The Tour

by Shelby Rebecca

  “Yep. Yep, we will,” he says, before leaving without any fanfare. Our breakfast is waiting for us outside the door.

  “Maggie, are you hungry?” I ask my bodyguard.

  “I could eat,” she says. “But I have to stay by the door.”

  “No way. As long as you’re near us, that’s enough security. There’s bacon.”

  Maggie hesitates, clearly thinking for a moment, before she nods and helps me bring in the breakfast tray. Riley stops jumping around in front of the TV when I say, “bacon,” for the second time. Pulling off the metal covers, I discover there’s a ton of food—eggs, fruit, bacon, and potatoes. I quickly make Riley a plate and then hand the other plate to Maggie.

  “Go ahead,” she says, since they only brought the two plates.

  “No, I’m going to use the fruit bowl when you’re done to make a plate. My stomach can’t handle a whole plate, anyway.”

  “Kolton Royce’s awake,” she says as she’s making her plate. “The other guy, Rob, who’s guarding the door, said he was pretty pissed off when you were gone.”

  “He was pissed?” I question, as I pour myself some coffee. “I mean, upset yeah, but he’s actually pissed?”

  “Rob said he was throwing a temper tantrum.”

  “That’s what he said? A ‘temper tantrum’?”

  “Those were his exact words,” she confirms, sitting down and taking her first bite.

  “I’m going to call his room. Excuse me for a second.” There’s no balcony, and I know she won’t want me going out to the hallway alone, so I go in the bathroom and shut the door. He’s checked in under the name Simon Drake. When I ask for him, someone connects me to his room and a female answers the phone.

  “May I speak to Simon, please?”

  “He’s sleeping now. I can take a message.”

  “Who’s this?”

  “I’m his nurse.” I hear his voice in the background, slightly muffled and then she asks, “Is this Mia?”

  “Yes. Is he awake?”

  “Here,” she says.

  “Mia,” Kolton’s voice comes through.

  “You okay?” I ask. “I heard you were upset.”

  “I’m fine, but you were gone. I—I thought you’d be here when I woke up.” His voice is abrupt, irritated even.

  “Kolton, I had to get Riley into bed. Deloris is in the hospital, too. It’s not like I have a ton of people helping me so I can be at your beck and call.” What a selfish thing to say and I regret it the moment it’s out, but it’s still true.

  “Look… I know. I just. I miss you. I’m pissed off ’cause I’m in pain, and I know it’s not your fault, but I want you here. Just feeling sorry for myself. Probably best not to listen to a thing I say.” Yes, he has faults but at least he’s honest about them.

  “I’ll be back to see you later today. Devon brought me the Audi.”

  “Devon did?”

  “Yeah, but Manny’s still at the police station.”

  “I know.” And that’s all he says. The fact he won’t talk to me about it hurts a little. There’s this big picture and I only have two pieces, but they don’t fit together. Are they keeping me from the truth because of how bad it was, or is there something more? “Make sure your bodyguard is with you when you come.”

  I want to say something to remind him there’s no one to hurt me now that Katharina’s dead, but it’s cruel to mention it, especially when he’s looking out for my safety. Plus, I know there’s still a lot of people who could hurt me. Or maybe I’m paranoid. “I’ll make sure to. But I think her shift’s almost over. I’ll ask her.”

  “She’ll be with you. Don’t worry,” he clarifies. And as I’m about to say something, he interrupts me. “I wasn’t mad at you.” His voice is soft, almost a whisper. “I’m scared—when you’re not with me, I’m scared something’s happening to you. I need to know you’re safe and I’m in this bed, with no control. I can’t leave yet and I feel weaker than a little kid. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

  I close my eyes and feel the pain behind his words. After what he’s been through, of course he’d be paranoid. And I’m sure this is reminding him of the last time he was a victim—when his parents died in the plane crash. Of course he was only three years old—but it changed the trajectory of his life. Of all people, I definitely get it.

  “I’m fine. I won’t do anything to make you worried. ’kay?”

  “Yeah,” he says, his voice cutting off. “Time for my sponge bath,” he adds.

  “Are you kidding me?” I ask, thinking he’s trying to make me jealous.

  “Nope,” and then he chuckles.

  “Fuck you, Kolton,” I tease.

  “Na. I’m good. For now.” He says it so seriously, I laugh. I actually laugh and so does he. A much needed break from all of this stress.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” He clears his throat. “Come back…uh, when you can. I—I miss you.” With that, the phone goes dead.

  As I sit here in the little hotel room, I have trouble ignoring the nagging voice that says that I shouldn’t have agreed to be in the dark about what happened to Katharina. I said it because I love him, and I was desperate to be what he needed. We could have died; and all he wants is to tell me when he’s ready.

  What if what happened is worse than I can imagine? What if it could tear us apart?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  For a Griffin

  Her eyes light up when I walk into the room. “So the doctor says your lungs are looking great.”

  “I feel a lot better,” Deloris says, folding and then refolding the sheet like she’s making the bed with her in it.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “And you and Kolton, too, dear. And Riley’s okay. The apartment’s a mess, I’m sure. It’s going to take a lot of time for the repairs to be made but I’ve got to get the Christmas tree up. I don’t want Riley to miss out on Christmas. She told me about—”

  “Yes… the year without a tree. I tried.” It was a thrift store find. Just a small tree with ornaments already included in the box. I put it on a table and I got her some clothes and a panda that talked when you touched it. It was on a sensor so it would laugh or talk randomly sometimes. “Santa sure did bring different toys before and after the fire.”

  “She needs normalcy. It’s important we celebrate Christmas with all the trimmings.”

  “So you’re not quitting?” I ask, feeling relieved tears edging toward the corners of my eyes.

  “No, of course not. I can’t quit on that little girl. She’s like my own granddaughter.” She puts her hand up to her mouth and closes her eyes. I think she’s going to cry.

  When her shoulders start to shake and her face turns red, I run over, pulling the chair up to the side of her bed, and take her hand. “Thank you, Deloris. Riley loves you, and I honestly don’t know what we’d do without you.”

  “I feel the same way about you all.” She surprises me with that.

  “You know, you’ve never said, but do you have any kids?”

  “I do, but my son…” her eyes open in front of me so that I can see the pain hidden behind them. “He passed away. He was my only child and after that my husband and I couldn’t…” she trails off and immediately I feel bad for asking. My feet begin to itch inside the ankle boots Gina had sent over to the hotel.

  “I’m so sorry, Deloris.” I put my other hand out, too, and she grasps it. I lean in closer and look her in the eye.

  “You’re just so important to us. I was so scared you were hurt or that you’d leave. I was trying to figure out how we’d get through the holidays, let alone everything else, without you.”

  “I’m here to stay, Mia.”

  Her unwavering support feels like the first sure step on land after being at sea so long I thought I’d never have anything solid and real under my feet. “Just a second,” I say, before running out to the hallway and grabbing Riley’s hand.

&
nbsp; I bring Riley into the room and watch the two of them hug as Riley kisses Deloris on the cheek.

  After all that’s happened to us, we’re actually okay. Katharina tried to break us, but all she did was make us stronger.

  * * *

  “So, Simon Drake, how’re you feeling this late morning?” I ask, using his hospital alias as I walk into Kolton’s room.

  “Who’s Simon Drake?”

  “You are,” I answer, bowing to him and doing a little dance. I feel so light and free because we’re alive.

  “I’m feeling like I want to go home, but the penthouse is fucked, so we can’t go there.” His speech slurred from the pain meds. His energy is jumpy, irritable, and heavy as it hovers over my happy energy, deflating it like a balloon before it had a chance to be knotted off.

  “Maybe we can rent a place together while the repairs are made.” He looks past me and rubs his arm fretfully, but slow because of the drugs. “I don’t want to miss Christmas with Riley.”

  “You do understand the severity of this situation, right?” he asks pointedly, his lips in a straight line.

  “Of course I do.”

  “You walk in here doing some little dance like everything’s fine.” His eyelids require extra effort to close and then open again.

  “But we lived. You’re alive. Riley’s safe. Deloris, too.”

  “Not all of us are alive,” he says. His voice is full of venom as he stares out the window. It’s then I understand the root of his anger and, even though she doesn’t deserve a moment of my time after what she’s done to us, he needs to hear it’s okay to grieve.

  “I know you lost someone, Kole. You and Katharina had a relationship and a past. I’m—I’m sorry about what happened to her.”

  “We didn’t have a real relationship,” he barks. “We used to fuck.”

  “That’s not true.” I straighten my back and keep my distance. “You cared about her. You have every right to grieve.” He’s in denial. How can he heal when he won’t even acknowledge he’s sad about her death?

  “Fuck, Mia?” He turns his head toward me, his fist balling into the sheets.

  “I’m sorry about Katharina,” I say, taking a step forward. He looks up at me and his features soften when he realizes I really mean it.

  “It was her or me,” he whispers and closes his eyes.

  “What?” I take his hand and he pulls me into him. I wrap my arms around his neck, pushing my fingers into his hair to sooth and absorb some of the sadness he’s not ready to let go of. He puts his hand on my back, a delayed reaction.

  As he runs his hand up and down my spine, I feel bad for walking in so upbeat without even thinking about the fact that, for him, this is a different kind of loss. Personally I’m relieved she can’t hurt us anymore. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it, but I do.

  “We’re going to have Christmas at my parents’ house,” he murmurs, groggily. I pull away from him and feel my brows furrow in confusion.

  “Are you sure?” Bringing me to his secret place is one thing, but bringing the entourage—that will make it not so secret anymore.

  “I want to leave tomorrow.” He rubs his hair and leans his head back as if he’s paying attention to the pain still making it through the nerve-deadening meds. “We need some presents,” he says, slurred. “I’m buying. Take my card—my wallet is in the drawer. Have ’em shipped to the house.” He picks up a pad from the nightstand and writes. He looks up at me and nods toward the drawer.

  I walk over to get the wallet, and glance at my hands before I can open the drawer. When I’d touched his hair I must have gotten dried blood on my hands because my finger tips are covered in it. I don’t want him to see. I glance back at him, and he only starts writing again when I pull his black card out of the wallet.

  “We’ll go get a tree in town and can decorate the house on our own. Riley’ll like that won’t she?” he asks. As he hands me the paper, I try to keep him from seeing my hands. As I read the address to his parents’ house in the hills, I wonder if it’s his blood or hers. It makes my stomach churn. Of course they’d cleaned him up, but his hair hasn’t been washed.

  “Yes. She’ll like that,” I say. I feel my chin tremble a little. My hands are trembling. I feel dirty. I wish I could wash us clean. Him. His hair. The images in his mind that are making him angry and secretive. But for now, all I can help him do is get ready for a real Christmas.

  * * *

  “The nurse kicked me out again,” I tell Riley as I walk into the room where she’s watching TV with Deloris, who, I realize, is asleep. “We’d better go, Riles.”

  “No, I wanna stay with Deloris,” she pouts.

  “Oh, no. We have to go. It’s really important. We’re going to the mall to get Christmas presents.”

  “Christmas presents?”

  “Yep. We’re going to Kolton’s house in the hills and we’re going to ride in a helicopter to stay there. Then we’re getting a tree and we’re gonna decorate it. We could get lights and hang’ em up inside, too. Does that sound good?”

  She looks up at me, her eyes big, and smiles, showing too-big-for-her front teeth. She leans in, whispering, “Deloris likes owls. Can I get her an owl necklace?”

  “Of course. An owl necklace sounds perfect.” I nod toward the door, and Riley comes with me without any more problems.

  * * *

  “Are you sure Kolton said to go to the mall right now and buy presents?” Maggie asks as we leave the hospital unnoticed. A mob of photographers had been waiting outside but we walked around to the cancer wing where we’d hidden the car earlier. They didn’t see us come in that way and they didn’t see us leave.

  “Yeah, he said buy presents.”

  “I’m not letting you go shopping here. There’s that mall right there one street over, but it’s in Beverly Hills. Photographers sit there all day watching for celebrities. You’d need more than just one body guard.”

  “Do you know of another place?” I ask.

  “Yeah, let’s go to Westside. It’s an outdoor mall—they’ve got a Nordstrom and a Macy’s. You can get everything there and have it shipped. Plus there’s less chance of runnin’ into paparazzi.”

  “Okay,” I say as I work the key fob into the starter. It’s hard to get used to the fancy car. I know it’s in my name, but it’s too nice for me. It took me fifteen minutes the first time I drove it just to figure out how to set the driver’s seat because there’s so many buttons.

  Riley makes me turn on the radio and whines until I find a station that plays the same six songs over and over again. The third or fourth song in, Kolton’s voice comes in through the speakers, running up and down my spine. It’s the song he wrote for me, and then I remember. His single released—as planned. Despite everything that’s happened, life went on as it should have, without our permission. Without our being ready.

  I want to pull over and listen, but I can’t. My eyes sting with the feelings behind his words. It brings back everything I felt when he’d sent the lyrics to me a little at a time, because it reminds me he was willing to take his time with me, to wait for me. Then when he’d sung it live, I was watching him through the monitor backstage—I really felt it. I’m right there again, experiencing his words, and how his voice opened me fully to him. He tore down all reservations I’d built up to keep us apart. I want us to last. Forever.

  And I worry about how we’ll survive this because it’s huge, life changing. Devastating.

  “Take this exit,” Maggie interrupts my thoughts and I follow her directions into a parking garage along the main road where the mall seems to be hidden along with all the rest of the shops. I’m not used to malls like this one. In Sac our malls are monumental shopping experiences with cars parked all around them like bowed worshippers at the altar. This seems like, Yeah, here’s another mall. Figure it out, dumbass.

  I lock the car with the key fob and take Riley’s hand as we walk inside. It’s so busy, people flitting here and the
re semi-frantically. And, for some reason, I feel at ease amongst their panic. Maybe because their anxiety is just a step below mine, making me feel sort of normal.

  We find the mall map, and, as we walk toward Nordstrom, Riley makes me stop and get her a “prentzel”. That’s how she says pretzel—with a rogue ‘n’.

  She devours it on her way toward the giant store and has cheese sauce on her face as we walk inside the inviting entryway. It dons on me, I’ve never bought anything here—only at Nordstrom’s other store, Nordstrom Rack, where everything is clearance. I’d spent some time there in the shoe aisle with my mom because she could get me a few pairs of name brand, last-season shoes for really cheap.

  “They’ll last longer,” she’d said, as she perused the racks looking for my size. I remember her grabbing a purple velvet eight-inch heeled shoe with at least an inch-tall platform and sliding it on. “What do you think?” she asked, sticking her leg out like Marilyn Monroe.

  I’d laughed and she walked down the aisle lopsided because her other shoe was a flip-flop but she was working it. I can still see her hair as it swayed back and forth behind her; can hear the laugher that carried its way inside my mind and memories forever. I can see the look on her face as she twisted around, flashing me her best duck face impression.

  “What about this one?” Riley asks and I shake my head, seeing she’s holding an owl pendant necklace and looking up at me to see if I like it, too. I want to say something, but I can’t. I’m stuck, stuck in the past. Stuck in the present. Stuck.

  “I like it a whole lot,” Maggie interjects when she sees I’m struggling to get myself together. I swallow hard around the lump and gush about the necklace.

  “Deloris is going to love it, Riles!” I say, finally. She squints at me. I think she knows it was my fake happy voice.

  “Yeah. I’m pretty sure she will. What’re you gonna get Kolton?”

  “Huh?” Yeah, what am I going to get Kolton? “Can you help me? Maybe a watch? Or…?”

  “Let’s look around at the boy section,” she says. I love how she’s so head-strong. As we walk toward the escalator, I decide to check the jewelry counter. I’m thinking perhaps a pocket watch with a chain. I can just see him with the silver chain running from his belt to his front pocket. Or he could wear it with one of those suits that smell like him in his huge closet.