Carson’s Creed

by C. P. Watson

  “You’re just not like any other woman I’ve encountered, Madison. And…” she hesitated, “that’s a good thing.”

  Madison pressed her lips together. She wanted to cry, but wouldn’t let her emotions make her come off as weak. She needed to be strong. She needed to fight the fear. But how? She didn’t know what to do, and certainly had no one to turn to.

  “It’s either you do it, or I’ll find another magazine that will. It’s your choice, Miss Jenner. Choose wisely.”

  With that, Madison got up and walked towards the bar, where Victoria stood chugging down her fifth glass of wine that night.

  Carson drained the remainder of her wine, and grabbed another from a waiter passing by. What would a good woman do? What would a woman like her do? Carson wasn’t sure what kind of woman she was. She’d been described to be a tigress, a man-eater, and the occasional, slut. But what was the perfect label for her?

  She closed her eyes, and the image that popped into her mind was one of her parents. What would they want her to do? They’d been taken away from her so soon. She’d always tried to live up to their expectations. What would make them proud?

  Carson grabbed her purse and left the reception hall. She needed to talk to Paul Fletcher, and over the phone just wouldn’t cut it.

  ⁑

  PAUL WAS SURPRISED TO find Carson standing in front of his house. She hadn’t visited him since they’d been sleeping around, and that was enough to make him a bit pissed off. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her with a questioning glare.

  “I don’t fuck tigress’s anymore, Miss Jenner.”

  Carson was taken aback for a moment. She remembered the last time she was inside Paul’s house. He’d set a pot of tea on the stove, and she laid under the covers only in her knickers. As soon as she woke, she’d taken a shower and gotten dressed, before rushing out, as always. What did Paul ever see in her?

  “Not on my agenda right now. I’m here to talk about Madison Pierce.”

  Carson entered Paul’s house and headed into the kitchen. If she remembered correctly, he stored his whiskey in the top shelf over the sink.

  “You could have called…”

  “And you could have waited for me to reach out to her. We both should have done things differently, Mr. Fletcher.”

  Paul leaned against his kitchen island as he watched Carson pour his expensive whiskey into a glass.

  “Bad conscience makes us do things. I wonder what’s on yours.”

  Carson chugged down the half glass of whiskey and leaned backward against the sink. The burning liquid, not only burned her throat, but also her heart.

  “I have nothing on my mind. Nothing that concerns you, at least.”

  Paul chuckled and grabbed a glass for himself. He’d need the liquid courage to put up with Carson.

  “So, Madison Pierce, huh? You’re pretty interested in her, I see.”

  “As interested as you are, right?”

  Paul nodded.

  “Right.”

  Carson placed her handbag onto the kitchen island and inhaled a deep breath.

  “She wants us to go forth with the release, even offered to include some photos.”

  “Makes sense, I guess.”

  Paul shrugged.

  “And I thought that you’re concerned for her.”

  “I am.”

  He sipped on his whiskey.

  “Seemingly not.”

  “I’m concerned for her safety, not her career. And, as I said, she’d probably receive more attention. Think about it. Porn star turned successful novelist. The fans will be piling up. Everyone loves a good girl gone bad, and vice versa. And in her case, she’s an ex-pornstar, turned erotic writer. It’s the same line of work, minus her nudity.”

  Carson rubbed her temples and shook her head. His brain was like any other man on earth.

  “Women like to be respected. What do you think people will say of her when news gets out, huh?”

  “She had the guts to do porn, so she can handle a little scrutiny.”

  Paul looked at Carson’s facial expression. Why was she so reluctant? Why did she care that much?

  “It’s wrong, Paul. I can’t do it. I won’t.”

  “Some place else will if you won’t. Just saying.”

  “So I’ve heard.”

  Carson placed her empty glass into the sink and looked at Paul. Why didn’t she want to do it and get it all over with? Why did she have to be so concerned?

  “It’s her choice. Let her decide her own faith.”

  “And the stalker?”

  “I’ve got a plan.”

  ⁑

  CARSON HEADED BACK TO the reception. Madison stood in a corner talking to her mother, and the conversation seemed pretty heated.

  “You’re just too much. I don’t understand why you need to flaunt it like no one else’s business. It’s your sister’s wedding, dammit.”

  “So, first you tell me to take her on a date, and now I can’t dance with her at my own sister’s wedding?”

  Madison felt defeated. Maybe, she should have been more considerate. She didn’t want to dance to begin with, but Victoria insisted.

  “I’m trying to be supportive, not waving a gay flag for the world to know.”

  Carson looked at Madison’s flushed cheeks. So, Madison’s mother didn’t approve of her sexuality. She’d heard of how religious Amanda was, and wondered how the woman would handle learning that her daughter was an ex-pornstar. If Amanda couldn’t handle mere sexuality, she’d definitely blow a nut when news got out.

  “Alejandro’s been slow dancing with daddy all night. Why can’t I fucking dance with my…”

  Madison paused and swallowed. What was Victoria to her? Lover? Girlfriend? They hadn’t discussed labels just yet.

  “You mean to tell me that you’re in a relationship now? It was one bloody date! It really is true about lesbians and their u-hauls, isn’t it?”

  Madison’s eyes widened. Did Amanda just say what Madison think she said? Did Amanda just say that her daughter was a lesbian without denying it? Although Madison didn’t care for labels, she couldn’t help but smile.

  “Mum, you…”

  “Why the hell are you smiling? I’m serious Madison. I…”

  Madison pulled her mother into a hug. Even though Amanda was being a raging bitch, it was surprisingly one of the best things to slip out of her mouth.

  “So, no more eligible bachelors?”

  Amanda was taken aback for a moment as she embraced her daughter with a sigh.

  “What do you mean?”

  Madison closed her eyes and replayed the crude comment over and over in her mind. It really is true about lesbians and their u-hauls. As offensive as it should have been, it was the only thing to make Madison feel at ease.

  “You basically called me a lesbian… thank you, mum.”

  “Oh… I meant…”

  “Shh.”

  Madison hushed her mother and stepped back from their embrace. The smile on her face could brighten any room, including Carson’s untouchable heart.

  Carson had never felt such a feeling rushing through her body. Why did she feel that way around Madison? Why did Madison always have to make Carson feel so strange?

  Amanda sighed and narrowed her eyes at her daughter. Maybe, she was overreacting. Seeing her ex-husband getting all mushy with his new partner set off something in her that she couldn’t quite understand herself, and it was wrong of her to lash out on Madison.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

  “I love you too, mum.”

  They both smiled.

  Carson felt a tap on her shoulder. When she noticed a man standing beside her, the grin on his face could charm any straight woman in the room. But was Carson bent for the rest of her life? Was she over the male species? Because although he was usually her type, he didn’t interest her one bit.

  “May I have this dance?”

  With arched brows, Carson
gave him a condescending glare. She had to admit, he had enough balls to stay standing in the same spot without flinching or expressing any irritation from her rude expression. Men had lost more and more patience as the decades passed, or was it just the women becoming bored enough?

  “No, thank you.”

  Carson politely said, surprising herself. Where was her snarky remark? Why did she brush it off without a harsh response instead?

  “Oh, come on. Everyone’s dancing, and I don’t see anyone on your arm tonight.”

  Madison spotted Carson’s discomfort from where she stood. Her mother had wandered over to the bride and groom, and she sauntered over to Carson with an enchanting smile.

  The man’s focus wavered from Carson and onto the striking stance of Madison Pierce. She was definitely a breathtaking sight.

  “Sweetheart, aren’t you going to dance with me?”

  Madison stretched her hand out for Carson to take, and the man looked at them in amusement. It had to be a joke, right?

  “If you want to blow me off, there’s better ways to do it. Though, I think I’d prefer to…” he looked at Madison with narrowed, hungry eyes. Madison furrowed her brows and cheekily grinned. “What’s your name, darling?”

  “You’re interrupting me from dancing with my partner. If you please excuse…”

  “You’re much too beautiful to be a dyke, darling. Dance with me and I might just change your mind.”

  Madison could sense the hinting in his tone. She’d never slept with a man, and wasn’t intending to, especially not with a scum like him.

  “I’m sorry. I like my dick permanently hard and made of plastic.”

  Madison grabbed Carson’s hand and led her towards the dance floor. The disgust on his face made them both chuckle. And as they positioned themselves, their eyes meeting and bodies combining, it felt almost perfect.

  Carson could feel the lump inside of her throat. She was so nervous and giddy, at the same time. If it hadn’t been for Madison, she would have torn that guy a new one. But, as always, Madison made her do things that were unexpected, or in that case, not do much.

  “That mouth of yours.”

  Carson chuckled as Madison’s hands wrapped firmer around her waist. She felt her chest tightening, and stomach doing flips.

  “It can do a lot of things.”

  Carson gulped. Her mind couldn’t help but head in all the wrong places, as hard as she tried not to.

  “I bet.”

  Madison wasn’t sure what she was doing. Why was she dancing with Carson? Shouldn’t she be with Victoria? Hadn’t her mother already scolded her for dancing with a woman? Why didn’t she care at all, and why was that the only reason she’d felt guilty?

  “You know, for a straight woman, my gay vibe is sensing something else.”

  “And who said that I’m straight?”

  Madison opened her mouth to respond, but when she saw Victoria standing by the bar, with a glass of wine in her hand, as she looked at them with a venomous stare, her train of thought was lost. At that moment, she felt extremely guilty.

  “Your partner is looking, isn’t she?”

  Carson whispered as she alternated their position on the dance floor. “She doesn’t look too happy.”

  Madison knew that she should have stopped dancing, and head over to the bar. Victoria didn’t deserve to look at her dancing with another woman, even if her intentions were pure. But were they really? They had to be. After all, Carson was officially Melody’s aunt-in-law, as of that very day.

  “Two family members dancing, right?”

  Carson slowly shook her head with a small smile.

  “I was adopted.”

  Madison quirked her brow. Carson seemed too anxious to say that. What were her intentions? And why did Madison feel relieved from the revelation?

  “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

  The song that they were dancing to came to an end, and as they both stepped back, longing filled their hearts.

  “You should head over to your partner.”

  Carson said as she ran the tips of her fingers over her beautiful, red hair. Why did she have to do that? It made Madison’s throat dry and her body begin to hyperventilate.

  “Yeah, I should.”

  Yet, Madison couldn’t seem to move. Why? Why did she want the moment to never end? Why did that dance made her completely forget about her problems? Why did she have to enjoy it so much? She wanted more. They both did. But could they? They were both at different stages in their life. Madison was an out-lesbian, who had issues to deal with. Carson had to decide whether she’d preferred women over men, plus she’d recently fallen into depression. But, after everything she’d encountered with Madison Pierce, her depression seemed to have vanished. Had her lack of exploring her sexuality caused her depression? Was she finally realizing that she was indeed a lesbian?

  “Don’t get hurdled by another scum.”

  One final glance and that was it. The night was finally coming to an end, and they’d hopefully forget all those feelings the next day, if that was possible.

  “I can’t promise anything. Hopefully, you’ll be my fake date again.”

  Madison smiled widely with an amused shake to the head.

  “Beckon, if need be.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The Blackmailer

  Carson reluctantly considered Madison’s request for the hundredth time that week. It certainly wasn’t the right thing to do, and she knew that. “You’re stressing. Just stick to the plan.” Paul Fletcher was nervous, as well. As manly as he’d liked to portray himself, the situation gave him jitters.

  “I still don’t understand…”

  “It will.”

  He assured and huffed out a breath.

  Carson clasped her hands and leaned her head backward. She couldn’t stop thinking about Madison, and their dance kept replaying in her head.

  “I doubt it’ll work, Paul. Who's stupid enough to not wear gloves?”

  Paul chuckled. A lot of people, Carson.

  “You’d be surprised.”

  She was growing impatient. How long did they have to wait for a damn DNA testing?

  “Can I tell you a secret?”

  Paul looked at her with curious eyes. Carson was never one to open up. What did she have to say? Was she going to confess her feelings for him? He hoped that would be it.

  “Go ahead.”

  He said nonchalantly. Carson swallowed. He’d be the first person she’d tell, and hopefully not the last.

  “I’m a lesbian.”

  All the colour drained from Paul’s face, and his mouth hung ajar. He definitely wasn’t expecting that.

  “Wait… are you sure?”

  Carson nodded immediately. She was more than sure. There was even proof—her constantly soiled panties and sheets.

  “Yeah. It puts things into perspective.”

  Paul wasn’t sure how to react. She’d never be able to love him, that’s for sure. The little hope that he had kept, had completely vanished.

  “I… but you’ve…”

  “I know. I’m hitting forty and now realizing this. But it makes so much sense, Paul. It makes so much fucking sense.”

  Carson felt a bit relieved that she’d finally told someone. She dreaded having to tell her family. What would they say? How would they react? Why did she care? Carson never sought anyone’s approval before.

  “I guess…”

  Paul was still in shock. He rested his face into the palms of his hands to steady his breathing, which Carson noticed.

  “Paul…”

  “It’s because of that lesbian porn site, huh?”

  Carson’s eyes widened. It was pretty obvious, wasn’t it? She cleared her throat and nodded.

  “Actually, yes. I’m now a subscriber.”

  She grinned, not that Paul could see her. His face was still buried in his palms.

  “You’re forty, Carson. How can you now realize this?”

  “
I’m thirty-seven, and why is it so hard to believe? It adds up quite well actually. Explains a lot. Paul, I’ve never been in love. I’ve never wanted to settle down, get married, have kids…”

  “And now you do?”

  Carson smiled.

  “With a woman, yes.”

  Paul finally looked up and saw the big smile on Carson’s face. For sure, Carson had a strange way of dealing with men. But he’d taken it as her being a bit sexist and domineering, not that she was a lesbian.

  “So, what then? All your past relationships were just a phase?”

  Carson thought for a moment. Were they?

  “I suppose. Everyone needs human contact.”

  “But now you prefer pussy?” Not necessarily.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Have you ever even been with a woman?”

  Carson bit down on her bottom lip. She’d considered going to a lesbian bar, but alone?

  “That’s none of your business, is it?”

  Paul got up from his seat and started pacing the room.

  “This won’t be good for the company. What will people think?”

  Carson looked at him amused. She didn't care what people thought, well, not unless they were her family.

  “That’s for me to worry about.”

  “Carson, you’re throwing your life away.”

  Carson gritted her teeth.

  “Forget I told you anything. Let’s deal with business, nothing else.”

  Paul placed his hands on his head. He was in denial, to say the least.

  ⁑

  MADISON’S HANDS WERE SHAKING as she looked at her mother’s facial expression. Had she finally damaged her mother’s heart forever? Was she really a bad child?

  “You’re a what?”

  Amanda had always been a good Catholic woman. She didn’t believe in premarital sex, abortions or homosexuality. The last thing that she expected was to find out that her daughter was a part of the porn industry.

  “I was, mum.”

  Madison felt sick to her stomach. She knew her mother’s reaction wasn’t going to be the best. Who’d react well after hearing that their daughter did porn?

  “When? How? While you were in New York?”

  Madison shook her head.

  “A few weeks after my eighteenth birthday. Mum, I’m so sorry.”