Wasted
Page 19
“What was it like?” Jess asked him once, while he was lying in hospital recovering.
“What?”
“Nearly dying.”
“I don’t remember anything about it.”
“What, so no near-death experience? No white light or anything?” She’s hoping he’ll say no, because she doesn’t like the idea that there is a place between something and nothing.
“Nothing. Honestly. Nothing from running into the sea to waking up.”
“So, really, we had a worse time than you? And you get all the attention?” She smiles and then she doesn’t. “God, Jack, it was just so horrible. I can’t tell you.”
“Could have been worse. I could have died.”
And in his voice is all that knowledge. This is the knowledge that they must leave behind, somewhere in a safe place where it will not hurt them. They must walk away from it without looking back.
“God, you were lucky, Jack.”
“I always am.”
* * *
Jess cannot see further than her footsteps home that hot damp evening. She does not and must not know the things that may or may not happen to her in the rest of her life. But we can guess a little because, looking down, we can see something more than her.
We can see her arrive home. Sylvia is sober – she has been ever since Jack’s accident and that girl’s death. Jess had screamed at her a couple of days later, something about alcohol and how if it hadn’t been for the alcohol in Kelly’s blood… And that Jack had seen her drunk and how ashamed Jess had been. Sylvia had cried at that and cried for Kelly and the horror of it. (Jess has not cried for Kelly; there is just a cold place where she was.) Perhaps Sylvia needed to be shouted at and that was what Jess was able to do for her – to shock her into life. Jess’s father, Lorenzo, who will never know how nearly he died himself and how that might have changed things for Jess – for certainly her prom night would have been somewhat different if her father had died a few days before – has gone back to the US. Jess had shouted at him too, when he’d said something about missing his lunch-date with her and she’d said, “God’s sake, Dad, can’t you think of anyone but yourself? Jack nearly died, you know, and all you can think about is lunch?” And then he’d had the usual row with Sylvia. And doesn’t it just show that some things don’t change? Jess is still the thing they fight over. But in another sense she’s not, because she’s going travelling, she’s getting away, with Jack, as soon as he’s fit enough. They’re going to India and Thailand and as many dangerous places as they can find.
And Sylvia will not even try to stop them. Somehow, she must find the strength not to. It doesn’t matter where she finds that strength from and it doesn’t matter if no one ever thanks her – find it she must, for Jess and for herself. In that way, or in some way, they must heal the earthquake crack between them, though perhaps it may have to split a little wider before that can happen. Sylvia will need to find another way to live her life.
Jack and his dad will talk and we must hope that Sam will discover the dark place of guilt that has screwed Jack up. Sam will be horrified to know that this is what his son had felt, after overhearing the conversation with the casserole-bringing woman in the kitchen all those years ago. Oh, and people will bring casseroles while Sam is in and out of hospital with Jack and it may rake it all up for both of them. Tessa will help, of that we can be confident. Friends and all the people who love Jack and Jess and Sam and Sylvia.
And there is Spike. Spike spends a lot of time now in Jess’s room, curled up into the smell of her. Jess spends much time with her face in Spike’s fur. Spike is sometimes fearful and his skin prickles and in his cat dreams he worries for Jess. One day he may settle but not yet. He senses change and fear. But Spike could be wrong, like Farantella. The prophet who messed up Oedipus’s life was doubtless also wrong very often, and it’s a shame Oedipus’s parents didn’t guess that.
Indeed, when Jess comes home from her beach walk, Spike is there at the door with his coiling back and she picks him up. Together they crush the blowsy roses as they brush past and she inhales the scent of them and feels a kind of hope.
One thing’s for certain: Jack and Jess will be changed by what has happened. They will be happy again if they will let themselves be and if they make the right choices – if they remember that they can only change the present but the future is another world and not in their control; and if Jess reminds Jack that in the end Oedipus destroyed not only his father and his mother, but himself. And that, in the real world, he would not have had to. If he had only not believed in fate.
If we were able to speak to them we could tell them this. Perhaps they could then get on with their lives, controlling their actions as best they can, and understanding that any of those actions could have several results. Nothing is until it is and until then, everything possible is possible.
Luck is just what we call it.
This one’s for Harry, Hannah and Rebecca,
with all my love
NICOLA MORGAN knew when she left university that she wanted to be a writer. While working to achieve that ambition, she was also an English teacher, and became an expert in literacy and dyslexia. Now, after writing numerous bestselling books for young children, Nicola is the author of many critically acclaimed titles for older children and young adults. Her novels Fleshmarket and Sleepwalking both won Scottish Art Council prizes, the latter winning the Scottish Children’s Book of the Year, and her non-fiction title Blame My Brain was shortlisted for the prestigious Aventis Prize.
Nicola lives in Edinburgh but travels widely, visiting schools, conferences and festivals, enjoying any chance to inspire young people about fiction or the workings of their brains.
You can find out more about Nicola and her books at:
www.nicolamorgan.co.uk
Or for Nicola’s advice on becoming a published writer, visit:
www.helpineedapublisher.blogspot.com
Books by the same author
Chicken Friend
Deathwatch
Fleshmarket
The Highwayman’s Footsteps
The Highwayman’s Curse
Mondays Are Red
The Passionflower Massacre
Sleepwalking
Blame My Brain
Know Your Brain
The Leaving Home Survival Guide
DEATHWATCH
SOMEONE IS WATCHING CAT MCPHERSON
BUT SHE IS TOO BUSY TO NOTICE THE SINISTER EVENTS THAT SHADOW HER.
SPORT IS HER PASSION AND CAT FOCUSES ON HER TRAINING, NOT REALIZING THAT SHE IS BEING FOLLOWED BY SOMEONE WITH A REASON TO HATE HER.
WHEN THE STALKER STRIKES, CAT WILL HAVE TO RUN FOR HER LIFE.
“Edinburgh-based Nicola Morgan uses the capital as a backdrop for her slick and twisted thriller.”
The Scotsman
NICOLA MORGAN
THE HIGHWAYMAN’S FOOTSTEPS
When high-born William de Lacey saves a highwayman’s life, he cannot guess how his own life will change. He may have escaped his father’s sneering contempt, but has his easy childhood prepared him for the terrifying dangers that he must face now? The stark, ghostly moors are as hostile as the pursuing redcoats, and Will must make some difficult decisions if he is to escape with his life.
NICOLA MORGAN
THE ADORATION OF JENNA FOX
A girl wakes from a coma following a devastating accident, her memory a blank. One day she can’t walk; the next she can. One day her right eyelid droops; the next it doesn’t. Her parents call her recovery a miracle – but at what cost has it come? What are they hiding from her?
Who is Jenna Fox?
“This novel is truly unlike any other I have ever read.”
ELLEgirl
“[An] outstanding examination of identity, science and ethics.” Kirkus Reviews
MARY E. PEARSON
CITY OF BONES
It’s after dark in New York City, and Clary Fray is seeing things. The best-look
ing guy in the nightclub just stabbed a boy to death – but the victim has vanished into thin air. Her mother has disappeared, and a hideous monster is lurking in her apartment. With her life spiralling into darkness, Clary realizes that she has stumbled into an invisible war between ancient demonic forces and the secretive Shadowhunters – a war in which she has a fateful role to play…
“The Mortal Instruments series is a story world I love to live in.” Stephenie Meyer
CASSANDRA CLARE
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously. All statements, activities, stunts, descriptions, information and material of any other kind contained herein are included for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for accuracy or replicated as they may result in injury.
First published 2010 by Walker Books Ltd
87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ
Text © 2010 Nicola Morgan
The right of Nicola Morgan to be identified as author of this work
has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted
or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, taping and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data:
a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-4063-3321-3 (ePub)
ISBN 978-1-4063-3322-0 (e-PDF)
www.walker.co.uk