He didn’t know what the future held for him and Sam, but he needed someone who would care enough to listen when he talked. Their understanding of the intricacies of his job wasn’t as important as their willingness to allow him to share this part of his life.
“Was your husband a builder, too?”
The left-field question caught her flat-footed and she jerked in response. “Uh… no. He’s a lawyer.” Based on her tone and the way her lip curled, she believed lawyers were equal to vermin… or maybe a step below. “He didn’t understand anything about my job, nor did he care.” Her jaw set defiantly and her spine stiffened. “He didn’t like his wife being a construction worker to begin with, so when Daddy died and my brothers wanted to sell, he was only too happy to jump in and help.” She made quotation marks again, as she had earlier when she used the word help.
Jesus, not one person had supported her. Having grown up in a family-first environment, he couldn’t imagine how wounded she must be from the betrayal. “How long were you married?”
“Five years.” She glanced into the back and lowered her voice. “Well, legally five years. I have no idea how long he was faithfully married… you know, before he moved on but forgot to tell me.”
Kevin stiffened and his heart kerthunked erratically. “You mean he had an affair?”
“According to him, our marriage had been over for a while. I was just too stupid to realize it, and he failed to tell me. At least until I caught him with his secretary bent over his desk.”
Kevin’s breath caught in his throat as Sam’s words floated out and settled over the situation with him and Lizbeth as easily as when she laid the tracing paper over the site plan. If Lizbeth were to find him with Sam right now, he’d be saying the exact same thing.
Their relationship was over and had been for a while. But, like Sam’s ex, he hadn’t had a conversation with Lizbeth about it. While he hadn’t planned on meeting Sam, he did. And he most definitely moved on with someone else, while Lizbeth remained clueless.
Dammit, it wasn’t that black and white, though. There were shades of gray with variances of shadows, as well as pockets of light.
Even though Lizbeth nor Sam realized he was as big a scumbag as Sam’s ex… Okay, wait, he wasn’t quite that bad, because he and Lizbeth weren’t married. They’d never even discussed marriage, and they didn’t have kids…
Shit, am I really debating degrees of scumbagness?
He blew out a breath and squared up in the seat, preparing to defend his position. “Sometimes,” he said, going slow, carefully choosing his words, “it’s not always black and white. Sometimes things happen, even when we don’t set out to hurt those we care about.”
She jerked her hand from his as her eyes flashed with fury. “Are you defending him? Are you telling me what he did was okay?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Fuck, so much for carefully choosing his words. While trying to defend his own—thus far unknown—actions, he made a major tactical error. He reached for her hand again, but she snatched it out of reach. “I’m sorry, Sam. That was stupid and insensitive and didn’t come out the way I intended.” He should probably stop now, before he further sunk his ship, but that mother-fucking filter misfired again. “All I meant was I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Her expression indicated he’d fallen into a bottomless pit of idiocy. “How could it possibly have gone any other way?”
He flipped on his turn signal and pulled into Marianne’s neighborhood, grateful for the forced stop to this conversation. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Believe me; that’s the last thing I want.”
One thing this conversation accomplished was to make Sam’s position crystal clear. No matter what explanation he gave, she would never understand why he got involved with her before ending his relationship with Lizbeth. And he couldn’t blame her. The only thing he could do at this point was hightail his ass to Riverside first thing in the morning and pray Sam never found out.
* * *
After the slightly contentious conversation in the car, when Kevin had the audacity to imply Michael’s actions were somehow justified, the ride from Marianne’s to Sam’s was quiet. She had the distinct impression Kevin didn’t want to say anything else for fear of getting himself into an even deeper hole… a real possibility given her sour mood.
As he held open the front door and helped her into the house, Sam thought about the paddle and strap in the bottom drawer. Wonder if he would be interested in role-playing. Him as the bad boy, me as the disciplinarian. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and chunked the idea like a hot coal. He’d never go for that and would probably paddle her for having the thought.
He followed her movements as she hop-limped to the fridge for a bottle of water. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the doctor first thing in the morning?”
She was getting around much better, but he was still concerned about her managing by herself on Monday. She agreed to let him drive her to work so she didn’t need to mess with the clutch. Then she would drive her work car, which was automatic, the rest of the day. The difficulty of maneuvering jobsites, however, still bothered him.
“I’ll be fine by morning.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Look how much better I am.” To prove her point she settled additional weight on her leg, only to snatch her foot up and hiss at the searing pain. She cut her eyes to him and grimaced. “If you don’t mind giving me a ride to work, I’ll figure it out from there.”
“I don’t mind at all. I wish I didn’t have to go to Riverside.” Shadows crossed his eyes and his jaw tensed. “Actually, I want to get this taken care of, but I’d like to be here to help.”
“What would you do, drive me to all my jobs and carry me around the sites?”
“Yep.” He pulled a grape from the bunch sitting in the strainer on the counter and popped it into his mouth. “I’d be like a dog pissing on a hydrant, marking you as mine, making sure no one else offered to sweep you off your feet.”
She laughed while trying to ignore the mushy feelings swirling in her stomach. She liked what he said, even though red lights flashed in warning.
Michaela, who’d been in the back of the house putting up her towel and bathing suit, bolted into the kitchen and took a flying leap at Kevin.
Sam’s heart stopped and she lurched forward as Michy’s feet left the ground, even though there wasn’t a damn thing she could do.
But she didn’t need to worry, because even though he wasn’t prepared, as soon as he read Michy’s intentions, he readied himself and caught her as easily as if the whole thing had been staged… just as Michy expected and trusted.
Sam exhaled in relief and sank against the counter as Michy, oblivious to her mom’s reaction, said to Kevin, “Will you read me a book after I finish my bath?”
Kevin snuggled her close. “Sure.” His smile was as bright as she’d ever seen and his eyes filled with delight. “What’s your favorite?”
“The Poky Little Puppy.”
Okay, check that. Now his face was as bright and animated as she’d ever seen. “Me too. When I was little, I always made sure I got home in time for dinner so I didn’t have to go to bed hungry.”
The mutual love and affection flowing between them shot a wave of panic through Sam.
No, no, no, no, no. Her heart hammered and her palm slid on the Formica countertop at the thought of Michy getting attached to him, only to have him leave in a few weeks—or sooner—when he got bored with them. The only thing a girl could expect from someone called Wildman was heartbreak.
Sam was a big girl and accepted the risk of spending time with Kevin. But she refused to allow her innocent daughter to get caught in her adult games.
She cleared her throat and interrupted the tender moment. “I’ll read you a book, sweetie. Kevin probably needs to get going. I’m sure he had things to do this weekend, and we’ve already taken up enough of his time.”
Michaela’s face cr
umpled and she turned sad eyes toward Kevin. Cupping his face in her tiny hands, she said, “You’re not staying?”
That, right there, was the reason Sam had to put distance between them. Kevin was so charming and charismatic that in just a few days her daughter had fallen for him.
Oh right, like you haven’t?
Yeah, yeah, if she turned the microscope inward, she’d find Michy wasn’t the only one who fell hard and fast. But the difference was Sam made a choice to get involved with Kevin and therefore shouldered the risk for getting hurt. Michy was an innocent, doing as children do, following her heart and trusting the adults around her to keep her safe. Just as she had when she made that leap into Kevin’s arms.
Sensing a problem, but unable to get a bead on her objection, Kevin’s dark eyes fixed on Sam. He stared, as if looking long enough would unlock a great mystery hidden behind her eyes.
His close scrutiny made her feel like shit, but she wouldn’t be swayed, so she crossed her arms over her stomach and looked away. Michy was her daughter and if she wanted to read the bedtime story, rather than turning the privilege over to someone else, that was her prerogative. Dammit.
Kevin sat Michy on the counter and tucked a blond curl behind her ear. “I think your mamma wants to read your book tonight. I’ll do it another time. Okay?” Michy nodded and tried to keep looking at him, but dropped her gaze to the floor. “But you’re not staying?”
“No, piccolina, not tonight.”
Michy’s gaze snapped up. “What’s piccolina? I thought I was a foll… a foll…”
Kevin grinned. “A folletta is a pixie. Piccolina means little one.”
The moment of disappointment over, she grinned and clapped her hands. “Will you teach me Italian?”
“Noooo…” He laughed and kissed her on the cheek. “If I did that, I’d have to learn a third language, so you won’t know when I’m saying bad words.” He looked at the jar on the counter filled with coins and a few dollar bills. “I’d be broke in a week.”
“Okay, let Kevin put you down so you can get your bath and get in bed. I’ll check on you in a minute.”
Kevin picked her up to set her on her feet, but Michy wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight. “Thank you for taking me and Mommy swimming yesterday and today.”
Kevin’s eyes drifted shut and his breath left in a whoosh as he returned the hug with what appeared to be a bone-crushing grip. “You’re welcome. We’ll do it again soon.”
The mutual affection expressed in their faces tightened Sam’s throat. She didn’t want Michy to be hurt, but she also couldn’t help but wonder if he wore a similar expression while holding her.
Jesus, Sam, don’t be stupid. He’s a fling. A bed companion. A sex toy. Nothing more. Remember that.
As Michy disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom, Kevin cleared his throat and turned on Sam. “You obviously didn’t want me reading to her, but I don’t know why.”
“She’s getting too attached and that’s not good.”
He cocked his head and thought for a minute. “All right, I’ll admit I’m getting kind of attached to her”—his eyes darkened and he smiled softly—“and her mamma. But I don’t see the problem.”
An internal battle waged within Sam. She’d like to look at the surface and believe everything would be fine. He’d shown her nothing but kindness since the moment they met up on the beach. Even at his job site, he’d responded the way anyone in his situation would, but he wasn’t rude or disrespectful. He was one of the few men in the industry who didn’t treat her poorly just because she was a woman.
Today at the pool, he shared a lot of himself with her. He talked about his jobs and asked her opinion, and he listened intently when she gave it. He’d been interested in her point of view and excited about an option she’d thrown out for handling a particular drainage problem.
She couldn’t ask for anyone to be kinder to Michaela. And seeing the close bond he had with Spencer, hearing about the things they did together, proved he wasn’t only capable of caring for kids, but he genuinely loved them.
Then there was the sex. Just thinking about it made her temperature rise. She definitely wanted more and couldn’t wait to see how he planned to carry out the fantasy threesome.
But she couldn’t allow Michy to get hurt while she acted out a few sexual games.
Resolve in place, she said, “Men leave; hearts get broken. I understand that’s the way life works. But she’s a child and it’s my job to protect her from as much pain and disappointment as possible. So far, I’ve failed miserably. I was blindsided by my dad’s death and Michael’s leaving. But this I can control, and I won’t allow her to get more attached, only to end up hurt.”
His head titled awkwardly and his brow dropped into a severe frown as his eyes darkened dangerously. “How can you possibly compare me to either of those situations? I haven’t done…” His voice trailed off and he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck while chomping on the inside of his cheek.
She was again reminded of a lion stalking the jungle, looking for prey as he prowled around her small kitchen. Anger rolled off him in waves before he took a handful of deep breaths and calmed slightly. Stopping with his hands on his hips, he pegged her with a fierce stare. “Do you honestly think your dad, had he been given a choice, would’ve left you?”
“Of course not, but that doesn’t change the fact that he did. He not only physically left me, but he left me in a terrible bind with my family. I had no way out.” Even though she sounded childish and knew the argument was absurd, she couldn’t help the returning sense of loss and feelings of abandonment filling her chest, drowning her in sorrow all over again.
And then there was Michael. He did have a choice, but he hadn’t cared enough to handle things differently.
She’d do anything to never feel that way again and would move heaven and Earth to prevent Michy from experiencing an ounce of that pain.
Kevin stopped in front of her and took her chin in his fingers, holding her face steady, forcing her to meet his stare. “I’m not your dad or your brothers or your ex.” His eyes flashed and he winced as the muscle in his jaw worked. “I don’t know where this thing with us is going, but I want it to go somewhere. I care about you, and I adore that little girl. Please, Sam, give me a chance.”
Chapter Sixteen
Leaning back in a lawn chair, feet kicked up on the railing of his deck overlooking the Pamlico River, Kevin glared at the mosquito circling his ankle, trying to decide on the prime spot to stop and dine. He watched and waited, and when the little fucker landed, Kevin smacked it into oblivion. After his long, grueling day of accomplishing nothing, it felt good to beat the shit out of something… even if it was his own leg.
“Wow, a blow like that would take down a jumbo jet.”
Startled by Kat’s voice, he jerked in her direction off to the side of the deck, which threw his precariously balanced chair off-kilter. With arms flailing like he was in the fight of his life, he got the front legs planted on the ground and the chair stabilized. He glanced at the beer foaming over on his hand and cursed. “Damn, I nearly lost it.” And not just the beer. He stood and headed in her direction. “What are you doing here, piccola?”
Once upon a time, Erik would’ve ripped Kevin’s heart out for calling Kat baby, but they were well beyond that now, and all of them could laugh at the now-fond memory of Erik nearly splitting him wide open over Kat.
“I came to ask you the same thing,” she said, crossing the deck to meet him. “Erik’s at the Coastal Preservation board meeting—”
“Shit, I forgot.” Since he hadn’t planned on being in Riverside today, he hadn’t given the meeting any thought. He checked his watch, only to find it was six thirty and the meeting had started at six.
“I wondered why your garage door was open, so I came over to check on you.”
“Thanks, piccola.” He kissed her on the cheek, then put his hand to the small of her back to lea
d her toward the door. “You want to go inside?”
She took a deep breath and gazed out at the river. “No, I’m wearing bug spray. I’m good out here.”
He grabbed another chair from the corner of the deck and held it steady while she got settled. “Come sta il bambino?”
“Dammit, you’re going to teach this baby Italian, aren’t you?” She tried to look annoyed, but couldn’t hold the narrowed eyes, and her lips twitched rather than turned down. “I’ll forever be wondering what you two are saying.”
“I promise not to teach him the bad words.”
She snorted. “Yeah, right.” A wide smile split her face as she absently rubbed the baby bump… which was more like a mountain. “Doctor says he-she-it probably weighs around five pounds and everything seems to be on track.”
Since they weren’t finding out the baby’s sex until birth day, Erik came up with the ridiculous nickname so they had something to call the bambino, other than “baby.” Kat spent the better part of six months arguing against the name, but apparently, she’d given up the fight. Seeing the joy on her face and sharing this moment with her was the brightest spot in his godforsaken, show-me-a-bridge-I-can-jump-off-of day.
“That’s fantastic. I can’t wait to be an uncle again.”
“And a godfather.”
“Yeah.” His heart swelled with love for the unborn child… then cracked a little as he thought about the baby girl he’d held last night, but had to let go. At least Sam hadn’t completely shut him out.
She agreed to keep seeing him, with the understanding he wouldn’t arrive until after Michy was in bed. God, the rule chapped his ass, but he understood her reasons and would do whatever he needed to prove he was in for the long haul… or as long as she let him stay.
Shaking off the creeping melancholy, he said, “At the party the other night, there were a ton of jokes about me looking like a mob hit man. Wait until everyone finds out I really am a godfather.”
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