The Lost Daughters: A moving saga of womanhood

by Whitmee, Jeanne

  ‘No. He’s already suggested that we bring the wedding forward.’ Cathy turned to look Johnny in the eye. ‘He isn’t the kind of person you seem to think. He’s good and decent and he loves me.’

  ‘Is that why he seduced you? The man who’s supposed to be your guardian? The man your father put his trust in to protect and care for you? Do you really think I could ever respect a man like that?’ Johnny felt the hot colour rising up from her neck to suffuse her cheeks. She hadn’t meant to say it, but now that she had she was glad. It had been festering in her mind for weeks. It was better out in the open.

  Cathy’s eyes widened and she recoiled as though she’d been slapped. ‘Seduced? I don’t know what you mean! It isn’t like that.’

  ‘No? Then what do you call it?’

  ‘How did you know anyway?’ Cathy asked, her face drained of colour.

  Johnny threw up her hands. ‘Oh, Cathy, Cathy, what do you take me for? I’m not a fool, you know. You can’t keep things like that from someone who’s known you as long as I have. I know you and Gerald have been lovers. It’s been written all over you for weeks.’ She broke off as a thought occurred to her. ‘You’re not expecting his child, are you? That isn’t why … ?’

  ‘No!’ Cathy’s eyes were wide with shock. ‘Is that really what you thought? Is it what everyone is thinking? That he’s only asked me to marry him because … ’

  ‘No, of course they aren’t.’

  ‘You thought so.’

  ‘Cathy, don’t you see? You’re like my own daughter. Please try to understand how it is for me. Ever since you were no more than a baby I’ve cared for you; nursed you through all those childhood illnesses; worried about you and loved you like my own child. It’s only natural that when something like this happens my instincts tell me.’ She spread her hands in a helpless gesture. ‘If it had been some young man — some boy — I could have tried to talk you out of it — somehow made you see that he wasn’t right for you.’ Her voice thickened. ‘As it is I — I’ve no right to tell you to do anything. I’ve never felt so helpless — so useless in my life.’

  Cathy looked at her. ‘You’re wrong about one thing, Johnny,’ she whispered. ‘He didn’t seduce me. It was the other way round. But only because I love him so much. I wish I could make you understand what it’s like. I want to be with him more than anything else in the world; to belong to him. If anything happened to part us I think I’d want to die. I just wanted everyone to be as happy as I was. I never wanted to make you all miserable.’ She could scarcely speak for the lump in her throat and suddenly she threw her arms round Johnny’s neck and hugged her. ‘Oh, Johnny, I wish you could be glad for me.’

  Johnny’s heart melted as she held the girl who was so dear to her close. Their tears mingled as she said wearily. ‘I wish I could too, love. There’s nothing I wish more. And I do remember how it feels to be in love, believe me. I’m not that old that I can’t remember. It’s just that he’s so much older than you. What kind of life will you have with him?’

  ‘A happy one. I promise!’ Cathy pushed her hands against Johnny’s shoulders so that she could look into her eyes. ‘Oh, please say you wish us well. It means so much to me to have you on our side. Next to Gerald you’re the most important person in my life. These last couple of weeks have been so awful.’

  ‘I know they have, love.’ Johnny looked at her for a long moment. ‘What do you think your poor father would have said?’ she asked quietly. ‘Have you thought about that? The last promise I made him was to take care of you and if I thought I was letting him down … ’

  ‘Oh, but you’re not! He would have been pleased. I know he would,’ Cathy said, her eyes shining with confidence. ‘Gerald was his best friend. He would have trusted him with his life. He even made him my guardian, didn’t he?’ Johnny looked thoughtful. She didn’t share Cathy’s confidence on that particular issue but there was little point in arguing about it. She looked into the girl’s eyes. ‘Will you promise me one thing?’

  ‘I’ll try,’ Cathy said guardedly.

  ‘Will you just stay on at college and take your exams? It’s only a few months after all. And that house in Suffolk won’t be ready to live in for some time yet by the sound of things.’

  ‘Well — I suppose I could.’

  ‘It wouldn’t hurt to wait another six months, would it? Just until the summer term ends. It seems a shame not to take your finals when you’ve got this far and worked so hard. A qualification is always a good thing to have. You never know when you might need it.’ She smiled and took Cathy’s hands in hers. ‘You could be married from here then — a lovely white wedding with all the trimmings. I’d even make your dress for you if you wanted. And have the reception here. Matthew could give you away. I’d love that, wouldn’t you?’

  Cathy smiled. ‘Oh, Johnny, yes, I would.’

  ‘It’s settled then?’

  ‘I’ll have to ask Gerald.’

  ‘Of course. You do that. See what he says.’ She gave Cathy a hug, then rose and went to the door. ‘Come on downstairs now. I’ll put the kettle on for a cup of tea.’

  ‘Johnny…’

  The older woman paused in the doorway. ‘Yes, love?’

  ‘Will you ask Mrs Bains to stop looking at me as though I’ve murdered someone?’

  Johnny laughed. ‘Mother just feels protective of me because she knows how worried I’ve been. All mothers are alike. You’ll find that out for yourself someday.’ She grinned. ‘But she’ll be fine when I’ve had a word with her. Just you leave her to me.’

  When Matthew came home from work that afternoon and looked into the sitting room he found the three women in his life happily chatting over the teacups. The subject was clearly weddings. Dresses made of lace versus satin? Four bridesmaids or two? And the merits of a sit-down reception as opposed to a finger buffet. As he closed the door and made for the stairs he gave a sigh of relief. Even Gran was smiling. With a bit of luck the pall of gloom that had hung over the house since before Christmas had finally dispersed.

  But the following day when Cathy met Gerald and put forward Johnny’s suggestion he was less than enthusiastic.

  ‘You don’t really want all that fuss, do you?’

  She looked at him. ‘I thought you’d be pleased. Don’t you see, it means that Johnny has come round to the idea?’

  His eyebrows came together in a frown. ‘I can’t see that it’s her place to ‘come round’ as you put it. Or to dictate where and when we’ll be married,’ he said tetchily. ‘She’s not even a relative. She was only Dan’s cleaning woman after all. I thought we were going to bring the wedding forward. I thought you were happy with that.’

  ‘Johnny’s always been more than just a cleaning woman,’ Cathy said warmly. ‘She virtually brought me up. I owe her a lot.’ Dismayed, she looked at him. This was their first disagreement. ‘I was happy about bringing the wedding forward. I still am in some ways. It’s just that Johnny thinks I should finish my course first — take my exams and qualify. And I can see her point.’

  ‘Why? You’re never going to need to earn your living in that kind of way.’

  ‘But I might want to get a job sometime. You never know. Johnny says a qualification is always useful.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘She still doesn’t trust me, does she? What does she think I’ll do — run off and abandon you? Leave you penniless?’

  ‘No, of course not. It’s just a — kind of safety net — insurance.’

  He looked at her for a long moment. ‘So now I know what Johnny thinks. How about telling me what you think, Cathy?’

  Her heart sank. It was so hard, trying to please everyone.

  ‘I want to be with you,’ she said simply. ‘But I want to do what’s right too, what’s best — for us, for everyone.’

  He shook his head and drew her close. ‘You’re asking for the impossible, Cathy. In the entire history of the world no one has ever yet succeeded in pleasing everyone. It’s your life — your future
. It’s what you want that’s important.’ He held her at arm’s length and looked into her eyes. ‘So make up your mind. What do you want?’

  ‘I want what you want.’

  He kissed her. ‘And I want to put my ring on your finger. The sooner the better and with as little fuss as possible.’ He held her close, drawing strength from the warmth and youthful vitality of her body. ‘I’d like it to be as soon as possible. We’ll have a nice long honeymoon in Switzerland, at a favourite place of mine high in the mountains. Oh, you’ll love it, Cathy. I can’t wait to show it to you. Meantime I’ll arrange with the builders to get a couple of rooms ready for us to come back to at Cuckoo Lodge and we can live in them and supervise the rest of the work on the house.’

  He kissed her again. ‘Oh, just think of it, darling. Watching the house grow and blossom as the spring turns into summer; making plans. There’ll be so much to do. Contacts to make; publicity and booking to organise for the school. There’ll be people to see — meetings — entertaining as soon as the house is ready. That’s where you’ll come into your own. My perfect hostess. It’s going to be a wonderful life, darling. Can’t you just see it?’

  ‘Can we let Johnny arrange the wedding? It means so much to her.’

  He sighed and shook his head at her. ‘You’re doing it again — trying to please everyone. I’m sorry, darling, but the press are already on to us. If they got wind of a white wedding in deepest suburbia they’d have a field day. They could wreck the whole proceedings for us. No, we’ll make it a very quiet affair. A register office — somewhere quiet, off the beaten track would be best. With as few people in the know about the date and location as possible. Afterwards we’ll lay on lunch at a local hotel for close friends — that includes the Johnsons of course. You can leave all the arrangements to me.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘All you have to do is get yourself a wedding outfit and turn up.’

  Cathy tried to swallow her disappointment. ‘What about witnesses — someone to give me away — your best man?’

  He laughed. ‘I don’t think there’s really any need for any of that. But if there’s anyone you want to ask specially, I’ve no objection.’

  ‘I thought perhaps Matthew. And Carla and Rosalind Blair.’

  He shrugged. ‘Fine, if that’s what will make you happy.’ He hugged her. ‘It’s your wedding, darling.’

  As he drew up outside the Johnsons’ house she turned to him. ‘Are you coming in?’

  He shook his head. ‘Not today. I’ll leave you to tell Johnny what we’ve planned.’ As she made to get out of the car he reached out to draw her back. ‘Cathy, wait. I meant to speak to you before — about money.’

  She closed the car door and looked at him. ‘What about money?’

  ‘I think we should get a few legal loose ends tied up. Restoring the house and putting in all the things we’re going to need is going to cost a bomb. I knew it would be expensive but there are some things I hadn’t counted for. I take it that you agree that we pool our resources once we’re married?’

  She laughed. ‘Of course, but you’re already in charge of my money anyway.’

  ‘Only until the end of next year when you come of age. That arrangement still stands as things are at present and of course I can only do things on your behalf. It would be more convenient to have it changed.’

  She nodded. ‘Whatever you think.’

  He smiled. ‘For instance, it seems rather ludicrous for me to go on making you a monthly allowance, doesn’t it? We’ll have a joint account at the bank of course. That means you can draw money whenever you need it, without having to ask me. And of course once the flat is sold there’ll be no problem.’

  ‘Yes, I see. All right then.’

  ‘To make it legal and above board I’ll need your signature on one or two boring old documents,’ he said. ‘I’ve made an appointment at the solicitor’s for tomorrow afternoon. Is that all right?’

  ‘Yes, fine. Mr MacAlister’s?’

  ‘No. I’ve had everything transferred to James Palmer, my own solicitor. It’s more convenient. I’ll pick you up at two o’clock.’ He drew her towards him and kissed her. ‘See you tomorrow then, darling. Don’t worry about Johnny. She’ll see it our way when you’ve explained.’

  If Johnny was disappointed she didn’t say so. And when Mrs Bains opened her mouth to express her own forthright opinion her daughter shot her a warning look that silenced her before she began.

  On the day that followed, Gerald’s solicitor had all the documents drawn up ready for Cathy to sign at his smart Kensington office. The transaction was over in the space of a few minutes and then they were walking out into the thin February sunshine again and making their way to the bank. Afterwards they went to Gerald’s flat where he told her about the arrangements he had already begun to make for their wedding. For Cathy the day had an oddly unreal feel to it. She felt as though the whole thing was out of her control, almost as though it was happening to someone else and she was merely an observer. But then, as she told herself, she knew nothing about financial matters, or about how to arrange a wedding either. If it had been left to her she wouldn’t have known where to start.

  *

  The wedding took place on a bright Monday morning in early April. The first green leaves of spring were beginning to unfurl on all the trees and Gerald told Cathy that the builders had now completed the two rooms they were to live in on the first floor of Cuckoo Lodge on their return from Switzerland.

  Cathy wore a suit of cinnamon linen with a mint green blouse and hat to match. She carried a small posy of pink and cream rosebuds. Matthew, who accompanied her to the register office in the hired car, thought she looked pale, but she insisted that it was only nerves and that she would be fine the moment she saw Gerald.

  The ceremony was over almost before she had time to take in her surroundings. She was dimly aware of being ushered into a small room, carpeted in blue and tastefully decked with flowers. There were two rows of chairs on which sat their few guests. The bespectacled registrar gabbled his way through the ceremony in a monotone as though he were conducting an auction sale. Finding herself finally married to Gerald, Cathy allowed herself to be hugged by a tearful Johnny and pecked on the cheek by Matthew. Rosalind squeezed her hands and wished her luck and Carla winked and told her she was lucky to have ‘landed herself such a good catch’.

  Gerald himself had invited one guest only. Cathy didn’t notice her until after the ceremony when she came forward with congratulations. Standing on tiptoe, Kay kissed Gerald’s cheek, then turned to Cathy.

  ‘My dear, many, many congratulations.’ She took both her hands and squeezed them gently. ‘I do hope we shall be good friends. And I hope you’ve forgiven me for getting off on the wrong foot.’ She leaned forward to brush Cathy’s cheek with cool lips. ‘Gerald has very generously invited me to come to Suffolk and see this wonderful house of yours when it’s finished. I hope you approve of the invitation?’

  Dismayed, Cathy made herself smile. ‘Of course. All Gerald’s friends are welcome.’

  She got through the lunch, hardly tasting the food and declining all but a sip of champagne, then somehow, at last they were on the plane, bound for Switzerland. As they became airborne and safety belts were unfastened she looked at Gerald.

  ‘I can’t believe we’re actually married and on our way,’ she said. ‘I thought it would never end.’

  He slipped an arm around her and drew her head down on to his shoulder. ‘If you found that an ordeal, think how much worse a big church wedding would have been.’

  ‘Gerald — why didn’t you tell me you’d invited Kay Goolden?’ she asked.

  He shrugged. ‘It was very much a last-minute thing. She rang me last night. I thought it might be as well to have her on our side.’

  ‘Why did she ring you?’

  ‘Nothing specific. Just a chat.’

  ‘What about?’

  ‘Nothing much. Just gossip. Kay and I have a lot of mutual acq
uaintances. She used to handle all my publicity as you know.’

  ‘Oh, yes. I knew that all right,’ Cathy said wryly.

  Gerald chuckled and took her hand. ‘That’s all water under the bridge now. Forgive and forget, eh? Kay is a good PR woman. When you spilled the beans like that she must have found it irresistible.’

  The fact that he was laying the blame for the episode firmly at her door did not escape her. ‘Obviously. So — didn’t you feel it was risky, telling her we were getting married today? Weren’t you afraid she might go to the press again?’

  ‘I knew she wouldn’t if she was a guest, which is why I invited her. I thought if I made her part of the conspiracy … ’ He bent to kiss her. ‘How did we get into this? Why on earth are we talking about Kay when we’re on our way to our honeymoon?’

  She relaxed. He was right. They had a wonderful three weeks ahead of them. Why spoil it with her silly suspicions about Kay?

  *

  Switzerland was all that Gerald had promised — and more besides. The view from their hotel window in the little ski resort of Davos enchanted Cathy so much that she couldn’t stop looking at it. The mountain tops were still clothed in snow, but the brilliant sunshine turned them pink and gold like sugar frosting. She loved the hospitality of the people and the quaint buildings with their colourfully painted walls. The air was as sparkling and invigorating as champagne and Cathy felt as though she were living in a fairytale that was coming alive. They swam in the indoor heated pool at the hotel; walked the mountain paths; explored the smart little shops that were full of intriguing things; and drank rich, fragrant coffee in the cosy little cafes. Gerald hired a car and took her to Liechtenstein to see the castle, and they went for memorable drives on precipitous mountain roads to villages that looked as though they had stepped straight out of a Disney film. They dined late and danced romantically afterwards in the hotel ballroom with its glittering chandeliers.

  Several times they took the ski-lift to the top of the Shatzlap and looked out over what seemed to Cathy the magical, cloud-capped roof of the world; the kind of place where, as a child, she had always imagined Santa Claus lived.