Easy

by Mercedes Siler

  *****

  We’re back in the room and I’m lying on my back, staring at the ceiling fan go round and round. She told me she wanted me to lie with her, so I did. I can tell by her breathing she’s asleep. I wish I could sleep too. But there are way too many things circling around in my mind. I close my eyes and all I see is the insides of my eyelids.

  My insides turn to mush as the doorknob turns.

  Please be Jake. Please don’t be her.

  Her perfume fills the room.

  She’s standing casually against the doorjamb. Her black hair is gentle waves resting on her perfectly sculpted tits. Her black bangs run straight across her perfect eyebrows. Her perfectly curved body is covered by nothing but a sheer black something that leaves nothing and everything to my imagination.

  I can’t believe she’s married to Mike. She’s so perfectly beautiful.

  I breathe. I’m hooked.

  She must give off crazy pheromones.

  She looks Mayyim over, interested. “Should I be jealous?”

  “She’s just a kitten.” I whisper.

  “Hmm. Wake her and introduce her to me.”

  “She needs to rest.” I get up carefully so as not to wake her. I don’t know where Mike is, and I don’t know if Jake has condoms. I should go check but I don’t want to leave her here with her. But Betty doesn’t care where Mike is, and I don’t want to get my ass beat, and I’m not going to turn her down tonight. I’m not going to be Joseph with Potiphar’s wife. Plus, it’s hard to turn her down since I know what she can do.

  “What are you thinking?” she asks in her sex-laced voice.

  “I gotta go check on Jake and Mike, but I don’t want you to mess with her.”

  “Don’t worry about me.”

  If that was possible. I grab a handful of condoms and stuff them in the pocket of my jeans and run to the basement. Crazy music is blaring and people are dancing and in huddles taking bong hits and rolling on E. Mini orgies are going on. Jake is at the bottom of one of them.

  That’s my boy.

  I try to get to him, shaking off claws and dirty looks. He looks at me like what I’m here for better be damn good.

  “Thought you might need these. Where’s Mike?” I hand him a couple of condoms.

  He points. “I think he’s pretty fucked.”

  He’s on a couch talking to somebody, but the somebody he’s talking to looks pretty unconscious.

  Jake salutes me.

  I run back.

  Betty is sitting on the edge of the bed, and Mayyim is awake and looking at her, confused and suspicious.

  “I’ve been talking to your little friend here.”

  “Be nice,” I tell her.

  “You haven’t taken her by her house to get her things? She’s wearing your undies for God’s sake.” She looks daggers at me, telling me she’s a tiger and this girl is a kitten and shouldn’t be wearing my undies in her presence.

  “It’s not my car and she never mentioned it.” I don’t know where this is going, but I feel like shit.

  “Tsk, tsk, tsk.” She stands and beckons to me as she walks away.

  I look at Mayyim. “I’ll be back. Try to rest. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  Her eyes narrow. “And here I thought you’d said it’d been a long time.”

  “It is what it is.” I shrug. “It’s a dead end. I’m just waiting for it to end. Do you need anything?”

  “No. I’m a big girl.”

  “I know.”

  She turns, pulling her blanket.

  I feel like I need to explain or something. But I don’t know what there is to explain?

  I walk the hall to her room and open the door. She’s waiting for me on the bed, seductive, and the smell of her is overwhelming. I make my way to her, crawling, watching the victorious smile cross her face. And now I’m undressing her and making my way over her body, biting and grabbing as she runs her nails up my back. There are a lot of things I could do, but we’re in a time crunch and I’m not really feeling this whole thing.

  We move so that I’m on my knees and her mouth is on my dick and my hand has a fistful of her hair. I push her and hold her head there until I watch her gag, tears running down her face. She’s beautiful. And she knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows exactly where to run her claws over my body and what to do with her mouth. And I’m pretty sure she feels the same about my loving adoration of her as my mouth sinks into her, sucking and licking as she digs her claws into my head.

  The only thing that would make this better is if I wasn’t thinking of Mayyim all alone in our room.

  Chapter 6

  “Who’s the girl?” she asks, lying on her side, head in hand, smoking a long, slender cigarette in a long slender holder, watching my every movement.

  But I’m not making any movements. I’m lying here fucked out of my mind, wanting it more and more as each second passes, feeling shitty about it to the extreme.

  I could do it again, though.

  “Why do you care?” I take another drag of her mentholated Virginia Slim.

  She runs her long, predatory fingernails over my skin, smiling with her red lips and villainy. “I want to know who my competition is.”

  “You have no competition. I don’t know why you try.” I wish she would stop so I could stop wanting. It’s making my balls hurt.

  She grabs my hair and pulls, not too hard and not too soft. “Pretty words, but I don’t like your tone.”

  I hate her. I hate how she talks. I hate her costume.

  She lets me go. She goes back to smoking. “You were supposed to be mine.”

  “You’re not mine. Why should I be yours?” I turn onto my stomach. I’m getting too comfortable and I keep seeing Mike coming from the basement. But I’m so tired and her bed is so comfy, and her smell is intoxicating, and I am spent from a sensory overload of absolute pleasure. Her fingernails are running up and down my back and it’s dangerous. She’s kissing my neck and winding my curls around her fingers.

  “I’m not having you here to fall asleep. If I wanted that, I’d fuck my husband.”

  I smile at the joke. I hate Mike. I turn again. I shouldn’t get so comfortable anyway. I should be getting dressed. “Yeah, I guess.” I move to sit on the edge of the bed, seeing my clothes on the floor. I’m spent. And I’d do it all again.

  “That’s it? You look like you’re ready to go.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m leaving, you know.”

  I turn around to look at her. “Leaving? Mike?” Stupid immature baby hope comes up inside, but I pop that hope bubble right away because I have no desire to have her to myself anyway and she doesn’t want me, either.

  “No. That’s absurd. Who would buy me things?” She scoffs. “No, but the asshole finally got someone to produce his play and we’re moving to New York.”

  Real hope springs. Could it be true? She’s leaving. So it’s over? My prayers have been heard. Thank you, God. “When?”

  “Next week.”

  “Wow. That’s quick.”

  “Yeah. I think he’s going to have a nonstop party until then, the fuck-head.” She looks at me with all the affection she can muster. “You’re getting too old for the sex slave scene anyway.”

  I agree. “That’s what I was thinking.”

  “I’ll get another younger one over there.”

  Sounds fine to me. Although it does hurt, knowing I now have no one. How am I going to make it with no outlet at all? I guess that’s the point though, right? But I’ve never tried to fight as hard as I’m going to have to try to fight knowing I’m not going to have her.

  She’s talking but my thoughts are too loud. “What?”

  “I was telling you I’m going to have a New York baby. It’ll never know the west coast as home. It’s unreal.”

  I frown. “What baby?”

  “The one I’m carrying.”

  I feel bad for that kid. “I thought you never wanted to have kid
s with Mike.” One time she told me she never had unprotected sex with her husband, which I thought was hilarious at the time, but now I think it’s gross. I feel dirty too; she might be having unprotected sex with someone else in order to get pregnant and that’s not good for me because I’ve never used protection with her.

  My subconscious is starting to sweat.

  “I’d never make babies with his ugly ass.”

  “I didn’t know you were doing anyone else.” Lots of sweat.

  “I’m not.”

  My vision tunnels out. I want to hit her. “Whose baby is it then, Helen?” I ask her, ice cold murder in my voice. I could murder. It wouldn’t be more of a sin than this.

  “How could I pass up the opportunity? He’ll be gorgeous.” She’s sexy and vixenish at first but she must see the murder in my eyes as fear and uncertainty cross hers.

  “No.” My world is swimming in and out of focus. I stand, holding my head to keep it from exploding.

  “I thought you’d be happy.”

  “No.” I can’t even think. “What would make you think I’d be happy about you having my baby? Lying to me, and dropping this on me, and leaving? I don’t want you to have my baby. I hate you,” I yell at her. My body is rejecting itself. I feel like puking, and my stomach feels like it has nickels in it. “Why would you do this to me?”

  “It’s my baby, it has nothing to do with you. Mike will think it’s his and everything will be fine.”

  I grab her by her wrists and shake her. “You’re so stupid. I don’t look like everyone else! That baby’s going to come out of you looking like me, and that fucking prick of a human being is going to treat my baby like shit!” I throw her away from me in blood red rage. I push over her nightstand with her picture of herself and Mike, and her stupid ugly lamp, and perfume. “You are the most selfish piece of shit I’ve ever known! You’ve taken my first child from me! I don’t get to have that with the person I marry and love! You’ve raped me of everything I still had! I have nothing!” I’m screaming and she’s recoiling in terror. I’m doing everything I can to keep myself from hitting her, from destroying her. I hate her. I fucking hate her!

  I throw the lamp into the wall and it shatters.

  I have to go. Somebody has heard me yelling and has told Mike, or Mike has realized the guy he was talking to is not listening and is going to be looking for a willing ear.

  “You’re scaring me,” she cries. “Calm down.”

  I pull my clothes on. “Don’t talk to me. It’s too late. Have you thought about when the kid is sixteen and he looks like me with orange eyes and zingy hair and he looks around and doesn’t belong anywhere or to anyone, and you’re still a piece of shit, and Mike hates him? You haven’t thought of that because you’re a piece of shit.” I pull my shirt on. This is a nightmare.

  “Then I’ll tell him about you and send him to you.”

  “You make sure you do. Because if I find out my child has been mistreated, I’ll kill you. And I’ll kill Mike. That’s my baby. It belongs to me!” I scream at her. I make my way to the door and exit, still fixing my clothes, buttoning and zipping while I walk.

  I look up to see Mike. I’m on the wrong side of the bathroom. Shit.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Bathroom.” I tell him and keep walking, sweat prickling my skin. He’s going to check on her and then he’s going to find me. I have to get my shit together, but I don’t have long. And the girl. I completely forgot about Mayyim for a second. I don’t want her to get hurt in the scuffle. Jake’s in his room and I hear some female noises. At least he’s close and can save me from getting beat to death. Or get Mayyim if he can’t.

  I enter my room.

  Mayyim is looking at me with sad, anguished eyes.

  I sit on the edge of the bed. He’s going to kill me. I know it’s coming. I hope he doesn’t mess up my face. If he does, I hope he kills me.

  “What’s wrong? What happened?” she asks, sitting and looking me over.

  I open my mouth to talk but no sound is coming.

  I deserve this. I deserve what’s coming. I hope he kills me because nothing good has ever come to my life, especially when it comes to women. I’m not going to fight back. I’m going to take it like a man. “Mayyim, I’m sorry I left you. I shouldn’t have. I like you, and I’m sorry I left. I’m in deep shit so be careful. Jake’s in the next room.” I hear screaming, and thunder, and guttural male noises I know are the sounds of retaliation.

  I stand and move away from the bed and I watch the door as it flies open. He’s a lot bigger than I remember and his hands are clenched white tight.

  He’s purple with rage. “You son of a whore! What have you done to my wife?” he bellows, standing in the doorway. “I welcome you into my home and this is the thanks I get? You fuck with my wife? You fucking dick son of a bitch!”

  I have to fight my body’s natural impulses to run or fight back. The first hit has come and gone with a shock of pain and fear. Why am I not fighting back? Fuck, my stomach and my kidneys are shattered.

  Now my face.

  Please God, I deserve this but please don’t let him break my nose.

  I’m on the floor and everything’s getting fuzzy. My head feels like it’s two hundred feet underwater and there’s an axe in it. I think I can hear a girl screaming for Jake, and I think I can hear Mike taunting me. I can feel him getting removed from me, and Betty and Mayyim are swimming in my vision, and Jake is tousling with Mike.

  Mayyim is going to get hit. I’d die if she got hurt because of me. “Stop. You’re going to hurt her!” My lips aren’t working.

  My eyes are closing and there’s blackness.

  I don’t want to die.

  Chapter 7

  I can’t open my eyes or move my body. I can hear voices. But I’m too exhausted to do anything about it.

  It’s Jake and Mayyim.

  I can hear running water so we must be at the camp we go to sometimes.

  My face hurts. And my kidneys.

  I have a concussion. That’s why everything is so fuzzy and weird.

  “Is he awake?” Mayyim’s worried voice.

  “I don’t think so.” Jake’s experienced one.

  “Is he going to die?”

  “I don’t think so. He probably has a concussion. He’ll get over it.”

  “He looks awful.”

  Great. She thinks I look awful. He should have killed me. My memory is fuzzy but I remember Mike calling me a son of a whore, and I remember why I feel broken. I was made an unwilling sperm donor.

  “He’s alright. He’ll probably sleep for about three days and he’ll be fine. I felt his ribs. Nothing’s broken. He has to heal. Keep putting ice on him.”

  “Why didn’t he fight back? He let him come in and beat the shit out of him.”

  “Because…I mean, how can you fight when you’re not angry, you know?”

  “No, I don’t. I’d be angry if someone was beating the shit out of me.”

  “Yeah, but – you wouldn’t understand.”

  “Tell me. I can.”

  “Alright,” there’s a pause. “He deserved what he got and he knew what was coming. It wouldn’t be polite to fight a guy who’s trying to kill you because you fucked with his wife without his blessing. He knew what he was getting into, so he has no right to fight back. That would be dishonorable. It would be like he was saying he did nothing wrong.”

  *****

  Ezzy, come here. Feel your baby kicking.

  She’s all blue-black hair and brown eyes and soft face, and round belly. She’s grinning. But the grin never reaches her eyes because she’s always restless. It’s like this is a scene from the movie of her life, and when the scene is over she’ll have moved on to the next one. But I’m touching her belly and I feel the little body moving around inside her mother’s skin and I know it’s not real because they’re dead. I saw them die.

  But it’s so nice to feel her again.

  My little
baby.

  My daughter.

  The one I’ll never have.

  Chapter 8

  “How’s he doing?” Jake’s voice.

  “He keeps calling for someone.” Mayyim’s soft voice.

  “Who?”

  “Kate?”

  “Hmm.”

  “Who is she?”

  “I think it’s up to him to tell you about.”

  “He told me about the baby.”

  “I don’t want to get into his business. It’s been a hard road for him. He cares a lot. Too much.” There’s a pause. “He’s a good guy. I love him. He needs to talk about it. He needs to have happiness in his life.”

  “Like Hannah?”

  “Yeah. He doesn’t have Hannah anymore, though. He doesn’t have anything. Never has. At least I got family but he’s always been a loner, ya know?”

  “He wouldn’t kiss me.”

  “I told you he’s a good guy. He’s all about God, and love, and having moral standards.” He continues after a long pause, “I know how it is to be forced to do things with people. My dad has messed with me and my brothers and sister. It hurts you to your bones, even if you don’t think so. If he refused to kiss you it wasn’t because he doesn’t like you, I can assure you that’s not the case. I’ve never seen him look at any women like he looks at you. It’s because he wants to do right by you.”

  “What does your mom do about your dad?”

  “Nothing. She ignores it and hopes for the best and keeps having babies. When he’s in town she tries to send as many kids away as she can. Especially the boys.”

  “But she knows and stays with him?”

  “Yeah.” There’s a pause. “Are you hungry?”

  Another pause. “Yeah.”

  *****

  “Ezra, wake up. You gotta drink some water.”

  My lips hurt bad. They feel parched though and the cold water feels good. My mouth is so dry too. Thank you, God. Thank you for cold water. My stomach is spasming like I’m going to heave. I don’t want to do that. Vomiting would hurt a lot.

  *****