If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1)

by Preston, Sara

  He lifted his hips against her as his fingers found the button for her jeans. “I want you.”

  “Well I guess you’re in luck.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “Because I want you, too.”

  *****

  Liza put her arm around Julian’s waist when he draped his over her shoulder as they walked out of the restaurant later. He’d managed to convince her to go out for dinner. He opened the car door for her. “Your place or mine?” He brushed a kiss against her lips.

  “Both.”

  “What?” He leaned back and looked her in the eye.

  “You can drop me off at mine and then you can go to yours.”

  “But I thought we were okay?” He raised his eyebrow.

  “We are. I still think you need some time.” She cupped his cheek. “We’ve practically lived with each other for the last week. It happened rather quick and I think it may be best if we took a step back.”

  “I don’t need to take a step back, Liza. I want to be with you.”

  “Me too.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “But I also don’t want this to end because we moved too fast.”

  He blew out a breath. “I don’t like it, but you’re right.”

  “I have some paperwork I need to finish up over the next couple days, so I’ll stop by on Saturday night after work?”

  “That long?” He traced his fingers down her cheek looking like a boy, begging for another cookie.

  “We can call and send text messages. We’ll still talk to each other. Maybe I’ll even stick my head in for a minute or two tomorrow night.”

  He hesitated. “All right.” He blew out a heavy breath, helped her into the car, shut the door, and headed over to his own side. “Will you stay Saturday night and come to breakfast at my parents’ on Sunday?”

  “Yes and yes.” She smiled. “We’re not breaking up and we’re not taking a break, but slowing down.”

  “I guess I’ll take you home then.”

  *****

  April 6th

  Julian’s mood went south fast over the next two nights. By Friday afternoon, every negative thought he could have was floating around his head. They’d talked on the phone Thursday night and texted throughout the day, but it hadn’t helped the mood. He felt her pulling away. He was going to ruin her. He recognized hurting her the was the beginning of the end for them. It was nearing her lunchtime, maybe if they could meet, his thoughts would stop rushing in every direction.

  Her phone rang three times. He was about to hang up when her voice came over the line. “Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

  “Sure.”

  He shoved his phone in his pocket and headed down to the lab.

  He realized his mistake when he was decked out in full protective gear as to make sure nothing could contaminate or cross-pollinate his plants when his phone rang.

  By the time, he’d removed his gear and was in the main lab, he’d missed her first call, but she rang again.

  “Sorry.” He said as he answered his phone.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m down in the lab. Had my full set of protective gear on when you called.”

  “Your plants require you to wear a protective suit?”

  He could hear the humor in her voice and it made him smile. “They’re all in the witness protection program. I’m not supposed to know who they are.”

  Liza laughed. “That was great. But seriously, a protective suit?”

  “There’s contaminants on your clothes and your skin that can cause cross-pollination and change the effect I’m trying to get.”

  “I never knew that much went into growing marijuana.”

  “You’re lost aren’t you?”

  “You went over my head with protective gear.” She laughed again.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what? Showing how ignorant I am of your job?” Her car started in the background.

  “For laughing and making me laugh.” His thoughts weren’t racing any more. “Do you have time for lunch? It’s been a bit of a rough day.”

  “I wish I did. I have back to back appointments.” She paused. “What’s up?”

  “I’ve been in and out of it. Nothing serious, but the anxiety level’s a little high.”

  “Let me see what I can do. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll call you back if I can come up with anything.”

  “Sounds good to me. Miss you.”

  “Miss you more.”

  He clicked his phone off and pocketed it. There was no way he was getting back in his gear to get interrupted by another phone call. He headed over to the computer and set about checking on everything the technological way.

  *****

  An hour and a half later the perimeter alarm went off. He scanned through his security system to see Liza entering the hallway from the garage. She must have noticed the camera, because she waved at him.

  He smiled, took the steps two at a time, pulled her into his arms, and spun her around as she squealed. “What happened to the appointments?”

  “I may have fibbed to my boss. I told her I was coming down with something and the only time the doctor could see me was today. She said she’d rather cover one two hour visit than have to cover a whole day of my schedule.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re here. Did you eat already?”

  She picked up the bag off the floor. “I brought lunch.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. How much do I owe you?”

  “Nothing, I brought you lunch. It’s no big deal. Come on let’s eat.”

  They ate lunch in the living room. “How long before you have to be back?” He cleaned up their trash and tossed it in the can across the room.

  “Nice shot.” She smiled as she looked at her watch. “I have exactly an hour and a half before I have to leave here.”

  “Interested in following me upstairs?” He stood and held his hand out to her.

  “What’s upstairs?” She teased as she took his hand.

  He pressed a kiss to her lips and smiled. “Follow me and find out.”

  *****

  April 7th

  Liza was exhausted by the time Saturday night rolled around. She went home after work the night before so she could finish her paperwork. Julian hadn’t been thrilled about it, but she had to finish.

  She pulled into the garage and headed into his house, calling out his name as she did. There was no answer. She fished her phone out of her pocket and sent him a text.

  Lab.

  She put her stuff on the floor and kicked her shoes off before heading to the basement door. She’d never been to his lab. The door was heavy and it took some strength to open it. She wasn’t a weakling by any sense of the word.

  She came around the corner to see Julian sitting at a computer desk, his head down, and a half empty bottle of whiskey next to him.

  “I didn’t know you drank.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t.” His speech was slurred.

  She moved across the room and picked up the half empty bottle, before placing it on his desk. “If you had half a pint and are still able to stand, I’d say you tend to drink more often than you’re letting on.”

  “Did you suddenly become my keeper?” His words were slurred enough she could barely understand him.

  She took a deep breath, not sure what to do. “Can I get you anything?”

  He caught her hand, pulling her toward him.

  The overwhelming smell of alcohol caught her off guard. Flashbacks of dealing with her alcoholic grandmother hit her and she wretched her hand away from him.

  “A blow job might be nice.”

  Liza slapped him across the face, hard, and ran up the steps. She heard him call her name, but she ignored him.

  The house phone rang. She picked it up. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Liza, it’s Drew. I can’t get through to Julian on his cell?”

  “He’s in the lab, drunk. I’m going home. If he sobers up call me, so I can slap him aga
in when he’s sober enough to remember it.”

  “Ouch – what’d he say?”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Liza stubbed her toe on the coffee table. “I’m leaving.”

  “Can you wait for me? I’ll be there in five?”

  “Fine.” She trudged out to the car to wait for Drew, hoping Julian was too drunk to make it upstairs. No way was she waiting in the house. Her phone chimed.

  What the hell was that about?

  She tossed her phone in her bag, he didn’t deserve a response. Opening the door of her car, she flopped down. Her leg bounced and she wrung her hands together.

  Drew pulled up and got out of his truck. “What’s he drinking?”

  “Whiskey, why does it matter?”

  “Shit.” Drew pounded his fist against his hand. “Can we go inside?”

  “Go ahead. I’m outta here.” Liza slipped her feet in the car and reached for the door. .

  Drew caught it before she could shut it. “Wait, we need to talk.”

  There was something in his eyes. She let out a heavy breath, followed him into the house, and took a seat on the sofa.

  Drew sat in the recliner next to the couch. “How much do you know about Julian’s issues?”

  “I know he’s bipolar? If you’re going to try to explain Julian to me, I’m going to slap you, too. I’ve done extensive research and have dealt with people who have it on a regular basis.”

  “Good. Anyway, I’ve been watching him the last couple days. When he starts drinking anything other than a beer, he’s entered what they call a mixed state. Where he’s depressed, but—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s also manic, which makes his anxiety super high. Drew, I’m aware what a mixed state is, I’ve been dealing with it and him in this state since Wednesday.” Liza blew out a breath. “However, this time he’s drunk. While I can excuse some things due to him being bipolar, I do tend to hold people responsible for what they say when they’re drunk.” She stood and picked up her purse.

  “Will you stay, please?” Drew rested his hand on her arm. “He’s going to need you when he comes out of this.”

  “You’re asking an awful lot.”

  “I’d apologize for him, but I don’t think it would work right now.” Drew stood. “He and his ex-wives would be having a screaming match in the middle of the living room and they’d be throwing shit.”

  “And you’re telling me this because?” Liza folded her arms over her chest. She’d already decided to stay, but it didn’t make her any happier about it.

  “Because you love him.”

  “And you know this how?” Liza put her hand on her hip.

  “You wouldn’t still be standing here if you didn’t.” Drew chuckled.

  He was just like Julian. She turned away from him.

  “I’m not sure what he said to you, but—”

  Liza was pissed, time to shock Drew. “He asked for a blow job.”

  “What?” Drew’s bug-eyed expression amused her.

  She relayed the story to him, her fists clenched at her sides. “And I slapped him, came upstairs, and that’s when you called.”

  Drew pinched the bridge of his nose and she could tell he was trying not to laugh.

  She was about to slap him. “Don’t!”

  This time he did laugh. He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t get it.” She let out a deep breath and a tear fell down her cheek. “My grandmother was an alcoholic. Every night, she’d drink like he is.” She gestured in the direction of the lab. “And Heaven forbid you stayed up with her. I don’t know how many times I didn’t go to bed in time only to have her rip me apart, because I wasn’t good enough. Drinking scares the crap out of me, Drew.”

  “Does he know?”

  “Of course not. And you’re not going to tell him either.”

  “You need to tell him.” Drew laid a hand on her arm. “Why won’t you let me tell him?”

  “Because he has enough to deal with.” She urged him toward the basement steps. “Go deal with him. I’m going upstairs.”

  “Before you go, if you ever find whiskey in the house, dump it. He drinks it all at once.”

  “Well, it was half gone when I was down there. He’s probably finished it off by now.” Liza headed up the steps.

  *****

  Julian tossed back the bottle and swallowed twice before slamming it on the table. She’d surprised the hell out of him when she slapped him. He deserved it. He’d sent her a couple texts since then, but she wasn’t answering. Probably hadn’t even read them. He kept checking, but nothing.

  He heard the footsteps on the steps. “Babe, I know you’re mad, but—”

  “Last time I checked, I wasn’t your babe.” Drew’s voice echoed as he appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Where the fuck did you come from?” He sneered.

  “Well, I love you, too, brother.” Drew strode across the room grabbed the bottle, headed over to the sink, and dumped the rest. “You never could hold your whiskey.”

  “Fuck you.” He leaned back in the chair and met Drew’s glare.

  “Where’s the other bottle?” He stalked over and opened the bottom drawer of Julian’s desk.

  “What the fuck, man?” Julian stood, his chest out, his fists clenched.

  Drew shook his head. “We’re evenly matched when you’re sober, but you’re far from that.”

  He opened the drawer opposite of the other and snatched the second bottle of whiskey. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Drew held up the bottle in front of him.

  Julian closed his eyes. The one rational thought in his head told him he didn’t need any more whiskey. It didn’t stop the five hundred irrational thoughts telling him to punch his brother and take the bottle.

  “You’re the reason I don’t drink often.” Drew moved over to the sink and dumped the second bottle. “You can thank me later.” He tried to chuckle but couldn’t pull it off.

  Julian sunk into his chair. “I can’t do this to her anymore, Drew.”

  “What?” Drew drug a chair over to his brother.

  “This.” He pointed at himself. “To Liza.”

  “The fact she’s still upstairs after what you said, should tell you how much she cares about you. It may have taken some convincing to make her stay, but she does care.”

  “You can say it, Drew. I’m pretty sure she loves me.”

  “I’ll agree with you there. But there’s one thing I’m even more sure about.”

  “What?”

  “You love her.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Bull shit. You’re both head over heels in love with each other. Even drunk you should know that.”

  “I’m going to ruin her. I’m going to do the same thing to her I did to Whitney.” Julian reached for the bottle only to remember it wasn’t there.

  “You didn’t do a damn thing to Whitney, she never loved you. She wanted your money and your pot. That’s it.”

  “Well thank you, fucker, that makes me feel a helluva lot better.” Julian slammed his hand against the desk.

  “Listen to me. You have a great woman upstairs who is perfect for you. Hell, she doesn’t put up with your shit, and she can deal with you when you’re in these moods. Let her help you.”

  “I don’t know, Drew. I just don’t know. I want her to stay . She shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.”

  “But you both have feelings for each other, doesn’t that count for anything?”

  “And when I drive her to cheat on me?”

  “She’s not Whitney and she’s not Lauren. Remember she’s her own person.” Drew placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Let me make some coffee and we’ll get you sobered up.”

  Julian nodded. He didn’t know where this all was going, all he knew was he was scared.

  *****

  Liza was pacing the living room when Drew came upstairs. “How’s he doing?” She didn’t w
ant to care, not after he’d been drinking, but she did. She loved him and that wasn’t going to change.

  “He’s doing.” Drew shoved his hands in his pockets. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  She sank down onto the couch. “He’s breaking up with me isn’t he?”

  “He’s not—”

  “Don’t lie, Drew, please, tell me what’s going on?”

  “If you breathe a word of this to him, I’ll never tell you anything again.” Drew met her gaze this time.

  Liza nodded. She wouldn’t break Drew’s confidence. “What?”

  “He’s scared. Terrified he’s going to drive you into the arms of another man. He was in a deep depression when he met you and you brought him out of it. But then this mixed episode hit and he’s taking it pretty hard.”

  “What does it mean for our relationship?”

  Drew washed his hand over his mouth. “He could break up with you, he could not. My suggestion? When he makes it to bed tonight, hold him tighter than you ever held anyone one and make sure he knows you love him.”

  “Should I say the words?”

  “No. They may drive him away sooner.”

  Liza let out a deep breath. “I guess there’s nothing I can do then.”

  “He may not leave you, Liza. He may take it for what it is and move on. He has feelings for you.”

  “I wish he’d tell me.”

  Drew’s phone chimed. He checked his phone. “I need to go down with him. Are you going to be okay?”

  Liza shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “You want me to tell Julian anything.”

  “Tell him to come to bed when he sobers up.”

  “Will do. Good night, Liza.”

  *****

  Liza tossed and turned. Maybe it was best if she left, but she didn’t want to. Her chest constricted. Her eyes crept open when she felt the bed move beside her. She rolled over to when Julian crawled into bed. She should tell him it was over.

  “I’d tell you I’m sorry, but I doubt it would mean much right now.”

  The sadness in his voice brought a tear to her eye. No, no matter what happened, she loved him too much to leave him. “It means a lot.”

  He scooted over next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed his lips against her hair and gave her a kiss. She swore she heard ‘I love you’ come out of his mouth. “What?”