Tattered Loyalties

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  At least that’s what he hoped.

  The fact that his wolf craved her and the man wanted her beneath him didn’t hurt.

  “You look good,” Brynn said from his bedroom door, and he looked over his shoulder.

  “Yeah? Good enough for a mating ceremony?”

  Brynn frowned, and he sighed. “You’ll do, big brother. It’s not about the clothes though. Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”

  “I’ve been asking that question myself over and over, and I don’t see a way out, Brynn.”

  His sister walked toward him and straightened his collar. He let out a breath and let her mother him. Their mother was long dead, and Brynn had done her best to fill that roll when needed—though she needn’t have bothered. They’d done well without a mother for their entire lives since the woman who’d given birth to them had never treated them with an ounce of the love or affection the siblings had given each other. That, though, was far in the past, and he was over it.

  Really.

  “Now you’re frowning, Gideon. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  He pulled away then sat on his bed to pull on his dress shoes. “I was thinking about Mom.”

  Brynn cursed under her breath, and he didn’t blame her. “Don’t bring that woman into your mating. She’s not worth it.”

  “She won’t be. It’s my mating day. I don’t need to think about our parents. They weren’t the ideal mating to compare to anyway.”

  Brynn snorted then sat next to him. “Well, that was an understatement. Brie, however, was born into a loving family. Jasper and Willow are ideal parents from where I’m looking. And the rest of the Jamensons know how to take care of their kids. So, big brother, that girl is used to being loved and cared for. You sure you’re up to the challenge?”

  That was just one more thing he was afraid of. “Not even close. All of us might get along, but we’re not the tight-knit family she grew up in. Yeah, she was born in the middle of a war, but she hasn’t had to deal with the shit we have. Mating with me is just going to taint her.”

  Brynn shook her head. “She might not have had to fight in the war, but she grew up in a Pack learning to rebuild itself after that demon almost destroyed it all. She might have peace now, but she watched it rise from rubble. We’ve had peace since then too, big brother. At least she’s coming into the Pack without dear old Dad.”

  His wolf growled at the thought of his dad or uncles anywhere near Brie. Those fucking wolves were the worst dregs of all things shifter, and he was glad they were gone. Even if killing his father had taken a piece of his soul, it had been worth it. He wouldn’t let anything from his past touch his new mate though. She was too clean, too pure for it.

  “Our past can’t hurt her,” he growled softly.

  “Not if you don’t let it,” she answered cryptically.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  Brynn shrugged. “You’re starting fresh, big brother. Yeah, this sucked with the fact that you’re sort of forced into it, but hell, she’s going to be your mate. You found the one person who could fit against you and be part of your soul, and she feels it too. I’m kind of jealous.” Something passed over her eyes, and he frowned.

  “What do you mean by that?” While he and Brynn were close, neither of them told the other everything. Some secrets were meant to be kept. However, he didn’t like the shadow over her eyes and, if he could, he’d fix it. That’s what big brothers did.

  She shook her head then ran a hand over her face. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. You’re about to be a mate and have someone to share the rest of your life with. It’s a big deal. While I know you didn’t get a real choice in the matter, you know you don’t technically have to do this.” She turned and met his gaze. “If you aren’t sure about mating her, then don’t. Don’t hurt her because you feel you need to take a chance. And don’t hurt our Pack because you’re trying to do too many things at once.”

  He growled but didn’t yell like he wanted to. “You’re not making any sense.”

  “Yeah, I am, and you know it. She’s a submissive, Gideon. Our Pack is going to eat her alive. There are still old-timers here who miss the way of life they had with Joseph as Alpha. We have to fight them daily to keep them from treating the women like shit and the submissives even worse. They aren’t going to want to follow the lead of a submissive. A submissive who grew up in a different Pack.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” He ran a hand through his hair, cursed because he’d messed it up, and started to pace. “She’s not meant to be an Alpha female. Her wolf is going to want to cower and be protected when she needs to fight for her standing. I have no idea what we’re going to fucking do, but if I force the others to respect her, it’s going to make things worse.”

  Brynn cursed. “Meaning you’re going to hand her over to the wolves. Literally.”

  He let out a yell and punched the wall. The plaster broke, and he cursed at the hole he’d left in the wall and the cuts on his knuckles.

  “Great. Now you’re going to bleed all over your shirt.”

  “I’ll be fine,” he spit out then went to wash off his hands, careful to keep the blood from getting on his clothes. Now he’d have split knuckles for his mating ceremony. The worst of the cuts would heal in time, but unless he used Walker to Heal the rest, they were just going to have to make do. Well, she was going to mate with an Alpha. She’d just have to deal with what she got.

  “Brie will have to learn to be part of our Pack. It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll find a way to make it work. I can’t help her with everything, and I don’t know if doing this is going to weaken the Pack further, but I don’t have a choice. Fate gave her to me, so I’m going to have to deal with this.”

  “Such lovely words on your mating day.”

  “Fuck off, Brynn. I’m not in the mood.” He turned to see Brynn frowning at him.

  “Just don’t hurt her, okay?” She came to him and once again straightened his collar. “And don’t hurt yourself. You’re one of my favorite people in the world. I know the weight on your shoulders sometimes feels insurmountable, but maybe with a mate, you can learn to lean on someone.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t lean on her, Brynn. She’ll break.”

  She tilted her head and studied his face. “For all of our sakes, I hope you’re wrong about that.”

  Instead of answering, he let out a breath then led her out of his home. They would be meeting most of the Jamenson family inside his Pack circle where the mating would take place. If he hadn’t been Alpha, he might have been able to have the ceremony on Redwood land, but that wasn’t an option. When he and Brie completed the mating later that day, she would not only become his mate, but also a Talon.

  She’d be leaving the Redwoods and the loyalty that came with that behind.

  He just hoped she was ready.

  Because he sure didn’t feel ready.

  Brynn put her hand on his back, but he didn’t relax. They weren’t in his home anymore where he could lean—to some small degree—on someone else. They were outside where the rest of his Pack, as well as the Jamensons, would be able to see him.

  When they cleared the circle, his breath left his lungs.

  Brie stood in the center, a white sundress flowing down her body, baring her arms and showcasing her curves. Her long, brown hair flew off her shoulders when the wind caught it just right, framing her pale face.

  He knew she was beautiful.

  He’d seen her, tasted her, held her.

  Yet right then, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anyone look as glorious as she did.

  Yes, the paleness of her face and her wide-open eyes told him she wasn’t as calm as she tried to look, but it did nothing to diminish her features.

  When he stepped fully onto the grass in the center of the circle, the crowd that had gathered quieted, their attention on him.

  It seemed he was the last to arrive.

  Even the elders w
ere in their places, Shannon’s watchful eyes boring holes into him. Iona was also there, her place near the elders letting him know what side she stood on. She didn’t look particularly sad that he was mating someone else, but she also didn’t look happy about it. He couldn’t blame her since none of this made sense, but honestly, he didn’t know what her endgame was. He would have to watch out for her since he didn’t want Brie hurt because of his past.

  He looked at the others, for only a moment though, because his attention was on the woman about to bind her life to his.

  Brie stood between her parents, Willow and Jasper, her chest rising and falling as she breathed. Willow stared at him, a mixture of hope and anger in her eyes. He could understand the anger, and he prayed he didn’t fuck up the hope. Jasper, on the other hand, looked ready to commit murder.

  Again, he didn’t blame the man.

  “Gideon,” Kade said as he walked around Jasper, his hand out.

  Gideon shook it, not even wincing as Kade squeezed. The two of them were past power plays, but today was a different day.

  “Kade.” He looked past the Redwood Alpha to the rest of the Jamensons who filled the circle.

  And there were a lot of them.

  It seemed that every single aunt, uncle, and cousin had made the trip. Even Gina and Quinn had come with their son, Jesse who was now in his twenties. He hated himself for pulling Brie away from this, but these were the cards they’d been dealt.

  He swallowed hard then turned to walk toward Brie and her parents.

  “This is pretty fast, Alpha,” Jasper growled out.

  “Jasper,” Willow whispered then squeezed her mate’s arm. “Gideon, welcome to our family,” she said, her voice strong. “We’ll move out of your way, but after the ceremony, we’d love to get to know you more.”

  Gideon swallowed hard and stood straight as Willow patted his arm before pulling her mate away.

  “You hurt my baby girl, I’ll kill you,” Jasper growled, his voice so low that Gideon knew only the two of them could hear. “I don’t care that you’re the Alpha. You’re the man taking my Brie.”

  Gideon nodded. “Understood,” he whispered back. And he did. Jasper wasn’t challenging the Alpha, but the man who would mate Brie. There was a fine line, but Jasper hadn’t crossed it.

  Yet.

  Gideon finally took the last steps toward Brie and sucked in another breath. She tilted her head and stared at him, her wide green eyes blinking slowly.

  “You ready for this?” he asked, his voice brisk.

  “Of course,” she said simply.

  There was nothing simple about what they were about to do, but he nodded anyway.

  Ryder, his brother and Heir, took a few steps closer to them. The other man would be preforming the ceremony that day since Gideon couldn’t do it himself as Alpha and Kade couldn’t do it on Talon land. Any one in his hierarchy could do it, but Gideon wanted Ryder. He was calmer than the others and would be able to make the words meaningful. Or at least try to.

  Mitchell, as Gideon’s Beta, had been through too much shit in his life to have to be forced into it. The other man might be in charge of the daily needs of the Pack, and had the bonds and scars to prove it, but he also needed his space. His Enforcer, Kameron, was too harsh, too used to fighting to protect the Pack from outside forces to perform the ceremony. Brandon would have been a good choice as the Omega since he could feel all of the emotions of the Pack, but it didn’t feel right since Brie wasn’t a Talon yet. If Gideon had been mating a Talon member, it would have been different, and Brandon’s calming force would have been useful. Walker also would have been an okay choice as the Healer, but the man had his own reasons for staying away—reasons even Gideon wasn’t entirely sure of.

  Ryder would have to do, and Gideon trusted his brother to make it worth it.

  Gideon shook off those thoughts and held out his hands, surprised to find them trembling. Brie slipped her hands into his before anyone else could notice his weakness and squeezed. His wolf calmed, soothed at her touch.

  It was the first time in over thirty years he felt as though his wolf could take a breath. Was it Brie? The fact that she was about to be his mate? Or because she was a submissive wolf?

  He didn’t know, but he had a feeling she would constantly surprise him. Honestly, he didn’t know how he felt about that, but now he had to take the next step.

  “Since everyone is here, we can begin,” Ryder said. He stood between them with Gideon’s family on one side and Brie’s on the other. The rest of the Pack sat on the stone benches surrounding them. Gideon felt their confusion, their anger, their…happiness at his mating. He didn’t know exactly what would happen next, but he was about to find out.

  Ryder spoke of the moon goddess and the story of how she made the first shifter. When the goddess had found a hunter who’d taken the life of a wolf for pleasure, and not for survival, she’d forced the human to share his body with the spirit of the wolf he’d killed. That hunter became the first shifter and made more over his lifetime. He’d also found another who could complete his human’s and his wolf’s souls and took her as his mate.

  “Since that time, mating has been one of the most sacred of bonds, superseding all bonds within a Pack,” Ryder continued. “We are here to witness the union and handfasting of our Alpha and his mate. May the goddess bless you and your future.”

  “Goddess bless us,” Gideon whispered, his voice joining with Brie.

  Ryder gave him a look, and Gideon swallowed hard. It wasn’t unheard of for those in the ceremony to say those words, but Gideon had never been one to firmly place himself in those traditions. However, with Brie by his side, he couldn’t help himself. He honestly didn’t know what to make of that.

  He swallowed hard, knowing it was his turn to speak next.

  “As your mate, I, Gideon Brentwood, promise you, Brie Jamenson, that I will honor and cherish you until the end of our days. I will protect your body and soul and remain faithful with every ounce of my being.”

  He didn’t speak the words that had been spoken for ages upon ages but, rather, something from his own heart. Something he could promise. The others had spoken of love, but he didn’t love her. He didn’t know her. Brie didn’t love him either, and lying to one another during their mating ceremony would hurt more than leaving out a promise of love.

  Brie’s eyes brightened at his words, and he knew he’d done the right thing. He hadn’t lied to her but, rather, told her what he could promise to do rather than what others might want to hear.

  “As your mate, I, Brie Jamenson, promise, you, Gideon Brentwood, that I will honor and cherish you until the end of our days.” She took a deep breath and squeezed his hands. “I will soothe your hurts and protect your heart and soul with every fiber of my being. I will stand by your side as your mate and honor your trust, as well as remain faithful until I take my last breath.”

  He blinked, and his wolf howled. She’d spoken of his heart and of the ways of a submissive wolf. While it might have stung for any other wolf, he reveled in it. She was letting him know that she wouldn’t be as other alpha females wolves would try to be. She was going to be herself and hope that was enough.

  Goddess, he hoped that was enough for his Pack.

  Ryder said the rest of the words and then squeezed both of their shoulders. When Brie looked up at him expectedly, Gideon licked his lips. Everyone in the circle had quieted to the point that he could hear the wind rustle in the trees as well as the soft sounds of her breathing.

  He let go of one of her hands and cupped her face. She leaned into his touch, and his wolf pushed at him, wanting more. Aware of the others watching him, he slowly lowered his head and gently pressed his lips to hers.

  It was just a whisper of a promise, a bare caress of lips, but it sealed his fate.

  When the wolves howled around them, he pulled back, moving his hand from her face but not releasing their clasped hands.

  Ryder stood behind them then pu
t his hands back on their shoulders. “I present to you, Gideon and Brie Brentwood!”

  The howls grew louder, and Brie squeezed his hand yet again.

  It was only the beginning, the first step, but he’d never been so fucking scared in his life.

  “I think my mother likes you,” Brie said calmly when they made their way back to his home. No, it was their home now.

  Gideon grunted, trying not to think too hard about what they were about to do.

  “No, really. She smiled and everything. Willow might seem nice and sweet, but if she doesn’t like you, she can get mean.”

  He opened the front door and pulled her into the house, closing it firmly behind them. There might not be anyone outside now, but he knew they’d be watching the house at some point. What was about to happen inside was too important not to be curious. Fuck, he felt like one of those kings from the Middle Ages when people stood beside their bed to watch them consummate a marriage.

  Instead, he had wolves all around him who knew that he and Brie would be cementing their bond with both the mating mark and sex.

  Not the most romantic way to start their lives together.

  Though, in retrospect, nothing about this was all that romantic.

  Brie pulled at his hand, and he looked down to see her frowning. “I know you’re having a weird day because—hello—so am I, but if you keep waiting for someone to put a glass on the door so they can hear what’s going on, you’re going to end up crazy.”

  He snorted at the visual then shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not usually so…”

  “Awkward?” she supplied, and he let out a low laugh.

  “Awkward is a good word for it.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “So, let’s be honest, shall we? We’re about to get into bed for the first time and pretty much two entire Packs’ worth of people know what we’re doing.”

  Brie blushed a pretty red and ducked her head. “Pretty much. But we don’t need to let them in the house.” She looked up again and rolled her shoulders back. “The thing is, we can ignore them right now. We have to. It’s just the two of us, and since we know what’s about to happen…we should try to enjoy it, I guess.”