Hate Nothing (King Family Novels Book 1)

by Lindsay Becs

  I feel her eyes on me the whole time I paint her little dainty toes. Once I finish and close the bottle, I take a chance to look at her. I want to say so many things, beg her to give us another chance, and kiss her until she’s dizzy. But I don’t.

  “Thank you for this,” I tell her instead. Turning my head, I see that Blake has fallen asleep.

  “He’s a really good kid, Zander.”

  Turning to him, I agree. “Yeah, he’s pretty awesome.” Looking back at Poppy with a lazy smile, I ask, “Twenty questions?”

  “How’s daddyhood going?”

  “It’s like nothing I expected,” I start, tracing my fingers up and down her bare leg, which is still bent in front of me. “He makes it easy though. He’s so good. Nothing like I was,” I laugh. “I’m glad I decided to fight for him,” I admit.

  Her legs straighten over my lap, ankles crossing as they dangle into the aisle. “I’m glad you did too.” Her response surprises me, and I look up into her face, wanting to see so much more there behind her words.

  “Thank you for being so great with him. He adores you,” I tell her with a lopsided grin. “I think he might have a crush on you.”

  “Must run in the family.” She snorts with a laugh.

  “We just have good taste.” I shrug. “What can I say?” Raking my teeth over my bottom lip, I think about how to word what I so badly want to ask. “Would you ever…” I pause, my brows coming together, thinking of how to ask my question. “Would you ever consider us again?” I continue tracing circles around her knee, not wanting to look at her, my question thick in the air.

  Her hand covers mine, stopping my movements. Our fingers lace together, and I love the feel of her small hand in mine. Her fingers painted a deep red that almost looks black shine.

  “I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “Would you really want me as a part of your lives? Both of your lives?”

  I turn my hand in hers so that we’re palm to palm. “I would love nothing more,” I answer, kissing her fingers one at a time. “You’ve already shown me that you’re great with Blake. Why do you think you wouldn’t be a good mother?”

  She bites her lip and tears fill her eyes. “Because the one time I was told I was going to be a mom, I chose me first.” I’m confused by what she said at first, and then it hits and I understand what she’s saying.

  “Will you tell me about it?” I ask, wanting her to open up to me.

  A tear falls down her cheek. She wipes it away like it burned her skin with its descent. “I was sixteen. I didn’t tell anyone but my brother and my ex. My parents still don’t know; I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. To crush them. It felt like a family curse or something. My mom always told me to be careful, and she gave me all the right tools and facts. I was just stupid.” She shakes her head, looking disgusted with herself. “Anyway, I knew I didn’t want a baby. I wanted to race, and I couldn’t ride a motorcycle, let alone race, if I was pregnant or a mom. So, I chose me.”

  “You might not be able to ride or race pregnant, but who’s to tell you that you can’t as a mom?” I ask her.

  “Me, I guess.” She lets out a laugh and looks at me then. “After I had that hard crash, even though I wasn’t horribly injured, I knew that I couldn’t put my life on the line knowing I’d leave kids behind if something ever happened to me. I saw how freaked out my mom was in the hospital. I’ve seen how protective my papa always was of my aunt. I’ve witnessed my other aunt and uncle pour their lives into my cousin who was adopted because they can’t have kids of their own. Isn’t that true love for your child? But me? I didn’t blink twice walking into that clinic.” She wipes another fallen tear from her cheek. “I know it’s my right. I know it was my choice. And I may not regret it; I know it was right for me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still think about that choice and how things would have been if I’d chosen differently.”

  I pull her into my chest, holding her there. I kiss the crown of my head and wait for her to relax and let go. And when she does, her body shakes with sobs and tears and all the things she’s kept inside and secret for the past few years.

  It’s heartbreaking and beautiful to watch this woman give in to emotion. Letting it pour out of her heart and soul, cleansing herself of it all.

  “I think you are the strongest woman I know,” I begin as she calms down. “It’s okay to question the choices you make. It’s okay to change your mind about what you want in the future from what you wanted in the past. It’s okay to open your heart to things that scare you. You have the ability to love so fiercely and powerfully because you are beautiful inside and out.”

  “I don’t always feel that way,” she says, waving a hand in front of her to show that she’s a mess, but to me, she looks absolutely perfect.

  “You’re gorgeous, Poppy.”

  She takes in a deep breath that stutters from her hard cry. “Thank you for listening to me. Like I said, I haven’t told anyone, and I definitely don’t talk about it.”

  “Thank you for trusting me to share in that part of your life.” Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, I lean in and kiss her temple. “You know, it’s not that different from what I did with Blake before he was born. I chose me and racing over Natalie and him. But I was selfish. I wanted to pay away the inconvenience a baby was making in my life instead of really thinking about his life and how all of it would impact him. I was wrong, Poppy. But you, you were right and selfless in your choice. Stop punishing yourself for that.”

  “Thank you.” She sniffs, cuddling into me further. I continue to hold her close to me until she falls asleep in my arms.

  Looking over to Blake, who’s still sleeping too, I smile to myself. If only I could freeze this moment right here. This perfect moment with the ones I love and want in my life most. And yet they are the ones who could be taken from me in an instant.

  But I’m willing to take the risk. I’d give up everything to keep them with me.

  I wake up to the feel of lips kissing my jaw. Letting out a moan, I smile.

  “Shhh…” she whispers against my skin. I open my eyes to meet hers. “Do you still want me in both of your lives?” she asks.

  “I’d love nothing more.” I repeat the same answer I gave her before.

  She licks her lips as her eyes go to my mouth, but nervousness is radiating off of her in waves. When she looks back up, I lock eyes with her. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not changing my mind on this.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “Okay?”

  She nods, looking up at me with big, expressive eyes. Why does she have to be so damn sexy and beautiful? “Alright.” I pat her legs. “I need to piss,” I say, breaking the sexual tension in the space between us. She chuckles as she moves, knowing exactly why I’m getting up. We both need to put a little space between us right now.

  I’m in so much trouble with her. She owns every part of me, and she isn’t even completely mine yet.

  17

  Poppy

  Zander and I have been avoiding the elephant in the room since the plane ride that landed us here in Italy a couple days ago. He races in two days, the most intense days leading up to a race. He’s slated to win this one, and by the times he’s been pulling, he will if he can keep it together on the track.

  I’ve spent most of the day with my mom. Our time together has been few and far between since the season started. I think this time around, my parents are trying to give me more space and freedom, which I appreciate.

  But that woman likes to shop, and I do not. After hours of it, I’m exhausted. I’ve just landed my tired ass on the bed when I get a text.

  Zander: Blake wants gelato and asked if you could come with us.

  Me: Blake or you want me to join you?

  Zander: Both of us?

  Me: I’m so tired

  Me: but I do love gelato

  Zander: Is that a yes?

  Me: OK

  “Yes!” I hear yelled from the ha
llway, followed by laughter.

  Me: Are you outside my door?

  Zander: Maybe

  Me: Creepy, dude

  Before he can respond, I open the door to meet them. “Well, come on. I was promised gelato.”

  “Oh, she’s grumpy pre-gelato,” Zander mumbles to Blake, who starts to cackle in laughter. Glancing behind me, I see Zander has picked him up and is holding him upside down by his ankles behind him.

  “Zander! Put him down!” I yell, coming to a stop.

  “Why? The kid loves it,” he tells me with a smile.

  “You’re going to make him sick.”

  “Only if I eat first,” Blake pipes in.

  I lift a brow at Zander, who shrugs a shoulder. “Might have happened once.”

  Rolling my eyes, I follow him down the hall to the elevator. Once inside, he pulls Blake to his shoulder and over to be right side up in his arms. They give each other knuckles and laugh together in their own little world while we ride down to the lobby.

  We walk out to head to the gelato shop that’s a few blocks away. Zander reaches for my hand while we walk. He still has Blake in his other arm, carrying him. When I glance up at him, he looks so relaxed and content like this. Bad-boy biker turned family man is very sexy on Zander Macallan. He looks down at me and gives me a wink, and I swear I melt on the spot.

  When we reach the shop, each of us orders our cups of gelato, and we sit down at a table outside. I slowly eat mine, savoring each bite. But when I look up, I see Blake and Zander shoveling it in fast, looking almost identical. I watch them for a minute and note the similarities between them. Eyes, smile, hair color… there’s no denying that they are father and son.

  We finish and walk back to the hotel in much the same way we came. I like this feeling of family. Of contentedness and happiness. I could do this.

  At my door, I thank Zander for my gelato with a kiss on the cheek. I jump in the shower to wash off the day before climbing into bed and turning on a movie. Sometime after I started to doze off, I hear Val come in and climb in her bed.

  Turning off the TV, I fall back asleep with a contented smile on my face.

  I startle awake to someone banging on the door before they bust in. “Sorry to wake you, but I need to talk to both of you, now,” Zander says, looking like he didn’t sleep a wink and like he’s ready to fight someone.

  “What going on?” I ask, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

  “First, Val, can you go hang with Blake? I left him sleeping in my room to get you. But I need to talk to Poppy first. Alone.”

  She jumps up without question, throws on a robe and takes off to get to Blake. I watch as she leaves before turning my eyes on Zander.

  I hold out a hand for him, and he makes his way to me in bed, climbing up to sit next to me. “What’s going on?” I ask again.

  “Natalie was released last night. She is making a big show of wanting Blake and that she didn’t sign off on him leaving the country.”

  “But how can that be? She must have for you to bring him, right?”

  “Yes, of course. She was pretty much stripped of her title as mother when she was found high with drugs everywhere within reach of my son.”

  “Okay, so she can’t do anything then.”

  “Blake’s caseworker said I have to take him back to show proof that I’m not trying to steal my kid.”

  “When do you have to go back?” I ask, because I know what this is going to mean for him if this goes south. He’s going to have to choose between his son and racing.

  “I have to be there within forty-eight hours, or I’ll be arrested and charged with kidnapping.”

  “Holy shit!” I exclaim, covering my mouth. “But the race is today.”

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

  “Are you going to forfeit this one? It’ll hurt your standings, but you might be able to make it up if Dad crashes out in another one.”

  “No, I don’t want to forfeit it. I want you to race it.”

  “What?!”

  He takes my hand in his, and my eyes go wide. Either he’s lost his mind or… no, he’s insane!

  “You’re ready, Poppy. You can win this. You met my time on the track the other day and even beat my time at a few laps. You’re ready.”

  “Zander, I don’t know…”

  “Look. I choose my son over racing. It’s as simple as that.” He lifts his shoulders. “But why not go out with a bang and give you a chance to get your name out there for every motherfucker to see? Everyone will see you beat every man out there.”

  “But they won’t allow me to race today out of the blue.”

  “No. That’s why we’re going to fake it. You take the track in my leathers and helmet, and everyone will think you’re me. Until you win.” He smiles wickedly at me.

  “You are crazy! This will never work.”

  “Or I’m brilliant and it will.”

  I take a deep breath and shake my head at him, thinking about it all.

  “It’ll disqualify you for the rest of the season,” I tell him.

  He nods slowly. “I know. And I’ll probably be fired from my team, but I’ve done it once before already.” He grins at me. “I want you to get your chance, and this is it. I’m done this season, right now, regardless. It comes down to if you want your chance or not.”

  He moves to straddle over my legs and cups my face in his hands, looking right into my eyes. “You have risked everything to get here to this spot. You have defied your parents, lied and snuck and hurt yourself all in the process. You really going to have all that be for nothing? Where is the strong little girl who first came to me and asked me to teach her to ride a bike, huh?”

  “I didn’t think this day would come so soon.”

  “It’s here, baby.” He leans his head on mine. “You ready to take what’s yours?”

  “Yes,” I whisper. My heart is beating out of my chest and not just from the fact that I’m going to race today. “I’m going to race, and I’m going to win. Then, I’m going with you.”

  He sits back and stares at me for a second before a smile slowly grows on his gorgeous face. “Yes, you are.” He brushes his lips across mine. My hands snake into his hair, pulling him into me more. My tongue seeks entrance past his luscious lips. We give and take, twist and pull, bite and lave at each other’s lips and mouths.

  We’re both breathing heavily, panting hard, ragged breaths when he pulls back. “Come on, we have a lot to get done in not a lot of time.” He kisses me once more before he stands from the bed.

  I feel like I’m going to throw up.

  In thirty minutes, I have to walk out like I’m Zander. Right now, I’m hiding in a bathroom, trying not to get puke on his extra leathers. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to get Austin and one of the crew members to help us.

  They were able to get the extra riding gear and helmet for me to put on to match his. Thankfully we aren’t that different is size and height.

  The plan is that he’s been out there doing all the interviews, the practice runs, all that stuff. Then before he has to take his spot, he’ll say he’s gotta pee or something, and we’ll switch places. I’ll walk out, get on his bike and ride to his starting position. All I have to do is keep my visor down, keep my cool, and race. Once that light turns green, it’s all me.

  I’m trying to calm myself, breathing in and out slowly, when someone walks in and I jump. “It’s me, Soda Pop,” he chuckles, taking off his gloves. “Little nervous?” I give him a look like he’s crazy if he thinks I’m not. “I puked five times before my first race. You’ll be fine.”

  “Well, I’ve only puked once. So far.”

  He pulls me into him, and we awkwardly hug with the stiff racing leathers between us. Cupping my face in his hands, he looks into my terrified eyes.

  “Don’t overthink it. Just go out there and do what you do. Ride. Race. Kill it.”

  “What if I crash?”

 
“Then you crash. Get up and keep moving. You know the drill. You’ve been around this since before you were born.”

  I nod, not taking my eyes off of him. “Yeah, okay.”

  “Relax. Have fun. But you need to get out there.”

  Letting out a breath slowly, I stare deep into his eyes and smile. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” He kisses me hard and deep, and I feel it curl my toes. “Now, get out there and win so you don’t give me something to hate about you,” he teases.

  “But you hate nothing about me,” I say, putting my helmet on.

  “That’s right, baby. Show those boys who they’re racing against,” he says, smacking my ass.

  I give him one last smile, push my visor down, nod at him and walk out to do the single scariest thing in my life.

  The crew member who’s been helping us is right there to usher me to the bike, telling me everything I need to know about the bike and the track. What he doesn’t realize is that I know this bike like the back of my hand. I know this track. I’ve raced this track…by myself, but still. I nod at him and climb onto the two-wheeled machine that’s going to take me on a ride today.

  I’ve tried to keep my walk, posture, and demeanor like Zander’s. I tense when my dad speaks to me as I roll up into position next to him.

  “Need to change your tampon?” my dad jokes. Gross, Dad…

  I lift a shoulder like I’ve seen Zander do so many times and get a deep chuckle from my dad.

  I’m trying to take calming breaths, but my stomach is turning and churning as I sit here like a sitting duck. Soon the light glows red before turning green for the warm-up lap. I take it easy, not wanting to push it and make a fool of myself before I even begin.

  It doesn’t take long before I feel myself relax. This. This is where I’m meant to be.

  I roll back into position and wait for the race to start. Seconds pass, and my heart is pounding. I breath in and out slowly. “Calm down, Poppy,” I tell myself. The red light shines, and I’m ready.