Let Me Fly

by St James, Hazel

  “Thanks for coming to my rescue, Louise.” Leaning towards her, Bryn kissed her sister on the cheek.

  “No problem, Thelma,” Sara patted Bryn’s forearm. It had been a long time since the two of them had used their nicknames for each other.

  “Please, get checked out, ok?” Sara closed the door on the car quickly, hoping to stop an argument.

  Bryn ran her fingers over her chest making a cross over her heart. Then, she curled her fingers on each hand, touched them together and pushed her thumbs down to make a point. She had made the heart symbol with her hands, and held it up to the window for Sara to see.

  Mouthing the word “ditto,” Sara backed away from the car.

  Chapter Two

  The ride to Amulet was mercifully short. Bryn wasn’t sure if she was just falling asleep, closing her eyes, or drifting in and out of consciousness. Corey kept his hand on her left thigh, jostling her when she was too quiet.

  “Come on, baby girl, stay with me,” he would say in a soft voice, causing her eyes to flip open. “Rule number one of a head injury is to stay awake. Fuck, I should have called an ambulance. Damn your family all to hell.”

  “I’m fine,” Bryn tried to reassure him, “Just really tired, and the sun is too bright and it’s hurting my eyes. I’ll be ok.” Corey pulled in to the emergency room parking lot at the Amulet Medical Center. He rushed in through the front door, grabbed a wheel chair and came skidding back to the car. “Your chariot, my lady,” he said with a horrible accent that made Bryn roll her eyes.

  “I can walk, Corey.”

  “Look, Bryn, either get your ass in the wheelchair, or I am going to carry you into the ER. Your choice.” Sara could see the muscles in Corey’s neck bulging as he crossed his arms over his chest. Having a standoff with him right now was not a great idea; he did not make idle threats.

  “Wheelchair, then.” Lifting herself up from the car, she tried to scoot out of the car. Corey held onto her arm as she slid over, dropping down into the wheelchair.

  “I’ll wheel you into the waiting room and then go park the car. I don’t think Sara would be happy if I got her car towed today.”

  Entering the sliding glass ER doors, Bryn’s nose was instantly greeted with the awful smell of disinfectant, rubbing alcohol and latex. If it was even possible, she could smell fear and death too. It was an instant reminder for her of her dad’s death. Bryn closed her eyes tightly, feeling a panic attack rising in her chest. Her heart was thundering, and the tingling was starting in her arms. Bryn hadn’t had a panic attack in years, but this one was a doozy. Bryn grabbed for Corey’s arm as he walked away. Her hands were trembling as he snapped his head around to look at her.

  “Please don’t leave me,” she pleaded.

  Corey crouched down in front of her. Looking at her trembling hands, he picked them both up and sighed. “Baby girl, I will go park the car, and come right back. I can’t leave it sitting there. You can do this. Focus on your breathing, Bryn.”

  Closing her eyes, Bryn filled her lungs, pulling in as much air through her mouth, pushing it back out her nose. It was exactly the opposite of what her student advisor/part time yoga instructor in college had taught her, shortly after she had starting have panic attacks. Center your breathing, Bryn. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Bryn was smart enough to know that if she took a deep breath through her nose in this noxious hospital, no amount of relaxation breathing would be able to keep her already unstable insides from hurling. She repeated the backwards breathing process, feeling somewhat more settled.

  “Good job, keep doing that and I will be right back, ok?” Corey had already stood back up and was heading for the front doors before she could answer.

  “Do you need to check-in, sweetheart?” a lady called from behind the counter.

  “Yes, I do, but I will wait until my friend comes back.”

  “Oh, I won’t bite. Bob, could you wheel this young lady over to the desk please?”

  Sara heard a grunt behind her as her chair was propelled toward the check-in counter.

  “Name, please?”

  “Sara Lonneman”

  “Were you in an accident?”

  “I tripped and fell.”

  The rest of the questions were a blur as Bryn zoned out. She hadn’t realized that Corey was standing next to her and that he was answering the questions now. Hearing ringing in her ears again, Bryn focused on her breathing. Deep breath in, slowly out. Deep breath in, slowly out.

  “She needs priority attention, sir. I will get a nurse.” The receptionist had left them sitting there as she went to get help.

  Feeling the need to close her eyes, Bryn slumped down in the wheelchair.

  “I just need to sleep, please…” were her last words before the blackness engulfed her.

  Bryn was floating down the creek in an old tire tube, laughing as Corey splashed water at her. The sunrays were warming her skin, making her smile. Ah, my favorite time of year…summer. Sara was close by in her own tube and was spinning in a circle.

  Bryn started to giggle, but Corey’s voice snapped her back to the present. “She is learning to ride a motorcycle. We were on gravel and she lost control. I was too far back to see, but I know that she hit her head. I don’t know if it was on the ground, or on the handlebar.”

  “I hit the handlebar on the way down.” Bryn’s voice was thick and raspy. Shifting on her back, she realized that she was lying down.

  “Bryn, I’m Dr. Glynn. Do you know where you are?”

  “I am in the ER in Amulet, and before you ask, the president is Barack Obama, and today is Tuesday, May 8th. I’m fine, please let me sit up.”

  “Not happening, Bryn.” Warm hands brushed her hair back from her eyes, and Bryn could feel someone very close to her face.

  “Open your eyes, please,” Dr. Glynn whispered. The deep timbre of his voice was intoxicating, making Bryn want to lay her eyes upon his face.

  She tried peeling her eyelids open, only to have them slam shut quickly at the bright light in the room. “Could you turn down the lights a little?” Bryn laid her hand over her eyes to shield herself. A throb started pounding in her temples, making it hard to concentrate. A wave of nausea came over her quickly, which made shivers spread across her skin. She turned onto her side, pulled her legs up to her chest as her body shook. “I’m cold.”

  “I don’t think you’re in shock, but I need to do some tests to check for internal bleeding. But the fact that you remember your accident, and you are being obstinate is a good thing. Let’s try this again; I am going to shield your eyes from the overhead lights. Slowly open your eyes.”

  Bryn obeyed his command, and found herself looking into the most captivating blue-green eyes. Dr. Glynn’s face was angular, almost powerful with high cheekbones and firm lips. His skin tone was darker, but there were faint tan lines around his eyes. A day’s worth of beard graced his skin, but he still looked absolutely delicious. His dark, thick hair was reaching out in every direction, making it look like he just stepped out of bed. He looked more like a rugged outdoorsman than a doctor.

  Dr. Glynn slowly brought his pen light up to Bryn’s left eye. He quickly brought it back down and moved over to her right eye.

  “Your pupils are responding well. Where do you hurt the most, Bryn?”

  “My head is sore and my right leg is burning. Other than that, I feel peachy.” Bryn give him an impish smile, before closing her eyes and yawning. “Like I told Corey, I am just really tired.”

  “You can sleep once we get you up to your room. My initial impression is that you have a concussion and some bad road rash. I think it is safe enough to start with some testing and x-rays to rule out brain swelling, internal bleeding or broken bones.”

  Did he just say my room? “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not spending the night here. You can run your tests if you think it is necessary, but I do not want to spend the night. Where is Corey?” Bryn scanned the room for her best friend.

  “I�
��m here, baby girl.” Corey appeared on the other side of her bed, his face ashen. “Please do as the doctor asks, honey. You passed out, blacked out, whatever and scared the shit out of me. I will stay here with you. It will be alright.”

  “Bryn, unless you want to sign out against medical advice, you will be staying overnight.” Dr. Glynn’s voice had dropped an octave as he spoke, making her want to comply. He had turned his back to them both and was typing on the laptop sitting on the desk near the door.

  “I’ll stay.”

  Dr. Glynn quickly whipped around, his face set in a hard line. He took a deep breath, as he closed his eyes to ponder something. His lips curled up in a tight smile when he reopened his eyes. “Good girl. Let’s go ahead and start with a CT scan and a CBC.”

  Chapter Three

  Bryn lay in her hospital bed, a rhythmic drip coming from her IV. Her mother sat sleeping in the chair next to her bed, snoring softly as her head bobbed. Corey had left to take a shower, get a change of clothes and some pajamas for her. The god-awful gown the ER nurse had put her in made her grimace. Even worse was the IV that Dr. Glynn had insisted that she have. His findings were a simple concussion, but an overnight stay in the hospital was mandatory since she had blacked out.

  When Bryn was getting checked in to her private room, Corey had taken it upon himself to call her mother to let her know what had happened. Figuring that there was no way to hide a stay in the hospital, he had given her abbreviated snippets of the truth, taking all the blame for Bryn being on a motorcycle.

  When the nurses had finally left Bryn alone, tucked in tight in her hospital bed, Corey smiled at her after ending the call with her mother. “She isn’t happy at all, but I bet she won’t lay into you tonight. She’s happy that you’re okay. I can’t promise that she won’t change her tune tomorrow or the next day, but for now, you can relax.”

  So here she lay, wishing to the heavens above that she could just go back to sleep until morning, be served a delicious breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and then go home. Nope, she was stuck in a stinky hospital room, wide awake, red Jell-O sitting next to her on a cafeteria tray, locked in this damn room.

  Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Bryn tried sitting up in her bed, wincing at the pain in her left thigh. The ER nurses had to scrape dirt and rocks out of her thigh, leaving her skin inflamed and tight. Her cheek had gone from black and blue to angry purple. There wasn’t much swelling, but the pain was strong enough that she could feel her pulse pound in her temples. There would be no way that she would be able to get comfortable enough to sleep more than a few hours at a time. Refusing pain medication, Bryn was doing her best to deal with the pain. Not wanting to be high on pain meds, overrode the need to have a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure that she had made the right decision.

  Reaching across to press the nurse call button, Bryn accidentally tapped her empty water bottle, sending it to the floor right at her mother’s feet.

  “Bryn, what’s the matter?”

  “I was going to call for a nurse. My head is throbbing and I can’t sleep anymore.” Grimacing from the effort, Bryn again tried reaching for the call button.

  “This damn IV is a pain in the ass. I can’t reach the button. Mom, can you please get a nurse?”

  Her mother’s lips turned up in a smug smile. “Maybe if you didn’t feel the need to ride a death machine, then you wouldn’t be here right now, would you, Bryn Marie Lonneman?”

  Taking a calming breath, Bryn counted to ten in her mind before she answered. She knew that her mother was trying to bait her. “Don’t. I feel like shit, and I don’t want or need to have this conversation now, or ever. I know that you don’t approve, and I don’t expect you to understand. But I would please ask you to remember that I am twenty-two years old.”

  “Yes, you are twenty-two years old, Bryn. Old enough to know better. You were lucky. Your uncle is dead and buried because of a motorcycle, and you would do well to remember that, missy.”

  “Mom, Uncle Dan was riding a motorcycle in the rain, going ninety miles an hour around a curve. He was an adrenaline junkie. I ride for a completely different reason.”

  “What reason would that be? Certainly not to please me. Your father is probably turning over in his grave, God rest his soul.”

  Bryn winced at the mention of her father. He understood Bryn better than anyone did; he loved her without question. He would lavish his girls with hugs and kisses, while her mother stood stone-faced at the stove, ignoring them all. Bryn knew that her mother and father loved both her and her sister; they just had different ways of showing it. Her mother would make sure that supper was cooked, clothes were clean, and kept the cookie jar always stocked with delicious baked goods. Her father was extremely affectionate, always taking time out for some “sugar” and would listen intently to each and every one of her wild stories.

  He also knew that Bryn was different; she didn’t conform to her mother’s guidelines for a young lady. She had spent more time in the barn with her father than she did in the kitchen. Bryn wondered if maybe her mother resented that her father didn’t share her views on how a young lady should behave. Since they did not have any sons, and there were always chores to do, Bryn was glad to fill those shoes. Being cooped up in the house did not appeal to her at all, never did. Fresh air, green grass, and wide open spaces that made her happy.

  Just as Bryn was about to formulate her next argument, Corey stepped into the room. Looking between the tense faces on the two of them, Corey sighed. “I asked that you not start this tonight, Mrs. Lonneman. Bryn is aware of your feelings on motorcycles, as well as I am. Let’s get her feeling better, before you stand on your soap box, okay?”

  “Corey James, I will be damned if you tell me what to do with my daughter. She is lucky, plain and simple. She could have been killed today, and you were helping her! I should have known that you were corrupting her this way. I thought she was smarter than this, but apparently not. Bryn, I am going to go home. While you live under my roof, you will abide by my rules. If you are going to come back to the farm, then you will drop this nonsense about riding a motorcycle. That is not a request.”

  Bryn stared after her mother as she walked away, willing away her tears. There was no way to mask the hurt that she felt. Both she and her sister had given up everything to stay at home and help their mother. Sara had almost made it out, but Bryn had been weak, calling her home when things got too tough. Now, they were both stuck in Wisconsin, with just a basket full of dreams between the two of them. Sadness and regret swept over Bryn like a cold wind, her tears falling like rain. Corey quickly slid into her hospital bed with her, soothing her with soft words and tender kisses.

  “She is never going to be ok with this, Corey. I owe it to Daddy to let it go. She won’t ever admit it, but she needs me. Plus, she would run Sara over like a freight train and crush what little bit of self-esteem she has regained since coming home.”

  “Your father always understood that you were your own person, baby girl. You are never going to be happy on that farm. I have always told you that you are welcome to live with me in my apartment. There are always going to be reasons that you think you should stay there, when you need to leave. It is only when you leap, that you learn to fly.”

  Snuggling in closer, Bryn rested her uninjured cheek on Corey’s chest. “I know, Corey. My head hurts so damn bad, and I just want to go to sleep.” Tears started sliding down her cheeks again.

  “Why didn’t you just hit your pain pump?” Corey reached over to grab the button that hung from her IV stand.

  “No!” she yelled as she fumbled for his hand. He was much quicker, depressing the button before she could even reach across his chest.

  “I don’t even know what that shit is, Corey, but I don’t want it. I just wanted some regular over-the-counter Tylenol.”

  “Too late, now, baby girl. Now shut up and close your eyes. We both need some sleep….”

  His words faded away
as she fell into a dreamless slumber.

  Chapter Four

  God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December

  The words on her father’s headstone gave Bryn little comfort. She had been sitting on the stone bench in the cemetery for almost an hour now, hoping that she could figure out what to do. Maybe her dad would silently point her in the right direction, or if nothing else, give her some reassurance.

  On a beautiful Saturday, wanting some solitude after a crazy month, Bryn had been aimlessly walking around town. She was not used to living in town, all the noise at Corey’s apartment was making her crazy. Even worse, she spent her days indoors at Double M Harleys, her ass stuck behind a desk, staring at a computer. Luckily, her boss Mitch was beginning to trust her more, realizing that she did know a lot about the workings of a Harley, and not just how much they cost. Last week, he had even let her handle the specifications for a muffler rebuild. Even so, it wasn’t the same as working outside all day, every day. Restless would describe her current state of mind.

  “Oh, Daddy. I’m sorry.” Her tears started to slip down her cheeks, as she said the words out loud. With no one to see her, Bryn let them flow.

  “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want. I. Just. Don’t. Know!” she screamed the last words as sobs racked her body.

  Minutes crept by, until she heard the angry growl of a motorcycle. Bryn stood up from the bench, stretching her stiff legs out. Turning a complete 360 to find the source of the noise, she again heard what was obviously a Harley. Whipping her head back to the front of the cemetery, a beautiful fire-engine red Harley Davidson Softail Fat Boy pulled into the cemetery, spitting rocks backwards as the driver throttled the engine.

  Nice. That has to be a guy, that bike is way too heavy for a chick. A guy smart enough to wear a helmet. Bryn didn’t have a helmet preference one way or the other, it depended upon the weather. After her accident, she did faithfully wear her helmet. Not wanting a repeat stay in the hospital was enough of an incentive to don her helmet every time.