Theodora

by Christina McKnight

  Alistair rocked back on his heels, grasping the arms of the chair to still his hands from balling into fists. “I will handle this,” he said, pushing to his feet.

  “You mustn’t,” she begged. “He has designs on ruining everyone I care for, including you.” She stood, following him toward the door. “I have created this situation, and I will see to it that everyone escapes unscathed. I promise, not a negative thing will come to light concerning Adeline.”

  He halted, jerking around to face her, his jaw clenching as he bit out his next words. “You think I am worried about my sister? I fear I cannot save her from herself if she insists on embarking on a path to ruin. My offer to help has nothing to do with Adeline.”

  “I understand the possibilities and adverse light it will shine on you, as well.” She set her hand on his arm, her gaze begging him to forgive her. “I never meant for this to harm you.”

  “Damn it, Theo.” He brushed her arm aside, and she recoiled. “I worry about you. I care only about you. It is thoughts of you that keep me awake at night and send me into my cups during the day to escape the urge to come here. To pull you into my arms…to place my lips upon yours once more. But this time, I would capture you completely and never let go.”

  Everything crumbled around him: his pledge to his parents to do right by his siblings, his pledge to himself to stay away from Lady Theo, and his pledge to Theo that he would not harm Gladstone.

  The reprobate would not get away with his underhanded actions and threats toward Theodora. Alistair would see to that.

  Chapter 22

  Theo took another step back. Alistair was livid, but his words were everything she’d hoped to one day hear from a man. Though not now…not after she’d agreed to wed Mr. Gladstone. And not from Alistair, her dear friend’s brother and a man who galled her at every turn with his arrogant actions.

  A thrill of alarm coursed through her, at odds with the warmth that had filled her at his words. An uncontrollable whimper escaped her.

  There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do but remain frozen as he continued. She couldn’t breathe, feared moving an inch or this moment would be gone—the spell broken and Alistair returning to his lofty self. That was the man Theo was most comfortable with, a man she could handle with a personality she understood; however, this Alistair was foreign to her. He was daunting and unpredictable. Her mind begged her to give in to him, listen to his sweet words and accept them for what they were without further question.

  Everything about this Alistair was perplexing.

  Alistair had kissed her—just that once. He’d never mentioned the incident again, and Theo had thought it just that, an incident best forgotten. An action that meant nothing, with no consequences or promises attached. It had meant far more to her, but he was a man—a handsome one—who’d more than likely kissed many women in his time in London. The simple kiss they’d shared couldn’t possibly mean anything to him. Theo reminded herself that it did not have to be the same for her. He was free to pretend the intimacy had never happened while she treasured the moment in that scarce breath of time.

  “Are you hearing anything I’m saying?” He moved toward her, overtaking the few steps she’d retreated at his outburst. “Lady Theo, you cannot marry that man.”

  “Why not?” It was a simple question, though she feared his answer. Did his reasoning have to do with the attraction between them? Or was it Alistair’s last gallant attempt to save her from a fate worse than any other she could imagine.

  “I have given you many reasons why.”

  “Yes, but none of them solve the issue at hand. He will ruin not only me but also my family and friends.” Cold, icy dread sent a shiver down her spine. It was something she would not allow to happen, but she could not admit that it was Alistair she feared for most.

  He deserved none of the disgrace his family faced if she didn’t marry Gladstone.

  If she had to give up on her dreams, at least it was worth it to make certain her three friends attained theirs, and that Cart and Jude would not be taken down once more by scandal, tarnishing their two young children.

  But most of all, Alistair would one day—when his obligations to his siblings were fulfilled—find a future that made him happy.

  “Then marry me,” Alistair countered. “Allow me to set things to rights.”

  Oh, how she wished she could throw caution to the wind and scream “yes.”

  “And how would that be any different from marrying Gladstone?” Theo knew it would be a world of difference. Alistair challenged her at every turn, not seeking to conquer her as Gladstone would do. “It might save me from ruin, but it will leave my friends unprotected.”

  He took hold of her trembling hands, and Theo wanted to cry for all the warmth they gave her—a chill had taken over her body the moment she’d been left alone with Gladstone earlier. “I have affection for you, Lady Theo,” he confessed.

  “Affection may grow between Gladstone and me,” she countered, not believing her own lie.

  Alistair laughed, a cold, hollow sound that matched the way Theo felt inside.

  “Besides, you have told me you do not plan to marry, that children are not in your future,” Theo insisted. “Oliver wants to marry me, and seeks to have an entire horde of children.”

  “A horde of offspring he has no means to support.” Alistair squeezed her hands. “I do not need to impress upon you how difficult it is to properly care for children without significant funds.”

  “But I shall love them all.” Certainly, love was enough. A family of her own…she’d thought it would be many years before the notion would even cross her mind.

  “And if love is not enough to keep a dry roof and warm food on the table?” Alistair asked.

  “My brother will not allow harm or starvation to come to my family.” And Theo needed to believe that loving her children, no matter who their father was, would be enough. It might very well be the only thing she’d be left with.

  “Come now, Theo.” He pulled her close, circling his arms around her—something she’d imagined happening since their kiss. And it felt right…and good. Theo felt protected in his arms. “The man doesn’t know you, not in the slightest.”

  He pulled her closer at his words, their bodies meeting at every point.

  “You know me no better, Mr. Price.” It was a lie, but she couldn’t have him thinking to sacrifice himself—and his future—to save her while leaving all the others unprotected from Gladstone’s ruinous plans. Surely, she would survive, but at the expense of her dear friends. “Nor are you that different from Mr. Gladstone.”

  Alistair’s arms fell away from her, and she stumbled back, unaware how much his hold had been supporting her. Cold dread returned, threatening to overtake her.

  Taking a step back, he asked, “How can you think that?”

  “Can you deny the statement’s truthfulness?” Theo could, but she had no desire to. The simple look in his eyes told her that the accusation wasn’t true.

  “I’ve witnessed your compassion, your unconditional love for your friends, and your intelligence.” Alistair turned and paced to the door then back again before continuing. “Certainly, with both of us, we can discover a way to keep everyone from ruin. You must trust my word on this.”

  “But what of your desire not to marry?” she whispered. It was her last point to argue.

  Alistair halted, staring at her intently for a moment before sinking into the chair she’d sat in moments before. “I have every intention to marry, Theodora. It is only that it seems impossible to pursue my future until I have seen all my siblings happily wedded and cared for. I cannot use what meager resources my family has toward my own gains until their needs are met.”

  Another side to the man she thought she knew. His overprotective nature was irrefutable, but his reasoning made sense; though she reminded herself that his treatment of Adeline aligned with the views of most men. “Do you plan to coerce your siblings into accepting
a future not of their choosing?”

  He scrubbed his face with his hands. “Of course, not.”

  “But your high-handed actions are not so different than Mr. Gladstone’s thus far.”

  “Because I take my sister’s safety very seriously?” he demanded. “Yes, my first duty is to my siblings’ well-being. I promised my parents no harm would come to any of them.”

  “You seek to keep Adeline from competing in the tourney,” Theo challenged. “It is her passion and her desire to participate and help Miss Emmeline’s School. And you deny her that.”

  “For her own protection!” Exasperation laced his voice. “Just as I would keep you from competing if it were in my power. Once you wed Gladstone, every freedom you’ve enjoyed under your brother’s care will be stripped from you, taken away with no explanation or promise of security.”

  “That is my choice to make,” she sighed, allowing the fight to leave her. Why could he not see his words aligned so closely with Gladstone’s? “Do you think I am unaware of everything I will be giving up? The sacrifices I must make?”

  “No, I do not think you are aware of the magnitude of your decision.” He sat forward, his boots planted on the ground as if ready to jump to his feet if she tried to depart.

  Which Theo must do. Her mother had turned away Georgie and Josie when they’d arrived to collect her. As far as Theo knew, Alistair still kept Adeline locked in their townhouse, and Theo must be at the Grand Archers’ Competition to continue if they had any chance of winning the prize purse for Miss Emmeline.

  “I must go.” Theo attempted to move past him and slip out the door. She could disappear down the corridor and depart through the alley behind her townhouse, waving down a hackney when she made the main road, but Alistair’s hand shot out as she passed, halting her. His hold was firm but not painful as Gladstone’s had been. “Mr. Price, do unhand me before I sound the alarm.”

  “Scream, Lady Theo,” he prodded. “Hopefully, it will bring someone with an ounce of sense who can help me make you see reason.”

  Theo clamped her lips shut, refusing to give Alistair what he so clearly wanted: further discussion of the decision she’d already made.

  “So, you expect me to depart this room, forget all that’s been said, and allow you to burn every hope you had for your future?” He threw his arms wide, releasing his hold on her arm. She had the freedom to move past him and out the door, but she remained, knowing once she left this room, any hope of him understanding why she’d promised to wed Gladstone would be lost. “My siblings are my priority, not you, that is what you are saying. I can walk out, giving you no protection from the nefarious designs Gladstone has for you. Live my life, take care of my siblings…and if we see one another about town—which will very well happen—I will look the other way, pretend we are not acquainted and that I am not utterly, maddeningly, desperately in love with you?”

  The air—her every breath—was sucked from her lungs, leaving her begging to inhale deeply and stop the burn in her chest. She had no idea how to process his declaration, if that were what one called it.

  He stepped before her, his eyes searching hers. What did he see there? Did he see that she wanted nothing less than to marry Gladstone, that she cared for Alistair as much as he cared for her? That a future by his side—a member of the Melton family—would be the most preferable path for her. Surely, he saw through her denials and claims to the contrary.

  Theo could not risk admitting any of it. It would put her family—and his—in jeopardy.

  She was doing what needed to be done…for him.

  Instead, she remained silent, her eyes pleading with him to understand, to let her go, to allow her to make the sacrifices she’d agreed to. She was not the victim in this situation; she was doing all in her power to save everyone. Why could he not believe that? If there were another choice for her, she would have made it.

  Her chest seized at the fate she’d created—a marriage not bound by love or respect. Her knees grew weak at the prospect of the hard years ahead of her, but she allowed her determination to flare once more, strengthening her stance. She may suffer, but the ones she loved would thrive. Every part of her screamed it was the right thing to do, the correct outcome for all involved. Except her, of course, but she could handle Gladstone. Women like Josie stood no chance against a man of his vile nature.

  Yes, she had to believe she was making the correct decision.

  “But instead of accepting me, you will give up your happiness and marry Gladstone.” He paused, tightening his hold on her. “My overbearing, domineering, insufferable self will not allow that to come to pass.”

  She wanted to tell him once again it was not his decision to make, beseech him not to make this any more difficult than it already was. She wanted to push him away and walk from the room, confident in her choice.

  Because, with each breath she took, she knew she loved him as much as he loved her.

  It was because of this she’d made the decision she had.

  Theo set her hands against his chest, meaning to do just that, push him away, but his arms encircled her, pulling her body against his, pressing them together from hips to chest. Her breath hitched when her breasts nestled against his firm, heated torso. The feel of his body against hers dispelled all thoughts of departing the room.

  “Look me in the eye, Theo, and tell me you do not want me,” he whispered, his breath fanning her cheek. “That your final choice is to take Gladstone as your husband, and not me.”

  When she hesitated, he pressed his lips to hers, pulling her closer. If that were possible. It seemed their bodies were as firmly connected and inseparable as their love for one another. Surely, that was not possible.

  His kiss was not the chaste, delicate kind they’d shared before. There was a desperate air to the movement of his lips, intensity. And Theo found her mouth parting and moving to match his need, her hands grasping his arms to hold him to her, her lips as insistent as his.

  It was a parting kiss. The last they would share, but it only awakened something within her. A stirring she hadn’t known was there, lying dormant and ignored. She’d sensed the swirling of restless desire during their first kiss, but this, this longing, this passion to consume him, to never let go—to leave her family and friends without her protection—overpowered her in that moment.

  However, Theo knew this moment—with this man—would end. Leaving her exactly where she’d been before he took her in his arms and showed her the true depth of her feelings for him.

  All that she’d sacrifice to remain in his arms.

  But the cost was too great and would come at the expense of every other person she loved.

  “Alistair,” Theo said breathlessly against his lips, releasing his arms and planting her palms solidly to his chest to push him away. She must make him see reason. Gladstone had the upper hand; there would be no stopping him if he did not get what he wanted. “We cannot do this. I am all but betrothed to Gladstone. The papers are being drawn up, and the license procured. You must go before my servants—or my mother—catches you here. The gossip would only incite Oliver’s anger.”

  Alistair flinched at the use of Gladstone’s given name. His arms remain on her, moving to settle at her hips, but he refrained from pulling her close for another kiss.

  “I cannot allow you to do this, Theo,” he said. “No matter what you think you must do, or your sense of responsibility toward my sister and the others, this is wrong.”

  Her eyes filled with tears—tears that must remain unshed.

  Just as her desire to make Alistair hers would remain unspoken.

  Chapter 23

  The house was painted a grotesque, pastel shade of orange, obviously a tactic to keep visitors from noting the less than stellar upkeep of the Gladstone House. Nestled not far off Bond Street in an area primarily housing shops, offices, and work fronts, the townhouse was lackluster in its appeal. The blue shutters, many leaning, cockeyed, and missing nails to secure the
m in place, only added to the travesty that was Oliver Gladstone’s family residence—and left no doubt either Gladstone or his mother had hand-selected the flowers in Theo’s drawing room to match their hideous abode.

  The symbolism was not lost on Alistair.

  The sound from the busy thoroughfare several buildings down was deafening and caused Alistair’s head to ring. It had nothing to do with the scotch he’d imbibed when he’d stopped at White’s to inquire about Gladstone’s directions. He’d thought the servant jesting at the address so close to Bond—certainly it was Gladstone’s father’s old mercantile and not their actual home. Alas, it had proven to be a true residence. Though sorely neglected in both care and upkeep.

  Alistair walked to the front stoop, no steps or grand double door, only a dirt walkway with loose rock landing before the unassuming entrance.

  No silver or brass knocker hung for him to use to sound his arrival.

  With one swift knock, an elderly man—surely past his own father’s age—pulled the door open only far enough to peek out the crack and take in Alistair from head to toe with one eye. The eye narrowed, its milky surface struggling to focus on Alistair.

  “Good day, sir,” Alistair said in way of greeting. “I was hoping for a visit with your master, Oliver Gladstone.” At the man’s puzzled stare, he continued. “This is his residence, is it not?”

  “Cornelius calls no one master.”

  “Good for you.” The eye narrowed once more at Alistair’s retort. “Allow me to rephrase my request. I seek to speak with Mr. Oliver Gladstone.”

  “The senior or the portly, disagreeable young buck?” Cornelius’s eye widened with his inquiry.

  Under any other circumstances, Alistair might very well enjoy this man’s company; mayhap offer him employ at his own home. “The portly, disagreeable one.”

  “He ain’t receive’n guests.”

  “And the senior Gladstone?”