“Then give it to me,” she demands.
A rush of heat shoots from my toes to my balls, and I kiss her softly and she kisses back. I push my hands in her hair and kiss her. My lips hurt but it’s okay. It’s worth every bit of pain. Her leg slides up mine and my hips push into her like my dick is a divining rod and she’s the water.
Fuck. God, please give me strength and direction.
“I don’t think your head is healed enough for that,” she says softly. “I paid for a kiss. I don’t think I have the funds for the rest. From what I hear it’s worth every dime.” She kisses me again.
I try to pull in my grin. “You’re right,” I murmur. “But I can lower the quality and the price and maybe we can do business?”
“No, I’m saving up. I heard what you said before. It’s what makes me like you. I want your goodness.”
I touch her cheeks. She has light freckles I can see in the moonlight. Her eyes are gray traced in darkness. Her hair is blonde, short and wavy, and has a hint of the pink from before. “It’s hard to believe in things when there’s nothing but temptation.”
“I’ve seen you at parties. Sitting there while girls throw themselves at you and all you are is disinterested. You can resist temptation until you’re ready. I believe in you.”
I pet her hair so I don’t touch anything else. “You never came up to me, though.” I want to push away so I can get my body settled down.
She smiles. “You would have turned down all those girls but if I came up to you it would have been a different story?”
“We’ll never know, will we?” I whisper and kiss her again.
Jake gets up on his elbows and looks at us. “Really? Now? Get a room,” he grumbles and rolls over, putting his pillow over his head.
“You should go to sleep, too.”
She’s beautiful. “You should, too.” She’s getting up but I grab her arm. “Hey, whereya goin’? Stay awhile.” I pull her back into my arms and she settles. I’m happy.
Chapter 12
We’ve been at Jake’s for a week and my face looks amazing, almost completely healed.
They’ve gotten word their dad is headed back. Cece makes phone calls to see who can take her brothers. She found places for everyone but Oscar. He’s sixteen and looks like a gang member. Jake said he can come with us.
We’re going to a guy named Rick’s house. He’s young and independently wealthy and blows a lot of money on bullshit. I used to think he was cool but Mayyim told us she knew him with a look on her face, and now I hate him and want him dead.
“Do you know anyone who isn’t a child molester?” I whisper to Jake, walking from the house to the car with stuff.
I’m pissed.
He looks at me funny. “Yeah. I do. But they’re usually not willing to take in strays. It would have been nice to stay at Darry’s while his parents are gone, but he said no.”
I feel dumb. This is his life. He hops around while his dad is home and holds down the fort while he’s not. He’s been using people who use him for years. What right do I have to criticize?
We take our last showers and pack our clean clothes and head out. Jake buys a dime from Teo, and I help him to hold him down to steal the money back. We hug and kiss his mama and Cece hands us money as we take more stuff to the car. Mayyim hugs and kisses all the girls and gives Cece and their mom an even longer hug. They kiss her and give her the salve they’ve been putting on me, talking at her, scolding. I love that.
“So, what’s with you and the girl? Are you hitting it?” Jake whispers, packing the trunk. We’re dropping Mateo and Zeke off at their aunt’s house in El Segundo, so he has to get their stuff packed too. “You look like you got chica on the brain.”
“I’m not hitting anything. You know I haven’t been doing anyone other than Betty,” I whisper back quickly.
“You’re not hitting it, and she’s been crawling into bed with you?”
“Yeah. It’s kind of nice. It’s nice to not have to worry about it,” I tell him.
“You’re crazy. My balls would be killing me,” he whispers back.
“My balls are killing me,” I admit.
“You’re stupid. What’s it worth?”
“It’s the only thing I can help.”
“One day your belief God cares is gonna kill you. Starting with your balls.”
“She’s not even eighteen yet. Isn’t that weird?”
“So is making out with her all night and not sticking it in.”
“I haven’t touched her. It’s like waiting until the last possible moment to open a present, making sure you open it all slow so as not to rip the paper then folding it nicely. It’s exhilarating,” I explain, whispering quickly.
“No, I always rip that fucker open, shaking it the whole time trying to figure it out.”
“I know.” It’s been difficult.
“You let me know when you hit.”
I’m not going to do it though, so how is that supposed to make me feel?
The worst thing is I was happy, and now I feel weird and sad. Why is she kissing me at night when she knows how I feel, and is commending me for having morals? Why is she kissing me knowing it will go nowhere? Because I’m the safe guy she’s using as a boost to get her to the next level? I never thought I would be that guy.
“I have chicas on my mind, too.” He’s quiet and somber.
I’m supposed to ask questions. And he’s totally blushing, hard. He never blushes. “Who?”
He shrugs. “By the way, Betty gave me this to give you.”
It’s a wad of money and a little box. “I don’t want Mike’s money. You keep it. What’s in the box?” I open it. It’s a necklace with a tiger’s eye pendant. On the back it says “For my Tiger Eyes.” I hand it back to him. “Pawn it.” I go back to focus on him. “Who are these girls?”
“You have to promise you won’t try to kill me.”
Oh shit. Please not Abby. Why? Fuck me. “Why would I care, Jake?”
“Because.”
“Really? Of all the fucking people on the planet you have to go crazy about my little sister? Why?”
He looks at me with the sincerest eyes I’ve ever seen on him. “I have no idea. I wouldn’t if I could help it. I’ve tried to get her out of my head.”
I guess it could be worse. It could be Pauly. I love Jake. He’s the best guy I know. I just don’t know if he believes in monogamy. “I guess it’s okay. If you marry her, and you’d have to marry her, we could be brothers for real and our kids could be cousins. Who’s the other one?”
“Just Israel.”
“Hmm. She’s a junkie.”
“Yeah.”
“Drugs are a trap.”
“I’m getting old, you know?”
I do know. I feel the same.
Chapter 13
We dropped off the boys and ate lunch at Jake’s aunt’s house and went to the beach. I slept because I couldn’t shake the bad feeling Jake gave me or my headache. They all played in the ocean, even Oscar.
Now we’re in front of Rick’s house in Malibu. He’s one of those guys whose house is always full of people partying. Those are the houses we usually stay at because Jake can hustle money and nobody’s put out by our presence. It’s mostly people our age, dancing and smoking, and drinking. Not as easy for Jake to make money and it always makes me feel old and damaged.
“Ez! Jake! What up, bros?”
Now that I know who he is I want to punch him. “Hey. Long time no see. Jake said it’s cool if we crash?” Ugh.
“Fer shur, bro, we all gotta help each other out, man. Come on in. Who’s this gangster?”
I shiver until I feel a warm hand slide into mine. She needs a safe place to live away from creeps.
“This is my little brother Oscar. He tries to look like a G, but he’s a sweetie.” Jake hugs his head to him and rubs it while Oscar smiles.
Rick sees Mayyim and smiles a knowing smile.
Her eyes are usually so ale
rt and quick but now they’re dead. The light is gone from them. She looks withdrawn, like a little girl the big boys are picking on. I would do anything to take that look away from her forever.
“Is that Koli? What are you doing here? I didn’t know you knew these guys.”
“Yeah. They’re my friends,” she says, quietly.
She’s shy. She won’t look at him. Since the moment I saw her I’ve never seen her shy. I want to take her away from this position she’s in. What’s better, a warm bed to sleep in and this situation, or not knowing and not having to deal?
But I shouldn’t be treating her like a girl, right? We already made that agreement in the beginning.
“Wow, awesome.” He shows us to our rooms connected by a bathroom.
Jake and I scope each room. One has a huge bed and the other has two little ones. Rick is saying something about being sure the single bed’s not a problem for us. He thinks Jake and I are gay lovers, too.
“Koli, wanna join me?”
She nods and walks away with him.
What?
“What the fuck’s goin’ on?” Jake whispers at me, shocked, looking where she went.
My blood is boiling and I’m confused. My vision is blurring from the concussion and I feel sick and weak. After everything she said? I shouldn’t have believed my happiness could last. It never does. I’ve been naïve and the worst kind of stupid. “How the fuck should I know?” I shouldn’t be pissed at him but my brain is in rage mode.
“Hey, you wanna fight or somethin’?”
“No, do you?”
“You know I’m a pacifist.”
“Yeah, right. And I’m the virgin fucking Mary.” I want to puke.
“You gonna let this happen?”
“No, I’m going to do what I said I would and not treat her like a girl. I told her we all had to trust each other. I trust her like she should be able to trust me. Whatever happens, happens. She’s not my girlfriend, ya know?” I enter the room with the big bed and close the door behind me. I take my clothes off and throw them angrily. I want to break something. Or light something on fire. My head is banging. I’m going to lie down.
It doesn’t even feel like I fell asleep, but it’s dark and my mouth tastes like deep sleep. My head has stopped splitting.
Mayyim is lying on the bed next to me. She’s naked, I think. I’m not sure.
Yeah, she’s naked.
I’m so confused. “Are you okay?”
She turns to look at me. “Yeah. Are you mad?”
“No? Why? What’s going on?” It’s like I have to force myself to not touch her or look at her, and keep reminding myself she’s seventeen.
“I had to make sure he wouldn’t tell my mom or stepdad I was here. I didn’t do anything. I promised him some things I’m not planning on following through with.”
I’m still kind of confused. “That’s cool. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I told him I was on my period.” She looks at my eyes. “But I wanted to tell you, if you wanted to I would let you.”
This is too weird. “Are you saying if I wanted to, you’d let me do you and that’s why you’re naked?” Moral high road or horny young man low road? Fuckin’ a.
She nods shyly.
I sit slowly so as not to disturb my brain. I stand and cross the room, away from her to clear my head and pick up my undies and shirt. I lie back and give them to her. “You’re high if you think I’m going to do you after you were talking to some guy about the things you’re going to do with him. And just like that? Offering yourself to me like a sacrifice? Fuck that. Put some clothes on.” The moral high road makes my balls hurt.
She pulls them on, staring at me.
I look at her sideways. “Are you okay?”
She nods.
“Do you want to talk?”
She shakes her head negatively.
“Are you mad at me?”
She softens. “No. Do you still like me?”
“Yes. Way more than I should. What about you? Do you still like me?” I ask, turning onto my side to face her.
She nods. “Yes. I do.” She kisses my cheek.
“I think you have more in the bank than that.” I smile at her.
“Maybe. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow.” She snuggles up to me, closing her eyes.
*****
I woke up a few minutes ago and discovered she is not here in bed with me. I don’t know where she is and my heart is heavy. Did she leave me? Is she with Rick? Does she hate me because I turned her down? Where is she and what have I done?
Do I care about her? Am I just lusting after her? Is it her eyes, like people think they love me for mine? Is it her body? But I had the chance last night and it wasn’t about that. I hardly looked at her body. I don’t remember what her nipples look like.
Yes, I do.
I had the chance and I fucked everything with my stupid head. My body hurts from my balls to my heart and now my head because I’m concussed and thinking too hard hurts like a motherfucker.
Why, God? Nobody wants a pussy for a person, right? Should I have followed her when she went to talk to Rick? I thought I was doing the right thing.
I was fine before, living life, trying to get numb and forget everything. I was fine with the thought of never looking at or caring about another woman in my entire life, satisfied with filling my needs with someone else’s problem and not thinking about it.
My clothes are folded neatly, and she and her clothes are gone, and all the money is still here.
She’s gone.
And the stupidest thing is I’ve liked kissing her. And I’ve enjoyed feeling her there in the night, the look on her face when she’s taking care of my cuts and bruises, like she wants to get it right and doesn’t want to hurt me. Why would she do that and then leave?
I’m going to be rich someday, too. My path is paved with success.
The crap in my life is the crap I bring into it. But I can stop. I can get rid of it.
I take a shower and go back to bed forever. I put my arm over my face and fight every thought that floats in my head.
It feels like hours until Jake breaks my self-imposed haze.
“Easy, what’s goin’ on? Where’s your girl, hermano?”
I don’t want to open my eyes. “She’s not my anything, Love.” Love is Jake’s middle name. It’s one of the coolest things about him, besides everything else. I like calling him Love because he calls me Easy.
“You’re naked.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know.”
“Where’s the girl? I expected to find you balls deep.”
My jaw clenches. He was right. Nothing breaks the bond of a band of merry men like adding a girl to the mix. Because, I love Jake, he’s one of my favorite people in the world but right now I want to punch him in the face.
“Did she ever come back from Rick?”
I nod.
“Where is she now?”
“Oh my God. I don’t know. If I knew I’d fucking tell you! What do you think?” I’m so fucking mad. I’m trying to calm myself, letting my heart speak to God, but it’s not working. I sit. I hold my aching head in my hands and hang my feet off the side of the bed.
“From what I see, it looks like she rolled you?” he asks, picking up my backpack and looking for the money. He finds it and puts it down, more confused than ever.
“No, that’s not it at all.” I tell him everything.
He frowns and sits next to me on the bed. “When did she leave?”
“I have no clue. I was in dreamland where I was not me.”
“I love those dreams.” He puts his chin in his hands and elbows on knees.
My heart hurts. “I…” I can’t finish.
“You don’t have to say anything. I can see it. No matter what happens, this is good. It’s been a long time and you had to move on someday. Right?”
I nod.
“You hungry? Get dressed and we’ll wake Oscar’s ass up and go get breakfast.”
He pats me. “I’d hug you but you’re naked, so…”
“Just get outta here.” I tell him. I watch him leave and I dump everything out of my back pack, finding a concert t-shirt and pulling it on, some undies and black jeans, my shoes without socks. I reorganize and repack.
I think I’ll be okay for my interview. I’ll have to land myself a suit and do the slicked back hair thing. I’m going to get that job. It’s not the job I want forever, but I can do it with my degree and certificate and make a fair amount of money. Having a job means I don’t have to jump from place to place, I can have my own place. And that means Jake can have his own place, too.
I’m out the door and Mayyim is walk/running toward me, holding her stomach where her holes are. She has a fat lip and a bruised cheek but her eyes are so bright. She’s out of breath but grinning, showing all her teeth. She stops and squats, trying to catch her breath. She has a backpack on and it’s dark green and all marked up with Sharpie. She’s holding her hand up and making a circle with her finger and pointing away. She’s saying round up, let’s go.
Chapter 14
“Jake! Get your stuff, we gotta run.” I yell. I grab the last of my things and Jake meets us in the corridor. Oscar’s dazed but ready.
“We gotta go. I kicked him in his filthy sack and ran!” she says, breathless. “Come on!”
Well, scratch Rick’s house off the list of safe houses.
We run down the stairs and out the back while Jake runs out the front to bring his car around. I hear yelling and feet pounding and Jake pulls up as we fight our way through elephant ears and birds of paradise to get to the street. Oscar throws the door open and we jump in and Jake squeals off.
We’re all laughing. It’s amazing. We all have tears, except Oscar. He’s doing some smiling.
“Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do,” Jake tells Mayyim, grinning.
She grins back. “It’s my birthday.” She pulls her backpack off. “I had to get all my legal stuff. My ID, birth certificate, social, medical papers. My dad’s death certificate.” She works on catching her breath. “I have money.” She hands me a stack of hundreds. “That’s my mom’s boob job money.” She’s grinning so hard, all over her face and deep in her eyes. “She’s gonna be pissed. You know how much head she had to give for this?” She grins happily. “My stepdad tried to stop me. He punched me, so I turned around and kicked him in his dirty old balls. It felt amazing so I did it again. And then, Rick tried to grab me so I kicked him too. Then I ran the whole way back. I’m so glad I ran in high school. I ran through backyards and hopped fences like no other. Do we have water?”
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