorly Divine)!”
Beatrice responded to Subaru’s declaration by acting astounded and shooting him an annoyed grimace.
“Did you say something exceedingly stupid just now, I wonder?”
“Not at all. I’m putting my top priorities back in order.”
“Let us return to the topic at hand… You say you want my help? What do you mean, I wonder?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty serious about that, like enough to beg God for help. I can’t think of anyone else I can go to.”
In the present situation, Emilia was, of course, the member of the mansion he could place the most trust in—but she was also the most important part of Subaru’s life. In other words, the absolute last thing he wanted to do was put her in danger. To Subaru, who normally prioritized his own life, Emilia’s life weighed much heavier than his on the scale.
That being the case, he couldn’t go to Puck for help, either, which left—
“Beako. She’s actually pretty sweet. And softer than she looks.”
“I don’t understand your meaning, but I do sense that you are mocking me.”
“That’s not my intent at all… Actually, the way things are in the mansion right now, you’re the only one I can rely on.”
Of course, he couldn’t come clean to Ram and Rem, let alone Roswaal.
Except for Emilia, Beatrice was truly the only person in the mansion who he could trust.
“Please. I’m begging you.”
Subaru was kneeling on the floor before Beatrice, bowing his head as he petitioned for aid.
Subaru needed a lantern to light the way so that he could bring an end to the chain of despair.
“I need your help. I want to set everything right and protect the place where I can be happy. And that’s no good if it doesn’t include everyone here.”
“—”
Subaru, touching his head to the floor, looked up at Beatrice after a long silence.
“…Beatrice?”
The conflict he saw in her eyes made his breath catch.
Beatrice knit her brows and bit her lip as she glared at Subaru. And yet, despite the ferocity of her gaze, she looked on the verge of tears.
“—”
She opened her mouth to speak, but her gaze wavered as she found herself unable to find the words.
Beatrice’s heart had been shaken. He had to make her speak to him.
“Listen to me, Beatrice. I understand why you don’t want to help me out of hand. To you, I’m a weirdo and a stranger who wandered in just the other day.”
“…If you know that much, you do not need to hear it from my lips, do you?”
“You’re the one who patched me up. Thank you. I know you don’t know this, but I have a mountain of other things I need to thank you for. And here I am asking you for help again… It’s pretty pathetic. It’s a miserable sight, really, but you’re the only one I have.”
He laid out all his cards on the table.
It was the lowest form of begging—pushy and self-centered and with no regard for Beatrice’s feelings whatsoever.
With Subaru lowering his head in nothing but earnestness, wearing sincerity on his sleeve, Beatrice made a very typical snort.
“You are a worm crawling on the ground, wailing about your own powerlessness. Do you have any pride at all, I wonder?”
“I know what’s important to me. I’ll bow my head ten times or a hundred times and pound the floor if that’s what it takes.”
He was too much of a weakling to obsess over petty pride.
Subaru kept his head down as he continued to plead for her aid.
He knew it was a cowardly way of doing things. During his five loops, he’d continued to quarrel with Beatrice during their encounters along the way.
That’s how he knew.
Beatrice acted like she was blowing him off, but—
“You may…raise your head.”
The moment the soft voice reached his ears, Subaru believed his craven request had been granted.
He was acutely aware of his own pettiness and he resented himself for his insincere behavior toward Beatrice.
But even that had been necessary to make the girl named Beatrice come to her decision.
That was how the rather simple man named Subaru Natsuki had seen it, but…
“Bea…”
“Take this, would you?”
“Bwah!”
But that miserable, heartfelt face met the merciless sole of a shoe.
Subaru was still prostrate as his head alone lifted from the floor, with his formless sound of anguish echoing around the archive.
Subaru remained in that awkward, bent-back position, making an incoherent yell as she stomped him a few more times.
“Hey…this is…!”
“You could think on it a hundred times and you would never comprehend the work I go through. No matter how many silver coins you gather, they will never equal the sacred glow of a gold coin. Do you understand, I wonder?”
“Er, if you get a few thousand silver coins they’ll equal it, I’m sure. It’s just a matter of comparable value, right? Or maybe you’re just bad at math?”
“Will you stop looking at me like a pitiable child, I wonder?! Are those the eyes of someone who was just begging me?!”
And so, Beatrice and Subaru resumed their bickering.
It was a pointless battle that had begun for no particular reason, repeated several times across different worlds. As he continued his familiar banter with Beatrice, he thought on some level that the pathetic stubbornness inside him was pretty moronic.
“All right, then, I’ll play my trump card. If you cooperate with me, I’ll give you a reward of equal value, you hear?”
“Do you think the likes of me would be lured by any reward you can muster, I wonder?”
“How about this? Because I saved Emilia at the capital, I get to borrow Puck. And Puck said if I want to swap that for something else, I only need to ask… You see what I’m getting at here?”
Beatrice’s expression changed. Subaru smiled unpleasantly as he brought all his negotiation skills to bear.
Now that it involved a reward, she agreed to reluctantly cooperate with Subaru.
Subaru thought it was pretty silly to settle things by offering up Puck on a sil
ver platter. He knew the little magic user would go for it, but still…
3
It hadn’t exactly been a warm and fuzzy process, but Subaru had finally managed to win Beatrice’s cooperation.
He’d repent of pushing things on to a little girl because of his own powerlessness after all the problems were cleared up.
“…You want to know more about shamans?”
Subaru’s cut-and-dry statement caused Beatrice to raise her shapely eyebrows with an air of disgust.
His top priority was to deal with the menace of the shaman’s attack on the mansion without a moment to lose. A large part of why he asked Beatrice for help was so that her magic could counter the deadly curses.
Explaining as much as possible to Beatrice without getting to the heart of the matter was crucial for Subaru.
“I’ll probably pay a price if I let too many cats out of the bag, so…”
When he’d tried to confess his Return by Death to Emilia, time had suddenly stopped all around Subaru as a black cloud took the shape of a hand and inflicted immense agony upon him.
Subaru’s silent screams and the torture of having his heart crushed had robbed him of any notions of easy defiance.
As a result, Subaru was immensely wary of the black cloud, choosing his words very carefully as he continued to explain.
“I know there’s such a thing as curses, but I don’t know anything else beyond that they’re different from magician and spirit stuff. I want to know more about them.”
“It is rare for someone to ask about that. I wonder, does paying that bunch any heed get you anywhere?”
Like before, Beatrice’s distaste toward even forming the word curse on her lips was considerable. Back then, he’d avoided pushing deeper into the matter, but that would not be the case this time.
“Curses are magic spells that exist only to cause trouble for other people and come from some country up north, right?”
“Is it not sufficient to know that much, I wonder? Curses invade their targets like a disease, limiting their movements and robbing them of their pure life forces… A tradition in very poor taste.”
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- Vol. 3 Page 4