Easy

by Mercedes Siler

I wish I could take her with me.

  I wish I was independently wealthy.

  I get up later and eat cereal across the table from Jake. He’s going to work. I’m glad. I’m proud of him. I wonder if he’s proud of me. He probably is. We’ve both transitioned to the same thing at the same time, going to bed at a reasonable time, waking way too early. We used to come and crash at this time, barely going to sleep, and now we’re up before the sun’s out eating cereal for breakfast across the table from each other.

  “Hey, where’d you sleep last night?” For the first time in forever I was able to spread out and sleep all night. That’s why I wanted to stay in bed.

  “With your sister. She finally let me in. I think my beard got to her.”

  It is pretty impressive. I wish I could grow facial hair. “Was she non-judgmental?”

  “I’ve decided it doesn’t matter whether she’s judgmental or not. I can change that. It just takes time. If I can get a real job and quit making better money quicker but hurting me as a person cold-turkey, she can change, too. She’s just scared.” He smiles thoughtfully. “Did you ever think we’d be here?”

  “No. I thought we’d be dead.”

  “Me too. I thought we were barely hanging on. I thought you were gonna die out there in that campground. I kept on waiting for you to wake up on day three and when you didn’t I was freaked the hell out. I was about to call your brother.”

  It seems like so long ago. “Did you get to see the baby at your appointment?”

  “No. They did the heart beat thing. But it was pretty awesome. They said they’d do the good one next month to see if it’s a boy or girl. Hopefully. I wanted to ask you if it’s a boy can I name him Leo?”

  Leo is my middle name. “Are you going to name it Leona if it’s a girl?”

  “It’s not going to be a girl.” He grins with confidence. “I don’t know, though. Girls are cool. Rosa and Maria are cool. They always give me hugs and kisses.”

  “What if you get a Cece?”

  He smiles. “What if Cece gets a Cece? She’d be my baby’s cousin but no relation at all to yours.”

  I hadn’t thought about it. Please God don’t let mine be a girl if hers is a boy. Or vice versa, but especially the other way. In your son’s name, Amen.

  “Are you praying?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Does it work?”

  “Yeah.”

  “God would listen to a person like me?”

  “God listens to everyone. The thing is you can’t expect to ask for help and continue to do the things you know are bad, waiting for God to pull you out at the last second, and then go back to doing it. You gotta work at it, too.”

  He looks thoughtful again. “I never thought about it. I’ve always been mad at God. I mean, you don’t see God here trying to help us. I could have used his help. It would have been nice to have him fix some things for me. I’ve had a tough time and I never saw God hold out his hand for me. I mean, the good guys go to heaven and the bad guys go to hell, but what about me? Where do I fit?”

  “I think sometimes God helps us or gives us an answer and we’re not listening or are trying to do things ourselves and don’t recognize it. Like, maybe you ran into that bathroom where I was because you would find me and finding me led you here, eventually. And eventually that will lead you to something better.”

  “Better than you?”

  “A close second. I think churches are wrong when they talk about heaven and hell. No matter what my kid did I don’t think I’d ever want it to suffer eternally. God doesn’t want you to suffer, either.”

  He nods. “Yeah. I’m glad I went into that bathroom and found you. Best thing I ever did.”

  “Yeah. I’m glad I was praying and hoping for an answer.”

  “It’s crazy how in love with each other we are but how much we love vagina.”

  I grin and look at the clock. “You guys are on your own for dinner. We’re going to her aunt’s to break the news.”

  “Good luck. Hopefully it goes better than our news breaking. I’ll pray for you.”

  “Thanks. I’ll be praying for me too. I’d love to have your kid named after me. I was going to ask you if I can name mine Love.”

  He smiles, happy and proud. “That would be awesome.”

  I wash my bowl and spoon. “See ya later, sweets.”

  “Have a great day at work, dulce.”

  “You, too.” Off to work.

  *****

  We’re sitting at her aunt’s fancy kitchen table. It’s not set fancy like at my parents’ house, just the utensils we need and takeout. She was going to make real food but got caught up at work so we’re eating good, basic Chinese that Mayyim is devouring. She’s so cute and constantly eating and has passion for food like I’ve never seen her have before.

  “Slow down!” Jora takes her fork away from her. “If you’re going to eat like an animal it’s not going to be with my fork.”

  She picks up chopsticks and eats with them.

  “So, Ezra, you’re always so quiet. What’s that all about?” Jora asks, sitting at the other side of the table.

  I swallow and dab. “I was taught to speak when spoken to when I’m trying to make a good impression, ma’am.”

  “Well, we’re Jewish. We talk all the time. How’s school?”

  “Good. I get to sit in on a couple of trials. I’ve decided I’m going to get my law degree and then certified, double majoring in sociology and becoming a company consultant. I don’t want to waste my education in law, but I don’t want to practice law.”

  “There’s good money in it.”

  “I can’t see myself being a lawyer. My interest is in people.” I can’t imagine being the lead lawyer on a case. I know the law, but I don’t care about it. I don’t believe in black and white.

  “What about you, little goat? How have you been?”

  “Pregnant.”

  Wow. What a way to go for broke.

  “And I don’t want to hear you say one bad thing about it. I want it and I’m overjoyed and that’s that.” She looks at her seriously, pointing a chopstick at her before going back to eating.

  “Oy vey,” she whispers, watching her. She looks at me. “Do you never feed her?”

  “I don’t keep tabs on what she eats.” I shrug, uncomfortable.

  “She’s going to eat you out of house and home if you don’t stop her.”

  I grin at Mayyim giving me a chipmunk face.

  “Hmph.” Jora looks at her niece in wonderment for a minute. “Have you gone to the doctor yet, motek?”

  “No, tante. I wanted to ask you if you had any preferences.”

  “Well, I can’t see you, but someone in my practice can. You should have come by. What about tomorrow? I was going to ask you if you’d like to do some receptionist work for me and now I think it’s the perfect idea. You can make up what you’ve been eating.”

  She smiles. “Stop making fun of me. I’m hungry. I’ve never been so hungry in my life.”

  “If you don’t stop you’re going to have to push a fifteen-pound baby out of your hoohaw.”

  She looks at her, hurt. “You’re going to make me cry.”

  “Don’t cry. I want you to be healthy. And your little baby to be healthy. Fruits, and vegetables, and dairies!” She comes to hug her. “Can you come by tomorrow?” She looks between us and we both nod. “Good.” She sits back down. “Let’s eat. I was late today because I was delivering a fifteen-pound baby out of a little girl about your size. Not pleasant. I had to take the baby cesarean.” She smiles at her. “So what are your plans? Are you excited?” She looks excited.

  They talk and I zone out.

  “You okay there, Ezra?”

  I look at her. “Yes, ma’am. Sleepy.” I try to shake myself awake.

  “Mayyim, take your mensch home and put him to bed. What kind of a balebustah are you?”

  “It’s okay, it was just a long day.” She makes me nervous with the critici
zing.

  “Tante, he’s a grown man and can take care of himself. If he’s tired, he can decide if we’re going home just as easy as I can.” She looks at me affectionately. “She criticizes to show she cares. She’s teasing me because she loves me. Are you ready to go?”

  “I don’t want to be a party pooper.”

  “Nonsense. You work hard. It’s not easy going to school full-time. I know. I’m a doctor.” Jora stands and packages food for us to take home. “Come by my practice tomorrow. Promise?”

  “Yes, tante.” She hugs and kisses her. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, metuke.” She hugs and kisses me. “You, too, Ezra. Take care. Drive safely.”

  It feels so nice to be hugged by a grown-up successful person. “Yes, ma’am, I will. Thank you for dinner.”

  *****

  There’s fighting going on inside the house and I know it’s going to be one of those nights I can’t get comfortable because there are too many people in my bed.

  “Are you okay?” Mayyim asks as we walk. She’s wearing tight skinny jeans I hate because it’s hard to get them off in a sexy manner, a t-shirt and zippered sweatshirt with the hood up.

  “Yeah. Just tired. I want to be able to sleep well.” I sit on the hood of my car and she sits next to me. “I love him to death, but he takes up a lot of room.” I see lights come up the street and turn where they can only be coming here.

  It’s Darry’s car. It must be Cece and the kids.

  “There are beds in the other rooms. Jake can sleep with his brothers,” she says.

  “Yeah.” Darry’s car rolls to a stop.

  “Are you mad?”

  I look at her. “No. What would I be mad about?” She makes a crazy face of confusion and I smile at her. “You’re silly. I’m fine. I just want to go to bed. And kiss you and hold you.”

  “That’s probably why you’re so sleepy.”

  Probably.

  Darry walks up holding the older baby. Cece’s holding Teddy. The little girls are holding hands and crying, and the boys are following behind, looking at their feet. Teo is with them and he’s usually not. His jaw is clenched and my stomach tightens seeing the swelling purple bruises on his face and his nose bleeding.

  Cece hands Teddy to Mayyim, looking more worn out than I think I could ever feel.

  “You okay?” I hug her and she lets herself be weak for a second while I rub her back and pet her long hair. “Are you hurt?”

  “No. He came home without calling. The boys need baths and bed.”

  “That’s fine. Let’s go.” I turn to the boys who won’t look me in the eye. “Come on. Let’s go.” I lead them into the house. Jake is fully dressed and standing in the kitchen, looking like he’s ready to bolt. “Where are you going?” I ask him.

  “What’s goin’ on?” He looks at his family, his jaw clenching like Teo’s.

  “It looks like they needed a safe place to stay,” I tell him.

  He strides over to the boys and takes their faces in his hands, making them look at him. Teo doesn’t let him. He lets go and looks at Cece. “What the fuck, Cece?”

  “Just stop, okay? I did the best I could.”

  “Really? This is the best you could do?”

  “Where were you? Playing house with some snobby little rich girl who fucks you to piss off her daddy? Yeah, that’s where. We agreed, the boys are yours and the girls and babies are mine. Who dropped the ball?”

  He looks like he’s going to hit her, but he just stands, fierceness against fierceness. He moves her and beckons to the boys. “Come on.” His jaw is tight.

  I follow and knock on Abby’s door. “Abby, can I come in?”

  She opens the door. “What?”

  “Cece and the kids are here. Get your stuff and come to the room on the other side of the house so the boys can have your room.”

  “Why do I have to move?”

  “I’m so fucking tired of this.” I can’t believe I’m yelling. I’m not a yeller. “Get your shit and go to the other room. This is my house and I’m telling you to get your shit and go.” I watch her eyes turn from anger to loss and she slams the door in my face.

  I’ve never wanted to hit a girl so bad in my life. I want to shake her violently.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Jake comes over, eyes wild.

  “I don’t know. I told her to move to the other room so the boys could have this one and she slammed the door in my face.” I figure he’s partially the reason she’s here so she’s his problem, too. I know in my heart of hearts he won’t hurt her.

  He makes an angry grunty noise and opens the door. She shrieks and he grabs her and throws her over his shoulder while she kicks and screams and hits him. He takes her into the other room and throws her on the bed. “What do you need for the night?”

  “I need you to fuck off and don’t ever touch me again.” she screams. “I hate you! Don’t ever touch me again. Go run off with your fucking girlfriend you son of a bitch.”

  He grabs her arm. “Don’t you ever say anything bad about my mom.” He exits, slamming the door. He looks a lot better. “Anything else?”

  “I think the boys need a shower and beds.”

  “Done.”

  “Then I’m going to bed.”

  “Does the kitten have baby Teddy?”

  “Yes. We’ll keep him. And Abby is not like the other girls you know, Jake. If she says no, that means no.”

  He rolls his eyes. “I’ve been doing this a long time, Easy. This is my scene. I know what the fuck I’m doing. If she doesn’t want me, she knows what to say. Cool? Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  I close the door to my room and take my clothes off. I crawl into bed and start falling asleep immediately.

  Tomorrow’s Friday.

  Yea…

  Chapter 39

  I sit on the edge of my bed.

  Again.

  I feel like I was just doing this.

  I can hear Jake banging my sister. I’m happy for him, but also revolted.

  Mayyim sits. “I’m going to throw up.” She crawls over the baby to get up and run to the bathroom.

  Teddy is a cute baby. And comfy. I don’t mind sleeping with him at all. I follow Mayyim into the bathroom. “Do you need anything?”

  “Never eating Chinese food again.”

  I grin and brush my teeth. “Are you excited about going to see the doctor today?”

  She nods, and flushes, and gets up to brush her own teeth.

  I kiss her cheek. “I love you. You’re going to have a crazy day.”

  “It’s entertaining.” She shrugs. “You’re coming home early, right?”

  “Yes. I’ll bring lunch.”

  “I’m thinking about what my aunt said about working. What do you think?”

  “I think you should do what makes you happy.”

  “I do get bored. I think I will.”

  “Cool.”

  “Not today, though. I can’t wait to see Abby and Cece drama all day. I’m just going to sit back and watch.”

  “Maybe she’ll be in a better mood since she got laid.”

  “I want to get laid.”

  I smile down at her. “I can make that happen.”

  “I’ve been waiting, but it’s like things got weird. It makes me sad.”

  Is that what’s wrong? I think I got stressed about things. And here she is, with my baby inside. She makes me hot all the time, but I’ve been thinking about money and work and worrying about her and the baby, and everything else going on in this house. But I look at her pretty face, looking at me all sexy and it’s all coming back. “Sorry. I’ll do better.”

  “Maybe we can stay in bed naked tomorrow.” She touches my body with her fingertips. “I mean, the baby isn’t even real yet. I am me at least until then.”

  “You’re going to make me late for my lab.”

  “Good. You should quit and spend every day with me. I miss you. I like having a warm bed, but I mi
ss running with you. At least then I got to be with you.”

  I pull her in and pull her hair back so I can look in her face. “I know. I do too. I’m restless. I have to get my degree and then we can go anywhere. We can run forever. We’ll always have this place to come back to and we can see everything.”

  “That sounds nice.” She smiles at me. She looks at me, searches me. I hope she likes what she sees. She hugs me. “Don’t ever leave me. Stay with me.” She hugs me and kisses me. “I love you.”

  “I want to stay.”

  “Come back to bed. I’ll put Teddy in with Cece. I don’t think Jake’s going to work either. You should stay.” She kisses my neck.

  “Peer pressure only works on the weak.” I love what she’s doing to me.

  “I know.” She retreats and picks baby Teddy up gently and walks out with him.

  She comes back empty-handed and I follow her back into bed and hold her close, touching her and falling back to sleep with her.

  I wake up to breakfast smells, but she’s still curled in my armpit all naked and pretty and I find myself making love to her to awakeness. She wraps her arms and legs around me, sleepy but willing.

  We eventually wander out to the kitchen where Cece is cooking. The kids are all sitting patiently. The boys are sitting on the floor. The girls are sitting at the table. Everyone looks solemn. Like refugees. Mayyim sits next to the girls and starts braiding Rosa’s hair while they smile and giggle. I don’t see Darry. “Where’s Darius?” I nod at Jake as he walks in looking full of himself.

  “He had to work. I guess you guys don’t?” She portions eggs, youngest to oldest. “I’ll cook fresh eggs for you guys.”

  I’m looking forward to scrambled eggs. It’s been years.

  “Do you need help?” Abby comes in looking disheveled and surprisingly sexy for a skinny, curly red-haired girl with a tiny baby belly. It’s disturbing to me. I don’t like it at all.

  “No, I’ve been doing this a long time.” She parcels hash browns and bacon to the kids.

  Abby grits her teeth. Jake looks and recognizes what’s going on. “Don’t be a bitch, Cecelia.” He grabs Abby by the shorts and pulls her into his lap naturally. She’s not very natural. She looks embarrassed. But she’s also not getting up.

  Jake is looking at the classifieds in the newspaper.