by Nana Malone
13
Jessa…
Three things were true.
One: I could still taste Roone on my lips.
Two: That kiss was a mistake. Also, it was hotter than Satan’s balls.
Three: I’d started to like his hands on my ass. But that was neither here nor there.
My problem was while I’d been busy pressing my traitorous body against him, I hadn’t exactly been thinking about the team meeting that afternoon… where I’d have to see him again.
It was a full team meeting with Meet Cute. I would rather walk over coals than have a meeting with Roone.
I could still taste him. I could still feel his hands on my hips, tightening just a little as his tongue swept over mine. I could still smell him, like my whole body was cloaked in sandalwood, wrapping around me, hooking into me, infiltrating my every nerve. Oh no, I wasn't looking forward to the meeting at all.
When I charged into the gym earlier, I’d had no thought beyond telling him not to send me anything else. I hadn't really thought it through. But now, seated next to him, still able to smell him, feel him touching me, I realized that going anywhere near Roone was perhaps a mistake.
I also had to sit there and explain to my whole team why I didn't go on my date.
Rick was practically vibrating with energy. "I can't wait to hear about everyone's experience. If it was anything like mine, I think we really have something here with this app. I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but I want to know, who loved it and who didn't?"
Rick's dark eyes were rapt, interested, curious. On the other side of me, Chloe practically wiggled. "I had a great time. Honestly. It was like the perfect date. Like someone had done all the work, knew exactly what I liked and didn't like, and put it all in exactly the right kind of fun first date. None of this, you know, dinner and a movie where you barely talk and don't get to know each other. Really active."
Rick nodded in agreement, practically clapping his hands. "Exactly. That was outstanding. My favorite part of the date."
Ariel grinned. "That is great feedback. That is exactly what we want to hear. What about you, Evan?” It was almost as if she deliberately didn't ask me or Roone how the date went. Did she know I'd stood him up?
Evan, however, was not paying attention to her. His gaze was glued on me. I shifted uncomfortably. Did he know? Was I about to be fired?
Well, if you are, you can leave at a moment's notice.
No. I would not run away from my life, much like my father had done so often. I could take it, whatever my punishment would be.
"I'm actually more curious to hear how Jessa's date went."
Everyone turned to face me. I met Roone's gaze deliberately. "I have to say, I am so sorry, but I did not get to go on my date. I was working on the Tillerman gala, and going on a date didn't exactly seem like the most pressing matter at the time."
"What?" Rick's rebuke was sharp, cutting. "You didn't think it pertinent to actually use the client product that we all said we would?"
"No, of course I did. I just—"
He stood then. "Jessa, I frankly expected more from you. You know better. You know that to give the client the proper experience, you have to be part of it. You need to understand exactly how it all works. You just chose to work on something else?"
"Yes. No. I mean—" This was not how I expected things to go. I took a sip of tea from my mug that said, Majestic as Fuck. Not really work appropriate, but I’d been given the mug and several others as secret Santa gifts over the last couple years, so I figured it was ok.
Ariel threw me a bone, even though she really didn't need to. "It's fine. We already have her rescheduled on the app."
Evan, across from us, frowned. "Well, if she doesn't want to go on the date, she doesn't have to. We can't require our employees to date people."
Rick cut him a look. "No, but we can require them to actually use the app. No one's suggesting that Jessa has to sleep with the poor bloke she got matched with, but she does actually have to go and immerse herself in the experience. Wasn't that the agreement?"
The muscle in Evan's jaw ticked. "Yes, it was."
Shit. They were right. It was childish of me not to go. I should have just done it and gotten it over with, and then I could say that I was done with it. But now, it was a thing. "Of course. I will make sure that I do not miss my second opportunity for this date."
Evan's gaze was sharp on mine. "Do we know who your date was with?"
I shook my head slowly, deliberately. "Nope. All I know is that I was supposed to be there, and I couldn't make it. I got the same thing everyone else got. A picture, time, and place. Isn't that how it works?"
Rick nodded his head. "Yep. That's what I got. I will tell you, mine was fantastic, beautiful girl, too. I really want to see her again. And so compatible. Honestly, Ariel, what you have here is something special."
Evan shrugged. "My date was fine. No better or worse than I've done for myself, but Rick is right. Your ability lies in being able to pick appropriate date suggestions for people. It makes a lot of sense. Makes things easy. Takes the guesswork out."
Ariel nodded. "Are there other notes that I should take? Anything you didn't like about the app?"
Evan ignored that question and instead, focused on Roone. "What about you, Mr. Ainsley? Did you go on a date?"
Roone grinned. "Yep, I had a great time. My date was eloquent, funny, beautiful. Not sure I could have done that well on my own."
I ground my teeth. The jackass was goading me. Whatever. I wasn't going to rise, wasn't going to take the bait. Nope. Not I, said the fly. But Roone continued. "She was intelligent, entertaining, game for anything. Perfect date. I couldn't believe my luck."
I was going to kill him. A very slow, torturous death. One he felt for ages.
Don't be mad because he had a good time with Haley.
Rick pinned me with another direct stare. "Jessa, we look forward to hearing about your experience with the app. When's your date scheduled?"
I swallowed hard. “It’s rescheduled for tomorrow night."
He grinned. "That’s great. Report back to us afterward. And then we can all move forward with the planning for our proper launch. What I'd like for you to do is organize for Ariel to attend the Tillerman Gala. There'll be a lot of great investors there that will make sense for her to meet and engage with. It'll be her first stepping stone to really pitching them without pitching them. Do you understand?"
Even as my jaw clicked, I nodded. Like it or not, with the memory of his taste still on my lips, I was going on a date with Roone tonight. And there would be no backing out of it this time.
14
Jessa…
Getting a dressing down from my boss was not the way I’d wanted to round out my day.
I’d messed up. And now the impression I’d given my bosses was that I didn’t give a shit. Get your shit together, Jessa. From now on, despite my feelings for Roone, I was going to have to be the model employee. Which meant playing nice.
Even though I wanted to throw something at his door. With my glass of wine in hand, I settled on the couch, kicked my feet up on the coffee table and tried to forget everything that had happened.
Except there was no forgetting it. Because every time I closed my eyes, there he was again, Roone, his lips on mine, sliding his tongue into my mouth, pressing my body into his, tasting like heaven and hell and everything in between. Worse, the clear memory of my hands winding into that soft russet hair and pulling him closer.
So, that was it, no more closing of my eyes ever.
And then I was handed my ass because I had been in avoidance mode. I should have just gone on the stupid date. One date. How bad could it have been?
Maybe he'd have kissed you last night.
Oh, God. No more kissing. Not from him. I didn’t care how good he was at it.
I dragged my eyes open and lifted my head to stare at the boxes in the corner. I needed to go through those. My flat’s living
area was tiny, and those boxes were taking up space. Space I didn't have. And I knew myself well enough to know that if I left the boxes there, I'd be in full avoidance mode for as long as I'd be allowed.
Don't be a baby. There's no point in hiding. I needed to just do it. Rip the band aid off.
I placed my glass on the coffee table and went through one of the boxes of papers first.
With the boxes of clothes, there would be nothing inside that I really wanted to keep. It's not like my dad had a favorite shirt or anything. He wasn't sentimental like that. He'd always said to me, "Jessa, don't hold onto things. Only take with you what you can carry." He'd been trying to ready me for whenever we had to move. He knew how hard every move was, but sometimes I didn't have much warning, and there was no time to grab a favorite doll or a favorite toy or something along those lines. There had just been time to run, at least according to him. So I had learned to be just as unsentimental as he was. By force. And it showed.
My flat was tasteful but mostly sparse. The only pictures I had up were one of me and my parents at an amusement park when I was ten and one of me and dad the day I'd gone to uni. Other than that, I didn't have much that meant anything to me. Those were the only two things I’d grab in a fire. Everything else could burn.
I pulled the top box and dragged it back over to the coffee table. I took another large swig of wine to fortify myself. "Okay, now or never."
Most of the papers were copies of legal documents, and I put them aside for my solicitor to look at. But the rest were an art treasure trove. Lulu had been right. He'd sketched a lot. There were lots of sketches of me, of his surroundings, and of other residents at Hope House.
There were some lovely ones of Lulu. Somehow, he'd managed to capture the kindness in her eyes. Just the way they crinkled, the way she fully smiled. And the way her eyes made it a point to connect with your soul.
At the bottom of the box, there were several sketches of my mother. But she looked older in these images. As if he’d deliberately aged her. Deliberately tried to determine what she might look like today. My heart squeezed when I looked at them. And my eyes were doing that stinging thing again.
Oh hell no. I was not about to get leaky. If I did that, there was no way I'd be able to finish.
And I wanted to get a good night's sleep. Because tomorrow was going to be a long day. And tomorrow night was going to be an even longer night. Because I had to go on my forced date with Roone.
"Now or never."
The next box held much of the same. There was a list of phone numbers of important people to call. Again, I didn't know anything about these phone numbers or the names associated with them, so I set that aside. The solicitor had been a friend of my parents from back in the day. I'd hoped that having some familiar faces around would have helped my father more. But honestly, it seemed as if it just made him more agitated most of the time.
About halfway through the box, there were some other sketches. Several of what looked like maybe a family crest? It looked like a shield of some sort with a Latin inscription and maybe waves of the sea crashing on rocks. There were several of these. Several of a crown. And then there were several of a man I didn't know. A man wearing a crown. I certainly didn't recognize the face.
I wasn't really one of those crazy royal fiends, so any royal who was not Wills or Harry completely escaped my sphere. I had no idea who it was. But I recognized that it was entirely possible that the person wasn't real. Just another figment of my father's delusions. Again, I set them all aside. There were several more of the same crest I'd seen, but this time there was a dagger running through it and what looked like a teardrop or blood or something. And there were more showing several men with matching tattoos on their arms. Different men. I had no idea who they were supposed to be, but he’d put a lot of detail into their faces. I put them aside, as well. I wasn't even sure why.
I knew exactly how ill my father was. I knew that in reality the people in the sketches probably didn't exist. Or that maybe he'd plucked people out of reality and fit them into his delusions. Or maybe these were movie stars that I didn't know. Anything was possible.
It took me another hour to sort through the other stack of paperwork. Of his sketches, I only kept the ones of Lulu, myself, and my mother. Maybe one day if I ever had a kid, I'd want to show them pictures of their grandmother. The way my father saw her. So aside from the stacks of the sketches of my mother and the property documents, I went to throw the others away. But looking down at them, I couldn't.
I had hated his delusions for so long. They'd been as much a part of my life as they had his. I wanted to exorcize them from my brain, from my past. But there was something about them, and I couldn't force myself to throw them away. Because as much as I hated them, they were a part of me and part of him. And maybe one day, I'd also want to explain to my kids what had happened to their grandfather.
When all the boxes had been gone through, I marked the ones that were for donations to charity shops, and then the papers for shredding or the incinerator. And then I made a folder for the sketches. I was going to just put them in a paper binder and shove them on my bookshelf somewhere, but something told me that it wasn't really permanent. Instead I had a better idea. I knew that there were all sorts of places online where I could get them scanned in and made into artwork, so I took out my phone and snapped close-up pictures. Then I used my scanner and added them to my computer, as well. I might never have time to do anything with them, but at least I would have them. A piece of him forever. And they’d be in a more permanent place than something on my bookshelf that would in all likelihood get left behind when I had to leave in a hurry.
You don't have to do that anymore.
No. Maybe not. But the mentality was still there. I didn't want to be sentimental. So maybe I would just keep them in cyberspace, on the cloud where they would forever be with me. And I could still travel as light as I needed to.
Later that night as I climbed into bed, a headache blooming between my eyes, I still couldn't get the images out of my mind. Maybe these were people that he did know. Maybe Lulu would want the sketches of herself.
Or maybe you're just as obsessive as he is.
I padded back into the living room and grabbed my laptop. I emailed copies of the sketches to James and Lulu and quickly typed out a quick few sentences.
I'm not sure if these images depict anyone that was at Hope House. But maybe if he was close to any of these people they'd like to know that he made sketches of them. Lulu I especially love the one of you in the kitchen making shepherd's pie. As you know, it was his favorite.
James, Lulu tells me you'll be in the city soon. I would absolutely love to have dinner and chat with you.
Talk soon,
Jessa.
* * *
I sent it off, finally able to let it go. I'd done everything I needed to do. And when I climbed back into bed, I was so emotionally raw and exhausted that when I closed my eyes, for the first time all day, I didn't see Roone.
Roone…
While I monitored the princess as she unpacked those boxes she had me drag in for her, the inevitable texts from my cousin came in.
Ben: Sorry had to travel. Is now an appropriate time to ask you what the fuck?
Roone: Sorry about that. I wish I'd had more time to explain it to you. I didn't know that was going to happen.
Ben: So, first question, why didn’t you phone me?
Ben: Second question, are you shagging, the beautiful Miss McLean?
Roone: Stay away from her.
Ben sent a laugh emoji. Hell. I didn’t know we were at the emoji stage of our relationship. Lucas had been all over me about my weak emoji game.
Ben: So, what gives?
Roone: Can't go too much into it. It's a job. Undercover.
Ben: 007 eh, mate?
Roone: No, not like that.
Except it kind of was like that.
Roone: It's complicated. Let's grab a pint, and I'll t
ell you all about it.
Ben: You're on. Also, you're a twat for not calling before you arrived in London.
Somehow, I knew that was coming.
Ben: Well, it's good to have you here. You staying long?
Roone: Yeah, it looks like I'll be here for a bit.
He sent me a thumbs up.
Ben: Right, I may have to travel at the end of next week. But when I'm back, you and I are grabbing that pint.
Roone: Looking forward to it.
I just had to figure out exactly how much I was going to tell him. There was a time Ben and I had been closer than brothers. But things were different now. Several moments passed before he asked the question I knew he would eventually ask.
Ben: Have you seen him yet?
Just the hint of a mention of my half-brother had my gut twisting. It had been years, over a decade. And still, I couldn't let it go. The amount of hatred I felt for Rhys and his family was still strong. It burned inside me.
Roone: Nope.
I left it at that. I didn't want to get into it. And when I finally did talk about it, I knew that it was going to hurt, so I'd rather save it for a one-and-done kind of conversation and not do it via text message.
Ben: Okay. I'll give you a ring when I'm back.
I didn't relish cutting off the conversation with my cousin, but he knew exactly how I felt about my brother. His family was the reason my mother had died alone. As far as I was concerned, I no longer had a brother. I'd never had one. And if I did, that brother was back in Winston Isles, not the one by birth who I loathed to the core of my being.
Roone: Catch up with you soon.
All I had to do was tell myself I didn't care, and it wouldn't hurt.
Oh, so we plan on lying to ourselves about this one too?
Yep, right now, I was good with all the lies.
15