by E. L. Todd
I tried not to flinch at the question. It felt like Axel and I were married with a crazy teenage daughter. “Good. Just had school.”
“What classes?” Axel ate everything like he was starving.
“Journalism and photography.” My major was literature and journalism. My dream was to be a writer for a publication—any publication. I didn’t care if it was sports, music, or bird watching. I’d take anything.
“Cool.” Axel looked up from his food like he was genuinely interested. “What career are you pursuing?”
“Writing. I want to be a reporter in some capacity.” I sipped my wine and stared at his chest, noting the way it looked in his t-shirt. I’d already seen him naked and understood just how glorious he was, but he was still sexy as hell in clothes.
“That sounds like a fun job. A lot more interesting than putting portfolios together all the time.”
“If you don’t like your job why did you choose it?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Understanding money is the best way to do that.”
I sipped my wine again, realizing the conversation only centered on Axel and I.
He realized it too. “What did you do today, Frankie?”
She kept eating like she hadn’t heard a word he said.
He eyed her for a few more seconds before he repeated the question. “Frankie?”
“Hmm?” She stopped in mid-bite and looked at him.
“What did you do today?” Axel watched her closely.
“Oh…” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Nothing much.”
“Marie told me you didn’t go to school today.” Axel was the biggest joker I knew. He could never take anything seriously. But the second things got tough he changed. Now he was a different person, a guardian.
“I didn’t feel like it…” She ate most of her rice but didn’t touch her chicken.
“Well, you better feel like it tomorrow,” he said. “You shouldn’t be laying around the house all day. It’s not good for you.”
Francesca didn’t argue with him but it was clear she wasn’t planning on leaving the house anytime soon.
Axel dropped the subject, knowing he pressured her enough. “Marie, this is good. Thank you.”
“Thanks…” Right now I should be focusing on my friend but when Axel was near I started to notice the pretty color of his eyes and the deepness of his voice. The childhood girl inside me returned and I relieved the sensations of my teenage crush. When we slept together I enjoyed it but I was immune to his other charms—until now.
***
After dinner I had to talk Francesca into taking a shower. “You need to shower. And dry your hair this time.”
She ignored me and headed to her room.
“Whoa, hold on.” Axel got in her way. “You aren’t going into your bedroom until it’s actually time to sleep.”
“Axel, get out of my way.” Her old fire came back but it was dim.
“You can pass if you’re taking a shower. If not, you’re going to stay out here and play a board game with us.”
“I appreciate you guys looking after me but this is unnecessary.” Francesca tried to walk around him. “You guys have your own lives to get to. Just ignore me.”
Axel blocked her path again. “Shower or board game. Pick.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Just leave me alone.”
Axel wouldn’t budge. “Shower or board game.”
Francesca looked like she wanted to murder him.
“Shower or board game.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking formidable with his large size and threatening gaze. “Those are your only two options.”
“Whatever.” Francesca stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. A moment later the water began to run.
I was surprised Axel could handle her so well. She could be stubborn until the sun burned out. “Good job.”
He shrugged. “I grew up with her. I know how to work her.”
I’d been living with her for years and I didn’t know how to work her that well. “What game do you want to play?”
“I don’t care,” he said. “Do you have a favorite?”
“Well, her favorite game is Monopoly.”
“Because she dominates that shit.”
I chuckled. “Whatever makes her feel better, right?”
“I guess you’re right.” He grabbed the box and set it up on the table. “At least I don’t have to let her win. She’ll kick my ass all on her own.”
***
I tried to cover Francesca’s shifts as much as possible but my attempts were coming to an end. Most of the time we worked together at The Grind, so I couldn’t cover her shift if I was already there.
If she didn’t come in soon she’d lose her job.
“Frankie, come on.” I shook her vigorously. “You need to work.”
She lay there like a dead body.
“I mean it. How are you going to pay bills?”
“I have my savings.”
“That’s for your bakery—and only your bakery.” She wasn’t giving that up because she couldn’t get out of bed.
“Whatever…” She turned over.
“Francesca, it’s been weeks. You need to snap out of this.”
“I can’t,” she whispered. “I would but I can’t…”
I pitied her deeply but I was also disappointed in her. Times got tough but we had to push on. She loved Hawke with everything she had but she was happy before he came along. She’d be happy now that he was gone. “I’ve covered for you as much as possible, but if you don’t work today Tony is going to fire you.”
“Good call.”
I wanted to scream. “I can’t cover all of the bills, Frankie. I don’t make enough money.”
“Like I said, I have my savings.”
When she was unreasonable like this I couldn’t talk to her. I stormed out of her bedroom and slammed the door. I loved Frankie like family but her depression was really taking a nosedive.
I called Axel, someone I spoke to on a daily basis now. “Hey, can you talk?” I assumed he was at work.
“Yeah, I’m at my desk. You can call me whenever you want. What’s up?”
“Frankie…”
“What did she do now?”
“She refuses to go to work. I’ve covered her shifts as much as possible but my manager said he’d fire her if she doesn’t come in today. I don’t know what to do…I can’t pay all the bills on my own.”
“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “I’ve got her covered.”
“What…?”
“If she’s not going to class, then she’s definitely not going to work. I can cover her bills as long as she needs it. Right now, we need to focus on getting her back to class. That job doesn’t matter. She won’t need it when she graduates anyway.”
Gratitude washed through me in waves. The last thing I wanted to do was ask my parents for money to cover Frankie’s expenses. I’d resort to anything else before that. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m not going to let my sister’s break-up ruin your life.”
“It’s not ruining my life…but it’s nice to have one less thing to worry about.”
“When is your rent due?”
“The first.”
“Alright. I’ll write you a check when I come by.”
“Okay.”
“How is she today?”
I didn’t even want to answer.
“Nevermind.” He sighed into the phone. “Forget I asked.”
“That’ll probably be best.”
***
My photography class just ended and I was walking to the parking lot when Cade came to my side.
“Hey. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
I hadn’t spoken to him since that horrific night in the bar. Actually, I hadn’t thought about him either. “Hey. How are things?”
“They’re okay.” He walked beside me w
ith his hands in his pockets.
“How’s Aaron?”
“He’s back on his feet and going back to school. But he was pretty messed up.”
I can imagine. “I’m glad to hear it.” Cade was the next guy on my list. I thought he was really cute and smart. He had a nice body, the athletic type. I was really into him until recently—when Axel started coming around.
“So, when are we going to go out?” he asked. “Now that the dust has settled.”
I didn’t know how I could make that happen. What kind of friend would I be if I went out on a date with Cade while my best friend stayed home and sulked in silence? I’d probably spend the night, which would make things worse. “I’m not sure but now isn’t the best time.”
“Why not?”
I didn’t want to tell him about Francesca. I wanted to protect her privacy as much as possible. When people asked why she wasn’t in class I said she was sick. “Francesca is really under the weather and I should probably keep an eye on her.” “But you can’t keep an eye on her all the time, right?” He nudged me in the side playfully.
“I guess not…”
“Then I’ll text you with a time and a place.” He walked with me to my car then stopped at the driver’s door. “I’m thinking dinner—something romantic.”
“That sounds nice.” I wanted to go out with Cade but now Axel was in the back of my mind. I wasn’t going to date Axel. Our relationship already went as far as it would go. A month had come and gone and he didn’t bring up our night together. He got what he wanted out of me and returned to seeing me as his sister’s friend. I needed to make sure I didn’t get sucked into that childhood crush again. “I look forward to it.”
Betrayal
Axel
After weeks of trying, I finally got a hold of that motherfucker.
“You have some serious explaining to do.” It was the first time I called and the phone actually rang. The rest of the time it’d been off.
Hawke was quiet over the phone, taking his time before he finally responded. “I know I do.”
“Then you better get to it.” I fell onto my couch and put my feet on the coffee table. “Because last time I checked you promised me you wouldn’t hurt her.”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I kept that promise.”
“What?” I blurted. “No, it doesn’t seem like you kept that promise at all.”
Hawke held his silence.
“Do you care to explain that?”
“I can’t say. But trust me when I say I did the right thing for her.”
Hawke had been my best friend for years but I still didn’t fully understand him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I love Francesca. I really do. But I can’t be with her.”
“Why?” I demanded. What reason could there possibly be to abandon her like that?
Hawke fell silent.
“You aren’t going to tell me why?”
“It’s between she and I.”
“I don’t think so, pal. You don’t screw with my sister and not expect to be called out for it.”
“Axel, you have every right to be mad. I don’t blame you. I never should have gotten involved with her in the first place. I thought I could make it work with her, and then I was painfully reminded that I couldn’t.” He breathed heavily on the phone. “For what it’s worth, I’m miserable. I’m going through the motions day-by-day but it’s just a blur. Without her…I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Then come back.”
“Axel…I can’t.”
“She’s a total wreck over here. I can’t even get her to go to class. She just lays in bed all day.”
Hawke didn’t say anything but his hurt seeped through the phone. “Don’t make this worse…”
I never understood their relationship and even after all this time I still didn’t understand it. Whatever secret they shared wasn’t going to come out. Both of them refused to tell me what it was. But it must be pretty compelling because Francesca understood he wasn’t coming back. She didn’t have hopeless fantasies of him returning. She’s accepted the fate like its etched in stone.
“I know this puts us in an awkward position. But I really want to keep your friendship, Axel. You mean a lot to me, more than you know.”
Would I be an ass if I said I still wanted to be his friend? Despite what he did?
“I know you need some time to process what’s going on but I hope to hear from you…when the dust settles.”
I was actually afraid the dust would never settle. Francesca was exactly the same as she was before. She was a zombie that aimlessly walked around the apartment with no clear direction. She still wasn’t eating or going to class. She was…dead.
“Axel?”
Maybe in time I’d be able to let this go. Maybe I wouldn’t. Hawke was my closest friend but Francesca was my sister. She was my family. If I had to choose, I’d always choose her. “We’ll see.”
***
I walked in the door and saw Francesca and Marie sitting on the couch. They were watching a home improvement show, where they purchase houses, fixed them up, and then flip them.
It seemed safe.
“Hey.” I removed my jacket and set it on the chair.
Marie looked at me over the back of the couch. “Hey.”
I came closer and examined Francesca, who was tucked a under a blanket with her eyes barely open. With every passing day she became thinner and thinner, and she was beginning to look unhealthy. “How was your day?”
Francesca ignored me.
When Marie knew Francesca wasn’t going to speak she said something. “I got back a paper from my journalism class. Got an A.” She eyed Francesca, hoping that would motivate Francesca to go back to class.
“Good for you,” I said. “I’m sure you worked hard.”
Marie shrugged.
I sat on the couch beside Francesca and eyed her warily. “Marie, could you give us a second?”
“Sure.” She left the living room and retreated to her bedroom.
When it was just she and I, I spoke. “I talked to Hawke today.”
It was the first time Francesca reacted since I walked through the door. She turned to me slightly, her eyes holding emotion deep within.
“I asked why he left but he wouldn’t tell me. But he said it was the best thing for you…whatever that means.”
She pulled her knees to her chest. “What else did he say?”
“That he’s miserable. Doesn’t know who he is without you…”
She closed her eyes because they welled with tears.
“Frankie, help me understand what happened. Why did he leave?”
She shook her head.
“Did he hurt you?”
“No.” Her voice came out strong as she spoke, for the first time. “He would never hurt me. That’s what he doesn’t understand.”
“Doesn’t understand what?” I pressed.
Francesca didn’t give me any more information. She closed off from me all over again. “I hope you can stay friends with him, Axel. You guys have been close for a long time. I would hate to see you lose a friendship over something that has nothing to do with you.”
“Frankie, I told him to stay away from you but he did it anyway.”
She rested her chin on her knees, her cheeks wet. “Hawke and I are supposed to be together and it’s a shame Hawke won’t let that happen because of his fears. Even though he’s hurt me so much I don’t regret what happened. I don’t regret what we had. If I’m never happy again for as long as I live, I still won’t regret it. Because…it was beautiful.”
Her words replayed in my mind over and over. I tried to understand it but couldn’t. “I want you to get back on your feet. I hate seeing you this way.”
“I know…I hate it too.”
“Then buck up and do it. You’ve never been this type of person, the kind that falls apart so easily.”
“I haven’t fallen apart bec
ause he’s gone.”
I stared at her, feeling the confusion.
“I’ve fallen apart because…he was it. He was my one true love. He took a piece of me I’ll never get back. Maybe one day I’ll be happy again but I’ll never be the same.”
“Don’t say that…”
“But it’s the truth.” She wiped her tears away on the back of her forearms. “Don’t lose him, Axel. You need each other.”
I wasn’t sure how I could be friends with someone that hurt my family so much.
She reached for my hand and patted it slightly. “I wouldn’t want you to ever lose each other.”
***
I sat at the table and Marie dropped the pile of papers in front of me. “We have to get all of this done—by Friday.”
I eyed it like it was Mount Everest.
“If we don’t, she’ll fail all of her classes.” She sat across from me and opened her laptop.
Francesca was in her room, either sleeping or staring at the wall.
“Well, I graduated college once. I can do it again.” I pulled the first assignment toward me, a history paper.
Marie looked through the stack and pulled out an assignment.
“Marie, I know you have your own things to focus on. I can handle this.”
“I don’t mind.” She skimmed through the paper before she turned to her laptop. “She would do it for me.”
“But I don’t want you to fall behind on your studies. The only thing I’m losing out on is TV and chicks—” I stopped in mid-sentence when I realized what I just said. Talking about other women in front of her was weird, but I couldn’t explain why. I didn’t make eye contact with her and stared at the history paper.
The only response she gave was the sound of her fingertips hitting the keyboard.
The subject of dating shouldn’t make her uncomfortable. In fact, our night together meant less to her than it did to me. I’d never met a woman who was so detached. Most of the time the girls wanted something more—at least a few more screws.
But Marie acted like it never happened.
She sighed as she looked back at the assignment. “Please tell me you took bio in college.”
“Yeah.”
She traded assignments with me. “I’ve already taken this history class so I should be able to do it. But science…I’m not even going to try.”