Watching Tom deliberately walk away without calling in to see her made Ali realize that her suspicions were right and he was avoiding her. Although he’d been so fantastic, taking Daisy to the hospital and looking out for them both, she knew the whole thing had really spooked him and any lingering hopes she had about him having feelings for her were way off. As she walked back toward the kitchen her phone started to ring; she answered it with a flutter of excitement, hoping he’d had second thoughts. “Hi,” she said. “I saw you go past...”
“Ali?” Jake’s deep voice took her totally by surprise. “What are you talking about?”
She stopped short. “I...I thought you were someone else.”
“Obviously.”
“What do you want?”
“To talk to my wife,” he said. “We aren’t officially divorced yet so it is still allowed isn’t it?”
Struggling to keep her composure she hesitated for a moment before replying. “No, Jake, it’s not,” she said. “Because I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Oh Ali...” He put on his most pleading voice, turning on the charm she used to find so hard to resist. “Okay so I’ve made a few mistakes but you did ring and tell me about our child so you must still care a little.”
“A few mistakes!” she cried. “And I only told you about the baby because I thought it was the right thing to do...and it obviously wasn’t so I wish I hadn’t bothered.”
“Look...” he said. “I’m sorry about the way I reacted but it was a shock, you know, and I was going through a bad patch.”
Ali sighed. “When aren’t you going through a bad patch, Jake? As far as I’m concerned Daisy has nothing to do with you now...”
“Daisy,” he cut in. “That’s nice, so we have a daughter called Daisy.”
“I have a daughter called Daisy,” she snapped. “You lost your opportunity to have any input in her life.”
“Well to be honest it was a shock at the time and, yes, it did freak me out a bit...but...”
“But what?”
He hesitated then and she knew that he’d be smiling, that broad, disarming smile that always used to bring her round when she was annoyed with him. Now the very thought of it just made her feel even more angry.
“But I’ve had time to get my head around it now,” he said. “And I think I have a right to see my daughter.”
“You gave up your rights to Daisy when I told you I was pregnant and you said you weren’t interested,” she told him, feeling sick. “She doesn’t even have your surname.”
“But she is my daughter?”
With a heavy sigh she gave in. “Yes, she’s your daughter. I wouldn’t keep that from you...or from her for that matter. She deserves to know who her dad is.”
“So you’ll let me see her?”
“Only on my terms,” Ali reluctantly agreed. “And by prior appointment. Anyway, what about your new girlfriend? I bet she won’t be too happy to find out that you’re a dad.”
“She’s long gone,” he said. “And good riddance, to be honest. It’s you I want, Ali, you and...Daisy. I should never have let you go.”
Ali froze, her whole body trembling with anger. “We are over, Jake...for good, so don’t even think about it. You can ring me again and I’ll sort out a time for you to see Daisy, but as far as you and I are concerned...we were finished a long time ago.”
“Never say never, Ali,” he replied, totally unfazed by her outburst. “Who knows, you’re all alone with a baby, perhaps you’ll find that you do need me after all.”
Ali’s response was to cut him off. How dare he think for even a minute that she might want to get back with him, after everything he’d done? It was a joke—he was a joke. Turning the phone around in her hand she slammed it down on the table; oh how she wished she’d never made that call to tell him about the baby in the first place.
Daisy’s cry broke through the anger that festered inside her, bringing everything back into perspective; she should know by now how good he was at manipulating her and she mustn’t let him get to her. She and Jake were in the past, he couldn’t hurt her anymore and it was about time he realized it.
Reaching down into Daisy’s crib she picked her up and held her close. “Okay, sweetheart,” she murmured, touching her lips to her baby soft skin and breathing in her sweet aroma. “Mummy’s here—come on, let’s get you a bottle.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
ALMOST NINE O’CLOCK and Tom still hadn’t returned home, Ali noted, or at least she hadn’t seen him. She’d kept her eye on the window but maybe she’d missed him. He’d have to bring Freckles back at some stage and, when he did, she’d decided to try and talk to him, just to show him where he stood. It was obvious that the whole taking Daisy to the hospital in the middle of the night thing had totally spooked him and she got that. It was hard enough to deal with when it was your own child and Daisy really had nothing to do with Tom...except that he was the one who delivered her. Surely that meant something. She just wanted him to know that she appreciated his help but she expected nothing from him and she wasn’t some kind of gold digger or a lonely single mum desperate for a man in her life.
As it happened she didn’t see Tom until the next morning when he knocked on her door before 7:00 a.m. She ran down the steep narrow staircase, hair tousled and eyes heavy with the kind of sleep that was crammed in between feeds and a crying baby.
“Oh!” she said, opening the door a crack. “It’s you.”
“’Fraid so,” he said. “Sorry if I disturbed your sleep but I’m out on the boat all day. Snowy’s coming with me but I needed to drop Freckles off with you and I was too late to call in last night.”
Ali blinked, feeling uncomfortable and wishing that she’d at least combed her hair. “Sorry,” she said, smoothing it down. “I had a bad night with Daisy. I must look a fright.”
For a moment Tom hesitated. Did she really not realize just how beautiful she was? “You look great,” he told her. “I’m just sorry I had to disturb you so early.”
Tightening her brightly patterned robe she pushed the door wider to let Freckles inside. The pup bounded around her, jumping up at her legs, and Ali crouched down to give her a cuddle.
“I’ve missed you,” she said, smiling up at Tom.
And I’ve missed you, he thought. Which is exactly why I need to keep my distance. “Right, then,” he said too loudly. “I’d better get on.”
Ali stood, smiling at him. “Perhaps I’ll see you later?” she said, looking at him expectantly. “Oh and thanks for looking after Freckles.”
“No problem,” he responded. “But I’m afraid I’ll probably be late again so...”
“That’s fine,” she said too quickly. “You go...”
As Tom hurried off to where his pickup was parked his heart was pounding. He felt like such a jerk. It was for the best though, he was sure of it, despite what his mum said. Trouble was, it was really hard to walk on by every day when she lived just two doors down from him.
* * *
LILY ARRIVED AFTER LUNCH. She burst in without knocking as Ali was hanging clothes on the line out in the back yard. “Ali,” she called from the kitchen. “I’m back.”
Ali went indoors with her laundry basket on her hip and put it down on the table. “Am I glad to see you, Lil,” she said, holding out her arms to give the girl a big hug.
Lily hugged her back. “And I’ve missed you,” she cried. “And Daisy...is she all right now?”
Ali nodded “Yes, thank heavens, she’s asleep in her crib in the sitting room. You can go check on her if you like but don’t disturb her. She needs to sleep.”
Following Lily a couple of minutes later, Ali reached down to touch her forefinger to her baby’s smooth pink cheek.
“I was terrified when I realized just how ill she was,” she told Lily. “But Tom just stayed
totally calm—he drove us to the hospital and stayed with us until the doctors had been. Actually he was amazing.”
“That—” Lily declared “—is because he likes you.”
“Oh Lily.” Lost for words Ali just smiled at the openhearted girl who saw the best in everyone and in every situation. “It’s really more because he’s a decent, caring man. Don’t go getting up your hopes about the two of us being together, Tom doesn’t want to take on a woman with a load of history and a newborn baby—in fact I’ve decided to have a talk to him about it.”
“About what?” Lily asked, open-eyed.
“He needs to know that I understand how he feels. It’s obvious he’s terrified that I’m going to come on to him or something and he couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Disappointment shadowed Lily’s features. “So you don’t like him then,” she said.
“Of course I like him,” Ali objected. “I just don’t want him to feel so pressured that he avoids me...and anyway, Daisy and I are okay on our own, we don’t need a man in our lives.”
“But what about me?” Lily asked sadly. “Don’t you need me in your life either?”
“Oh Lily...” Ali hurried to reassure the girl. “I refuse not to have you in my life. You’re my only friend right now.”
“Apart from Tom of course,” Lily finished.
For a moment Ali hesitated. Would he still be her friend when she’d spoken to him? she wondered. Or would it be just an excuse for him to back off totally? “I hope he’s my friend, Lily,” she said, “because that’s really all I want of him. I just have to make him realize it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
THE SUN WAS high in the sky, the sea glittered as far as the eye could see and a balmy breeze washed over the group of men who stood on the deck of The Sea Hawk.
“Perfect day for it,” remarked Tom as he steered the boat toward the horizon.
“Don’t know about that,” Ned grumbled. “None of them have had any experience. They’re just going to be hard work if you ask me.”
“Chill out, Ned,” Tom told him, reaching across to cuff his brother on the shoulder. “All these guys want is a fun day out and the chance to catch a few fish. They’re paying us handsomely for the experience so the least we can do is humor them.”
“Well I’d far rather be out in a storm catching fish to sell than humoring a load of guys who are just out for a good time,” Ned responded.
“You know what, Ned,” Tom said. “So would I, although if I’m honest there was a time after Bobby died, when I considered giving it up altogether. I just felt so angry.”
“What, you mean angry at the sea?”
“Maybe—I suppose I was confused—then we went out in the boat that day and I knew that I could never give it up. It’s wild, unpredictable and dangerous, I know, always will be, but maybe that’s what we love best. Today though is about a nice trip out on a sunny day. And it’s pretty easy money so don’t knock it. Now why don’t you go and put out their lunch. By the time they’ve eaten we’ll be at the fishing grounds.”
Reluctantly Ned went to do as he was bid and fifteen minutes later the six would-be fishermen were sitting happily tucking into roast beef sandwiches and large portions of pork pie.
“Told you that feeding them was a good idea,” remarked Tom as his brother came back into the cabin. “Now I’m just going to let the boat drift while they eat and we can chill out for a bit.”
For a few minutes the two men sat in silence; it was Ned who first broke it. “It’s obvious that you blame the sea for Bobby’s death, Tom, but you’re wrong you know. We can manage the sea. It’s people who let us down and make our job dangerous.”
“By people I suppose you mean Ali,” Tom said with a sigh.
“Well, she was to blame...and what I can’t deal with is that you’re still seeing her.”
“I’m not seeing Ali,” Tom responded coldly.
“Well you took her to the hospital.”
“Yes, I did... The baby was ill so what else could I do. She’s all on her own, Ned, and thankfully I’m not totally selfish... Anyway, she’s okay when you get to know her.”
“Oh yes and it looks like you’ve certainly ‘gotten to know her’—looks to me as if you’ve just stepped into Bobby’s shoes.”
A dull heat flooded Tom’s face and Ned must have realized that he’d overstepped the mark. “Sorry. That was a cheap shot.”
“About as cheap as it gets,” Tom told him. “Look Ned, I think it’s about time I gave you a few home truths so sit down, shut up and listen.”
“I’m all ears,” remarked Ned in a sarcastic tone.
“It’s about time you stopped festering in bitterness and got on with your life,” Tom began. “I happen to know for a fact that Bobby isn’t the father of Ali’s baby, and if he had been then she’d have wanted us all to know it and show some support. I also know that although Bobby might have thought he was in love with her, as far as she was concerned they were just good friends. The only person you’re hurting with all your bad feeling is yourself, Ned. Your anger is eating you up inside, and to be honest I think you’re getting at Ali because you feel guilty for not being able to save Bobby.”
“I work for Search and Rescue,” Ned butted in, his voice breaking. “I should have been able to find him.”
“No, Ned,” Tom reached out and took his brother’s arm. “If you could have saved him then you would have. You’re good at your job and if it had been possible to rescue Bobby then you would have done it. You did your best, but sometimes maybe some things are just meant to be. Yes, Ali persuaded him to take her out with us but she couldn’t have foreseen what might happen...even Mum has fought her demons and won over that one. The thing is...”
Ned studied his brother, as if trying to take in what he was saying. “The thing is what...?” he asked slowly.
“The thing is,” went on Tom, “laying blame isn’t really the answer. No one wanted it to happen but it did, it was an awful tragedy but we just have to deal with it and move on with our lives. Maybe even learn from it if we can. It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t save him and it wasn’t Ali’s fault that Bobby fell into the sea. She acted stupidly but she didn’t understand how dangerous the sea can be, and Bobby was crazy to launch himself over the edge like that. In fact if you really want to try and blame someone then maybe it should be me. If I’d stuck to my principles and refused to let her come with us, then Bobby would still be alive. I knew it might get rough and yet I let a rookie come out on a fishing trip with us. I was the one in charge and I messed up more than any of you, so maybe I’m the one responsible for Bobby’s death. Ali was in my charge, too, and I should have known better than to let her come along.”
For what seemed like ages, Ned sat silent, mulling over his confession, Tom figured.
“I never knew you felt like that, Tom,” he eventually said. “And maybe you’re right about me laying blame to try and ease my own guilt. For what it’s worth though I feel a whole heap better for knowing that you’ve fought your demons, too.”
Tom nodded. “I guess we’ve all learned a lot—just a pity it’s too late. One thing is for sure though—no more rookies on The Sea Hawk.”
Ned grinned, lightening the mood. “What, you men like those rookies over there,” he said, gesturing toward the group of eager fishermen. “They’re on The Sea Hawk, aren’t they?”
“Different situation,” Tom said. “And as safe as houses. For one, it’s not what we consider to be proper fishing, and secondly, we know that they’re not going to be in any danger. They’re out to have fun and catch some fish. All we have to do is humor them. I know you don’t like doing these charters, Ned, but these guys seem decent enough and it’s easy money.”
“Do you know something, bro?” Ned announced with a smile. “I do believe you’re right, so let’s get t
his show on the road.”
Tom watched his brother march out on deck with a sense of pride. Ned had always been the sensitive one, the one who took everything to heart. Bobby was just kind of crazy and full of fun, and he...well he was the serious, sensible, boring brother who tried to hold everything together.
“Right, guys,” called Ned with an enthusiasm Tom had never seen before. “Who is up for some serious fishing?”
* * *
IT WAS OVER two hours later, as the sun drifted slowly down toward the horizon and the sea sparkled crimson and gold, before Tom turned The Sea Hawk toward home. Tired but happy and very satisfied with their afternoon’s fishing, the men sat on deck, drinking cans of beer with the sea breeze in their faces and arguing companionably about who caught the most fish.
When Ned came into the cabin Tom turned toward him. “Very successful day, Ned,” he said. “You did a great job.”
Ned shrugged. “I guess I listened to what you said and it kind of made sense. I normally hate these trips but the guys were great... I listened to the other stuff you said, too.”
Tom nodded, keeping his eyes on the sea ahead. “And...?”
“And I guess you were right about that, too. I have blamed myself. I beat myself up every day about failing Bobby... I almost handed in my notice at Search and Rescue.”
“That’s crazy, Ned. You’re brilliant at your job, but however hard you try there are always going to be casualties—it’s the name of the game.”
“That all sounds well and good,” Ned agreed. “Until the casualty is your little brother. I should never have laid blame though, it was unprofessional. Anyway...thanks for letting me know how much you struggled after the accident. I didn’t realize for a minute that you felt guilty, too. And for what it’s worth, Tom, it’s not up to me to judge who you want to spend time with.”
“Ali really is okay you know,” Tom said. “She knows that most people blame her and she understands why. She beats herself up about Bobby, too, you know.”
A Home for Her Baby Page 18