Alive

by Ashley Shannon

  “We're having a slumber party, with snacks and a movie.” Kimber looked at their faces for a reaction. She wasn’t sure what they would think, but she tried to make them understand. “Look, this could be our last semi-normal night. We just thought it would be fun, you know before we go back out there.”

  Palen looked at Frankie and cracked a grin. He plopped down into a beanbag chair and grabbed a bowl of popcorn Drew had made. “We’ll still have to trade shifts watching the front door.” He said before putting a fist of popcorn in his mouth.

  “Of course,” Kimber said, smiling at Palen. She didn’t think he would get it because he always seemed so serious. His serious demeanor made her forget that he was still close to their age and still wanted to have fun too.

  “Before we start, everyone should make sure they have their bags packed too.”

  Eli looked up from where he and Rion were sitting. They hadn’t been able to move since they got back into the store because Cash wasn’t eating. Rion was trying to breastfeed him but the baby wasn’t latching on.

  “We still need to do that,” Eli said, “For Rion, the baby, and me. But we can do that now.”

  “Do you mind if we start the movie without you?” Frankie asked, sitting down beside Palen.

  “Of course not.” Eli smiled, realizing all of them, even Palen and Frankie, were just a bunch of kids.

  Chapter Six

  Cash wasn’t use to the car seat Eli put him in after sitting it carefully in the cart. Since the moment he was born, Cash had spent his entire life, all five hours of it, in either Rion’s arms or his. Now he was tucked away in a car seat that Eli thought didn’t look very comfortable with a seatbelt strapping him in. Cash moved and fussed as Eli pushed him down the baby aisle, Rion limping in pain, walking beside him.

  “I could get Kimber or Drew to push you in a wheelchair,” Eli offered, knowing that Rion was still hurting from giving birth.

  “It’s okay, I’m fine,” she said, waving him off. Eli caught her eye, looking at her in disbelief. “I swear, Eli. I’m doing good.” Rion reached for a bottle that looked just like a breast, with a wide nipple. She studied it as if it were the most interesting thing she had ever seen, and he just didn’t get it.

  “There are so many choices,” Eli said, “How do you know which one he will like?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know.” Rion put back the bottle and picked up another one. “I feel like I'm supposed to know, like somehow I'm supposed to just pick up a bottle or a brand of formula and I should just know that this will be what is best for Cash, but so far, it isn’t working that way.”

  They moved forward, slowly, Rion’s feet sliding forward in a pair of slippers that Eli had found for her when they came back into the store. After giving birth in the back of a van, Rion was a little worse for wear. When they helped her into the store, her entire body ached and her legs felt like they would give way at any moment. Sada had helped her get dressed in some different clothes, a large nightshirt and robe. Underneath she wore a pair of pants and a large pair of underwear that were oddly very comfortable. It had been kind of humiliating to have to be helped with underwear and pants, but Rion figured a nurse would have helped her in the hospital, so one way or another, it was going to be uncomfortable. She was thankful for Sada’s help. If she had not volunteered Rion was sure Eli would have and that would have taken it to a whole new level of embarrassing.

  “Do you know what all we will need for him, at least? We can start there.”

  Rion tried to remember the list she had made with her mom. The two of them had spent an afternoon making a list of everything they would need and then trying to figure out how they would pay for it all. It had been a pretty good day for them, which was rare. When her mom was stressed out there was always a lot of yelling and bickering, and when Rion was stressed out she fought back. But she knew her mom was really trying to be supportive, in her own way. The list her mom helped her make had been long, but Rion was sure they could get away with not getting some of the things her mom had suggested.

  “I think I can remember most of them. Walking through the aisles will help too.”

  Rion began picking out bottles and formula, taking a guess on what would work. She wanted to breastfeed, but with no nurse to help her, she wasn’t getting the hang of it. Pacifiers, diapers, wipes, and toys followed the bottles into the cart that Eli was pushing. She made sure to carefully place them around the car seat Cash was finally sleeping soundly in.

  “What is this for? Do babies need backpacks?”

  Rion couldn’t help but laugh as Eli motioned toward a black backpack that was smaller than the ones they sold for school-age kids. “It’s a breast pump.”

  “Well, how was I suppose to know?” Eli laughed, a little at himself and a little with her. “Do you need one?”

  She looked through the options, three different brands, five different models. There were a few different things that factored into this decisions. She would need one you could power with batteries since they didn’t know if they would always have access to electricity.

  “I don’t know. I wanted to breastfeed, but he doesn’t seem to want to or maybe he just doesn’t know how. But it would be a lot easier than having to buy or find the formula. I mean who knows what we’re going to find when we leave here.”

  Eli nodded, not sure what to say. He wanted to be able to help Rion, but he really didn’t know much about babies. Kimber had been born when he was one, they were practically babies at the same, and he didn’t have any memories of the things her mom needed to take care of them. There were things that were obvious, like diapers, wipes, and clothing, but there were seven aisles full of baby things that were supposedly needed for raising a baby.

  “I think you should bring one, just in case. If it’s something you want to do, you should try, he might catch on.”

  Rion smiled and nodded. She looked them over carefully and then picked the one that looked like a little backpack. She also grabbed a few other breastfeeding essentials and put them in the cart. They keep heading through the aisles, Rion lost in thought, but not thinking about the list her mother helped her make.

  “Are you really going to leave to find your mother?”

  “Yeah, I have to, you know? Like you did with Emmy.” Eli knew the moment he said the little girl’s name it was a mistake. He waited to see if he upset Rion, expecting tears to begin to fall along with heavy sobs. But Rion didn’t start to cry. She was just too exhausted to cry for Emmy or Nolan or her mother.

  “I get it,” she said, “but I wish you weren’t going.”

  Eli stopped and looked at Cash, his hands moving up towards his face, his opening as he woke, blinking at the harsh lights above. Then he looked at Rion. She looked tired and worn, but to Eli, she looked beautiful. He still couldn’t believe how incredibly strong she was. Without thinking, his hand went up to brush her hair from hanging in her face.

  “I wish I wasn’t either.”

  Before he knew it, Eli was leaning in. Rion leaned in too. It felt like the perfected moment, but Cash thought otherwise. Right before Eli’s lips landed on Rion’s, Cash began to wail. His crying sounded more like the screaming of a small dying animal and echoed through the aisle. Immediately, Rion turned to pick him up, her fingers carefully undoing the buckle. The newborn’s mouth moved around as if he was searching for something. When Rion’s skin brushed against Cash’s cheek, his head turned and Rion’s eyes widened.

  “I think he’s trying to nurse.”

  “That’s great!” Eli was truly excited, so excited he stood watching. Rion began to pull the robe and shirt down, but then she turned to Eli and looked at him oddly.

  “Oh! Right.” He said, turning around, and giving her so privacy. “Do you need a chair or something?”

  “That would be great.”

  Making sure not to look at Rion, Eli left the cart and went to find a chair. He hoped that Cash had finally figured it out. It would be a lot of help if
Rion could feed him and they wouldn’t have to go and find the formula. He sprinted to the garden center and found a plastic lawn chair. It was awkward to run with, but holding it in front of him and ran as quickly as he could.

  When Eli reached Rion, her breast was exposed and Cash was suckling from her. She didn’t even care that she was exposing herself to him, Rion was too happy to even notice.

  “You did it!” Eli was just as happy as she was. He placed the chair behind her so she could sit down. Then he went and got a cover off the shelf and opened it. Gingerly, Eli placed the cover over Cash’s head and Rion’s breast. Seeing her like that didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. The act just seemed natural.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Relieved,” she said with a smile, “and exhausted. You’re going to have to let me rest for awhile before we continue to get more things.”

  “That’s fine, completely fine. I can get some stuff and bring it over here and you can choose.”

  “Okay, that sounds great. You’re like my own personal shopper.” She was beaming when she spoke and Eli loved watching her smile. He loved being the reason she smiled. Something about her shown through the exhaustion and the pain, she was breathtaking.

  “What should I start with?”

  Rion thought for a second, adjusting her arm while Cash ate quietly. “How about clothes?” She offered and Eli obliged. He wandered over to the clothes section and grabbed one of every outfit hanging. Turning back around the corner, he smiled back at Rion, his arms full of clothes.

  “It hardly seems fair, there are twice as many outfits for girls than there are for boys.”

  “I know,” she said. “I saw that when I was pregnant and shopping. I wanted a girl so badly. All the dresses and bows.” She peaked through the cover to see Cash’s face as he fed. His hair was soft and dark like his father’s had been. Rion expected it to be harder to think about the father of her child, but it wasn’t. In the end, she had seen his true colors, the colors he had been showing her all along when he demanded she end the pregnancy and refused to acknowledge or help her when she didn’t.

  “And now?” Eli asked, sitting on the floor to help her go through outfits. “Do you still wish you had a girl?”

  “No,” she answered, “Of course not. My mother convinced me that having a boy would be the greatest gift. I can raise a man that I would be proud to have a girl like me marry. It’s my chance to help a little boy grow into a great man.”

  They smiled at each other, and in Rion’s mind, she couldn’t help thinking that if Cash grew up to be the kind of man Eli was, she would be more than happy. His edges might be rough, but he was kind and fiercely loyal and protective. Family was important to him, including the friends he considered family. Plus there was the way he looked at Cash, almost as if he was his own.

  “I think that’s pretty commendable,” Eli said, pulling Rion away from her thoughts, “Plus, boys are clearly better.” His tone was teasing and again, he was able to make her smile.

  “Oh yes, clearly.” She giggled. “The stores just haven’t figured that out yet, otherwise they would make just as many cute outfits for boys as they do girls.”

  “They really should. What do you think of this one?” Eli held up a thick shiny brown snowsuit. It was thick and plush. Holding it in her hands, Rion knew it was the softest thing she had ever touched. Out of habit, Rion looked at the price tag. It cost almost fifty dollars. She would never have been able to afford it before.

  “I think it’s great.”

  “Look at this part,” Eli pulled up the hood. On the top of the hood were two ears, rounded to look like a stuffed bear.

  “That’s just perfect. It will keep him nice and warm.” Eli took it off the hanger and put it in the cart. They went through a few more outfits, varying from newborn sizes and the next size up since they didn’t know exactly what would fit Cash yet. The baby fell asleep and Rion carefully put him back in the car seat.

  “So far so good,” Eli said, standing back up to push the cart again.

  “Yes, it is,” Rion said, leaning in toward Eli for that kiss that Cash had interrupted before.

  Chapter Seven

  The credits were rolling on the Breakfast Club as the motley crew of teenagers thrown together by an invasion of zombies. It was the second movie Jasper played. It had been a perfect chill movie. They laughed, throwing popcorn at Sada, Kimber, and Jasper when they acted out the high dancing scene. Not a single one was awake when the movie ended. The favorite classic watched by generations had eased their nerves enough that it was finally possible to sleep.

  Frankie and Carin missed watching the movie. Both were tired, but it was their turn to watch the door. The laughter of their friends echoed through the store to them, making Carin feel envious of the fun they were having. During the first hour or so, Frankie taught Carin how to shoot. Her stance was too rigid at first, showing how nervous she was handling the weapon.

  “Have you ever held a gun before?”

  “No,” She said, stealing a side glance at him as she held the gun in front of her.

  “Well to start with, you’re not a gangster so hold it upright and not to the side,” he said with a small laugh. Frankie had to move her hands into the right position.

  “That’s how they did it in the movies.” Carin couldn’t help but laugh at herself, realizing now how silly it was that her only references for using handguns came from movies she had watched with Jasper.

  “Well, this is how you do it in real life.” Frankie took the gun from her and showed her the correct stance and way to hold the weapon. “You have to always treat a gun as if it were loaded.”

  “Is this one loaded?”

  “It is, that’s why its heavy.” Frankie took the clip out of the gun with expert skill and emptied the chamber. His fingers moved without any thought, performing the task they had a hundred times before. That was the thing about how the Army taught you things, repetition. Once you’ve performed a task fifty or so times, muscle memory takes over and you can do it without putting a lot of thought into it.

  “Wow, you’re pretty impressive.” Frankie couldn’t tell if Carin was just being nice or if she was actually flirting with him. Her smile was coy and up until he was put on guard duty with her, Frankie had barely heard her speak a word. Maybe she was just shy or maybe it was the trauma that made her quiet, either way, he was glad she was talking now. It would have been a long night if they stood around in silence, guarding the front door together.

  “I know,” he responded. It was the perfect thing to say, sounding confident and just smug enough to be kind of sexy.

  “Well, don’t get a big head about it.” She said with a wink in his direction.

  “It would be better if I could actually shoot it. I understand how it works and how to hold it, but I don’t know how to aim properly.”

  Frankie agreed, knowing that it would make training the ones who didn’t know how to shoot a lot easier if they actually knew what it was like to aim and pull the trigger. They couldn’t afford the noise of the gunshots or to waste the ammo.

  Then an idea came to him. Frankie scanned the glass outside. A few infected had gathered in front of the broken glass door, but they were unable to get through the barricade that Levi had designed.

  “Over there,” Frankie said, pointing at a blue bin, “Are cans and bottles to be recycled. Grab a few of them and line them up at the far end of the cart return. I’ll be right back.”

  “You can’t leave me here alone.”

  “They’re not doing much outside and there aren’t that many of them. Just stack the bottles and I’ll be right back.”

  Without another word, Frankie jogged through the store. Heading to the outdoor section, the memories that gave him the idea flooded back. He was younger, nine or ten, when his father taught him how to shoot. Because he was so young, his father didn’t think he should just hand him a gun and let him learn. Instead, he had taught him h
ow to shoot with a paintball gun. It wasn’t exactly the same, there was no kickback with a paintball gun, but it would do the trick to teach the newbies how to aim and shoot.

  After gathering the needed supplies, Frankie returned to the front of the store. He passed the movie watchers, laughing and having a good time. Under normal circumstances, he would have been jealous, but he was actually excited to teach Carin how to shoot. The bottles were lined up with about eight inches in between them along the back of the cart return, just as he had asked. Carin was watching the zombies at the door. A few more had joined the fun and were pushing up against the barricade. Without the glass as a layer of protection, the only thing keeping the infected out was the carefully placed furniture and the chainlink fence. The fence had held through the first attack, but when they entered the store, Frankie had noticed that it was spread apart in a few places. Big enough for a zombie or two to come through at a time. Those holes had been their reason he and Frankie had decided to barricade the front. It would make it impossible to escape through the front entrances but it would keep them safe.

  “I figured it out,” He said, pulling Carin’s attention from the enemy outside to her new enemy inside. “These are your targets.” He pointed at the plastic bottles and aluminum cans. “They are deadly and want to eat your brains.”

  Carin giggled, unable to take him seriously. “They look utterly terrifying,” she said, playing along.

  Frankie walked her through how to work the paintball gun. It had a different type of trigger and the weight was different. But the whole point of the exercise was to teach her how to aim and hit her target. Carin aimed at her target, a large clear two-liter Sprite bottle in the center of the line. She shot once and the paintball flew past the bottle and hit the wall behind it. Neon pink paint splattered the gray brick wall. Another shot was taken and another shot missed, this time smearing yellow paint across the wall.