I’m glad he didn’t press me, but he’s left me in a mass of confusion. Couple that with todays meeting with Theo in his office, this was beginning to send unease down my spine. Why I agreed to this arrangement is beyond me. Realistically, how can we separate our personal lives from our professional lives?
The whole plan leaves me ill at ease.
***
“Eden.”
The way my name sounds coming from his low voice stills me. He is so very attractive, it’s distracting. He has the most intense blue eyes I’ve ever seen; they claim me with one look. The rise of one eyebrow urges me to comply, stand, move, just do something.
Eventually I find my wits and proceed through the door. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he’s wearing a black two-piece suit that fits him to perfection. He has snake-charmer qualities, willing me into his clutches. His presence alone speaks volumes.
“We should explore…” His pen gently touches his mouth as he thinks. “Your parents.”
Wow, talk about going for the jugular. Although, since there’s only two options being discussed today, this may indeed be the lesser of the two evils. Would he be willing to discuss where that mouth has been? I highly doubt it.
“I buried it, but it never left me.”
I’ve been oh-so-wrong. How am I supposed to keep this professional when all I want to do is launch myself into his arms?
“The hurt, it will never go away, Eden, but will become more manageable in time.”
I watch as he leans back in his chair and rests an ankle on his opposing knee.
“I don’t want to bring it to the surface.”
“Wrong answer, Eden.”
I don’t like this topic; I don’t like it at all. I prefer distance and numbness from this reality session. I want to run as far away from the pain as possible, and the comfort I need can only be found in his arms.
“We could talk about us,” he says so matter-of-factly, as if this was a trick question and I have to make a choice.
“Nice try, doctor. I thought that was off-limits behind these walls?”
I knew it would come up eventually.
He smiles as confidence oozes off him.
I don’t know what I can do to explain how I feel, and I know it’s way too soon for any declaration of feelings.
“Eden, I’m here to help. Let me help you. Let me in.”
I feel a slight shift as I make my decision. I am in a safe place. Theo will protect me. I’m with exactly the right person. I bite my lip and glance away. I own my grief, and it is mine to share, or not. But hovering at the edges about to fall trusting he is a good man. I want to let him in. So I do.
“He wanted an extraordinary daughter, but instead he got an ordinary one.”
I’m acutely aware of the silence between us, so I look up to meet his eyes, which are focusing with an unrelenting stare.
“Eden, your father had the most encouraging things to say about you. He was proud of you, and he shared that with his friends. But somehow you feel you were a disappointment to him?”
He frowns as he steeples his hands, awaiting my response.
Whatever self-control he has left falters as he pulls his chair closer to me. Our knees touch, and the man I know intimately cracks and slowly emerges.
“Eden.” His intense blue eyes are searching my face. “So, you didn’t share the same passions. He didn’t judge you for that; he didn’t judge you at all.”
I’m not quite sure I’m believing his words.
“Theo, he had different dreams for me. His goal in life was to help the poor and the needy, and I didn’t share in those ideals. I was focused on myself. I was obsessed with my roots, where I came from, and that hurt him.”
“Not true, Eden. He had to understand your curiosity. Working through these types of feelings are a part of the grieving process.”
His elbows rest on his knees as he leans in closer. Before I can digest that statement, he reaches for me, tugs at my hand, and holds it between his. We both watch the connection as if sparks are about to burst around our touch.
I feel alive and safe as the professional line crosses over to the personal.
“I’m inexplicably drawn to you, Eden,” he says, “But.” Letting my fingers slide though his.
His gaze disconnects from mine when he stands. Then he moves away until he’s facing the window. His hands are behind his back, and he seems aloof and intense.
“I know.” I say. Yet he doesn’t move, doesn’t turn. Something just changed, goose bumps trail up my arms. I admire the fit of his suit against his broad shoulders. I’m momentarily distracted by my need for him. I witness the internal struggle he’s contemplating, and I know what’s coming next. I take a breath to calm my racing pulse, before panic sets in.
“Do you have any idea what happened last night?”
He’s still not willing to face me.
“Perhaps I do, because the same thing happened to me.”
He helps put my demons to rest. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.
“I have never let anyone in. Not the way I have with you,” he admits.
“Maybe it’s best to surrender and just see where this goes,” I say.
He turns and pins my eyes with his. He’s restraining himself from approaching me or touching me. I’ve somehow rendered the man speechless. I would give him anything in this moment of pure honesty.
“We’re all human,” he starts. “And I’m afraid that what we are experiencing is counter transference. It means having mutual feelings, an attraction that is related to the connection in this room.”
“I know what it means and it’s not just in this room. It’s real, it’s strong and it’s scary.”
Don’t do this, I want to scream. He’s pulling away. I immediately feel alone, angry, and hurt.
“Don’t psychoanalyze this into some nice neat little box and label it as if it’s nothing more than a passing fling, because it’s so much more, we share the same grief. You know it’s more than that. You said so yourself.” I take in a shaky breath. “The question is, what do we do about it?”
I feel a flicker of yearning through my body as passion bubbles to the surface.
“You understand my conflict, acting on these impulses?”
His expression betrays his words. He wants this as much as I do. Now that I have to fight for it, I want it that much more. The thought of losing him is not an option.
“I’m more than an impulse, and you know it.”
“We’re playing with fire.”
His eyes rake over my body. His need is too strong to hide.
Seizing the moment, I stand and march over to him.
“Meet me at my house at seven tonight and leave the doctor here. I’m only interested in the man.”
I storm out of his office, slightly trembling as I leave the building. I will myself not to look back. One night was not enough.
I want more.
***
It’s five after seven, and I’m pacing back and forth. This is maddening. We have a choice to move forward together—or not. I glance at the clock again, then pour myself a glass of wine. I adjust the volume when I hear “XO” by Beyoncé, listening to the music and sipping my wine. I hear a soft tap at my door. Rushing with hopeful thoughts, I open the door.
I’m standing in the doorway, face-to-face with Theo. Surely, he can see right through me. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, he overshadowed any doubt I felt only moments before. His smoldering eyes, his dark jeans and the dark-blue button-down shirt molded to his body. It accentuates his build, which has been hidden behind his suit jackets and professionalism. Finally, a glimpse of the actual man is here.
His sexy scent catches me off guard.
He leans down to whisper in my ear. “Are you going to invite me in?”
The air around us sizzles as I force my body to move aside.
“I got held up,” he says.
My eyes lock on his as I force
a nod of understanding.
“You seem nervous.” He says, placing one hand on my upper arm, gently squeezing it.
Who am I kidding? I feel like I’m completely slipping under his spell.
“That’s normal, under the circumstances.” I admit, it’s hard to know what his true feelings are behind those dark-blue eyes, which are constantly sending mixed messages. “Drink?”
“That would be nice.” He approaches from behind and whispers.
“We need to make sure of the risks we’re taking.”
I refuse to look at him, knowing we’ve already crossed the line. I know the risk.
“So you’ve said.”
I hand him his drink as I walk away, slightly out of reach, I can feel his displeasure.
“I’m not allowed to have what I want, Eden. I’m jeopardizing everything I’ve worked for.”
His eyes, which have been glued to the floor, now rise to meet mine.
“So, you regret what happened?”
I watch as he shoves both hands in his pocket.
“I’m here, aren’t I? I just need you to understand the cost.”
He turns and walks absentmindedly to my bookshelf, running his finger across the leather spines. He pauses at the piece of art I made displayed proudly on the wall, taking the opportunity to look, really look, at what I’ve created. He briefly turns my way with interest, but then continues looking around.
He seems completely composed, but his procrastination or delay of discussing our future is maddening. I’m at the mercy of his will here as he skates around the real issue.
“I’ve always understood the risk, Theo, but I refuse to let that dictate my feelings. This would all go away if you would just stop treating me as your patient.”
I need to hear his objections, since the solution seems so simple to me.
“I still want to help you professionally, through your grief, with your search for your biological parents that seems to fall under the category of your therapist.”
He says this from across the room, safely out of reach.
This night is not going the way I had planned. He can’t hide from me. And I dare him to deny it. There’s nothing he can say that will convince me otherwise.
“So why are you here, Theo?”
I present it as a challenge. Admit the truth or walk away from it.
“I think you know. I need you to understand the consequences. I need you to know that you’re one hundred percent sure you want this, and everything that comes with it.”
“Theo, if you asked me to be yours, right now, the answer would be yes, risk and all.”
We each take a step toward each other at the same time.
“I can’t control myself around you, and I’m all about control.”
We’re both waiting for one of us to make the first move.
I cross the floor in record time, pulling his body to mine, saying yes to everything in one singular move. And I kiss the hell out of him. Hard core evidence, I’m all in.
His warm hands cup my face, and he kisses me with everything he has.
I run my fingers through his dark waves, gently tugging, knowing I need him more than my next breath.
My lips part in desire as his tongue thrusts into my mouth, expertly knowing the dance, as if a ritual has just begun. But I still can’t shake fact that there is still something missing. It’s the lack of a solution, a plan, or a definite course of action, but for now I decide I will just take whatever it is he’s willing to give.
Chapter Sixteen
Theo
“Beauty, real beauty, comes from within.” My breath hums at her ear. I feel her cheek tug a smile against my own. “It’s simply the truth, Eden. I’ve fought wanting you since the moment I saw you.” My voice a whisper. I exhale in relief, filled with promise. I have to believe she’s ready for me, all of me, and all the complicated house of horrors that follow. She’s accepted my demanding call for control, that I’ve always assumed is a part of my genetic code. Now she’s as much a part of me as the beat of my heart.
I want to be able to make this woman feel like my woman and have that feeling reciprocated. At war with my better judgment, I have to admit that her smile has chased away my demons. I want to start living and start feeling, with her. I won’t throw away the opportunity for happiness.
“What’s that smile about?” she asks as she traces a finger down the length of my jaw.
“I can’t walk away any more than you can.”
Her fiery eyes find mine.
“Sometimes you can be charming.”
She flashes me the most amazing smile.
“I didn’t know that was possible.”
“It suits you.”
“Does it now?”
Nothing else matters to me right now. The question is: will I continue to hear the voice of reason? Can I bury it, so the feelings that had formed between us, can grow?
I keep my eyes on her. I feel so full in this moment. My arms are wrapped around her waist; her hands are resting on my chest.
She is dramatically changing me, peeling away the layers, exposing my hidden core with uncanny accuracy. And I could fall. I could let myself fall for this woman. Right or wrong isn’t in the equation any longer. I need to stop overanalyzing and start living.
“I could devour you,” I pause and whisper. Then, reconnecting our lips, I deepen the kiss as her fingers twist in my hair.
“Tell me what you want, Theo.”
She says against my mouth, radiantly standing before me in her white halter dress that barely skims her knees. It’s tied behind her neck, allowing my hands to roam over her bare back. My mouth waters in anticipation.
Her lips part as she watches me lift her dress and push her panties aside. I find her wet and ready.
“There you are, angel.”
As my fingers enter her, slowly filling her, she sighs in pleasure. Her damp quivering thighs beckon me as I start to move, adding my thumb. Now circling her sensitive bud. She clutches a fistful of my shirt as her eyes slide shut in ecstasy.
“I’m close, so close.”
She hauls in a breath and moans, my name slipping from her lips.
“The sounds of your pleasure drive me crazy,” I say as I kiss the slender column of her neck, simultaneously surging my fingers deeper into her sweet pussy. “Do you want more?”
With a smoldering look, only one-word escapes.
“Please.”
I pick up my rhythm, curling my fingers to reach the secret place that will undo her.
“That’s it, Theo.”
A sweet pink blush hits her cheeks as she rides out her pleasure against my hand.
Ragged breathing follows her ripples of pleasure as my tender assault slows to a sudden stop.
“Take me to your bed, Eden.”
She nods and bites her lip. She’s not holding back when she takes my hand, leading me to her room. She stops only inches from the bed, quickly unbuttoning my shirt, then peeling away my pants.
It’s remarkable. I recall the barriers I once put into place. My nakedness was always one of them, but all those reasons tumble into oblivion with one look at Eden as she reaches behind her neck.
“Allow me.”
The potency of her presence is undeniable as I untie the knot and pull down her halter top, her bare breast exposed for my pleasure. Trailing my fingers from her warm neck inch by inch, I capture her breasts in my greedy hands, molding them. Her nipples stand under my touch, begging for attention.
Then her dress falls away and she’s left clad only in per panties. God, she is a sight, purring beneath my touch.
“Look how beautiful you are.”
I turn her to the mirror on top of her dresser, tearing her inhibitions to shreds.
“Show me how you play with yourself, Eden.”
Her eyes fly up to meet mine, and her naughty smile has me imagining every detail to come.
It’s nearly maddening, watching her hand slide down t
he path beneath her lace panties, one finger reaching her swollen bud. She moves in tiny circles, a slow repetitive rhythm that has her awash in a sea of pleasure.
I rain kisses across her silky shoulder and cradle her breast, my eyes still locked on her adventure south. Her heart-shaped ass rubs against my erection, making me even more rigid and engorged.
A plea in her eye catches mine as she turns and slides my Armani briefs down my legs. I watch as she drops to her knees. My heart races at the sight in front of me. Those taunting fingers wrap around my steely length, and then she begins to move.
I watch her face as her tongue dips and swirls with consummate skill. Every flick drives me closer to pure animal need.
“You’re tampering with my sanity.”
I let out a throaty moan.
“Yes, I can see that.”
Her tone is laced with mockery as her warm mouth assaults my entire length. She slides her lips down, taking me in to the hilt.
A low cry escapes me as my fingers twist in her hair. My hands frantically start to move her in rhythm with my needs.
I cup her face between my hands, the tension building, as I throb inside her sweet mouth. I am on the brink of losing control when I drag myself from her lips and lift her up into my arms. My hands are tightly on her ass as her legs wrap around me.
“I’m eager to sample more,” I whisper as I lay her on the bed.
Her panties are gone in seconds. My eyes rake over her naked body, itching to touch her once again. Her eyes keep contact, but her gaze becomes glazed with passion.
I’m not about to disappoint.
I climb from the foot of the bed, admiring the landscape of her beauty, from her dark curls spread on the white pillow above to her long silky legs gently parting for me. The slight tremble of her body as I run my tongue up her inner thigh devastates her control.
Her eyes narrow to half-mast when the bold caress of my tongue lands on her wet core with feathery strokes. Her eyes slide shut in ecstasy as I pull one more climax from her body.
“Fill me Theo, with your body, your soul, your heart.”
There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to give any of these things, but right now, with this woman, I can’t wait.
Surviving Eden (Surviving Series Book 1) Page 13