by E. L. Todd
He grabbed my hand and held it on his thigh.
I let the touch linger because I was numb anyway.
We pulled up to the building then ran to his apartment. He was on the second floor and at the end of the hallway. Hawke’s truck wasn’t in the parking lot so that wasn’t a good sign.
Axel got to the door first and stopped when he realized it was cracked. He eyed it before he looked at me, the fear finally entering his eyes. He held up his hand and told me to stay back before he kicked the door in.
The apartment was completely empty. There was no furniture in sight. It was just bare carpet and walls.
What the hell? “Is this the right apartment?”
“Yeah.” Axel stepped inside and looked around. “Frankie!”
The second he said her name I was in the apartment, not caring if there was a serial killer in there with her. My best friend needed me, and I’d kick some serious ass if someone even touched a hair on her head.
Axel kneeled on the floor where Frankie lay. “Frankie?” He shook her arm. “Wake up.”
I stopped when I reached them and stared at my best friend. She was lying on the ground in the same clothes she’d been wearing two days ago. Her hair was oily from not showering and she looked thin, like she hadn’t drunk a glass of water in days. “Frankie?”
Axel forced her to sit up. “Frankie?”
She opened her eyes, looking dead inside.
“Are you hurt?” I examined her forearms, searching for bruises and cuts. “What happened? Are you okay?”
Frankie opened her mouth to speak but her voice came out raspy. She cleared her throat but that didn’t help much. “I’m okay…”
“You don’t look okay.” I placed my palm against her forehead but she was cool like ice.
“He left.” When she said those words I noticed the tear stains on her face. They formed tiny valleys in her skin, dried up riverbeds.
“Who left?” Axel asked.
I already knew the answer.
“Hawke.” It pained her to say his name. Her face contorted like she was about to cry again but didn’t have any moisture in her body to form tears. “He packed his things and left.”
“Where did he go?” Who does that? Who just gets up and leaves like that?
“New York.” She stared at the door like she expected him to walk back inside. “He’s gone and he’s never coming back.”
I stared at Axel, silently having a conversation with him.
He met my look with a blank one of his own, just as bewildered as I was.
I had so many questions but I knew I wouldn’t get answers. Right now, Francesca needed to get home and have plenty of fluids and food. If not, she would shrivel up and die.
Axel adjusted her so he could lift her.
“No.” Francesca pushed him off. “I can get up by myself.” She climbed to her feet and swayed on the spot for a second. Then she walked forward, moving slow like a child taking its first steps.
I watched her move, feeling my heart break for her. I knew their relationship was rocky the moment that fight erupted in that bar. But I didn’t understand why that would make him leave and move so far away. Francesca clearly didn’t understand it either. Why else would she be lying on his floor for two days? “Axel, I’m so worried about her.”
“I know.” He kept his voice low. “I’m worried too.”
***
Francesca sat at the table, her hair pulled into a greasy bun. She rested her chin on her palm and stared at the table. Her eyes were endlessly open, and she stared blankly at her fingertips. She didn’t move or make any sign of life.
I made macaroni and cheese with breadcrumbs and pita bread with hummus, her favorite things to eat. She finished the glass of water I placed on the table so I refilled it. “Look. It’s your favorite.” I placed everything in front of her.
“Thank you, Marie.” Her voice was lifeless. “But I’m not hungry.”
I immediately snapped. “You’re going to eat this whether you like it or not. Now do it.” I sat in the chair across from her. Axel was sitting beside her, glancing at her every few seconds.
I had my own plate of food and so did he. If we ate with her, maybe that would encourage her to eat.
Axel picked up his fork and took a few bites, clearly forcing himself to take it down.
I wasn’t hungry either. But I was doing it for Francesca.
Francesca did as I commanded and ate a few bites, moving at a sloth’s pace. She had three glasses of water inside her, and now she was getting some desperately needed nutrition. If we hadn’t found her how long would she have lay there? Until she died?
This wasn’t normal behavior for Francesca. She was always so strong and fearless. Nothing could ruin her day because she never allowed that to happen. Men weren’t worth her tears so she never cried over any guy. She always held her head high, refusing to let anyone pull her down.
But now she was weak. “Frankie…what happened?”
She picked at her macaroni and cheese, only taking a few small bites. “Hawke said it wouldn’t work out between us. He got a job in the city and said he was leaving. I asked him to stay but he refused…he walked out.”
This wasn’t adding up. All I’d been hearing for the past year from her was Hawke was her soul mate. Whether they were lovers or friends he needed to be in her life in some way. Francesca wasn’t a hopeless romantic and she never talked about any other guys in this way so I believed her. Hawke was really the one, the guy she’d spend the rest of her life with. But if that were the case, what would make him leave like that? And so suddenly? There was no way Francesca cheated on him so that wasn’t it. And I didn’t expect him to cheat on her either.
So what the hell happened?
“Why?” Axel asked. “Did you have a bad fight?”
“No.” She dipped her pita bread into the macaroni and cheese instead of the hummus. “He has some personal issues that he can’t…let go.”
“Personal issues?” I asked. “What does that mean?”
Francesca kept her eyes glued to her food. “I can’t say. But he’s had this problem for a while. Now he’s let it consume him.”
Problem? Like, drugs? Alcohol? Hawke never struck me as an addict.
“Tell me.” Axel watched his sister closely, the brotherly concern in his eyes. “I’m going to get a hold of him eventually and we’re going to talk about this. So you may as well give me a heads up.”
“Axel, just leave him alone. He’s made his decision and he’s not going to change his mind.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give him an earful.” His temper flared, burning in his eyes.
I gave him a look that told him to back off. Getting worked up wouldn’t help Francesca in the least. What she needed was our support and nothing else.
Somehow, Axel read that in my eyes. “Just talk to us, Frankie. We want to help.”
She set her fork down and released the most depressing sigh I’ve ever heard. Then she stood up and left the table. “I’m going to shower…” She walked down the hall and got into the bathroom. A moment later, the water started to run.
Axel stopped eating and rubbed his temple, dropping his calm façade now that his sister wasn’t in the room anymore. His eyes were glued to the table, his thoughts elsewhere.
“I’ve never seen her like this.”
“I know.” Despite his relation to Francesca he didn’t look anything like her. He had the same dark hair but his eyes were blue rather than green. He had a strong jaw with soft lips. His cheekbones were fair, giving him a masculine face that Frankie simply lacked. He took after his father in every way imaginable, while Francesca was the spitting image of her mother. Axel was handsome in high school, that was why he was my biggest crush ever, but he had become a million times more desirable. He hit the gym every day and had nearly doubled his size. Anytime I saw him in a suit he filled it out perfectly. Even in his depressed state he was oddly beautiful.
“Even
when your parents…” I didn’t finish the sentence because it was too hard. “She kept it together.”
“I know.” His eyes were still on the table. “Nothing can break that woman…except him.”
“I wonder what happened.”
“I don’t know. I’ve never understood them so I doubt I’ll be able to figure it out.”
“Whatever it was must have been pretty devastating.”
“I guess.” He grabbed his fork again and pushed his food around.
“I’ll have to keep an eye on her. I know she’s not…insane. But, I don’t like the idea of leaving her alone.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’ll figure something out—a way to be around her as much as possible.”
“I’ll take care of it,” he whispered. “She’s my sister. It’s not your problem.”
“She’s my best friend,” I argued. “She is a sister to me.”
“Then we can work something out,” he said. “We should both be around her as much as possible, distract her. We can play board games, watch movies, go do stuff…whatever helps.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” I hadn’t eaten in hours but I wasn’t hungry. I was too miserable to have an appetite. I pushed my plate away, not even wanting to smell it.
Axel did the same thing then looked out the window. His blue eyes were unreadable, but the sadness was unmistakable. Hair started to come in around his chin because he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He normally kept it clean but he seemed to have forgotten. The look suited him well, made him look a little older and wiser. He wore a black jacket with a white t-shirt underneath. A nice watch was on his wrist, something that looked too expensive for an intern to be able to afford. “Hawke promised me he wouldn’t hurt her.” The hurt in his voice was unmistakable.
“We don’t know what happened.”
“I don’t care what happened. Packing your shit and leaving my sister on the floor is unacceptable.” He spoke quietly but his threatening tone was unmistakable. “She’s been through enough as it is. I warned him of that. But he fucked with her head anyway.”
I watched him, feeling my heart ache for him.
“Both of my parents are dead and she’s all I have left. And then he had to fuck with her.” He rested his fingers against his lips, his knuckles turning white.
“I don’t know what happened, but I really don’t think Hawke would purposely hurt her. I was there, Axel. I saw what they had. Whatever it was, it was real.”
He shook his head slightly. “She and I are finally in a good place in our lives. Our parents left and we bonded close together. That tragedy is finally in the past and then this shit happens. Now we have to start all over.”
“You’ll get through it. And I’ll be there too.”
He looked out the window, his mind elsewhere. “My mom would be so disappointed in me.”
My eyes watered.
“You want to know the last thing she said to me?” His eyes were glued to the window, watching the light fade from the sky. He was reliving a distant memory, thinking of something that happened long ago.
I stared at him in silence.
“She was sitting in hospice, looking too small in a normal size bed. Her skin was falling off and her head was bald. My dad was in the cafeteria getting something to eat. Francesca was asleep in one of the chairs, sleep deprived from being there night and day. My mom was struggling to breathe as the darkness took her. Her body was shutting down, giving her just a few minutes before the end.” He interlocked his fingers and squeezed them tightly, like the memory was too much for him to bear. “She asked me to look after Francesca. She didn’t mention my father and I never wondered why until he shot himself. I think she knew what he would do the second she was gone. I told her I would always be there for Frankie, being whatever she needed. And then she said Francesca would be there for me too. As long as we had each other we would be okay.”
My eyes welled with tears that could hardly be contained.
“And now I’ve let her down. Frankie is in the worst shape of her life. I could have prevented it, done more to keep Hawke away from her. But I didn’t. I stepped aside and let it be.”
“That doesn’t mean you let her down, Hawke. Every woman goes through heartbreak.”
“This isn’t heartbreak.” He lowered his hands to the table, his eyes still trained on the window. “Whatever this is…it’s something else. Francesca wouldn’t get worked up over a break up. I don’t know what it is…but it’s something neither one of us could ever understand.”
Begin Again
Marie
When Francesca didn’t wake up at her usual time the next morning I knocked on her bedroom door. “Hey, Frankie. It’s time to get up.” She had class in an hour. She wasn’t in any shape to go to school and actually learn but she couldn’t stay here and do nothing. Getting back into a routine was the best thing for her.
“Muh.”
“I’m coming in.” I opened the door and walked inside.
Frankie was lying in bed, her hair a tangled mess on the pillow. She washed her hair the night before then immediately went to bed without drying it. Now it was a mess of seaweed.
“You should get in the shower or you’ll be late for class.”
She turned over and faced the opposite wall.
“Frankie, come on. It’s the last semester. You can’t quit now.”
She didn’t move.
I sat at the edge of the bed then rested my hand on her shoulder. “Frankie, it’ll be a good distraction. You can’t just shut down because something bad happened.”
“I have my history class today. And I’ve never cared for history.”
“You should still go.”
“Its just lecture. And I won’t pay attention anyway.”
I rubbed her back gently. “You might miss something important.”
“I couldn’t care less.”
Frankie was never passionate about school but she didn’t hate it either. It was unlike her to drop everything and lay around and do nothing. “I know you’re going through a hard time but laying here isn’t going to change anything. Are you really going to let a guy run you down like this?” Appealing to her fiery side might work. When it came to stuff like this she was always feisty.
But it didn’t work. “I guess so.”
I wanted to stay here all day with her but I couldn’t abandon my classes. “I have to go to class today. I’m sorry.”
“You should go. Don’t stay here just because of me.”
“I’ll be back in two hours. Do you need anything?”
“No.”
“I’ll leave some pancakes on the table for you.”
She pulled the blanket over her head.
I had absolutely no affect on her and I felt useless. I never suffered from a broken heart before so I couldn’t relate. “Love you.” I didn’t expect her to say it back but I wanted her to know how I felt.
“Love you too.”
***
I just pulled into the driveway when Axel called me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” His tone was exactly the same as it was the other day. “How is she?”
“No improvement.”
He breathed a quiet sigh into the phone. “Did she go to school?”
I wish I had a different answer. “No.”
“I tried tracking down Hawke but had no success. His phone is still off.”
“I say you forget about him. Even if you talked to him you won’t accomplish anything.”
“We’ll see about that.” The threat was palpable.
“I just went to the store. Maybe if she sees a bunch of baking supplies she’ll start working in the kitchen.”
“Maybe. It’s worth a shot.”
I leaned back into the chair and stared at the house. There didn’t seem to be any life inside. It was completely dead. “I should go.”
“I’m coming over. I got a few bored games she might like.”
“Okay. I
’ll make dinner.”
He was quiet for nearly a minute. “I want her to get better but I don’t think talking about it is making any difference. I think we should try to cheer her up, make her laugh, stuff like that.”
“I agree.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
***
I was cooking on the stove when Axel knocked on the door. “Come in.”
He walked inside with board games stuffed under his arm. He set them on the table before he removed his black jacket. Underneath was a gray t-shirt that highlighted his ripped arms. They were cut, showing the distinction of every muscle. His veins popped when he moved. “Smells good.”
“Chicken and Rice-A-Roni.”
“Perfect.” He walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. “Do you need help?”
“No. I’m done.” I turned off the stove and the oven.
He glanced in the living room and looked disappointed when he didn’t see Francesca sitting on the couch. “Where is she?”
“In bed.”
“Has she left the bed?”
“No.” I grabbed three plates and served the food.
He set the beer on the table and glanced in the hallway. “No shower?”
“No.”
“Well…I’ll make her eat with us.”
“Good luck with that.”
He disappeared down the hallway.
I set the table and lit a few candles to change the atmosphere. I left The Jimmy Fallon Show on in the background, hoping it might make her laugh or even chuckle. I sat there quietly and waited for Francesca to appear.
Axel pulled her by the arm and guided her into the chair. “Sit.”
She plopped down, looking lifeless and bored.
He sat beside her, acting as a parent to a disobedient child.
Her messy hair was pulled into a bun, and her skin was pale like milk. She stared at the food in front of her. “I’m not hungry.”
“Too damn bad.” Axel grabbed a fork and handed it over.
Francesca eyed it before she took it.
I looked down at my food and ate quietly.
Francesca picked at her dinner and only took a few bites.
Axel glanced at her every few minutes, making sure she was complying with his demands. “How was your day, Marie?”