The Playgroup

by Janey Fraser

  She almost felt sorry for him. ‘Listen,’ she said, squeezing his hand. ‘What really matters at the moment is Danny. OK, you might not have got off to the best start as a dad. But you can make up for it now. It’s not too late. So go and be with him, as soon as they let you. Sit by his side. Stroke his brow. Tell him how much you love him.’

  Sam raised his head again, and this time his eyes were more hopeful. ‘You’re a lovely woman, you know that?’

  ‘And so is Nancy,’ said Gemma quickly. ‘You’ve got a family, Sam. You’re a very lucky man.’

  Suddenly she realised he didn’t know something: something so important that she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t mentioned it before. ‘The divorce,’ she said urgently. ‘Our decree nisi. It’s about to come through.’

  He looked shocked. ‘How did you manage to sort that out when you hadn’t got my permission?’

  ‘I saw a lawyer and she told me that in the case of a missing person, as she put it, I had to wait five years and then I could file for a divorce without your signature. But now you might as well sign the papers.’ She opened her handbag and began rustling through. ‘Here they are.’ She gave a short sigh. ‘Crazy as it sounds, I carry them around with me for reassurance. The address to send them to is at the bottom.’

  Gemma watched as he took them with that wry smile that she used to know so well, and which still, dammit, gave her a slight pang.

  ‘You’re quite a girl, you know that, Gemma?’ He leaned towards her, brushing her cheek. ‘Some man out there is going to be a very lucky bloke some day.’

  Then, with an enormous lump in her throat, she watched him leave, walking across the ward with his head bowed. It was clear he had a huge weight on his shoulders, yet the weird thing was that she felt as though her own weight had lifted. She had done her best to save Danny’s life. She had found Sam and started to put that part of her life behind her.

  There was Barry, too: a kind, steady man who showered her with love and presents and for whom nothing was too much trouble. And there was Puddleducks, and her wonderful Puddleducks children, who would, even as she lay there, be tramping through the farm in their brightly coloured wellies, asking all kinds of funny questions.

  ‘Blow me,’ said a voice from the bed next to hers. ‘That was some story from your ex. Sorry, I wasn’t really eavesdropping but I couldn’t help it.’

  Gemma was so mortified she didn’t know what to say.

  ‘It’s OK, love. I’m not going to tell anyone. But I watch a lot of those soaps and you know what? They couldn’t write a better storyline themselves. Just think. You wanted his baby. He didn’t want kids. Then he goes and has one with someone else. And you give his kid your bone marrow. That means this Danny boy is sort of yours now, doesn’t it?’

  Chapter 44

  LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Nancy came to see her. The poor woman looked drawn and weary, as though she hadn’t had any sleep, but she was smiling. ‘Danny’s come round fine and he’s talking quite a lot! You can see he’s got more energy. I know it’s early days, as everyone keeps telling me, and we’ve got to stay in hospital for a few weeks apparently, but we’re so grateful, Gemma. We really are. I sent Sam round to meet you. I hope he said thank you. He can be a bit reticent at times but he really is as grateful as I am. We don’t know how we can repay you.’

  Gemma squeezed her hand, thankful that her nosy neighbour had her curtains drawn round her again. Despite their short acquaintance, she wouldn’t put it past the woman to leap in and add her pennyworth. ‘You’ve repaid me already by telling me that Danny is chattering away.’

  Nancy bent down and brushed Gemma’s cheek. ‘Do you feel all right?’

  ‘Fine.’ A bit tired but there was no need to tell Nancy that. ‘They’re letting me out tomorrow.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. Then in that case, I wonder if you’d mind seeing my mother-in-law? She insists on coming to thank you herself. Says she has something really important to tell you.’

  Someone’s got a lot of visitors, one of the nurses remarked to Gemma. Yes, and not all were wanted. Gemma braced herself as Patricia sailed in, wearing a very large skirt that swished along the floor like that of a Victorian matriarch. ‘Ah, Gemma. There you are.’

  As if she would be anywhere else!

  ‘I’d like to thank you for what you’ve done for my grandson.’ Her voice dropped. ‘About that other thing. You know. The thing we were talking about last month.’

  ‘Do you mean our conversation about Sam?’

  Patricia put her finger to her lips. ‘Shhh. Walls have fears. I mean ears. Yes, of course I do. Do be a bit quicker, dear. If you don’t mind me saying, it would be a shame if either of us told Nancy the truth, don’t you think? Just imagine the effect on Danny.’

  Gemma nodded. Suddenly the chain around her neck felt hot and itchy, as though it was telling her to take it off. But for some reason, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

  ‘I quite agree. Sam has undertaken to sign the relevant papers. Don’t worry about Nancy. We will both be free soon after Christmas.’

  One of the nurses came up behind them. ‘Goodness, Gemma, I’ve never known anything like it. You’ve got another visitor now.’ She gave Gemma a ‘this one is special’ look. ‘If you don’t want him, I’ll have him myself!’

  Patricia wobbled to her feet. ‘Must go now, dear. I’m expecting a call from Brian – such an attentive man, don’t you think? – and of course I want to get back to Danny. So glad you see things my way. Bye!’

  She and Barry almost bumped into each other. It was difficult to see him through the huge bouquet of red roses he was carrying.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ He bent down and kissed her. Not on her cheek, but a proper one that made the nearby nurse sigh with admiration. Gemma was embarrassed, but Barry beamed. ‘I won’t stay long, my lovely girl. I’m so proud of you for doing this.’

  She felt a rush of relief. ‘Thank you for understanding. Not everyone would.’

  He began arranging the flowers for her in the vase next to the bed. ‘They say you can come out tomorrow morning. I’ll be here on the dot to take you back. Mum says you’re not to worry about cooking or looking after yourself. We’ll do that for you.’

  ‘Sorry,’ said Gemma. She could feel herself drifting. ‘Please don’t think I’m being rude but I just have to go to sleep.’

  ‘Wow,’ said a voice through the curtains after Barry had said his goodbyes. ‘He was a looker – no mistake. Whatever was in that drip of yours, I’ll have some!’

  The next morning, when Gemma woke up, her first thought was that she needed to see Nancy before being discharged, to check how Danny was doing. But first she needed to get to the loo. It still felt odd swinging her legs out of bed and waddling along to the cubicle at the end but it was easier than yesterday. She had thought it would be more difficult to be a bone marrow donor, so it was a relief to feel almost normal.

  ‘Want to borrow my newspaper, love?’ asked her neighbour on the way back.

  It wasn’t a paper which she normally read but even so, she could get quite used to this. Lying in bed and reading after nine in the morning, when she was usually at the playgroup. But what was this all over the front page?

  MISSING! DAUGHTER OF CELEBRITY DILLY DALUNG HAS GONE MISSING DURING A PLAYGROUP TRIP TO A FARM IN BEDFORDSHIRE. HER FATHER, WHO IS ESTRANGED FROM THE SINGER AND IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIERCE CUSTODY BATTLE, IS CURRENTLY BEING QUESTIONED.

  Gemma felt hot and cold, and at the same time she wanted to be sick. Why wasn’t her mobile working? She began to shake so hard that it was difficult even to ring the bell for the nurse.

  ‘Please.’ Gemma could hardly get her words out. ‘Please. I need to make an urgent phone call. Something awful’s happened.’

  Lily lay very still. Don’t make a noise. That was what her mother always said in the evenings when she was sewing in the dim light of their bedroom. Be a good girl.

  Her mother spoke in the language
Lily felt comfortable with. Not the strange language that they all spoke at playgroup, which she had made herself learn just like Mama had told her to.

  You must not get found out, her mother had said. If you do, we will all be in trouble. Big trouble. Then, Lily knew, they would have to go back to that cold place where her tummy made funny noises because it was empty inside.

  But if she played the game, as her mother called it, they could move out of this place and have their own palace just like the lovely lady in the sunglasses.

  Lily shivered. It was cold and her coat wasn’t thick enough. Her mother would be worried about her. But if she came out from here, she might be angry too.

  All she had wanted was to get something for Danny. Lily opened her right hand, which contained a blue and pink stripy rubber in the shape of a cow. She had bought it from the farm gift shop with the pocket money that the lovely lady in the sunglasses had given her for the trip.

  And now she needed to get it to Danny.

  Chapter 45

  SO FAR, DANNY’S body hadn’t rejected the new blood cells. It was early days, mind you, warned Deirdre, the warm, gently rounded Irish nurse who had three of her own at home.

  Early days, she repeated as she bustled round the bed, tucking Danny in and checking his temperature. Was Nancy sure she didn’t want another cup of tea? She didn’t mind her calling her Nancy, did she? Only she, Deirdre, always felt that her mums, as she called them, were more like friends than patients by the time they left.

  ‘Sisters, even,’ she said as she handed Nancy the cup of tea she had at first turned down but which she found strangely comforting, even though she didn’t usually take sugar. ‘That’s why I’m not going to lie to you, Nancy.’ She glanced down at Danny, who was still asleep. ‘I know the poor mite seems to have more life in him – he had a great time with that electronic game your husband brought in, didn’t he? – but you just can’t tell at this stage. All we can do is say our prayers and be positive.’

  ‘I’m trying to pray,’ Nancy whispered, although she hadn’t done so since her father had left. ‘But does it count when I’ve lapsed for so long? Isn’t it cheating?

  ‘Not in my book, love,’ retorted Deirdre, who wore, Nancy had noticed, a gold cross around her neck. ‘Oooh look. Someone’s waking up. Morning, Danny boy. How are you doing then?’

  Nancy bent down to kiss her son good morning, thinking how children and adults differed in the way they woke up. How, instead of stretching and yawning and checking the alarm clock to make sure that really was the time, children just opened their eyes and were wide awake, ready to start the day. Maybe that was enough of a prayer: just say a silent thank you (to whoever was out there) for the day itself, because you never knew how it was going to end.

  ‘Is Billy here yet, Mum?’

  It might be early days, but his voice definitely sounded brighter and his speech clearer.

  ‘Not yet, poppet.’ She lowered her voice while making an aside to the nurse. ‘I’d better warn you. Billy is a bit of a handful.’

  Danny’s indignant tones shrilled out. ‘No he’s not. He’s a one. That’s what Mrs Merryfield says.’

  Deirdre wiped the tears of mirth from her face. ‘They come out with some good ones, don’t they? Mind you, if you’re talking about the big mite I saw the other day, your teacher might be right. Was he the kid who was testing that plastic hammer of his on the walls?’

  Nancy groaned at the thought, although she was looking forward to seeing Brigid. ‘I’ve got a surprise for you,’ she said, stroking Danny’s warm hand. ‘Billy’s mum might be bringing Lily too, if her mum agrees.’

  ‘Lily?’ Danny’s eyes lit up. ‘Cool.’

  Deirdre clucked her approval. ‘Is she your girlfriend, Danny boy? Oooh, look who’s gone all red!’

  Danny had slid underneath the covers so his voice came out all muffled. ‘She’s my princess and when I’m big, I’m going to marry her.’

  Nancy couldn’t bear to look at Deirdre. When he was big. If he ever got big. A firm hand stretched across and squeezed hers. ‘Remember.’ The quiet Irish lilt was remarkably soothing. ‘Be positive. It’s the only way.’

  Brigid had texted to say they’d be in after lunch so Billy could go to Puddleducks first. ‘Owise I will go mad,’ she had said. A few weeks ago, Nancy would have understood that. Now she didn’t care if Danny hit everything in sight with a rubber hammer, providing he lived.

  The weird thing was that Sam probably felt the same. He had changed so much! He was devoted to their son in a way she’d never seen before. ‘No,’ he’d insisted the other evening at the hospital. ‘You go back to Joe’s apartment to get a few hours’ sleep. I’ll spend the night next to Danny.’

  When she’d looked back, before leaving the ward, her chest had tightened with love and other kinds of emotions at the sight of him stroking their boy’s forehead tenderly and speaking softly to him.

  Of course she hadn’t been able to sleep much in a strange place away from Danny, even though Joe’s place was very comfortable in a bachelor-like way with its deep squashy black sofa which reclined at the touch of a switch, shelves of CDs in strict alphabetical order, which was the way she had her books at home, and the massive bed which took up most of the bedroom, with its large geometric print in red and black acrylic over the head.

  No. She hadn’t been able to sleep because she needed to be near her boy. To feel the warmth of his hand and the determined heartbeat through his new blue cotton pyjamas that her mother had brought from the States. To be there if he woke and called out ‘Mummy’.

  But she also knew that Danny deserved some daddy time with Sam. So when she came back in the morning and found Sam fast asleep on the edge of the bed with Danny in his arms and a Thomas the Tank Engine book lodged between the two of them, she knew she had done the right thing.

  She had persuaded Sam not only to go back to Joe’s apartment for a sleep last night, but also to go into work for the day. He could see them in the evening, she had assured him, knowing how concerned Sam was about the office. Compassionate leave could only go on for so long, and as the doctors said, this was not a battle that could be fought in a few days. Meanwhile, could Sam just pop into a florist on his way back from the office and send Danny’s playgroup leader a big bunch of flowers? Stargazers, maybe. A small token to show how much they appreciated what Gemma had done for them. ‘She’s been so lovely,’ she’d told Sam tearfully. ‘I do hope you get to know her, if Danny gets better.’

  ‘When,’ Sam had corrected her. ‘We’ve got to be positive.’ But his voice wasn’t as certain as his words.

  It was later, just after lunch, which, like so many hospital meals, seemed to come at least three hours earlier than meals in the real, outside world, that she heard the shouting.

  ‘Danny! Danny!’

  No mistaking Billy’s voice or that of Brigid, running after him.

  One of the other mothers groaned. ‘Please don’t tell me that’s that crazy kid again. The one who tried to beat up the ward last week? Why can’t his mother control him?’

  Nancy felt a rush of sympathy for her friend. Besides, she didn’t care much for the woman in the cropped sports leggings and pink slippers whose daughter had been brought in with bruising all down her legs. Not the small bruises which Danny had had, along with the bleeding gums, but massive purple ones which, judging from the overheard conversations between mother and doctor through the curtains, were similar to those seen on the child only three months ago.

  ‘She can’t help it,’ Nancy hissed back. ‘Billy’s just lively.’

  The woman sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. ‘No manners. Needs a good smack if you ask me.’

  ‘Danny!’

  With one bound, Billy was on Danny’s bed, grabbing the new console that Sam had brought the other day.

  ‘Not there,’ puffed Brigid. ‘On the chair next to him. And share, will you?’ Her eyes rolled. ‘I’m sorry, Nancy. He beat me to i
t as usual. Listen, I need to tell you something.’ She glanced around. ‘Is there anyone who can keep an eye on those two?’

  The woman in the pink slippers sniffed. ‘I will if you want.’

  No thanks, Nancy was about to say, but Brigid was already whisking her out of the ward into the corridor. They stood by the handwash bottle on the wall. ‘I’ve got to tell you something that the kids mustn’t hear.’ Her eyes feverish, she grabbed Nancy’s hand. ‘Have you seen the papers?’

  ‘Danny’s notes?’

  ‘No, the newspapers. It’s Lily. She’s gone missing. And they think her father has got her now he’s out of rehab.’

  Missing? Lily’s father? Dimly Nancy remembered the rumours that had been circulating in what she now called the Before Danny Got Sick days, when life had been normal even though she hadn’t realised it. Lily’s father was a well-known actor who had been married several times. Nancy wasn’t one to read celebrity magazines, but even she had heard of him. He and the singer Dilly Dalung had split up last year and there was an ongoing fierce battle for custody of their daughter. The story had sent shivers down Nancy’s spine at the time, making her wonder how on earth she would manage if she and Sam split up and he fought her for Danny.

  Now, as she listened to Brigid’s hurried account of what had happened during the farm trip, her heart went out to Dilly. How awful! She’d never liked the idea of school trips in case something happened to Danny. It was like all her fears come true, except that this time it had happened to another child.

  ‘How come the staff didn’t realise she was missing for so long?’ she demanded.

  Brigid looked nervously at a nurse who was pushing a clanking trolley of medicines into the ward and was giving them curious looks. ‘Shhh. We reckon it was because Miriam was there instead of Gemma Merryfield. I forgot. You don’t know Miriam, do you? She’s really the pre-school leader but she’s off on maternity leave.’ Brigid rolled her eyes again. ‘She’s not familiar with the new kids and I know that shouldn’t be an excuse, but somehow she lost sight of Lily, who was in her group. It was only for a few minutes.’