Boyfriend

by Faye McCray

  “I’m sure you saw more than that last night.” She pulled her curls back into a ponytail and headed towards the door. “It was nice meeting you,” she said with her hand on the door handle.

  “Umm, yeah…”

  Jayna paused and turned back towards me. “Don’t tell Kerry I was here,” she added. “She would freak out if she knew I saw you like this.”

  I nodded as she headed out, closing the door behind her. I leaned forward, scrounging through the sheets on the bed and searching for my boxers. I had made my bed with Kerry on a stack of secrets. For the first time, I wondered just what secrets from Kerry’s past remained to be told.

  ***

  “Hellooooo,” I yelled as I opened the door to my apartment with Kerry following closely behind.

  I shoved my keys in my pocket and closed the door behind us.

  “Hello?” I said again walking into the living room. Kerry walked up beside me looking around curiously.

  “Guess he isn’t here.” I pulled her to me and smiled.

  “You guessed wrong,” Phil said emerging from his room. He looked from me to Kerry with a playful glint in his eye.

  “Phil, this is-”

  “Kerry,” he finished, looking at her and extending his arm towards her. Kerry slipped out of my embrace and accepted his hand.

  “I’ve heard so much about you,” Phil said.

  “Same here.”

  I was instantly embarrassed. As Phil and Kerry made small talk I glanced around our messy apartment for anything that would make the moment even more embarrassing. I kicked a dirty sock under the couch and picked an empty soda bottle up off the floor and tossed it in a trash bag. Kerry caught me and smiled and turned back towards Phil.

  “Awww… honey, you’re cleaning up,” Phil sang. Kerry laughed.

  “You guys don’t get much female company do you?”

  “Well, not the kind that notices,” Phil said smirking. “Or that’s sober enough to care.” He smiled and nudged me. I knew he was fucking with me and I shot him my most menacing “Shut the fuck up” look. He only smiled wider.

  “Oh, charming.” Kerry rolled her eyes.

  “I like her,” Phil said laughing.

  “Great. Well,” I began clapping my hands together. “I am sure Phil has some place to be.” I stared at Phil hoping he would get the hint.

  “Nope.” He plopped down on the couch. “So, what have you and Nate been up to?”

  “Nothing much.” Kerry smiled at me. “Meeting you was our big plan for today.”

  “Well, then sit down,” Phil said slapping the couch beside him. “Let’s meet.”

  Kerry laughed and sat beside him with one leg tucked under her. “Isn’t there a game on today?” Kerry motioned toward the television.

  “And you watch sports?” Phil stared at me in disbelief.

  “My dad had three girls; he would have been destroyed if we didn’t learn something about sports.”

  “Oh, I really like her,” Phil declared again reaching for the remote. Kerry beamed.

  I sat down beside Kerry reluctantly as Phil turned on the television.

  ***

  I officially met Jayna a few nights later. Kerry wanted to pick up some things from her place before spending the weekend at my apartment. I offered to wait outside, but she insisted I come in and “finally” meet her roommate.

  Jayna Lavajo was important to Kerry. They had known each other since well before college. In fact, they had met in a soccer league when they were just five years old. Their mothers, both stay-at-home moms, became fast friends and started enrolling the girls in the same afterschool activities and summer camps. Their families became so close, they even took vacations together. Jayna was an only child, and because Kerry’s older sisters were so much older than her, the two grew up more like sisters. They even created their own language, a mixture of Pig Latin and Portuguese words Jayna’s grandmother had taught them.

  When they were thirteen, Jayna’s parents got divorced. Kerry said it hurt her like they were her own parents. Kerry was close to Jayna’s parents and I could tell it was still hard for her to understand how two people who seemed happy could just end their relationship so abruptly. Kerry described the divorce as cruel. Jayna’s father left Jayna and her mother with nothing but a house they couldn’t pay for and no car. At the urging of Kerry’s mother, Kerry’s father offered to hire Jayna’s mother as a secretary in his office. He also offered to pay for Jayna’s private school education, so Jayna wouldn’t have to start a new school.

  Though Kerry and Jayna remained close following the divorce, the situation took its toll on their relationship. Kerry recalled Jayna beginning to dress more provocatively and hanging out with an older group of kids. “Stereotypical angry teenager stuff,” Kerry had said shaking her head. While Kerry was worried about what to wear for her junior prom, Jayna was losing her virginity in a car behind Home Depot to a guy she barely knew. Kerry would try hard not to judge her for fear of losing their friendship, but she would gently encourage her to be careful or wait awhile with the next guy.

  “Jayna was quick to snap during that time,” Kerry had remembered. “Especially at me.”

  With a snapshot of Kerry and Jayna’s complicated past, I wasn’t sure what to expect when we “officially” met.

  “Knock, knock,” Kerry said as we walked in. Jayna looked up at us and smiled. She was in a plain white T-shirt and pink shorts. She was sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, painting her fingernails a bright red and listening to music. Her curls were piled in a loose bun on top of her head, a few strands dangling around her face. Even in that casual moment, Jayna was gorgeous. Her hazel eyes were almond shaped and cat-like. Her lips were full and pink.

  “Hey Ker, I missed you,” she said rising to give Kerry a quick peck on the cheek careful not to spill the nail polish bottle or smudge her nails. “So this is the famous boyfriend who stole my best friend,” she said drinking me in. She kissed my cheek and smiled.

  “Hey.” I smiled, trying my best to look like it was my first time meeting her. She blew a curl from her eye and laughed.

  “What?” Kerry asked.

  “Nothing. You guys are just cute.”

  I squeezed Kerry’s hand.

  “Thanks.” Kerry smiled. “Jayna’s Grandmother lived in the Bronx so she spent a lot of time in New York,” she said looking at me.

  Jayna smiled. “Oh, that’s right. You’re from New York, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, Queens.”

  “I hear the accent,” Jayna said laughing.

  “It’s cute, right?” Kerry gave me a goofy face, and I stuck my tongue at her. “So, what’re you doing tonight?” she asked looking back at Jayna.

  “Ana’s coming by. We may head over to this frat party but first do a little pre-gaming at Chris’s dorm.”

  “Jaynaaaa,” Kerry whined. “Chris? Really?”

  Feeling uncomfortable, I leaned back against Kerry’s dresser.

  “Not everyone can find Mr. Perfect like you, Kerry.” Jayna smiled wider but was unable to hide a hint of irritation from her face.

  Kerry looked at me and I brought her hand to my lips.

  Jayna stared at us for a moment and then smirked. “He looks just as good with his clothes on.”

  I looked at Kerry who looked back at me confused. Nervous, I laughed.

  “He didn’t tell you? I walked in on him a couple of days ago comfortable in your bed. I think you had stepped out or something.” She nudged me and smiled. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell her.”

  Stunned, I said nothing.

  Kerry looked at me. “He was probably embarrassed.”

  I smiled and nodded. “Yeah,” I agreed. She looked relieved.

  “He didn’t have anything to be embarrassed about,” Jayna said looking me up and down.

  I looked at Kerry to see if she felt as uncomfortable as I did. She just looked at Jayna, her head cocked to the side with a small smile o
n her face. I couldn’t quite place her look.

  “You didn’t see anything,” I said trying to divert what had started to seem like a set up.

  “That’s what I meant.” Jayna laughed. “What did you think I meant?”

  I shook my head feeling taken aback and agitated by the game she was playing. Kerry let go of my hand, opened her dresser and began stuffing a few things into her backpack.

  “I’m going to stay by Nate for a couple of days, J,” Kerry said. “Maybe we can meet up for lunch after Literature tomorrow.”

  “Okay, I know you have a lot to tell me.” Jayna chuckled looking from me to Kerry. Kerry smiled, clearly uncomfortable.

  “I’ll call you,” Kerry said as she took my hand. I barely managed to wave ‘Goodbye’ before Kerry shuffled me out of her dorm to head back to my apartment.

  ***

  “Baby…”

  It was shortly after midnight and Kerry sat on the edge of my bed in one of my long T-shirts. She had just gotten out of the shower and she was rubbing lotion into her arms, her body shimmering in the light of the sweet candles she had lit. I sat at her feet, inches from her, stealing kisses on her bare knees, smiling as she smoothed the lotion past each inch of her skin working her way down her legs. I loved her like this, in my T-shirt, in the candlelight, the night air creeping in through my window.

  “Yes?” I said, stealing another kiss to her knee. She smiled.

  “I think I need to go home and visit my parents.”

  Unable to contain myself, I joined her on the bed, sitting down behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist. She put the lotion down beside her, took a deep breath and leaned into me. I ran my hands along the side of her thighs, smoothing the remnants of the lotion into her skin.

  “Why?” I said kissing her neck. She laughed again.

  “Because we have barely come up for air for three weeks.”

  “Has it been that long?” I murmured, burying my face into her neck and pulling her into me tighter. I wondered how one weekend turned into three so quickly.

  “Probably longer,” she said turning and kissing me. Since our first night together, Kerry and I had barely spent a moment a part. From the minute she woke up, to the moment she went to bed, I longed to be around her, inside her, and consumed by her. When she was in class, I drowned in thoughts of her, the way she let me touch her, hold her and kiss her. Her innocence and vulnerability were like drugs. She made no secrets about craving me, the newness of sex awakening every piece of her. She eagerly accepted everything I wanted to teach her and I gladly played her teacher.

  “Seriously,” she said, pulling away, flustered at the intensity of our kiss. “My dad is worried I have been spending too much time with you. He thinks I have been losing focus. Last time we talked, he threatened to visit.”

  I stared at her for a moment, contemplating the possibility. “Maybe you should go. I’m not sure I can look him in the eye knowing everything I have done to his daughter.”

  We laughed and I kissed her again, pulling my T-shirt off her and watching her as she lay down on her back. I quickly took off my T-shirt and shorts, discarding them on the bed beside us. I stood in front of her naked and watched her watch me. I reached into the drawer beside my bed to pull out my box of condoms.

  “Shit, I think we used the last one this morning,” I said unable to hide my frustration.

  Kerry sat up staring at me. “I really want you inside me, Nate.”

  “You want me to stop and go buy some condoms now?” I asked in disbelief.

  “No,” she said sitting up and wrapping her arms around me and pulling me on top of her.

  “Kerry,” I protested.

  “I’m on birth control.”

  “I know but…” I started. She pulled me closer to her and gazed into my eyes.

  “I want to feel you,” she breathed.

  It was all I needed. I rushed into her, burying my head in her neck as I pushed in.

  “Kerry…” I mumbled. She ran her hands along my chest and pulled me closer. She felt beautiful, so soft, so warm and so wet. I looked into her eyes and she stared into mine, moaning softly and spreading wider to allow me to get deeper. I rested one hand beside her head and the other gripping her thigh as I slipped in and out slowly. She smiled and kissed me deeply. I kissed her back, my mouth dancing with hers, our tongues playing a game of cat and mouse. I paused for a moment lingering inside her, staring at her lips, her eyes, her skin, her hair and her body beneath mine. I watched as tiny beads of sweat formed on her body. Our breaths creating a beautiful beat. I was confused by what I was feeling and fighting the urge to run from it. Softly, she ran her thumb down my face.

  “Are you okay, baby?” she asked. I looked at her thumb to see the traces of a tear on her finger. Surprised, I looked away. She turned my face back towards hers and kissed me again, wrapping her arms around my waist as I began to move inside of her.

  When we finished, we lay beside each other, breathing heavy. I took her hand, weaving my fingers in hers. She kissed my shoulder and stared up at me, resting her arm across my chest and closing her eyes.

  “You think everyone is like this?”

  “Like what?” I said, letting go of her hand and pulling her closer.

  “Us.” She sighed.

  “No,” I whispered into her hair. Holding her tight, I closed my eyes.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “It’s your sister…”

  The early sunlight peered quietly through the window. I lifted my face from where I lay nestled in my pillow and buried under my comforter. I hadn’t sleep that well in a while… if ever. The bed still smelled like us, and I wasn’t ready to get up. Kerry stood beside my bed, fully dressed with her hand on my shoulder. She looked at me concerned and sat down next to me.

  “What?”

  “Your sister is here.”

  I looked around my room, confused for a moment as to where I was. Natalie? Here?

  “I thought you’d be excited…” Kerry trailed, genuinely concerned. As far as Kerry knew, I had no problem with my younger sister. All she knew was a collection of well-told lies. She didn’t know us, our childhood and the things we had survived.

  “I am,” I lied. “Let me just pull on some clothes.”

  Partially satisfied, she nodded and left the room.

  I had not seen or spoken to Natalie since the weekend of my father’s accident. Since I had walked away and left her behind. I was shocked that she was able to find where I lived, scared about what she had said or would say to Kerry and even more nervous about what she would want.

  Natalie stood in our living room wearing an oversized gray knit sweater and dark blue skinny jeans. At first glance, I would not have recognized her. Her long hair was shaved off close to her scalp. She had a cigarette tucked behind her ear and a silver ring pierced into her bottom lip. She was skinnier than when I had last seen her, her normal curvy frame swimming in her sweatshirt. Behind her, stood a man I did not recognize. He looked older than her, likely in his mid-to-late twentie9s. His dusty blonde hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and he was wearing a sweatshirt, jeans and a black backpack. His eyes darted around the room. I turned back to Natalie who was watching me watch him with a small smirk. He looked nervous.

  “Heyyyy,” I sang with false enthusiasm, my arms stretched out for a hug. Her eyes softened a bit, and she walked toward me to accept my embrace.

  “I met your adorable girlfriend,” she said smiling with a sheepish look in her eyes. “This is my fiancé, Chris.” She motioned towards the man next to her. Surprised, I shook his hand.

  “Don’t worry,” she started. “We’re waiting until we are married.” They both laughed. I cringed. “So,” Natalie continued with a playful glint in her eye plopping down on the couch and motioning for me to sit. “Surprised?”

  I laughed, sitting down and looking at Kerry who studied the two of us from a black folding chair by the television. “Yeah, what are you doing here?” />
  “I’m not staying,” she began. “We’re headed to Atlanta. Chris and I needed to get the fuck out of New York.” She pulled the cigarette from behind her ear, reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter. “Mind?” she said motioning towards Kerry. Kerry shook her head and looked at me. Before I could answer, Natalie lit her cigarette, took a long drag and took a slow look around my apartment, exhaling.

  She was different. Last time I saw Natalie she was a timid, scared girl begging for my protection. Now, she was a woman whose face was laced in steel. Her eyes looked wild and unbridled. Her frustration, her resentment, and her anger were seeping from her. I was terrified of where it all might lead.

  “So this is where you live, huh?” she said, breaking the silence.

  “Yup,” I said. Her eyes rested on me. The iciness of her stare made me turn away. “How did you find it?” I asked glancing at Kerry who stared at Natalie.

  “We share a mother, idiot,” she said laughing. I smirked, wishing I could hide in my skin. “I don’t know why you look so uncomfortable, Nate. I told you I was going to get out of there... home, sweet fucking, home,” she continued, taking another drag of her cigarette. “After you left, I told Ma what Daddy did and she threw me out,” Natalie continued with an affected carelessness. “Well, to be fair, she asked me to leave so I wouldn’t upset Daddy when he got out the hospital. I met Chris on a nice park bench at the playground by that Catholic school up on Hollis Avenue. He offered me a bed and cigarettes.”

  She laughed and looked at Kerry who was hanging on every word. “I’m guessing Nate didn’t tell you about our fucked up family life,” Natalie said. “Nate couldn’t get out of our house fast enough,” she said laughing as she put out her cigarette in a dirty plastic cup on our coffee table. “He had to be blazed out of his mind to even sleep in that house.”

  I stared at her in disbelief, too nervous to make eye contact with Kerry and trying to figure out how to stop her from saying more. “What’s in Atlanta?”

  “What was in New York?” Natalie snapped back. She looked at Kerry again who now stared at me. “Chris knows some people.”

  “Okay, okay,” Natalie continued after a moment. She stood. “I know when I’m not wanted. You ready to get out of here?” she asked motioning towards Chris.