by E. L. Todd
“She did but I don’t trust her to drive right now.”
“That’s probably best.”
“Besides, she’s slowly crawled back into her hole. I thought my accident might keep her out of it for a while but it didn’t last very long.”
“At least she crawled out of it to begin with.”
“I guess…”
He grabbed a Starbucks coffee from the cup holder. “It’s medium roast with soy milk. I know it’s not exactly what you drink but it was the best I could do.”
I stared at it and tried to keep the emotion from seeping into my face. He did thoughtful things without me even asking. He paid attention to the things I liked and disliked. Axel had always been innately selfish but I was realizing just how wrong I was. When it mattered most, he was there. “Thank you. That was sweet of you…” I took a sip.
“I know I’m grouchy without my morning coffee.”
“I’ve never seen you grouchy.”
He chuckled. “Ask Francesca. She’ll tell you.” He parked as close as he could to my first class. “Need any help? I can walk you.”
“I’m not handicapped.” It was sweet Axel and Francesca were concerned but I still had two legs and one arm. I could get by just fine. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you at three.”
“I can just take an UBER.”
“Or you can get a free ride from a dashing guy like me.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
I chuckled and felt my cheeks tint. “You make a compelling argument.”
“Then I’ll see you at three.”
“Okay.” I opened the door but didn’t get out. I felt like I was missing something, forgetting to do something important. My body automatically wanted to lean in and give him a kiss goodbye, something I’ve never done before. I wasn’t even sure where the urge came from. “Bye.”
***
Axel took me home then started dinner in the kitchen.
I almost couldn’t believe the sight. “You know how to cook?”
“A few things. Francesca taught me.” He cooked the steak on the grill and warmed up the tortillas in the microwave. “My mom used to make tacos at least once a week. It was my favorite.”
Francesca made tacos all the time, and now I knew why. “Well, thanks. Can I help?”
“No. Just chill.”
“Chill?” I couldn’t help but make a face.
“Yes. Chill.” He gave me a playful look before he returned his attention to the stove.
I felt the pain in my arm begin to throb. It’d been four hours since my last pill and I needed another one. I was trying to take as few as possible because substance drugs could get addicting. But the pain was too unbearable and I caved. I swallowed a fat pill with a bottle of water.
Axel noticed my movements. “Still having pain?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Give it more time. It’ll be gone before you know it.”
“I hope so.” I glanced at the hallway and wondered if I should even bother trying to get Francesca to have dinner with us.
“Don’t worry about her.” Axel didn’t look at me but he seemed to know what I was thinking. “I’ll handle it.”
“Don’t you feel like she’s our child?”
He chuckled. “I’ve always felt like she was a child.”
“It makes me never want to have kids.”
“I know what you mean. Too much work.” He turned off the stove then prepared the food in the dishes. “Dude, I’m so hungry.”
“Dude?”
“Sorry, you know what I mean.” He set everything down on the table then prepared two tacos for me, sliding the plate in front of me. “I’ll round up the little terror.” He walked down the hallway and knocked on her bedroom door. “Dinnertime.”
“I’m not hungry…”
I rolled my eyes and stared at my food.
“I don’t give a shit,” Axel snapped. “Get in here and eat like a big girl.”
“Go away…”
“I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time but you’re totally pathetic. What would Mom think if she saw you like this? You remind me of Dad. Good thing there’s not a loaded pistol in there.” He slammed the door so hard the house shook.
I stared at my food in shock, surprised Axel snapped like that.
He came back to the table and fell into the chair, his shoulders tense.
I stared at him, speechless.
He started to eat like nothing happened.
Since he was in a bad mood I kept my head down and remained silent.
Axel ate with his elbows on the table, too angry to practice his usual manners. “I’m sorry but I’m sick of her shit. When I saw Hawke I lied and said she was fine. She’s back at school and work like nothing happened. She’s been moping around the house for over a month now just because he’s gone. She was just as pissed with our father as I was, but yet she’s doing the exact same thing. She needs to have some pride, for the love of god.”
I ate quietly because I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. Axel was upset for more than one reason.
“When our parents died, you know what I did?” He stopped eating and stared out the window. “I got off my ass and lived my life. I didn’t just stop because they were gone.”
“And neither did Francesca.” She was heartbroken over what happened but she kept going. She went to school and took care of herself. After her parents left she wasn’t the same but she was still strong. Maybe he needed to be reminded of that.
“Well, this is different. She’s acting this way over a boyfriend. It’s pathetic.”
“We don’t understand what she’s feeling.” I didn’t think Francesca should stop living her life just because Hawke was gone, but I knew breakups had an impact on brain chemistry. It was just as real as any physical pain.
“If I got dumped I would get over it.” He drank his beer, his eyes still glued to the window.
“I understand why you’re frustrated. I feel the same way. But insulting her isn’t going to get her out of bed quicker.” There were other ways to go about it. Telling her she was pathetic wasn’t one of them.
He picked up his taco again and took a few bites.
“She’ll get better in her own time. We just have to be patient.”
He shook his head in disappointment. “When I’m on my deathbed she better be there to wipe my ass.”
There wasn’t any doubt in my mind she would be—whether he was there for her or not.
***
Cade texted me. Hey, Beautiful. Can I take you out for a drink?
I hadn’t been thinking about him much. And that made me feel guilty. We weren’t anything serious. In fact, we only went on one date—which didn’t end well. But now I was beginning to think I was wasting his time. Yeah. But I can’t drink because of my medication.
Then can I take you out for a cold glass of water?
I chuckled to myself. Yeah. That sounds nice.
Alright. You’ll be ready in an hour?
I’m ready now.
Even better.
I did my hair the best I could with one arm and changed into something more appropriate for a date. I could have just told him we were done over a text message but I thought that would be cold. We could go out and have a good time and I would tell him how I felt at the end of the night. I wanted to be friends with him, and ending on good terms was essential for that.
He picked me up an hour later and we left for a small café downtown. It was better than any bar because it was quaint and small. He told me about school and his job for the county. Then he asked me about my arm.
“It’s getting better. But I’m still having some pain.”
“Did the driver’s insurance cover everything?”
“Yeah. My car is totaled so the insurance company is giving me the value to replace it.”
“Well, that’s something to be thankful for. How have you been getting around?”
Saying his nam
e made me uncomfortable, like I was hiding something. I fidgeted with my hair, feeling nervous for no particular reason. “Axel has been taking me around…”
Cade finished his sandwich. “Sounds like a nice guy. That’s Francesca’s brother?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he seems pretty cool.”
He was the coolest person I knew. “He’s very thoughtful.”
He drank his water then eyed mine. “Nice water, huh?”
I chuckled. “Best water I’ve ever had on a date.”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” His basket was empty of the sandwich and chips he devoured.
Now that we reached the end of the meal I knew it was time to tell him the truth. He really was a nice guy so I felt bad for letting him go. But it didn’t seem like he was really into me anyway so it should be okay. “Cade, you’re a really nice guy and I like you but…I think we should just be friends.”
“Just friends?” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and regarded me with complete bewilderment. “Why?”
“I just…I guess I don’t feel a real connection between us. It’s not you. I just don’t want to lead you on.”
“Well, we haven’t really had a chance. Our first date wasn’t that great because I screwed it up, but I promise nothing like that would ever happen again. Come on, give me a try.”
Axel’s face kept popping up in my mind and I wish it would stop. “I don’t think I’m going to change my mind. It’s either there or it’s not…”
Cade looked disappointed as he stared at the table between us.
“I hope we can still be friends.”
“Of course we can be friends.” Cade looked up at me again. “I just wish you would give me another chance. With Francesca being sick and your car accident we haven’t really had much of a chance to get things going.”
He had a good point but I still felt deceitful if I kept seeing him.
“Maybe sometime down the road. But for right now, no.”
Cade finally gave up because he knew I wouldn’t budge. “If that’s how you feel I respect it.”
“Thank you…”
“Well, are you ready to go?”
I nodded and hoped the drive home wouldn’t feel awkward.
***
He walked me to my door then faced me. “I had a great time tonight—even though I got dumped.” He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets.
“You didn’t get dumped.”
“Pretty much.”
“I’ll probably regret this sometime down the road.”
He shrugged. “I’m a pretty good guy but I’m nothing special. You’re a ten and I’m like a five.”
I busted up laughing because it was ridiculous. “You have those numbers flipped.”
“Do not.” He gave me a playful tap with his foot.
“Yes, you do. Or you’re blind.”
“Maybe you’re delirious from the painkillers.”
I looked into my purse and pulled out my keys. “I really don’t think so.”
He watched my movements until I met his gaze. Then he took a step toward me, his hand still in his pockets. “Kiss goodbye?”
“I guess.” What was the harm in that?
He pressed his mouth against mine and gave me a closed mouth kiss. It was strictly PG but there was a hint of a spark there. But it was nothing like the fire I felt with Axel when we slept together, not that I should be comparing. “Good night.”
“Good night, Cade.” I watched him walk down the path to his truck. Most women would tell me I was stupid for kicking Cade to the side, but I had to stop the relationship before it became serious. If I didn’t see it working out now, why would it work out later? It was better to save us both the heartache.
When I heard the sound of footsteps on the lawn I turned around to see Axel standing there. He had a bag of groceries in one arm and a pale look on his face. He stared at me without reacting, every thought and emotion blocked off from me.
I assumed he went home by this time of night and hadn’t expected him to show up at this hour. He usually had to work late on Wednesdays. And I definitely didn’t expect him to appear out of nowhere. His car wasn’t around so he must have borrowed Francesca’s.
I stared at him and didn’t know what to say. The guilt flooded through me, like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I wanted to apologize but what do I apologize for?
He stopped on the grass and stared me down, the bag still in his arms. He didn’t give his thoughts away in his eyes. Everything in his mind was a mystery to me. Then he started walking again, heading right to the front door. He walked past me without looking at me.
I felt like shit.
I followed him inside and watched him set the bag of groceries on the table. Even then, I had no idea what was going on between Axel and I. We never talked about anything romantic but I always felt it in the air. The chemistry was there, and the more time we spent together a connection formed. Somehow, I felt like I betrayed him. “Axel—”
“I just wanted to drop these off on my way home.” His voice came out normal, like nothing just happened. “I’ve got to run.”
“Axel, let me explain.” He needed to know that I just broke it off with Cade. “I’m not seeing—”
“I have a date tonight so I really need to get going.” He walked around me and headed to the door.
Wait, what? “You have a date tonight?”
He stopped on the doorstep and looked at me. “Not so much a date as friendly fucking.” He walked down the steps and headed to Francesca’s car. “I’m sure you and Cade just did the same.”
Stupidity
Axel
I was sitting at a bar at eleven o’ clock on a Wednesday night. My beer sat in front of me and I searched for a woman to bring back to my place. So far, I hadn’t seen anyone I liked.
When I saw her with Cade I snapped.
I assumed she stopped seeing him because he didn’t come around anymore. I was by her side at the hospital the entire time and not once did he make an appearance. If he didn’t show up for that, I just assumed he was out of the picture.
Despite the anger I knew I was overreacting—and being unfair. Marie never said a word to me about a relationship between us, and I claimed I didn’t want one at all. We hadn’t even had a conversation about it.
She didn’t owe me anything.
But when I saw them kissing on her doorstep I was pissed. I’d been waiting on her hand-and-foot, taking her to school every day, cooking for her, and picking up her meds. I didn’t mind doing those things and I certainly didn’t expect anything in return but…I didn’t like her being with someone else.
Was I the biggest asshole in the world?
A pretty brunette walked inside so I made my move. I left my beer on the table and engaged her in conversation. I did my usual moves, making a few jokes and giving her some sexy smolders. Within twenty minutes, she was down to get funky.
We stood together near the bathrooms and that’s when I kissed her. I dug my hand into her hair and felt the strands. They were nothing like Marie’s. They weren’t soft and delicate. In fact, they were a little tangled. Our kiss didn’t send shivers down my spine. I felt like I was having a dream, one where I couldn’t feel anything in reality.
I realized I was just forcing it, trying to screw someone so I could forget about the way Marie screwed Cade. I was seriously screwed up in the head and I didn’t know how to fix it.
But this wasn’t the solution.
“I’m sorry.” I broke apart and stepped back. “I just realized I have to be somewhere…”
“Uh…okay.” She gave me an incredulous look, like I must be crazy to walk away from a guaranteed lay.
“Good night.” I left the bar and felt the guilt on my shoulders. Marie was seeing someone else, and I wasn’t even seeing her. So I didn’t do anything wrong. There was no one to betray. But I felt like I did something terrible, something unforgivable.
I needed some serious help.
***
I didn’t want to take Marie to school but I refused to flake on her. She was depending on me, and I was a man of my word. I picked up her morning coffee like usual then pulled up to the curb.
She spotted me through the window and she couldn’t hide her look of surprise. She hadn’t been anticipating me to show up.
That hurt.
She came to the car and got into the passenger seat. She was dead quiet, and she didn’t look at me.
Once her safety belt was on I drove off. Thankfully, the radio was on so there was something to listen to. She and I didn’t speak to each other. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have a clue what to say. How did I explain my behavior last night without having a conversation I didn’t want to have? She must think I’m pathetic, getting upset over something that I had no right to be upset about. I felt like a high school girl starting drama for no reason.
I arrived at her building and put the car in park.
She stayed in the seat like she might say something. But the silence lingered on eternally. She turned her face toward me slightly then turned away. The door opened and she stepped out, leaving her untouched coffee behind.
Then she walked away.
***
When I picked her up I expected another round of silence. The car ride would be painfully awkward, probably worse than the first one. I pulled up to the curve and watched her get inside from my peripheral. Her arm was still in a sling but she handled it well.
She shut the door and hastened her safety belt. And just like before, she ignored me.
I drove back to her house and tried to focus on the music from the radio. If I paid attention to the purposeful way she turned her head the way, I felt my insides boil. Getting her home as quickly as possible was the priority.
I parked at the curb in front of her house and we both walked inside. Francesca was a pain in the ass but I had to check on her. With Marie’s disability and medication she couldn’t handle everything on her own.
Unfortunately.
We walked inside and I walked down the hall to check on Francesca. Like always, she was lying in bed doing absolutely nothing. “Let’s go for a walk or something.” She’d get a blood clot if she just sat there all day.