A nurse Ali didn’t recognize bustled over to make sure that everything was in place for Ali and the baby’s discharge. “I’m Nurse Emma,” she said. “All ready to go home, are you?”
Ali nodded, smiling with excitement. “Yes...as ready as I’m ever going to be.”
The nurse nodded, understanding. “It’s a big step when it’s your first but you’ll be fine. Now you do have someone at home to look after you, don’t you?”
For a moment Ali hesitated, looking round to see Tom standing behind her.
“I guess that’ll be me then,” he said, looking uncomfortable.
“She can stay in for another night if you’re not sure,” said the nurse.
He shook his head. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Good...does she have everything she needs in place?”
“Yes...” cut in Ali. “We’ve left no stone unturned.”
“Glad to hear it...now, enjoy your baby and call your midwife at once if you have any problems.”
For Ali, walking out of the hospital with Daisy in her arms was the most bizarre experience she’d ever had. She wanted to go home, but she had no idea what she was doing. How dare the nurses let her loose with a newborn baby after just forty-eight hours? What if she messed up; what if she didn’t have enough milk; what about cot death and choking?
“You’re panicking, aren’t you,” Tom said, noting her consternation.
She nodded, holding back tears.
“Look...” He took hold of both her shoulders and made her meet his eyes. “Women have babies every day and they cope. It’s natural to be worried but it’s also natural to care for your baby. Just follow your instincts and nature will show you the way.”
She wanted him to take her in his arms, to hold her and stroke her hair. “You’re right,” she said, drawing away from him. “Thanks, I’ll remember that.”
“And, Ali...”
“Yes...”
“I’m just two minutes away remember, so you’re not really on your own when Lily and I have gone home.”
“I’ll be staying at least until teatime today anyway,” added Lily. “And I’ll be back first thing in the morning so you don’t need to worry at all.”
“Come on then,” Ali said with a determined smile. “Thank you both so much and now let’s go home.”
* * *
TO ALI’S DISAPPOINTMENT Tom didn’t stay at the cottage for long. He brought in her bag, made a cup of tea for them and then announced that he had some jobs to do. “Mum needs you to be back at the Fisherman’s by five thirty, Lil,” he said. “I’m going over there later too so I’ll call in here at about five o clock; if you’re still around then we can keep each other company.”
After Tom left, Ali deliberately kept herself busy, feeding Daisy and then settling her down in her Moses basket.
“You look sad,” Lily remarked. “Is it because Tom’s gone?”
Ali denied it at once. “No...of course not... I’m just tired that’s all.”
“It was pretty cool though wasn’t it, him delivering the baby and everything. Was it a bit embarrassing?”
“I didn’t have time to think about it,” Ali said slowly, remembering how she’d yelled and groaned and how he’d had to deal with everything. He’d been amazing at the time but no wonder he was so distant now. It had been way too much for anyone, she could see that; from now on she’d just act normal with him and try to avoid any awkwardness between them. She may have blown any chance of a relationship with Tom but at least they might still be friends, had to be friends really after the way he’d helped her. And she had far too much going on in her life to worry about any of that anyway.
“Will you sit quietly with Daisy and maybe just hum to her while I nip to the bathroom?” she asked Lily. The pride in the girl’s face as she started to hum made Ali smile; she wasn’t alone in this so she didn’t need to worry. She had Lily right there beside her and Tom keeping watch from a distance...it was a good feeling.
For the next week Ali just got on with learning how to be a mum and tried not to bother Tom. Lily came each day and Tom popped his head around the door each morning on his way to work and then again on his way home, just to make sure she was okay. If Ali felt disappointed about the briefness of his visits or the fact that he hadn’t mentioned her book she managed to hide it, even from herself. She was just happy to have Tom keeping an eye out for her and he obviously hadn’t gotten around to reading A Fisherboy’s Tale yet.
Fortunately Daisy proved to be a happy, easy baby who cried when she was hungry and slept for the rest of the time. Lily was a godsend, helping in any way she could and getting in extra supplies Ali needed. She was grateful, but secretly disappointed that Tom didn’t take more of an interest in her and the baby. He was kind to her, and he made sure they were okay, but nothing more.
Almost three weeks after Ali and Daisy arrived home Lily announced that she was going away with her mum for a couple of days, to visit her aunt. Ali felt a rush of panic at the idea of her not being around but she didn’t show it.
“Have a lovely time,” she said when Lily came running in to say goodbye to her and Daisy.
“We will,” Lily promised, hugging Ali so tightly that she could hardy breathe and kissing Daisy on the cheek. “I have to go now because we’re running late. Mum’s waiting in the car but she told me to say hi and I’ll ring you three times a day.”
“Make sure you do,” Ali called after her as she ran down the path. “I’ll be waiting.”
* * *
AS SHE WATCHED them drive away she found herself really hoping that Grace had told Lily to say hi to her. She used to get on so well with Grace Roberts and ever since the accident she’d really hoped for an opportunity to talk to her. The timing had never been right though, she still didn’t really know how Grace felt about her, and the last thing she wanted was to cause the other woman any more pain. The whole family was still grieving and she wasn’t even sure that she deserved Grace’s forgiveness.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
IT WAS MIDNIGHT when Ali woke, her head heavy with sleep. For a moment she just lay there, getting her bearings, remembering that Lily wouldn’t be bouncing in today to help with Daisy; it made her feel lonely.
The night was black as coal with no moon to pierce its density. She lay on her back listening, overcome by the depth of the silence. Panic fluttered inside her—she couldn’t hear Daisy breathing. She jumped up and reached for the bedside light; a warm glow filled the room, bringing reality back, and she exhaled.
Daisy was lying on her back in her Moses basket. Her eyes were closed tight and her skin seemed to have a waxlike gleam. She was pale—too pale—and her breathing was weak and shallow. Ali reached down and gently picked her up.
“Daisy,” she murmured, her voice breaking. “Daisy! Mummy’s here, sweetheart.”
Cradling the baby’s body against her, Ali reached for another blanket. Daisy’s body felt so cold and yet her head was burning... What was wrong? “Daisy,” she pleaded. “Come on, sweetheart, wake up...please.”
When there was still no response Ali reached for her phone with shaking fingers to ring for an ambulance. But what if it took ages to come? Daisy needed to go right now, in the car, but she needed to hold her in her arms...to keep her warm. Tom, she had to ring Tom. He answered groggily, his voice thick with sleep. “Hello... Ali, is that you...what’s up?”
Her voice was high-pitched with panic, and her words came out in a garbled rush. “Tom...oh Tom... It’s Daisy.”
He swung round to sit on the side of the bed. “Take a breath, Ali,” he told her. “Just try and tell me slowly and calmly, what is wrong with Daisy?”
She gulped, trying to follow his advice. “I...I think she’s ill. She needs to go to the hospital”
“Right,” he said, taking control of the situation. “Just ring for an ambu
lance right now, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. Or better still, maybe we should just head straight for the hospital. Wrap her up warm. I’ll fetch the pickup...and, Ali...”
“Yes,” her whole body was trembling.
“Try not to panic...it’s probably not as bad as you think.”
When Ali heard Tom’s pickup pull up outside she rushed out the door, cradling Daisy, bundled up in blankets, in her arms. Every breath seemed to hold a sob of fear and her heart beat hard at the base of her throat.
He was waiting with the door open, searching Daisy’s face in the glow of light from the truck, placing his hand on the mound of her belly to feel for breath. “Her breathing isn’t strong but it’s regular,” he said. “Try not to worry. We’ll be there in no time.”
For Ali the drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. “Faster, Tom,” she begged, glancing across at him. “Please go faster.”
His eyes remained focused on the road ahead, but the tense set of his jaw revealed his fears. When the bright lights of the hospital appeared she let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness,” she cried. “Thank goodness.”
To her relief a team was already waiting for them at A&E. She glanced across at Tom as he pulled up outside. “I rang ahead,” he told her, opening the door.
As Ali climbed down from the pickup a nurse reached out to take Daisy. For a moment Ali clung to her child’s tiny form, not wanting to give her up, but Tom pried her fingers away.
“Let them help her, Ali,” he insisted and with a wracking sob she let her baby go.
The team of doctors and nurses set off up the corridor with Daisy, moving with a professional urgency. “Suspected jaundice,” said a young medic to the doctor who had just arrived.
“Keep it down, David,” he warned, glancing back at Ali and Tom. “We don’t know that yet.”
“Did he say jaundice?” Ali clawed her way past Tom to try and catch up with Daisy.
“He said that they didn’t know anything for sure,” Tom told her, drawing her back. “So try not to worry. She’s in good hands now. We just have to stay positive, for Daisy.”
“How can I stay positive if my baby has jaundice, she’s so young.?” As Ali pressed her hands to her face, tears trickled through her fingers, splashing onto the floor.
“Because as a mother, you have to be strong for your child,” Tom said. “You have to believe that everything is going to be fine.”
“And if it isn’t...?”
“If it isn’t...then we’ll deal with it.”
When they arrived at the small side ward where the medical staff taken Daisy she was already on a drip and a heart monitor bleeped beside her. The nurse blocked the doorway.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But we need to do some checks. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait but you can watch your baby through the glass window. The doctor will be as quick as he can I’m sure.”
“She’s just so tiny,” Ali mumbled, watching in horror as they attached wires and tubes to Daisy’s motionless body.
Tom placed his arm about her, holding her close. “She’s in good hands and she’s going to be fine,” he told her, with such confidence in his tone that it lifted her spirits.
“She has to be fine,” cried Ali fiercely, closing her fists so tightly that her fingernails almost brought blood.
“I need to take some details if you don’t mind,” said a middle-aged nurse with kind eyes. “I know you must be worried but please try and stay calm...if you could just come with me for a moment.”
“But I don’t want to leave her,” Ali cried, hanging back.
“Let the specialist and the doctors do their work and then you can come back and be with your baby,” the nurse insisted, motioning to them to sit down in a small seating area.
Ali sat very close to Tom, shivering right down to her core, answering the nurse’s questions on automatic; her eyes never left the door to the ward where Daisy was.
“No,” she said. “She hasn’t shown any signs of being off-color and she’s been feeding well... I woke in the middle of the night and...I just knew that something was wrong.”
Closing her eyes, she leaned against Tom for support. “She’s in good hands,” he repeated determinedly. “You’ll see...she’s going to be fine.”
“She has to be,” Ali muttered fiercely, trying to convince herself.
“Your husband’s right,” the nurse agreed. “So try not to worry. Doctor Harman is with her and he’s the best pediatrician there is. Now I’ll just go and check on your baby’s progress and ask if you can go back in and see her now.”
“Sorry...” Ali mumbled as the nurse walked away. “I should have told her that we weren’t a couple.”
Tom turned his head so that his lips were against her hair. “It doesn’t matter,” he murmured. “I’m here for you for as long as you need me.”
The nurse returned after what seemed an age, accompanied by a tall dark-haired man in a white coat. “This is Doctor Harman,” she said. “He’ll update you on Daisy’s progress.”
Ali waited with bated breath. “Please...is she going to be okay?”
“I’m now able to tell youthat we’ve done the initial tests and although I’m afraid that your baby does have jaundice it is in the early stages so the prognosis is good.” Ali crumpled as his words sank in and she would have fallen if Tom hadn’t supported her.
“But she is going to be okay?”
“Everything points to that,” the doctor told her. “However, she is very young and she’s still quite poorly. We need to keep her in the hospital for treatment and we will be doing some more tests. All I can say is please be patient and try not to worry, with the right medication she should soon be on the mend. You’ll be able to go back in and be with her very soon.”
“Thanks,” Ali said, as he disappeared into the ward.
They watched him through the glass, giving out orders to the nurse, who nodded earnestly. When he eventually came back out into the corridor, Ali stepped forward to block his path.
“So is she really going to be okay?” she cried. “Daisy, I mean...my baby.”
Doctor Harman cast his dark brown eyes over her, nodding slowly. “As I said, we are doing the best we can. She is stable now and she’s sleeping. She is a strong baby and after all our tests I have every hope that she will soon improve... You can sit with her now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” Ali cried, rushing into the ward.
The nurse held her back for a moment. “Try not to disturb her,” she said in a low voice. “She just needs to sleep.”
Daisy lay so still under the special lights used for jaundiced patients, her eyes covered, that at first Ali panicked, until she realized that the baby really was sleeping peacefully. There was a tinge of yellow to her skin but she seemed to be breathing normally.
“You see,” Tom said gently. “I told you...she’s going to be fine.”
Ali looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.”
“She’s had some medication,” said the nurse. “And she looks better already. You can stay with her here for as long as you like. You’re welcome to use the spare bed next to her to get some sleep if you need it.”
Ali sank down onto a chair next to her baby, drinking in her tiny form. Chubby arms, still now in sleep, her tiny hands slightly curled.
“She is going to be okay, isn’t she,” Ali said, glancing up at Tom.
Pushing the hair gently back from her face as if she were a child, he smiled. “You heard what the doctor said. She is a strong baby and there’s definitely every possibility that she’ll soon be right as rain. Also...”
When he stopped midsentence Ali looked up enquiringly. “Also what?”
“Also...” he went on. “She has a mother who loves her so much that I’m sure
that love alone will pull her through. Now I’m going to get you a coffee and something to eat if I can find it, and then I’ll probably leave you to it and come back later.”
“When?” she asked, not wanting him to go.
“Well...” He looked at his watch. “You rang me at midnight, and believe it or not it’s now after six in the morning. The dogs are on their own, remember, so I’ll take Freckles back to my place and feed them, then I have to help get The Sea Hawk ready for a chartered fishing expedition we’re running in a couple of days. I’ll call in again this evening though, but you can ring me if you need anything...and, Ali?”
“Yes?”
“Try not to worry... I will just go and see if I can find some food for you first though, whether you want it or not. You need to keep your strength up if you’re to look after Daisy when she comes home.”
* * *
WHEN TOM ARRIVED back twenty minutes later, having finally managed to find a coffee machine and a muffin dispenser, Ali was leaning forward, her elbow on the edge of Daisy’s incubator and her eyes firmly closed; her skin appeared translucent in sleep and dark rings made shadows beneath her eyes. Daisy, he noted, slept on; her cheeks had more color now and she was breathing rhythmically. She was going to be fine, he knew it.
Placing the coffee and muffin down, he gently eased Ali back in her chair, settling her into a more comfortable position. She murmured in her sleep but her eyes remained closed, so he touched his lips to her forehead and quietly took his leave. On his way he met the nurse; she smiled at him.
“Baby’s doing well,” she said, “and your wife’s asleep, too. Don’t worry I’ll wake her if there are any problems.”
“She’s not,” he began, and then changed his mind. “Thanks, I need to go now but I’ll be back later, oh and...” On impulse he pulled a pen and paper from his pocket and wrote down his number. “Please will you call me if...you know, anything happens.”
“Of course,” she said, tucking the paper into her pocket. “I’ll be going off duty soon but I’ll pass the message on to my replacement...and try not to worry. Is it your first?”
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