Beside a Dreamswept Sea

by Hinze, Vicki

  “Of course. I’d be delighted to assist, Hattie.”

  “Thank you. I confess I’ve a lengthy list of errands today and I have been fretting on how I’d get everything done in time for our weekly, er, meeting tonight.”

  “Historical Society?” Mrs. Wiggins asked, scooting back her chair.

  “Not exactly.” Hattie smiled enigmatically. “We’re planning a wedding.”

  “Who’s getting married?” Suzie asked.

  Miss Hattie wrinkled her nose. “It’s a secret.”

  “I’ll take Lyssie with me,” Mrs. Wiggins said. “It’ll be easier for you to shop without her grabbing everything in the world and trying to dump it in her hair.”

  Bryce gave his littlest angel a smile. The blue had faded from her hair. Maybe she’d be blond for Thanksgiving, after all.

  “That’s fine.” Miss Hattie turned off the stove. “Bryce, do run along, dear. Millie’s waiting.”

  “Thanks, Miss Hattie.” He kissed each of the kids.

  “You forgotted Miss Hattie, Daddy,” Jeremy told him.

  “Forgot.” Bryce grinned, then planted a gentle peck to her soft cheek. “Now who could ever forget Miss Hattie?”

  Bryce found Cally sitting on a root at the base of a sprawling oak, her legs stretched out, her back tilted against the rough bark of its trunk, her face lifted to the sun. Beautiful. Inside and out. His hands at his back, he stepped between her and the sun, watched his shadow melt over her, and grew jealous of it. Ridiculous, but he was uneasy and hurt, feeling shut out, and honest enough to admit he hated it. “Hi.”

  Her cheeks went rosy. “Hi.”

  She didn’t smile. Neither did he. He saw no regret in her eyes. Uncertainty, but no regret. Pleased and relieved and hopeful that maybe this time she’d finally talk with him about what had her upset and staying away from him and the M and M’s, he damned logic straight to hell and followed his instincts, bending over and kissing her lightly. “My pride, Miss Tate.” He held out the flower.

  “Looks like a flower to me, Counselor.” She took the white blossom and inhaled its scent.

  “Astute, as always, but this isn’t just a flower. It’s a narcissus.”

  She squinted up at him. “Its meaning is pride.”

  “Indeed it is. Brilliant deduction.” God, but she was beautiful. Vulnerable and fragile, and strong and courageous, all wrapped into a delectable package that tempted him beyond belief.

  “So.” She stood up, dusted at the bits of bark clinging to the seat of her jeans. “Is there a particular reason you’re giving me your pride, Counselor, or is this just a general I-thought-you-needed-a-little kind of gift?”

  She’d been crying; her eyes were red-rimmed and still glossy. No regret, so Miss Hattie had to have been right. Cally was struggling with her decision on whether or not to marry him. God, how he wished he could make it easy for her. What could he do? What hadn’t he done? “What you said the night we were together made a lot of sense—about Meriam and Gregory. And about us. The flower is my way of telling you I realize that. It is time we got to keep a little pride.”

  “Yet you’re giving yours to me. Why?” She let the blossom slide down her cheek.

  The time had come for truth. As much as she could accept of it, anyway. He let it shine in his eyes, sound in his voice. “Because you’re important to me and I want you to know it. Because your being comfortable with me is important to me, and I want you to know that, too.” He clasped her hand, pressed a lingering kiss to her knuckles. “And because I don’t want you ever again to have to say to anyone that you have no pride left because a fool of a man coerced you into forfeiting it to him. That won’t happen with me, Cally. I swear it. You have your own pride and, if ever you run short, you have a whole new supply to draw from. Mine.”

  “Yours.” A bittersweet expression fluttered over her face and a tear leaked from her eye. “You care.”

  More than you’ll ever know. More than I’ll ever have the right to tell you. But I’ll show you, Cally. I will show you. What he would give to be able to say all of that to her. But he couldn’t. Instead he told her what she would willingly hear. “Very much.” He pressed his lips to each of her fingertips. “Enough to want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  She dipped her chin, fingered the white petals. “You’re a special man, Counselor.”

  With her, he felt special. Wanted, needed, and lovable. Only she understood how much those things meant to him. “Marry me, Cally.”

  “I’m weighing the matter.” She looked up at him, her eyes serious, solemn. “It’s an important decision for us and the kids. I can’t afford to screw up.”

  “Is that why you’ve avoided all of us for the last couple days?”

  “It’s been a big factor.”

  “You won’t be screwing up, honey, unless you refuse. You know we need you. And you need us.” He cupped her chin in his big hand. It was trembling. She was touched by the flower; he could see it in the way she looked at him, her heart in her eyes, and he remembered what Miss Hattie had said about Hatch and Tony. “What are your instincts telling you to do?”

  “To say yes, but—”

  “Do you believe in wise men?”

  She blinked, then blinked again, adjusting to the abrupt topic shift. “Yes, I do. After my experience with Hatch, how could I not?”

  Wonderful. Terrific. Excitement bubbled in Bryce’s stomach, flowed to his limbs. “Hatch and Tony, according to Miss Hattie, say following your instincts is the only way to get the right answers. You think, you muddy the waters and complicate things that are simple.”

  “My instincts have been wrong before.”

  Gregory. Damn the man. “Ah, but before logic wasn’t involved. Love was handling the defense.”

  She hiked her brows, thoughtful. “True.”

  Bryce stroked the line of her jaw with his thumbs, looked at her intently. “We care, Cally. If there were any doubt before, our night together proved it. Can’t we just believe that caring will guide us?”

  She exhaled, her warm breath fanned over his fingers on her face, and her eyes clouded with fear. “You’re stronger, Bryce. I’m not that brave.”

  “You say that, but I know better. We made love, Cally. You feared doing it, but you reached out. You trusted us both, and that took a lot of courage.”

  “Lust is a powerful motivator.”

  “Lust was there, I agree, but what happened between us was far more than lust. It was magic, honey. Magic.”

  She rolled her eyes, clearly agreeing and not wanting to agree. “Here we go again with the magic business. We’re not Collin and Cecelia.”

  “How can you deny there was magic between us? I know we both felt it.”

  “Bryce—”

  “Think perjury, Miss Tate.” Temper frosted his voice. “And beware. I have indisputable evidence.”

  She backed away and folded her arms over her chest, affecting a show-me stance.

  He gave her his most sincere look, and spoke straight from his heart. “You made me feel lovable.”

  Her breasts lifted and she drew in a sharp breath, looking as if she’d been struck. She stared at him, silent, still, and then a tear rolled down her cheek. She knew the value of that feeling. Understood his meaning. And she cried. For him. Maybe for both of them.

  Tenderness flooded him, and he pulled her into his arms. “I didn’t mean—”

  “It’s a happy tear, Bryce,” she said, her voice husky and low. “Making someone feel lovable is magic. I didn’t think I could—”

  “You did. And in here”—he covered his heart with his hand—“I know you would again.” He pressed his forehead to hers, rubbed their noses, and whispered. “Say yes, Cally. I swear I’ll be a good husband to you. I swear I will. The kids need you and you need them. If anyone can get Suzie to put and keep both oars in the water, it’s you. And . . .” He let his voice trail.

  “And?”

  He looked her straight in the eye an
d took one of the biggest risks of his life. “And I need you, too.”

  A second tear followed the first, trickling down her cheek. She swallowed hard. “Do you need me enough to consider an additional term to our agreement?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  “After we’re married three years, I want to adopt the M and M’s.”

  That he hadn’t expected, and frowned his confusion. “Why?”

  She shrugged, and stepped out of his embrace. But by the stiff set of her shoulders and jaw, he knew this was important to her. “Because you never know when something might happen. Miss Hattie didn’t know with Tony, and you didn’t know with Meriam. I want the kids to be more secure than that. I want them protected, just in case something should happen.”

  “Valid reasons.” Bryce pinched his beard at his chin between his thumb and bent forefinger, thinking this through, and finding no logical reason to oppose and every reason to be pleased. “All right—provided they agree. And I’m certain they will.”

  Relief skittered over her face and she smiled.

  He smiled back.

  Walking back toward the inn, Cally stepped over the fallen oak, then sat down on its trunk and patted the bark beside her for Bryce to sit. “Before we formally agree, I want you to know something. Actually, two things.”

  He sat down, propped the cane against the tree trunk. “Shoot.”

  She smoothed her hair back over her shoulder. “The night we made love, I felt lovable, too. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.”

  Feeling tender, he laced their fingertips. “I know, honey.”

  “Of course you do.” Her eyes glistened.

  “And the second thing?”

  “Marriage is sacred. We have to be certain we can live with our agreement for the rest of our lives.”

  Had she forgotten he’d agreed to a no-divorce clause? “Honey, if I weren’t sure, I wouldn’t have proposed.”

  “You might have. You were in lust.”

  He slid her a wicked grin. “With you, I think that’s going to be a perpetual state. One I’m looking forward to enduring.”

  Her cheeks pinkened, but still she asked. “Honest?”

  “Always.”

  Looking more than a little pleased with herself, she stroked his knee. “One thing is niggling at me, Bryce. That’s why I’m hesitant.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Love.” She let out a sigh that lifted her shoulders. “We don’t have it. I’m scared that could adversely affect the kids. I couldn’t handle that, Bryce. I just couldn’t.”

  “We both love the M and M’s, and we have so much else going for us. Love’s an illusion. We both know that.” God, but he hated this. Hated seeing doubt in her eyes. Hearing it in his own voice. “What we have is real. It’s a strong base for a good, lasting relationship.”

  She tilted her head in that way he was coming to love. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” Was he? Yeah. Yeah, he really was. He gave her fingertips a gentle squeeze. “Are you?”

  “Most of the time. But my judgment’s proven pretty sorry.” She stared out into a copse of spruce. “With Gregory, my sense of worth nose-dived to zero. Because of you with the alimony, it elevated to $2,563.89 per month for five years. But his remarrying Joleen so quickly, well, that knocked it right back down to a goose egg nothing. To me that’s what love does; lifts you up then drops you on your animal crackers. I don’t want it.”

  He feared they both wanted it but were too afraid to admit it. Just like Suzie had told him about her wanting a mom. Tony had told her we all lie to ourselves to protect our feelings so if we don’t get what we want, then it doesn’t hurt so much. He’d been right. And wise. “What do you want?”

  “A lifemate. A partner who respects me.” She looked back to Bryce. “I want to feel needed and appreciated and desirable. Totally lovable, even when I’m bitchy as hell. I want to always know you care. I want the dream, Counselor, all of it except love.” The look in her eyes turned pleading. “And I don’t want a husband who makes me feel like a weirdo because I bring Mary Beth Ladner yellow carnations on Sundays.”

  Bryce took a moment to digest all that, then clasped their hands. “You know how I feel about the Mary Beth thing. You’re special, sweetheart. The gesture is endearing and admirable. Actually, it’s a lot more than that, but it’s not weird.”

  More than anything, she wants to be the sunshine of your home.

  She already is, Tony. The kids know it. And so do I.

  But she doesn’t know it.

  Cally dug the toe of her sneaker into the sand. “Will you answer a question for me?”

  “If I can.”

  Their linked hands rested on his thigh. “You weren’t content in your first marriage. I can’t live with another man knowing he’s not content with me.”

  He couldn’t imagine that she would, or that he would himself. “Technically, you didn’t ask a question. But I’ll answer the one you didn’t ask.” He raised their laced hands to his cheek. “I have every confidence that, married to you, I will be very content.” How could he not be content? She made him feel lovable. Important to her. Valued. To her, he mattered.

  “Because I love the M and M’s?”

  “Partly.”

  “Is that why you’re settling for so little yourself?”

  What did she mean, so little? She offered a lot. More than he dared to expect much less to hope for; certainly far more than he’d ever had. “I don’t understand.”

  “You ask for so little and yet offer so much. You’ll care. You’ll protect. You’ll trust. You’ll be honest and faithful and ask me nicely for what you want. Yet you’re asking me for so little. Don’t you realize that half the women in New Orleans would love to give you more? Everything?”

  He had no idea what to say, so he said nothing.

  “So why don’t you want more? Why are you willing to settle for so little?”

  She didn’t see the truth, or didn’t want to see it. And if he pointed it out to her, there was no way she’d marry him. But he could answer her. “Because knowing my wife loves the M and M’s and cares for me, that’s not a little, Cally. To me, it’s a lot. More than I’ve ever had in my whole adult life. But even more so, I can’t see me married to any one of those women and being content. I can see me being content with you.”

  “For how long? Will it be enough tomorrow? The day after that? Ten years from now? Twenty?” Agitated, she swiped her hands down the thighs of her jeans. “What about after Lyssie’s grown and out on her own and it’s just you and me? Will you be content then?”

  “The way I see it, we have options.”

  “So you won’t be content then.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “What are you saying, Counselor?”

  “That life just doesn’t issue guarantees. But with what we’ve got, we can grow together, and then this scenario of discontent won’t be an issue.” He tapped the toe of his loafer with the tip of his cane. “I don’t think this contentment bit is the real question here, though. I think it’s your backdoor way of asking me if I want more kids.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “Am I right about that?”

  She answered with a question of her own. “Do you?”

  “Evidently. We made love three times without protection.”

  The color drained from her face. “Oh, God. We did.”

  It hadn’t occurred to her, either. “It wasn’t deliberate.”

  “No. No, it wasn’t. We didn’t think. I didn’t . . . think.”

  “I didn’t, either. It’d been a long time since we’d had to think and we hadn’t planned—”

  “When did this occur to you?” Her eyes reeked of suspicion.

  “This morning at breakfast. That’s another reason I sacrificed pride this morning. To apologize. I promised to protect you, and I didn’t. But if you did get pregnant, I won’t lie and say I’m sorry. I wouldn’t be sorry, Cally.”

  H
er jaw fell open. “You want more kids?”

  “Only if you do, and only if they’ll be treated—”

  “Don’t even think it.” Her voice went rock hard. “If we marry, then I marry you and the M and M’s. They’ll be my kids too and there’ll be no difference. If I couldn’t swear that to you and to myself, I’d never consider your proposal.”

  “I know that down deep.” She wanted to adopt them. Would forbid the word “stepparent” to be spoken in their home. “Just tag it as a fatherly instinct that insists on being voiced.”

  Her expression softened. “Rest easy, Counselor. Your Miss Tate loves the M and M’s totally and completely.” She held up a hand. “But I draw the line at the battleaxe.”

  “Understandable.” He grinned, wanting to kiss her just for that.

  “I hoped it would be.”

  “So, are we agreed? You’ll marry me, then?” His heart nearly halted its beats and his armpits went damp.

  “I need a little more time. This is a big step and, if I make the wrong decision, then too many innocents get hurt.”

  How could he fault her for not wanting to hurt him or the kids? He looped his arms over her shoulders, then pecked a kiss to her lips to show her he understood. “Don’t make me wait too long, hmm? It’s sheer hell.”

  “I know it is, and I’m sorry. But I want this to be right for all of us, including you. You deserve so much good. And I need to know in my head and heart that you’ll get it.”

  He smiled at her. “You’re exactly what I need.”

  She smiled back.

  Stunning. A knot swelled in his throat. If he’d been wearing a tie it’d have choked him to death. Talking past it, his voice came out gruff. “Answer me soon.”

  “Soon,” she promised, and accepted his kiss.

  Lost in a sensual haze, they walked back to the inn, hand in hand.

  In the mud room, Cally hung her jacket on a peg beneath the Welcome Friends sign. Bryce hooked his on the one next to it. She liked the look of that, their sleeves touching. She didn’t like liking it, but she liked it. A lot. “You’ve got mud on your cuff.”

  He shrugged.