Fallen Angel, Part II

by Tracie Podger

  “Come on then, let’s get this done.”

  He carried the tree as if it weighed nothing and once we had managed to get it into the stand and to stay straight, we stood back and looked at it, the vibrant green branches stood out against the tinted glass. I loved the smell of a Christmas tree and although bare, it looked wonderful already.

  “Do you want to get some fresh air, I could do with a walk, my poor hips are stiff after last night,” I joked.

  We wrapped up and headed out. We started at the gates and walked the boundary of the grounds. Although cold, it was a sunny day and I breathed in the air and the smell of the fallen leaves. We watched rabbits and the odd fox rustling through the woods.

  “Do you still love it here?” I asked.

  “Yes. More so now that you’re here. I like being out here as well, in the woods, it’s calming.”

  “When you were staying outside, at your aunts, where did you sleep?”

  “I made a camp. I nailed together bits of wood and made a shelter, had a sleeping bag and a gas lamp, it was cool.”

  “Did your aunt ever come looking for you?”

  “No, I don’t think she ever realised we were out there. It was peaceful. We could hide away and forget about everything.”

  “We?”

  “I, err, yes, we. I had a friend, I guess she was more than a friend really. We hid out together.”

  “Oh, what was her name?”

  “Cara. Her name was Cara.”

  He didn’t continue the conversation and I watched him gently shake his head. He did this when he didn’t want me to ask anymore. He swallowed hard. I immediately got that this memory was painful and left it at that. He would tell me in his own time. We carried on with our walk in silence for a while until he regained his composure. He did however, make a point of reaching out for my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, his thumb running across my knuckles.

  “Did you ever want to retaliate? You know, against your aunt,” I asked, changing the subject.

  “Of course, I was strong enough to stop her but I guess she screwed my mind up so much I just accepted what she said and what she did.”

  “How did you end up that young and that strong?”

  “From day one she made me cut logs. I had to drag tree trunks from the woods, used a saw to shorten them then a splitter. They had to be the same size otherwise she would make me start all over. Then I had to carry them to the basement to store for winter. She had enough logs down there to last for years. I had to clean the house, wash the dishes, do my homework, by that time I was exhausted and it was bed time.”

  “She sounds unbelievably cruel.”

  “She was. The local priest knew what was going on. He encouraged this outing of the devil crap. I know Joe or it could have been Mack paid him a visit one time.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know, I never asked. Joe hated the fact that I had been beaten and that a priest had stood by and watched. He was Catholic and he still believed. Anyway, come with me, I have something to show you.”

  We had followed the boundary fence and had come to a set of very old rusted gates, padlocked with a chain. I could make out what would have been a driveway from the gates through the woods. We took this path until it opened up to a clearing. Stopping in my tracks, I looked at the most wonderful old chapel. It was a small stone building, similar to the other ones in the grounds and we walked up to the huge, gothic looking, carved oak doors. Robert pushed one and with a creak, it opened.

  We stood in the entrance and I was totally taken aback by a sight that sent a shiver up my spine. The winter sun was streaming through a large, cracked stained glass window at one end, picking out the disturbed dust drifting around. It was the picture on the window that had me enthralled, a huge angel, identical to the one on Robert’s back. Above this angel though stood God, his arm outstretched, his fingers pointing down.

  “It’s your angel,” I whispered, walking towards the window.

  “I know. I had this tattoo done nearly twenty years ago, I bought this land six years ago. It’s the reason I couldn’t bring myself to tear this building down,” he said, standing beside me.

  “She’s just so beautiful and so sad, look at the tears on her cheeks.”

  “She’s just been cast out, God is pointing to earth, sending her away,” he told me.

  “How odd that you have the same image.”

  “I know. I must admit, it spooked me a bit when I first saw it.”

  I turned and looked around, there were oak pews either side of an aisle but no font or anything at the front of the chapel.

  “Have you done any research on this place?” I asked.

  “When Paul found the land for me, all that was here was the chapel, the outbuildings and behind are a few headstones, the writing too worn to be able to make anything out, to be honest.”

  “It’s the most beautiful place I’ve been to. Look around you, the architecture is amazing. I wonder how old it is? I’m really glad you didn’t tear it down. It would be wonderful to clean this place up and repair that window.”

  We wandered outside, at the back of the chapel were ten headstones, weathered and worn, only one sat upright though. There was no way I could not notice the grass seemed fresher and although old and withered, there were flowers at the base of the headstone. I turned and looked at Robert.

  “If you ever want to hide something, Brooke, the best place is the one most obvious,” was all he said.

  “Why did you choose your tattoo, your angel?” I asked as we wandered on.

  “Fallen angel,” he corrected. “I guess it was my way of saying ‘fuck you’ to them all, it’s what they thought I was. I drew the tattoo myself.”

  “I thought they said you were the devil.”

  “And the devil is nothing more than a fallen angel, you need to read your bible.”

  We headed back to the house and I made us some lunch. We sat on the floor, unpacking the bags and untangling the lights from their packaging. Robert wrapped the lights around the tree and we hung the baubles. I spent most of the time taking his off and replacing them on more suitable branches. We worked in a comfortable silence until the tree looked wonderful, its little white lights twinkling, reflecting off the glass wall. I unpacked the last item, an angel for the top.

  “You know angels don’t really look like that, don’t you?” he said.

  “What do they look like then?”

  “You,” he said before pulling me towards him.

  We sat, turned the lounge lights off and just watched the tree come to life as the evening drew in.

  Chapter Six

  The next couple of days were hectic. I worked and then each evening met with Sam and Scott, sometimes at their apartment, other times for a meal. We went over and over the final plans, checking everything was good for the blessing. Sam’s parents wouldn’t come so other than Robert and his guys, the only other guests were their shared friends and Scott’s family. I felt for Sam, it would have made his day to have his parents with him on this special day.

  I wondered what my own wedding would be like. I had no family that would want to attend. The friends Michael and I had shared had taken his side and I had no real contact with anyone from back home now. The blessing had thrown up how isolated I had become.

  I had Thursday off work, last minute dashing around, checking the table layout and the seat planner were correct. I packed an overnight bag as I was staying with Sam and Scott that evening, the first night I had been away from Robert. It was fun being at their apartment, we opened champagne, had a few vodka shots, checked all our clothes were hanging and crease free and called for a take away. Sitting on the lounge floor, eating Chinese from the carton with little wooden chop sticks, we reflected back on the last few months.

  “Who would have thought it, you came here for a holiday and now look,” Scott said to me.

  “I know. I have to pinch myself still, make sure it’s all real,” I r
eplied. “Robert’s not the easiest of people to be with sometimes and I’ve learnt how to read his moods but he is so not the person I thought he was when we first met, not the person many people know.”

  “Is he still so intense?” he asked.

  “Oh yeah and I still get a shiver sometimes when I see him angry but you know, Scott, I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”

  “It’ll be your turn to walk up the aisle next. I wonder where yours would be held?” Sam added as he came back into the room with a fresh bottle.

  “Sam, he hasn’t asked me yet and there’s no way I would get him into a church so I don’t know.”

  “How do you feel about not having a church wedding?” Scott asked.

  “Well, I guess like any girl, I’ve always dreamed of the church, the horse and carriage but to be honest, I don’t think I would care as long as it bloody happens soon,” I laughed.

  “Now, beauty sleep for us all,” Sam said as we cleared away the mess.

  I said my goodnights and headed off to bed. Gary would collect me in the morning for my hair appointment and then drive us all to the hotel. As I climbed into bed I called Robert.

  “Hi, I’m missing you,” I said.

  “I’m missing you too. This bed is way too big without you spread eagled beneath me,” he laughed.

  “It feels odd being here in this bed, alone.”

  “You sound a bit sad, are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah, just tired I guess. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Brooke. More than you could ever know, now sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I clicked off the phone, I think what had made me sad was thinking about my own wedding. Like Sam, my parents wouldn’t be there, my brother would have been the one who would have walked me down the aisle and that wouldn’t happen now. I wouldn’t have the church wedding I’d always dreamed of. Unlike Robert, I still believed in something. Not heaven as in it’s above us and hell below but I wanted to believe there was something else, not just us. I could completely understand why he didn’t, what he had been through and the things he had seen would make anyone question faith but to stand and swear to love him in front of God would mean something to me.

  I received a text. “Did I tell you I loved you? Tx”

  T for trouble, and he still was, but he was my trouble and with a smile on my face, I fell asleep.

  ****

  I woke before the guys, bacon sandwiches and champagne was the order for breakfast. I got a couple of minute’s peace before a very excited Sam got up, music playing, volume high and panic on. There was really no need to panic and Sam was usually so laid back, it was strange to see him this way. He double checked everything, the rings, the suits, the flowers and I was glad when Gary arrived to take me to the hairdressers, it gave me an hour of peace.

  My hair was being pinned up, loosely with tendrils curled around my face and my nails were being painted. My morning was constantly interrupted by calls from Sam, have we done this, done that, to which the answer was always yes, now stop panicking.

  Once I arrived back at the apartment, Sam had gone back to his usual laid back manner and I had to urge him into the shower, start to get ready otherwise we would be late. I sat in the bedroom applying my makeup and getting excited myself. We had one hour before we would have to leave. Makeup done, I pulled a robe around me and headed off to the lounge, my dress being the last thing I would put on before we left. Sam was standing, looking out of the window and I smiled when I saw him. He looked stunning, his suit well cut and my heart swelled for my best friend. Tears formed in my eyes, I was going to hand him over, officially, to Scott.

  “Oh, Sam, you look wonderful, let me take some pictures,” I said, grabbing my camera.

  Holding the camera at arms' length I took one of the two of us, some of him posing and then some of the two of them together when Scott entered the room.

  “Now, help me get into my dress,” I asked. No-one had seen it, not even Sam himself.

  “Oh my God, look at you,” he said once I had dressed.

  We stood side by side and looked in the mirror, the gold dress matching exactly the colour of his waistcoat. We made a fine pair, even if we said so ourselves. The front door buzzer sounded, I picked up my flowers and we made our way downstairs. Gary had brought the Mercedes, a gold ribbon running from each side window to the emblem at the front, tied off in a bow.

  With Scott in the front, we made the short distance to the hotel. The photographer was there to meet us and we spent a half hour posing. Guests started to arrive at the same time and were shown into the room where the ceremony was being held while we stayed out of the way, in the bar. We were presented with yet another bottle of champagne and I noticed a small white card propped against the three glasses. I opened it.

  Brooke, Sam and Scott, enjoy, have fun and remember this day. Robert

  I smiled at them, tears pooling in my eyes and we opened the champagne, toasting ourselves. The last of the guests arrived and settle in their chairs as the clock struck three and we left the bar. Sam had wanted for the guests to be settled before he made his grand entrance, I suggested we all walk down the aisle together. I was to go first, the two of them to follow. Not conventional, but that word was not in Sam’s dictionary.

  Music started and I headed to stand at the back of the room. I saw Robert, front row on the left, the guests stood and he turned to face me. I watched him as I walked down, practicing for when it would be my turn.

  The ceremony was wonderful, Sam and Scott had written their own words and although this was only a blessing of their union, they exchanged rings. As they turned to walk into the dining room, I took Robert by the hand so he could walk beside me.

  “You look so beautiful, Brooke,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Thank you and thanks for sitting where you did,” I said.

  “He’s family now.”

  Robert, Travis and Evelyn had sat where traditionally Sam’s family would have been, a wonderful gesture.

  I watched Sam and Scott mill around the room, everyone wanting to congratulate them and I was so proud of him, to see him settled and in love. We had often joked about who would be the first to marry and I was pleased it was him.

  “Honey, you look stunning,” I heard Taylor say as she made her way over to me.

  “Isn’t the dress just amazing?” I replied, kissing her cheek.

  “Casey has the most wonderful sketches, for your other dress,” she whispered.

  “I can’t wait to see them,” I laughed. Oh, he better hurry up and propose soon.

  We were called into dinner, all the tables were round and ours consisted of myself and Robert, Sam and Scott and Scott’s parents. Scott introduced us all and we settled for a fantastic meal. Once finished and during coffee, Scott stood, tapping his glass for silence.

  “Ladies, Gentleman. First I would like to thank you for coming, it means a lot to Sam and me that you are here, to share in this day with us. Second, I would like to thank Brooke for all her arrangements and mostly, for being Sam’s best friend and for loving him as I do.”

  He took a sip of his wine before continuing.

  “Sam and I met by accident really. He came into the museum and fell over a display I had just spent hours erecting. We became friends after he helped me clear the mess and we have been best friends ever since. I would like you to raise your glass, to Sam, my best friend, the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with.”

  Robert handed me a tissue, I just hoped he had a whole stack in his pocket. Sam stood, his hand fluttering around his face.

  “Oh that was just so lovely,” he said. I didn’t need to look at Travis to know he would be rolling his eyes.

  “I just want to add one thing, I am lucky to have two best friends. I don’t know how many people can say that and I want to say to Brooke, I love you, you have been with me my whole life but now I am leaving you for someone who is far better in bed.”

  I ne
arly spat my drink out, poor Scott’s parents and that was just such a Sam thing to say. Not that the boys knew, but I wanted to say a few things, I had prepared a speech and as Sam sat I stood and the room quietened again.

  “Thank you for that, Sam. I hasten to add that as children Sam and I shared a bed, never as adults. I just want to say a couple of things, if you don’t mind. Sam and I have known each other since we were five years old. I remember when we met, I saw a little boy, sitting on a bench, his legs dangling, too short to reach the floor, a satchel across his lap and knew he was going to be my best friend. We have grown up together, we have shared laughter, fun times and sad times. He has been my rock when I needed him and I have been his.

  Anyway, I just want to say, when Sam told me he had met someone, I was thrilled for him. It’s not easy being gay where we came from, he’d not had the easiest of times back home. I loved to read his emails, to listen to him talk about Scott in a way I’ve never heard him speak and when I got to know Scott I realised why. They are both the most wonderful people, loving, quirky and fun to be around and I am honoured to have been part of today. I love you both, I wish you well and I thank you for the support you have given to me recently,” I added.

  Robert handed Sam a tissue from the stack in his pocket.

  In that lull the naturally occurs after the meal, before the tables are cleared and the band strike up, I made my way around their friends. I chatted to the ones I’d already met and introduced myself to the ones I hadn’t. At some point I found myself standing alone, watching them laugh and hold hands. I felt him behind me, a finger trail down my exposed back and I smiled. He stood behind me, his arms around my waist, his head on my shoulder, a little kiss planted on the back of my neck.

  “You did good, Brooke. Today has been great,” he said.

  “It’s all that he deserves, Robert. He really had such a shitty time back home and looking at him now, it’s like watching a different person.”

  I noticed the photographer take a discrete picture of us, that one would be lovely. Robert, relaxed, unposed and natural, one for the wall, I thought. Some evening guests had started to arrive, a couple of people from work and Robert and I watched as Travis walked over to a blonde woman, who stood by the door, waiting for security to clear her name and looking a little unsure of herself.