Christina didn’t respond.
Alexia wondered if they’d heard her. “I can help,” she tried again.
“Ah, Alexia,” Katarina said. “Christina, let’s move the cart closer to the door.”
“It is fine where it is,” Christina said.
Katarina caught Alexia’s eye and shrugged.
Alexia reached over and tapped Christina’s back. She moved forward and Alexia squeezed through. She reached for the bag in Christina’s hand.
“I have it,” Christina said. She walked into the kitchen, the bag tucked in close.
Alexia stood, her arms still reaching open in front of her.
“You could put your shoes away. We nearly fell over them. One of us could have broken a leg.” Christina took the watermelon out of the bag and put it on the table.
“It was nothing,” Katarina said. “I saw your shoes. There was no danger.” She laced two bags around each of Alexia’s wrists. “Be careful. Don’t let them drop.”
Alexia adjusted the bags so she held them in her hands and walked into the kitchen. “Where do you want these?” she asked.
Christina leaned over the counter. She made a choking sound.
“Are you all right, Thia?”
Christina began coughing hard, pointed to the table.
Alexia put the bags on the table and returned to Christina’s side. She rubbed her back. “Why don’t you sit down?”
Christina allowed herself to be led to the chair, her back and shoulders stiff and heaving.
“She bought many things,” Katarina said. “Easter is important to us.”
Alexia got a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with water and handed it to Christina.
She coughed into her handkerchief. Alexia held the glass for her. The coughing subsided. Christina took the glass. She wiped away a tear. Her eyes closed as she sipped water. Her jaw was very stiff, her cheeks soft.
Katarina brought in the rest of the bags. “She will be okay once she rests. She worries too much. This is what happens.”
Alexia pulled out the zucchini from one of the bags. “I can put everything away,” Alexia said. She put the zucchini on the table.
“But you don’t know.” Christina said. She stood up. “I will do it.”
“I will follow your instructions.” Alexia met Christina’s eyes. “I will.”
“This is my work.” Christina grabbed the zucchini from the table and threw it into one of her vegetable baskets. She worked around Alexia.
Alexia watched her. “I can put the cake in the fridge.”
“Fine. Okay.”
“I don’t know why she bought it,” Katarina said.
“For Easter.”
“But you’re planning to make cookies and pies and a cake too.” Katarina stood with her hands on her hips.
“The store-bought one is better,” Christina said. “Bought is always better.”
“It isn’t.” Katarina shook her head, her arms by her sides. “We’ve told her.”
“These are the things that families say to one another to be polite.” She took another sip of water, grabbed the handkerchief in her pocket and wiped her face. Her colour began to return.
“She bought the Canadian flour today for baking,” Katarina said. “It’s the only time she buys it because it is too expensive here. But it is the best.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Thia? I could have brought some from Canada.”
“The two of you are in my way,” Christina said. “I have many things to do to prepare for tonight and the church. The dinner we will have tomorrow to break the fast.”
“Don’t pay attention to her this weekend, Alexia,” Katarina said. “She gets nervous and worried and isn’t her real self around Easter. She wants everything to be just so.”
Christina threw her hands at Katarina. “I have work. Go.” She turned her back.
“I can help you.” Alexia touched Christina’s forearm.
“This is my kitchen,” Christina said. She turned on the water, grabbed the sliver of soap in the dish beside the sink and scrubbed her hands.
“But you could teach me some of these things.”
“Not today,” Christina said. She bit at one of her wet sleeves and pushed it up.
Katarina shook her head. “This is a good time for us to leave.” Katarina put a hand on Alexia’s shoulder. “Stay out of her way and things will get better.” She dragged her cart outside and turned to shut the door behind them. “What happened?” She leaned into Alexia.
Alexia righted her overturned shoes and slipped into them. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t worry.” Katarina pinched her cheeks. “Go for a walk. It will pass.”
The store windows were full of hand-made candles decorated with flowers, eggs and ribbons. They were part of the Easter celebration. People bought them as gifts to be taken to the Saturday night church service. They would be lit after midnight on Saturday night once the priest had made his declaration: Christos Anesti. Christ has risen. Then Easter would begin. Chocolate bunnies sat in refrigerators in the bakery window. Alexia wanted to enjoy the celebration. How could she relax when things weren’t right with Christina?
There were more people in town this weekend than she’d seen before. Christina had told her that Greeks return to their village at Easter to spend time with family and friends.
A couple on the sidewalk in front of the bakery smiled at Alexia, between them a child of about five or six. Each held one of her hands, swinging her back and forth. The child laughed. Alexia gulped down tears.
A breeze gusted, catching her skirt. She held it down, walked past the couple and their child, her eyes fixed in the distance. She had that once. Her father’s family was not going to be a replacement. Christina was never going to forgive her. Never. Run, a voice in her head said. Run now. Getting away had saved her in the past. Go back to what you know. Work and more work.
Alexia grabbed the cell phone out of her jacket and punched the numbers.
He picked up after the first ring. “You okay?” he asked.
Had he expected her call? She pressed on. “I think I’ve had enough of this place.”
“What’s going on, kiddo?” he asked, his voice soft. Where was that formal tone? She pictured him setting his file aside, sitting back in his leather chair. She heard some movement. Someone was probably at his office door and he was holding his hand up to stop them from coming in. She shook her head. She knew better. Dan was too driven to allow her problems to interfere with work.
She listened to his breathing and pictured him lacing his hair through his fingers. She smiled for the first time since last night.
She walked up the boardwalk along the beach, changed her mind and jumped down onto the sand. She cleared her throat. Why won’t he say anything? Her hands were damp. She started talking just to fill the dead air. And then she couldn’t stop herself. She told him about her father, his dying wish, about what she was doing in Greece, how she’d met and befriended Theodora, but hadn’t told her the truth about who she was. She caught herself over and over again talking about Christina, what she did for her, her funny expressions, all the things that made her laugh. “I don’t know if my aunt will ever talk to me again.”
“Wow,” he said.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, suddenly realizing what she’d done. Why had she told him so much?
“What for?”
“Laying all of this on you,” she said. “I didn’t mean to.”
He interrupted her. “Hey,” he said. “It’s a lot to deal with. Even for you.”
She heard more rustling and she knew he was likely shuffling paper and wanted to get back to work. “I should let you go, you’re busy.” She sat down on the sand, took off her shoes. She sank into the sand. It gave in to her, making her feel warm.
“My day hasn’t even started.”
She glanced at her watch. “God, I am so stupid,” she said. “I woke you.”
“I had to answe
r the phone anyway.” She heard him kick the sheets off.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop,” Dan said. “The girl I know makes no apologies.”
“I’m thinking of flying back next week,” Alexia said. “It’s time. That’s really all I wanted to say. Just ignore the rest.” She touched her face, felt her cheeks turn hot.
“As much as I want you back,” Dan said, “and let me make this clear since it’s the middle of the night and we’re both being honest and all. As much as I want you back for me, not the office, I think you should stay and sort things out.”
She gasped. Put her hand over her mouth. She gulped down the rushing tears.
“Are you still there?”
She swallowed and cleared her throat. “Yup.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
What did he look like propped up against his pillow? What would it feel like to have his arms around her? She realized that she’d thought about these questions before. “Yup.”
“All right then, sort stuff out like only you can,” he said. “I’ll wait, kiddo.”
Alexia came into the house. Neighbours had already begun to arrive for a drink and a chat. Her aunts and cousins walked in and found a spot on the couch or the floor to sit. They talked over each other, laughed. She went upstairs and changed for church. She brushed out her hair, left it down. “For me,” Dan had said. She repeated the words with each stroke. When had she become so silly?
She heard Solon’s voice. “We’re ready to go.”
Concentrate, she told herself. You’ve got to deal with one thing at a time. Christina. Be honest with her, stand your ground. She’ll understand. Alexia went downstairs.
“Very beautiful,” he said. “Isn’t she, Christina?”
“Let’s not give her the evil eye,” Christina said. She knocked three times on the wooden table beside her, made a spitting sound, but didn’t look at Alexia.
Maria said, “Ella, paidi mou. These are our old ways. You don’t believe in this.”
“Maybe she’ll find her husband tonight?” Katarina said.
“Not in this village,” Christina said.
Alexia smiled. They were all crazy, but they were hers. She loved them.
She felt an arm around her shoulder and settled back into the embrace. She thought about her father just then. His touch had the same warmth. He’d be happy they were together. She missed him.
She turned. Christina stood beside her. She dropped her arm and held onto Alexia’s hand. “Solon is never right. But, today is different. You are very beautiful.” Alexia met her gaze and nodded. She put her arms around Christina and held her close, breathed in her scent, a mix of flour and lavender.
“Women and their emotions,” Solon said.
Christina shrugged. Alexia laughed.
“It is better this way.” Solon kissed Christina’s cheek, then moved towards the door. “The church isn’t going to wait for us.”
They poured out the doorway. The children ran ahead. Alexia could hear their laughter even though she was at the back of the procession. Maria and Katarina started off with their husbands, but ended up together behind the children. They walked arm in arm. Solon and Zak and Maria’s husband kept well behind, but every once in a while, when Maria caught the discussion about politics, she turned and said, “Can’t we stop even at Easter?”
“What do you women know?”
Maria laughed. “At least we know what is interesting to talk about.”
Alexia put her arm into Christina’s. “I’m sorry, Thia.”
Christina shrugged. “I only worry for you.”
“I haven’t made good decisions lately.” Alexia didn’t say his name.
Christina stopped and turned towards her. “You are a smart girl,” she said. “I know you will do what is right.”
Alexia nodded. “I am going to tell Theodora the truth, Thia.”
“There will be talk.”
Alexia took Christina’s hands in hers. “I will deal with it.”
“But it involves all of us.” Christina met Alexia’s eyes.
“It’s what he wanted. I can’t run away from it. And it’s what I want too.”
Christina nodded. “I don’t know what will happen to all of us.”
“These secrets haven’t helped any of us,” Alexia said. “Maybe we should try a different way.”
Christina stared at Alexia.
Alexia tilted her head. “What do you think?”
“You have a point. No?”
“And Thia, it’s time to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Nicolai.”
“Your father told me the same thing when I was in Canada.”
“And you didn’t believe him?”
“But,” Christina said.
“There is no but,” Alexia said. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Christina fluttered her eyes closed, then opened them. Alexia thought she saw a slight nod.
Christina lit a candle as they entered the church and found a seat. Alexia followed, taking the chair beside her. The men sat on one side, the women on the other.
The small church echoed with a low, persistent drone. Alexia felt the murmur of the men’s chanting in her chest. She gazed up at the gold-encrusted ceiling. She followed her family’s lead, standing, kneeling and sitting whenever they did. She fell into the rhythm of the service. She couldn’t remember another time in her life when she’d been so overwhelmed and in awe at the same time. Then it came to her.
It was the first Easter after her mother died. Her father had come back from Greece months earlier and they’d settled into the new place. She’d been tired that Sunday and wasn’t sure she wanted to go. She hadn’t been to this church before. He’d insisted and taken her to a Greek Orthodox service. They’d sat close, his arm around her shoulders. The church in Vancouver was modern. It didn’t separate the men and women. It was less formal, yet there were similarities, too. The chanting had vibrated in her chest that day. Her father’s touch, the priest’s voice, the men’s voices made her feel safe, protected, loved. It was the first time since her mother died that she didn’t feel alone, didn’t feel like she had to take care of him, find a way to fix everything. The feeling hadn’t lasted, but it did happen.
She heard a bell chime softly and stood up with everyone else. The priest moved down the aisle. Behind him, the massive wooden cross was lifted onto the shoulders of a dozen men, including her uncles and cousins. Each man took a section. They walked out of the church. The women followed. Streetlights and store lights had been turned off. People lined the streets on both sides and held candles, crossed themselves as the priest and the procession passed. A breeze came up. Alexia cupped her candle to protect the light. The flame burned brighter.
As they turned the corner, she saw Achilles on the stoop just in front of a bar. As they passed, Achilles had a beer in one hand and his arm around a woman Alexia remembered seeing before. The woman cupped a candle in her hands.
Alexia shook her head as she caught his eye.
He shrugged, held up his beer as if to toast her.
She nodded, turned her gaze to her family, walking on every side of her.
23
2010
Theodora sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor, her trousers a flimsy layer of protection against the cold slate. She looked around for her sweater. It hung on the chair in the opposite corner of the room. Too far. She leaned against the cupboard. The knob burrowed into her shoulder blade. She pressed harder into it. In her arms, stacks of unopened envelopes. Her name on each one.
The tap dripped. The hollow sound was louder than ever. “I’ll get to it when I have some time,” Andreas would say whenever she complained. He might never get to it now. Would he walk back through that kitchen door? Be here with her? “We bring trouble on our heads when we are noticed.”
She shook her head. This was more trouble than Andreas could understand. Alexia was her sister. Not a friend. A half-sister. All this
time, Alexia had kept it a secret, letting Theodora think she’d made a new friend. All of it, a lie.
She pushed herself against the knob. Her mother had said her father died before she was born. More lies. Stupid, trusting Theodora.
There was some hint. “I see it,” Theodora had said to Dimitria. She was looking at one of her mother’s sketches. One of the first ones she remembered. An angry, dark sea. And submerged at the bottom of one of the relentless waves: an outline. Cheekbones. Nose. A closed mouth. Eyes shut tight. Asleep or dead?
Her mother’s back was turned away. She was busy with a new drawing. Theodora knew she shouldn’t bother her, but she had to ask.
“It looks like a face.”
“I put my hand down on the paper,” Dimitria said not turning, “and never know what will happen. It appears. I don’t know where he came from.”
“But you know it’s a man.”
“Did I say that?”
Theodora made it into a game. She’d examine each of her mother’s sketches to see where he’d appear. Sometimes he was buried in a cloud or a grove of trees. Other times, he was hidden in one corner outside the main scene. It took a bit of looking. But she’d always find him. It was strange that her mother didn’t see him. She created him over and over again, yet never seemed to know he was there on the canvas. Theodora had been so proud of herself. She’d seen something no one else could see.
Theodora shook her head. Trusting. That’s all. Nothing special. Just naïve.
She glanced over at the back door. No sign of Andreas.
A few hours ago, Alexia had come through that door. She’d suggested they go for a walk. She should have gone, left Elena to take care of Nicky. If she’d done that, she would have heard the news first, then had time to digest it, think about what she’d tell Andreas. She’d always known how to pick the right time to talk to him.
She’d invited Alexia into the kitchen. Elena was sitting at the kitchen table, her lips a straight line. Theodora had done something wrong again. She wasn’t sure what. Maybe it was because she’d allowed Nicky to play on the floor. She talked quickly, filling the room with her voice.
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