Every Vow She Breaks

by Jannine Gallant

  “Uh, thanks, I think.” She scooted a few inches away and reached down to scratch Scoop’s belly.

  Bart stood. “I get the impression our lunch date is over.”

  “I think so.” She rose to her feet. “You’re a great guy. Under different circumstances I might have taken you up on your offer, but as it is, I think I should go.”

  He stepped closer then bent to brush a kiss across her cheek. “So be it. You have my number.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Scoop scrambled to his feet and followed her as she walked away. Pausing, Claire turned and smiled. The fog had lifted while they ate, promising a clear evening ahead. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you tonight. With any luck, you’ll end up bunking with a Bigfoot.”

  He gave a shout of laughter at her joking comment. “Gorgeous blonde or big, stinky Neanderthal. What a choice.”

  “I know which one Ian would pick.”

  “Your old pal has a screw loose. I don’t. Take care, Claire.”

  Chapter 18

  Waves rolled onto the shore as Jed and Claire walked along the beach. Sunshine sparkled on the water, and overhead seagulls squawked and circled. Scoop raced ahead then stopped to sniff a pile of seaweed. The afternoon was perfect—except for Claire’s mood. She seemed ready to jump out of her skin.

  Jed touched her arm. “You wanted to walk, so we’re walking. Are you going to tell me what happened this morning?”

  She pushed her hair out of her face and squinted toward the horizon. “Apparently, we’ve been all wrong about my stalker. Dallas isn’t the one harassing me, either.”

  Stopping, he turned to face her. “Are you certain about that? It’s pretty obvious the man still has feelings for you.”

  “Maybe, but they aren’t deep seated and all consuming. I actually think he and Theresa might start something once they’ve both worked through the old pain over her husband’s death and his wife’s abandonment. Any emotion he’s harboring for me is more of a lingering memory than an active pursuit.”

  “Sounds to me like you’ve put some time into that analysis.”

  “I did. After my lunch with Bart, I just sat in the car and thought about whether or not I was letting myself be fooled. Was I missing something? I came to the conclusion Dallas was right. The man pursuing me isn’t someone I know. He’s just a whack job who fixated on me for whatever reason and is living in a fantasy world of his own making.”

  Anger heated his blood. Everything after lunch with Bart was a jumble of words he’d have to decipher after he cooled off. “You had lunch with Bart? You were out on a date while I was painting your dammed guest bedroom?”

  Emotions flashed in her eyes. Dismay followed by uncertainty that turned into irritation. “No one held a gun to your head and made you paint. If you’ll recall, I suggested you go do something fun for a change.”

  “Why, to assuage your guilt?”

  Her hands fisted on her hips. “Why should I feel guilty? It was lunch in the park, not some clandestine meeting in a sleazy motel, although he did suggest one later.”

  Jed turned away and started counting. He was up to twenty-eight when she interrupted.

  “Last time I checked, our relationship was based on friendship and sex. No promises for the future, and I sure as hell haven’t heard any declaration of love.” Her voice cracked.

  He heard the break, the pain she couldn’t hide, but the words were out of his mouth before his brain shifted into gear. “Is this your attempt to force me into a commitment?”

  She turned and ran, her tennis shoes pounding the sand. He sprinted after her. When he caught up, he wrapped both arms around her and hauled her back against his chest. She struggled and kicked, connecting with his shin. Pain ricocheted up his leg.

  “Let go of me!”

  “No. Damn it, stop kicking. I’ll be lucky if I can still walk.”

  Her struggles ceased, and she bent over his arm. A sob escaped before she clamped one hand over her mouth.

  Hurt far deeper than the ache in his leg filled his chest and stole his breath. He dragged air into burning lungs. “I’m sorry. Really, really sorry.”

  “You should be!” When he eased his grip, she spun around and dashed tears off her cheeks. “You think I don’t know what we have is temporary? You think I haven’t been waiting for you to walk away? I’m not stupid, Jed. I know the score, and trying to change you when you aren’t ready for any kind of life adjustment would just make us both miserable.”

  “God, you make me sound like a total asshole. Is that what you believe, that I’m using you and intend to leave with no thought to your feelings?”

  He closed his eyes and fought to hold his anger in check. When he opened them, Scoop leaned against her leg, eyeing him with a look that doubled his pain.

  “Christ, even the dog thinks I intend to hurt you. I have feelings, too, you know.”

  She nodded. “I think you care—a lot.” The indignation in her voice had disappeared, and her shoulders slumped. “But not enough to want to change.”

  “Why should I have to?”

  “You shouldn’t. Which is why, although walking away might not be easy for you, you’ll still do it.”

  He opened his mouth then shut it. He couldn’t argue. Despite the fact he was pretty certain he loved her, he wasn’t ready to turn into his dad, working his life away to support a family. Placing fun way, way down the list of priorities and somehow never getting around to it until retirement. He was thirty-five years old. Being forced into that kind of mold for the next three decades scared the shit out of him.

  Claire stood before him, eyes bleak, her hands clenched in the dog’s fur. The ache in his chest twisted deeper.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “I think it’s time for you to go. I kept telling myself it’d be okay. We’d have a good time and build some great memories together, that it couldn’t possibly hurt any more to end things later rather than sooner. Turns out I was wrong.”

  “Can we talk about this? I don’t want to lose you.” Taking her arm, he led her over to a big piece of driftwood. “Sit. I have a few concerns, not the least of which is your safety.”

  Leaning back, she crossed her ankles in front of her and pressed her lips together. “I’m not sure I’m capable of having a rational conversation right now. It’s been a hell of a day.”

  “Let’s start with that before we get stuck in another emotional quagmire. You said something about Dallas being right before I went all righteous caveman on you. Care to explain?”

  She sighed. “We talked. I told him I didn’t blame him for leaving the notes and gifts. His confusion couldn’t have been faked. So we hashed it out, and he made a good point.”

  Jed wanted to pick up the hand clenched on her thigh but was pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate the gesture. Reaching down, he grabbed a stick and hurled it toward the ocean. Scoop took off in hot pursuit, sand spraying up behind him.

  “What was his point?”

  “This man alludes to a promise I made. Obviously, he’s a little disturbed or he wouldn’t be leaving nighties and candles in my RV. Maybe he’s actually a lot disturbed and completely imagined my vow to marry him. Maybe he hears little voices in his head, and one of them happened to sound like me. This guy could be anyone from a complete stranger I passed on the street to the man who delivered my mail to a blind date I foolishly let my old roommate set me up with back in college.”

  When Scoop dropped the stick at his feet, Jed threw it again. “I guess that makes some kind of weird sense. We’ve been assuming there’s logic behind his actions.”

  “Exactly. I’ll admit I freaked out a little and started wondering if it was Bart. He’s certainly shown he’s interested in me.”

  Jed turned to stare. “Then why did you go to lunch with him?”

  Her gaze remained firmly fixed on the sand. “He caught me off guard yesterday. Then I thought maybe I could e
licit some kind of confession over sandwiches.”

  “Did you?”

  She shook her head. “He’s not a loon. Actually, he’s a lot like you but with more focus.”

  Jed let the insult pass. He deserved more than that feeble jab. “We’d better contact the police. If this man’s crazy, he’s also dangerous.”

  “What’re they going to do? I’m pretty sure the local law enforcement’s budget doesn’t stretch to babysitting me.”

  After wrestling the stick out of Scoop’s jaws, Jed hurled it down the beach. “Well, we have to do something.”

  “I am going to do something. I’m going to take a little trip up to Crescent City to photograph the first lighthouse on my list. Maybe I’ll stick around for a few days to take marine life photos, too. He—whoever he is—won’t have a clue I went up there. I’ll make sure no one follows me out of Shady Bend.”

  His heart ached. “Sounds like you intend to go alone.”

  “I hadn’t initially, but it’s probably best.”

  “What about after you come home?”

  “Maybe he’ll get bored and quit.”

  “Maybe he won’t.”

  Scoop’s sides heaved as he ran up and dropped the stick on his foot. Jed winced and swore beneath his breath.

  Claire finally looked him in the eye. “If you keep taking your frustrations out on that piece of driftwood, you’re going to give my dog a heart attack.”

  “The dog will survive. I’m worried about you. I don’t want to leave you alone.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to leave you, period.”

  She stood and walked slowly toward the water. Blond hair whipped in the breeze, and her windbreaker flattened against her back with each gust. Every slow, purposeful step took her further away. After a minute, he rose and followed.

  “Maybe we can compromise.”

  She glanced over her shoulder. “That would be fine if we weren’t so far apart to begin with. What do you want, Jed?”

  For once, the words flowed easily. “I want what I have now—but with you added to the mix. I want to work and play and have you beside me while I do both.”

  “On Donner Summit?”

  “Ideally. At least for the winter. I wouldn’t mind spending summers at the beach.”

  She stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Here in Shady Bend?”

  He hesitated. “I don’t know what I’d do here. I have to support myself.”

  “So do I. I travel where I need to for each project. I’d be willing to spend time in the mountains when I could. I can be flexible to a point.”

  “So maybe we could make it work.”

  Her eyes told him she wanted to believe him—but didn’t.

  “For a while, but then what? I don’t want to be a nomad. I want a home base. In time, I want a family. I guess I just want normal.”

  His throat squeezed tight. Normal might as well be a noose of responsibility.

  She touched his arm. “Normal is everything you don’t want. I get that.”

  “So we kiss and say good-bye? Jesus, Claire.” He could barely choke out the words.

  “Maybe we both need a break to think about it. I’ll call when I get back from Crescent City. I’m sure you have things you need to do in the meantime.”

  He had plenty of things to attend to, starting with chopping a winter supply of wood. “What about your stalker?”

  “Let’s not do anything right now. If he leaves another note after I get back, I can re-evaluate my options, maybe call the police then. I’m hoping he’ll quit.”

  He snorted. “Freaks like that don’t stop until someone stops them.”

  “I need a break from…everything.” Her eyes darkened. “Please don’t push me. I’ll make some decisions when I get back.”

  “Okay.” He wanted to argue but was pretty sure she’d shatter into pieces if he did. Fine china dropped on the pavement. For now, he’d let her have the space she needed. Didn’t mean he’d give up. Didn’t mean he’d give in.

  Maybe they both needed a break.

  * * * *

  Claire’s eyes burned as she knelt on the bed to pull back the curtain. Jed’s tent was set up on the other side of the yard beneath the big fir tree. After they’d eaten a meal in strained silence, he hadn’t even asked where she expected him to sleep. Probably for the best. She wasn’t sure she could have turned him down.

  Was she a fool for blowing up at him then dragging their relationship into the misunderstanding over Bart, which could have been easily settled? She let the curtain fall and flopped back onto the bed. Maybe, but the discussion was long overdue…and had ended exactly as she’d feared. Better to know for sure than to play what if games. Ripping away a bandage with a swift jerk was preferable to slowly peeling it back at the edges. The pain was sharp but didn’t last as long.

  If she thought the platitude enough times, she might even start to believe it.

  The digital clock taunted her throughout the night. When she finally crawled out of bed at six-thirty the following morning, her lids scraped across eyes grainy with lack of sleep. After throwing on a robe and grabbing jeans and a T-shirt to change into, she let Scoop out of the motor home then crossed the dew covered grass, shivering in the early morning chill. A hot shower gave her a burst of energy she feared would soon fade.

  After drying and slicking on a layer of vanilla scented lotion, she reached for her bra, only to realize she hadn’t brought one with her. With a shrug, she dressed and ran a comb through her hair. Grabbing her robe, she pushed her feet into a pair of flip-flops then opened the bathroom door…and ran straight into Jed. Her nose pressed against hard pecs covered with warm skin. She sucked in a breath. He smelled a heck of a lot better than her lotion.

  “Whoa, there.” His hands settled on her shoulders. “I was just about to knock to see how much longer you’d be.”

  “I’m finished.” She swallowed and backed up an inch. “Where’s your shirt?”

  “I didn’t bother putting one on. What’s the point when I’m just going to take it off to shower?”

  Her gaze dropped. At least he’d bothered to put on a pair of pants, even if they did hang low on his hips with the top button unfastened. She stepped back then flattened against the doorframe as he squeezed by.

  “Uh, I’ll go make breakfast. Eggs, pancakes or cereal?”

  His blue eyes were slightly unfocused when he finally raised them to meet hers. “Eggs, over easy.”

  She glanced down. Erect nipples poked against the soft material of her T-shirt. Her cheeks heated. “Okay, eggs coming up.”

  He stroked the side of her face with a finger. “They aren’t the only things coming up. I don’t suppose…” He jerked his thumb toward the shower.

  “I can’t.” Her voice hitched. “I want to.” She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. “I really want to, but I can’t. We’re on a break, remember.”

  “Seems like we could start our break in an hour or two.”

  She shook her head. “I’ll go make breakfast.” Pushing past him, she ran down the stairs and through the front door. The cold breeze slapped her in the face and knocked a little sense into her. She’d made the right decision even if it felt like the wrong one.

  Twenty minutes later, Jed knocked on the RV’s door and pushed it open just as she slid perfectly cooked eggs onto a plate beside bacon and toast. His hair was still damp from the shower, but at least he was fully dressed. After handing him his breakfast, she cracked two more eggs into the pan and caught the second round of toast when it popped.

  Brushing against her back, he reached for a mug from the cupboard to fill with coffee before taking a seat. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.”

  “No trouble.” Grease splattered as she flipped the eggs.

  He laid down his fork. “Are you sure about this, Claire? I could still come with you.”

  She sat across from him with her fo
od. “I’m sure.” The first bite of toast stuck in her throat. With an effort she swallowed it down.

  Jed broke off a piece of bacon and tossed it to Scoop. “Will you at least call me?”

  Positive any verbal response would end on a sob, a quick nod was her answer. They finished eating in silence.

  He rose to place their plates in the sink. “I’ll wash these.”

  “No, I’ve got them.”

  His expression hardened. “In that case, I’ll finish packing my stuff. Doesn’t seem like there’s much point in leaving any of it here.”

  When the door shut with a thud, she gripped the edge of the table so hard the laminate surface creaked. One whimper escaped before she dashed tears from her cheeks and attacked the dishes. Water sloshed and silverware clattered. The coffee mug Jed had used slipped through her fingers to shatter against the edge of the sink. When the broken pieces blurred before her eyes, a second whimper slipped out followed by a third.

  Scoop pushed his head against her thigh and whined.

  “Sorry, baby.” Dragging in a breath, Claire closed her eyes for a long minute. When she opened them again, her hands were steadier as she picked up the ceramic pieces. A half hour later, the motor home was tidy and ready for travel. There was nothing left to do but tell Jed good-bye.

  Letting the dog out, she followed him to the SUV. Jed slammed the back door of the loaded vehicle and turned. Reaching out, he rubbed Scoop’s ears.

  “All ready to go?”

  She nodded. “Looks like you are, too.”

  He reached in his pocket to pull out a set of keys. “I locked up the house for you. What about the contractor?”

  “I called Theresa to tell her I was leaving for a few days. She’ll field any questions. Since he’s starting with the outside first, he can still keep to his schedule.” She lifted the keys from his palm.

  Jed turned his hand over and closed it around her wrist. With a tug, he brought her up close against his chest. His sober gaze met hers. “This isn’t good-bye.”

  “I know.”