“But you’ll need people to help you,” Lily insisted. “You can’t have a baby all on your own and I don’t really know what to do.”
“Just for now,” Ali promised. “And then we’ll see.”
* * *
ALI HADN’T BEEN home for half an hour when the euphoria began to fade. Seeing the baby had been magic but the reality was tough and she needed to face up to that. The quiet of the cottage brought home the fact that she was very much alone; if she had problems there was no one to turn to.
Her thoughts began to go wild; what if something happened in the middle of the night? What if she went into labor? She’d gotten herself into this situation by being totally irresponsible and now it was time to face up to it. Picking up her phone she scrolled down to Jake’s number; should she ring and tell him that he was going to be a father? He could take on a part of the responsibility.
Clicking the phone off she closed her eyes tightly; no good doing things on impulse. She needed time to think her actions through. He was her baby’s dad but he’d always insisted that he never wanted kids; this responsibility was hers for now.
Four thirty and the afternoon light was beginning to fade. Bobby’s face kept slipping into Ali’s mind, making her realize once again just how much she missed him; he’d been such a good friend to her, listening but never judging, really caring how she felt. She just wished that she’d been as understanding of his feelings. On a sudden impulse she pulled on her coat and settled Freckles in her bed. Perhaps being near to him would help her get things more straight in her head. Walking hurriedly out of the cottage, she headed along the shoreline. There was a shortcut to the village along the cliff path.
Ali climbed the steep slope wondering if she was being ridiculous. She’d been visiting Bobby’s grave on a regular basis since she came back to Jenny Brown’s Bay and she often just sat and talked to him. Today though the soothing peace of the graveyard brought no comfort. “I’m so, so sorry, Bob,” she murmured. “For not knowing.”
Someone had put fresh daffodils on Bobby’s grave, flowers that spoke of hope and spring and new growth. She touched them gently, thinking that for Bobby there was no hope, no life...thanks to her selfishness and lack of perception. “Oh Bobby,” she murmured. “I’m so...so sorry.” And then her head was in her hands and the tears she’d been trying to keep in check were running down her face in a river.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
TOM WALKED QUICKLY through the village, eager to collect Snowy from the pub and get home to Cove Road after an eventful fishing trip that had ended with few fish but a whole lot of work to do on The Sea Hawk’s engine. As he passed by the beautiful old village church, where yew trees and holly grew by the gate in rich shades of green, his thoughts turned inevitably to Bobby; if his brother had been here to help then maybe they’d have caught more fish before the engine started playing up. Now they’d have to go out again as soon as possible.
The sun was low in the sky and long shadows fell across the grass. It was a peaceful place to be laid to rest, he thought, looking in the direction of Bobby’s grave over in the far corner. He froze. Someone was there, standing by the headstone. He’d left Ned at the boat, his mum and dad were at home and he’d just spoken to Lily on the phone five minutes ago... So who was it? Ali...did she visit? For a moment he hesitated, torn between going to check and staying away.
It was Ali, he realized, recognizing the lonely looking figure by the far wall. When she dropped to her knees and let her head fall into her hands, all his good intentions about keeping his distance were swept aside.
He approached quietly from behind her, his heart aching at her obvious pain. “Ali,” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
She swung round to face him, her cheeks damp with tears. “Tom!”
Without conscious thought he took hold of both her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “What’s up?” he asked, his voice gentle. “Is this about Bobby?”
When she didn’t answer he took hold of her hand. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s walk.”
They walked in silence. Her hand felt good in his, warm and soft and...right. “I’m sorry if I pushed you too quickly,” he said. “I should have clung on to our friendship for longer and not frightened you away by pushing you too fast.”
She shook her head, withdrawing her hand. “No...you don’t understand... I...”
“What...what don’t I understand?” He took hold of her again despite her resistance, drawing her close but not quite touching, afraid of moving too fast again. “Look,” he suggested. “Let’s make a fresh start, no blame and no regrets. We can be friends again, can’t we, and then...who knows where that might go?”
Her whole body trembled beneath his touch. “You don’t understand,” she cried.
“What?” he asked. “What don’t I understand? Tell me, Ali, please.”
She looked up at him, her soft honey-brown eyes brimming with tears. “I’m pregnant, Tom... I’m going to have a baby.”
Tom felt as if something was clawing at his guts, as if everything about her was a lie. How could his instincts be so wrong? “Bobby’s?” he had to ask, his voice cold and hard.
Her shoulders tightened against him. “How could you even think that?” she cried, pulling away from him. “You, of all people... I trusted you but that trust was obviously misplaced.”
The accusation in her eyes was like a physical blow. But before he could recover or say anything, she turned and ran, out of the gates and into the road.
Tom watched her go, frozen to the spot. In the moment when it most mattered he’d let her down. “Ali!” he yelled after her. “I’m sorry.”
He followed her slowly, his head going around in circles. Pregnant! She was pregnant...and if it wasn’t Bobby’s then who was the father? Jealousy gripped him, bringing a rush of anger; he needed to know. For a moment he wanted to run after her, to grab hold of her, tell her he was just a jealous idiot and ask her for the truth. He’d revealed his doubts about her and Bobby, though, doubts he had kept deep in his subconscious, when believing in her had mattered most; she’d never forgive him for that. But why shouldn’t he have doubts? Only a few days ago he’d really believed that he was falling in love with her and that she loved him back, when all the time there had been someone else. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t Bobby’s, did believe it...but it must be months since she and her husband split.
Hardening his heart and nursing his pride he turned back toward pub Collecting Snowy from the, where he’d left him in the care of his mother, was more important than chasing rainbows. Perhaps he’d had a lucky escape.
* * *
ALI DIDN’T STOP running until she reached Cove Road. She’d been dreading the day that Tom found out about the baby but the reality was worse than her fears. She knew he’d be angry and hurt and jealous; she’d imagined it so many times in her head, talking him round, explaining how she and Jake had given their marriage one final chance before she’d found out Jake had no intention of remaining faithful to her. That Tom would think the baby might be Bobby’s had never come into the equation. She’d really believed that he trusted her, but instead he’d suspected her all along, and somehow that made him no better than Jake. Now she was lost and lonely and scared of the future.
Opening the front door she was greeted ecstatically by Freckles. “At least you don’t judge me,” she said, grateful for the pup’s attention, and then she felt it, the rolling, fluttering sensation she’d experienced previously but stronger now. A feeling of well-being came over her, and she clasped her hands to her belly with a surge of newfound strength.
“It’s just you and me now, Daisy,” she said, savoring the name on her tongue. “And you are what counts in all this...nothing else matters now.”
Freckles whined softly and she smiled. “And you, girl, you matter, too. Three girls together...come on, I’ll get your
tea.”
* * *
TOM’S FOOTSTEPS WERE slow and labored as he walked toward The Fisherman’s. Spring sunlight shone on the weatherworn building, showing its cracks and faded paintwork. However hard his dad worked to try and keep the place looking nice, the wind and spray from the bay soon battered all his efforts. A family were coming out of the pub, mum, dad and two giggling youngsters. They clasped hands, laughing as they ran toward the shore, and Tom felt more isolated than ever. Until he met Ali he’d been content, happy with his own company, and his fishing of course. She’d made him want more, and now it was too late to go back...and the worst thing of all was that he’d really meant it when he told her he believed her about Bobby. Yet all the time, deep down, he’d been lying to himself.
“Hi, Tom, have you come for Snowy?”
Lily’s light, melodic voice brought him sharply back to the moment and he looked up to see her standing right in front of him. “I... Yes,” he muttered, stuck for words.
She frowned. “Are you okay?”
He tried to smile but Lily knew he didn’t mean it. “Of course...” he said. “I’m just tired I guess.”
Lily took hold of his hand, urging him toward one of the wooden tables outside the pub. “No you’re not,” she insisted, sitting down beside him with concern in her eyes. “Is it because of the baby?”
“Baby?” he repeated. “What do you know about a baby?”
She placed her forefinger to her lips, glancing left and right. “It’s a secret,” she whispered. “Mine and Ali’s secret so don’t tell anyone.”
“What do you know about the baby?” he repeated.
“I know that Ali has just found out she was pregnant and she hasn’t said so but I think she’s scared of people finding out.”
“Because people might think it’s Bobby’s you mean,” Tom said, as he had.
“Oh no, it’s not Bobby’s baby,” Lily insisted.
“Then whose is it and how do you know anyway?”
Lily smiled. “I asked her...like you probably should have done. I guess by the expression on your face that you’ve screwed up.”
Tom dropped his head into his hands. “Oh Lily,” he groaned. “She was upset and when I asked her what was wrong she broke down and told me she was pregnant.”
Lily sighed. “And what did you say?”
“I asked her if it was Bobby’s.”
“She’ll never forgive you, you know,” Lily pointed out. “She trusted you. She thought you believed her...about Bobby, I mean.”
“I thought I did, too,” Tom said, “but I just had this huge rush of jealousy and I thought she must have been making a fool of me all along.”
“Well she wasn’t...the baby is her husband’s. They tried to give their marriage another chance but it didn’t work out. I think it was ages ago. She didn’t mean to get pregnant, you know, in fact she said it was stupid.”
“I can’t believe that I’m asking you this,” Tom admitted. “But what do you think I should do now, Lil?”
Lily shrugged, but she seemed pleased that her big brother was asking her advice. “Talk to her, Tom. Be a friend and be honest. How can she trust you when you only pretended to believe her?”
“So what you’re saying is that I have to prove myself,” Tom said. “But I don’t know anything about babies.”
“Just be nice, Tom,” Lily said “And see what happens.”
As Tom walked home with the pup tucked under his arm he went over and over his conversation with Lily. He really had thought that he was falling in love with Ali, that maybe they even had a future together, but that future hadn’t covered someone else’s baby. Truth was he was scared, scared of letting her down again with his doubts and scared of the responsibilities that being with her now held. He’d always said that he’d never put his wife through the fear of being a fisherman’s wife, much less a child. And did he really love Ali? he asked himself honestly. The answer was instant. Yes...yes he did love her, but was it enough? Could he love another man’s child?
Surprisingly Tom slept deeply and heavily that night. Overcome by emotions and the problems of the day, his body just shut down. He woke as dawn crept in through his window; and he lay on his back looking out at the sky, remembering yesterday. Ali was having a baby, another man’s child. Even if he did do as Lily suggested and try to be a friend to her, would she want that, and would he be able to cope with all it entailed? He figured the best thing to do for now was to stay away from her until her initial hurt and anger faded...and until he could get his head around the whole thing.
* * *
IT WAS EASY for Ali to tell herself to be strong and put the baby first; the reality in the cold light of day was not quite so simple. It was scary and very, very lonely. Lily was her only friend and she couldn’t put too much of a burden on her.
Maybe she did need to tell Jake. The baby was his daughter after all and it was only fair to let him know he was going to be a father. As she clambered out of bed to go and see to Freckles, her resolve faltered. Jake had never wanted children, so why would he choose to be involved now? No way was she going to have her daughter rejected by her own father.
The morning dragged; she watched Tom walk past her window on his way out and she almost opened the door and called out to him, but what was there to say? When he stared straight ahead without so much as a glance in her direction she realized that she was wasting her time. She had to get over him, to focus on her and the baby’s future; she’d immerse herself in her writing, get Bobby’s book finished before the baby came and then maybe just move on.
Lily arrived after lunch. “How are you?” she asked. “And have you seen Tom?”
“I saw him walking by without even a look in my direction,” Ali said.
“Talk to him, Ali,” Lily suggested. “Stop him on his way home and make him listen.”
Ali shook her head. “I have nothing to say to him, Lily. The first thing that came into his head was that the baby must be Bobby’s. That means he’s never really trusted me, no matter what he said, and I’m sure, deep down, that he still doesn’t.”
“But what did you expect him to think,” cried Lily. “He didn’t know that Daisy was your husband’s...and to be honest, even if did, he’d still have been jealous.”
Suddenly Ali smiled. “I just realized what you said.”
“What?”
“You called the baby Daisy.”
“Well it feels like a Daisy.” Lily clutched her hands together. “Oh please call her Daisy.”
“Daisy Nicholas,” Ali said slowly, trying it for size. “It does have a nice ring to it.”
“If you married Tom you could call her Daisy Roberts and she’d be like my sister.”
“Oh Lily.” Ali gave the girl’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “That’s a lovely idea but don’t go getting your hopes up. Anything that may have been between me and Tom is long gone, I’m afraid... I do think I might call her Daisy though.”
“That’s brilliant,” shrieked Lily.
At least she’d made Lily happy, Ali thought.
* * *
THE DAYS RAN into weeks and spring gave way to the promise of summer, bringing warmth and color to the world. Despite Lily’s efforts, Tom and Ali determinedly kept their distance from each other.
Ali had convinced herself that she was better off on her own, even though she was lonely. She was still hurting deep inside, but she tried to focus all her attention on finishing her book. The story was drawing to a conclusion along with her pregnancy. Soon her baby would be born, that was certain, but the ending of the book evaded her. It was meant to be a reflection on Bobby’s life, a story that would keep his memory alive...a happy read. To even touch on the tragedy would destroy that, so she was toying with the idea of ending the book with him going off to college. It might feel sad perhaps that he was the first o
f his family to do something other than fishing but his life and hopes and dreams would still be ahead of him. It would be a positive way, a happy way, for his family to remember him, she thought.
She cried as she wrote his story but they were happy tears, and that was what she wanted the readers to experience. The fun he and his brothers had together, the scrapes he got into growing up as he learned his trade as a fisherman...and the love he and his family shared.
The baby had been growing inside her for over six months when she wrote the final chapter, and on that day, inspired by the idea of family and feeling very alone, she picked up her phone and called Jake.
* * *
WITHOUT BOTHERING to knock Lily burst through Tom’s front door. “Tom... Tom!” she yelled, hurrying through the hallway and into the kitchen.
His muffled voice floated down from upstairs. “In the shower, Lily... I won’t be long.”
Snowy bounded toward her and she sank down on her knees to cuddle him. “Bet you’re missing Freckles,” she said. When the pup looked up at her, head tilted and long pink tongue hanging out the side of its mouth as if he understood, Lily laughed out loud. “Don’t worry, boy,” she told him. “We’ll find a way to get them together, you’ll see.”
Five minutes later Tom ran down the stairs drying his hair with a towel. “Okay,” he said, well aware of Lily’s attempts at matchmaking. “What is it now?”
“I want you and Ali to be friends again. She needs help.”
“Lily...” He shook his head, looking affectionately at his sister. “I’m fond of Ali, you know I am, but she’s having a baby with her husband and they need to sort out their differences; I’m sure they’ll soon get back together now.”
“But she doesn’t love him anymore and anyway he doesn’t want to know,” she told him. “When I called in just now I heard her crying, and then she started yelling on the phone.”
“What did she say?” Tom asked, intrigued despite his reservations.
“She said ‘I should never have rung you. It was a big mistake and I don’t want you to have anything to do with her anyway so just forget it,’” Lily told him.
A Home for Her Baby Page 13