“I had no right go at her the other day,” Ned admitted. “It was well out of order.”
“Then talk to her,” Tom told him. “Go and see her and talk it through properly, tell her exactly how you felt and how you feel now.”
“Do you think she knew that Bobby was in love with her?”
“She does now. At the time he was one of her husband’s students. As far as I can make out she was all on her own when she and her husband broke up after she found out he’d been cheating on her. Bobby was just a friend, he was there for her and he suggested that she come and stay at The Fisherman’s to get material for an article she wanted to write about fishing...for her dad, who died a few months earlier.”
“And how do you really feel about her, Tom?”
Tom froze. How did he feel about Ali? “To be honest,” he admitted. “I’m very drawn to her. It’s all just too much though, you know, that deep-rooted guilt and the history she carries around with her like a lead weight...and now there’s the baby.”
“It’s spooked you, hasn’t it?” Ned asked. “You know...the thought of maybe having someone to be responsible for.”
“Kind of...” Tom admitted reluctantly. “I just don’t think it’s fair to subject anyone to our way of life, you know, waiting and worrying night after night.”
Ned shrugged. “I guess that’s up to the person in question, don’t you think?”
“Funnily enough,” Tom responded thoughtfully, “that’s kind of what Mum said. Anyway, enough about all that. I think we should push these charters a bit more now that you’ve got the hang of them.”
“Maybe,” agreed Ned. “It’s actually been kind of fun today...but coming back to Ali...”
Tom frowned, peering over the wheel. “What about her?”
“You’re right, I think I should go and talk to her—and maybe talk to Mum, too. She tried to make me see sense but I just pushed her away...now you’ve helped me see where she was coming from.”
Tom reached across and slapped his hand down on Ned’s shoulder. “I’m just glad I’ve finally gotten through to you... It’s time for you to move forward, Ned.”
“Yeah,” Ned shot his brother a wicked grin. “And maybe it’s time for you to move forward, too, Tom. After all, you’re no spring chicken anymore.”
“Cheeky devil,” Tom responded.
“Seriously though,” went on Ned. “Don’t cut Ali out completely just because of your principles. It’s not your decision to decide what people want. Be a friend to her at least, keep an open mind and just see where it goes...”
Tom glanced curiously across at his brother. “You’ve changed your tune.”
“No...” Ned said. “You’ve changed it for me... Anyway, enough chat, I’ll go and get our guests to pack up their stuff, we’re nearly home already.”
Ahead of them dusk was settling and lights shone out from the harbor, cutting through the half light. Home, thought Tom. It was good place to be. He’d think about Ned’s advice... Perhaps his brother had actually made some sense. The idea of seeing Ali made his heart race, surely that was a good enough reason not to give up on them just yet. Be her friend, he’d said; it sounded like a good plan...but how to start?
Tonight, he decided. He’d call in tonight on his way home.
* * *
ALI TRIED TO concentrate on the TV but the story line evaded her and she jumped up and switched it off, going to check on Daisy for the tenth time in half an hour. The baby slept sweetly, a pink glow of health shining from her perfect face. Leaning down Ali touched her lips to the soft curve of her cheek, gratitude flooding her bones. Things could have been so very different.
Something scratched her leg. Freckles, all wagging tail and smiling face. “Sorry girl,” she cried. “I haven’t fed you.”
As she put the dog bowl down on the kitchen floor, she heard a low knock on the door. Her heart lifted and she pushed her hair back behind her ears self-consciously as she hurried to open it, wishing she’d put on some lipstick.
“Hello,” Tom said. “I’m on my way home and I thought I’d stop by and see how Daisy’s doing.”
“She’s fine thanks,” Ali responded, not knowing whether to stand back and invite him in or keep him at arm’s length as she’d intended. As it happened it was Snowy who decided; pushing between their legs he swaggered inside and ran into the kitchen to finish off Freckles’s dinner.
“Sorry,” Tom said. “I’ll get him.” And then he was in her house and the choice was made. As he grabbed hold of Snowy a high-pitched wail sounded from the sitting room and Ali threw him a despairing glance as she went to see to Daisy.
“I’ll give Freckles some more food, shall I?” Tom asked, reaching for the empty dog bowl.
Ali nodded. “Thanks... You can put the kettle on, too...if you’ve time of course.”
Ali was sitting on the sofa with Daisy in her arms when Tom appeared from the kitchen. For a moment he just stopped and stared; the expression on her face was just so...loving, he supposed was the only way to describe it. But could he or any man ever compete with the depth of that love, he wondered.
“See,” she said, looking up at him with a sweet, soft smile. “She looks fine now, doesn’t she?”
“She looks beautiful,” he responded. “Like her mum... I mean, she looks so like you.”
Ali laughed, amused by his consternation. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said, standing up. “Now if you don’t mind holding Daisy for a minute I’ll nip and get her bottle.”
In one smooth movement Ali passed the baby to him, turning away immediately before he could refuse. “Thanks,” she said, disappearing through the door.
Tom held the baby awkwardly, unsure of what to do. “Hey, little one,” he murmured, rocking her gently. She stared at him with big blue eyes that seemed to see straight through him and then suddenly she smiled a wide toothless smile; a rush of delight flooded his bones. “Ali,” he cried. “Ali, she smiled at me.”
“She must like you,” Ali said, returning with the bottle. “Would you like to feed her?”
“Oh...” He froze.
“It’s okay.” Taking Daisy from him, she sat down beside him and held the bottle to the baby’s lips. “I don’t expect you to take it that far.”
“No,” Tom said, “I’d like to try feeding her...honestly.”
Ali looked at him curiously. “What’s brought about this change of heart?” she asked. “You’ve been avoiding us for the last couple of days and now here you are offering to feed the baby... What’s changed, Tom?”
“About that...” Tom caught her eye and then glanced away. “I’ve been thinking...”
“And?”
“We were, well, almost friends before...and I’d like to think that we can be friends again.”
“Oh Tom...” She reached across to place her hand on his arm. “We’ve never not been friends as far as I’m concerned, it’s just...well, to be honest I thought that the whole hospital experience must have totally spooked you.”
“Actually...it did,” he admitted. “Babies are such a huge responsibility...plus there’s everything else.”
“Like whether you can trust me or not?” she asked.
For a moment he hesitated, but it was long enough to answer her question.
She turned her attention back to Daisy, hiding her face. “Don’t bother to make excuses,” she said. “I know it’s been hard...with Bobby and everything, but I thought we were on the same side with all that now.”
“And we are...”
“But you still don’t trust me.”
“Oh Ali,” he placed his hand on hers, holding it tightly. “I do trust you...it’s just... You were right about the hospital, it made me think—a baby is such a huge responsibility.”
“Well I have a baby...as well you know,” she said evenly. “
So what are you trying to say?”
“Oh I don’t know.” With his other hand he reached across to stroke a stray lock of hair from her forehead, looking deep into her warm brown eyes. “We have something, Ali... I’m not sure where it’s going yet but I don’t want to lose it.”
“Me neither,” she said, holding his gaze. “And I don’t want you to feel that you have to be responsible for us either, so let’s just wait and see where it goes...one step at a time?”
“One step at a time then,” he agreed. “And this—” wrapping his fingers around the nape of her neck he drew her, unresisting, toward him, brushing his lips against hers “—is my first step.”
Ali shivered deep inside, her lips tingling, but instead of taking things any further, he sat back and held out his arms. “And step number two—” he announced “—is feeding the baby.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
His response was just to flash her a pleading smile and determinedly take hold of the bottle. “Well it can’t be that hard surely.”
As she settled Daisy gently down into his arms Ali glanced sideways at him with a grin. “So I guess step three must be changing her nappy.”
“Oh no,” he insisted. “I think that’s about step twelve. I’m working on step two.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ALI WOKE IN the night with the sound of Daisy crying in her ears and a warm lump of happiness in her heart. “Mummy’s coming, sweetheart,” she called, jumping out of bed and walking toward the crib. Last night Tom had kissed her; she touched her fingers to her lips, remembering the feel of his, so soft and gentle. In a euphoric daze she lifted the baby up into her arms, cradling the warmth of her small body. “And he fed you,” she murmured, holding her close as she went downstairs to warm a bottle.
When morning light filtered in, however, her daze of happiness seemed to burst, revealing her doubts and weaknesses. Step one had been a gentle kiss that held no passion, step two had been him feeding the baby and step three...step three was merely a suggestion. But were his actions those of a lover or just a friend? Was she reading more into his offer of friendship than he intended? One step at a time, they’d agreed, and she needed to stick to that.
With new resolve, after breakfast she bundled Daisy into a papoose-like sling, took Freckles’s lead from the hook by the door and headed out onto the shore. The little dog ran on ahead of her, sniffing along the line of flotsam and jetsam left by last night’s tide.
A figure approached from the pathway along the cliff. Ali recognized the man at once and called for Freckles, clipping on her lead. “Come on girl,” she urged. “Let’s go home.”
“Hey...wait,” called Ned.
Ali stopped uncertainly. “If you’ve just come to have another go at me then...”
“It’s nothing like that,” he said, hurrying toward her. “Honestly.”
He stopped in front of her as if cutting off her retreat; his breath came in heaving gasps.
“Then what is it?” she asked curiously.
He shrugged. “I just wanted to talk to you about Tom.”
“Tom,” she repeated. “What’s between me and, Tom, if there is anything at all, is my business.”
“He likes you... I get that.”
Ali stopped in her tracks. “But we’re barely friends so I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick altogether.”
“Look,” Ned shifted from foot to foot. “I may have been a bit quick to judge about everything and...well I guess I want to apologize.”
It was only as she exhaled that Ali realized she’d been holding her breath. “Cup of tea?” she asked.
“Make it a coffee and you’re on.”
It was weird, thought Ali, having Ned Roberts in her tiny kitchen. From the first moment she met him he’d been nothing but judgmental, so why this sudden turnaround in attitude?
“Okay,” she said, handing him a mug of strong coffee. “So what’s happened to suddenly change your personality?”
He frowned, taking the mug without a thank-you. “There’s never been anything wrong with my personality,” he insisted. “More just my judgment I suppose you could say.”
“Of me you mean?”
“Look,” he suggested. “Let’s just sit down and I’ll try and explain.”
Ali sipped her coffee, looking at him with distrust. “Go on then,” she said.
“I have to admit I didn’t like it when Bobby first brought you here. You were married and much older than him... I didn’t want to see him get hurt.”
“So you thought I was using him,” Ali responded.
Ned didn’t seem fazed by her direct approach. “Yes,” he admitted. “I thought you were just leading him on because you were lonely and at loose ends. It annoyed me, I guess, and I suppose I was being protective of my little brother...”
“And you blamed me for the accident...for Bobby’s death.”
“Yes,” he admitted. “I did blame you.”
“And now you don’t?”
“Lily said all along that you and Bobby were just friends but I didn’t listen and I should have because she sees things so much clearer that the rest of us...and then Tom made me realize that we were all to blame in one way or another, but accidents happen all the time and it’s just circumstance...or maybe fate. I know you didn’t intend for Bobby to drown and perhaps I should have been able to find him that night... I let him down, too.”
“It was a tragedy, Ned,” Ali said. “A terrible, needless tragedy, but there’s nothing we can do about it now and hanging on to bitterness and regret will just consume you.”
Ned nodded, looking down. “That’s kind of what Lily said, too, and then yesterday Tom made me see it... I just wanted you to know that I get it now and I’m sorry for having a go at you.”
“And I want you to know that I’ll always regret my stupidity. I should never have gone out on that fishing trip. I’ve fought my own demons over that one, still do, but I really don’t believe that Bobby would want any of us to feel guilty. Sad yes, always will be, but he’d want us to live our lives, Ned.”
“You’re right,” he agreed, putting down his mug. “And, Ali...”
“Yes?”
“Give Tom a chance. You’ll never get a better man.”
“He’s just a friend, Ned, that’s all it is.”
“I think you might be wrong there... Just promise me that you’ll never hurt him.”
She smiled then. “I think I may be the one getting hurt,” she said. “I have too much history and too much baggage for him to deal with...not that Daisy’s baggage of course.”
“Can I see her?”
Ned’s impulsive request took Ali by surprise. “Why...yes. Come through.”
He followed her into the sitting room where Daisy was just blinking off sleep. She stared at them wide-eyed. “See,” Ali said, looking at Ned. “She doesn’t look at all like Bobby.”
“I never expected her to...”
“Are you sure about that? Even Tom took a bit of convincing.”
“Honest truth?”
“Honest truth,” she repeated.
“I did believe that the baby was Bobby’s. Lily told me, Mum told me and...latterly, Tom told me that she definitely wasn’t, but I was too twisted up inside to even give you a chance.”
“And what’s different now?”
“Tom made me see that I felt guilty and I was shifting the blame onto you. It’s over, Ali, all that hate, time to move on.”
Reaching up she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you,” she told him, “for talking to me... Here.” She went to the desk drawer and took out a copy of A Fisherboy’s Tale. “Please read it and let me know what you think.”
“I will,” he said. “Thanks.”
Before Ali could respond Daisy started to wail and Al
i went across immediately to pick her up.
“See you,” Ned said, raising the manuscript in farewell. “And thanks.”
For a long time after Ned left, Ali sat with Daisy, and when the bottle was empty still she sat, just holding her. Ned had insinuated that Tom saw her as more than a friend, but was he right, and how did she feel about Tom? One step at a time, she told herself, that’s what he’d said and she mustn’t let herself think any further ahead. Still she watched and waited for his tall straight-backed figure to come marching along the shoreline. The man who eventually did appear was unexpected, unwelcome and definitely not Tom.
He wore an expensive raincoat, like the ones he used to wear when he went climbing. Ali shivered deep inside as she watched his approach. This was wrong, the timing was wrong; oh how she wished she’d never told him about Daisy. Jake’s knock on the door was firm and demanding, like him. She didn’t want him here right now. Tom might call in anytime and their relationship was still on hold; they didn’t need any distractions and Jake could be one huge distraction if he decided to be awkward. Sitting firm in her chair, she held her breath, desperately hoping that Daisy would stay quiet. She intended to see him, had to see him really, and she hated any kind of subterfuge; he should have rung though, not just turned up like this. As far as she was concerned he could see Daisy but only on her terms; she wasn’t prepared to let him just show up unannounced like this.
“Ali,” he called, banging on the door. “Ali!”
Guilt made her squirm, but still she ignored him; she’d ring him later and make some arrangements. Now was not the time. When he eventually walked off, she heaved a sigh of relief.
Ali’s guilt and embarrassment about hiding from Jake was dispelled minutes later when Tom arrived. What would he have thought, she wondered, if he’d come in to find her ex-husband there? Would they have had a civilized conversation or would Jake have thrown his weight around as only he could? There was a time when she’d admired his arrogance and certainty, mistaking it for strength; for her it had been a big part of her initial attraction...that perceived self-confidence. Now she saw it for what it really was and she was glad she hadn’t let him in.
A Home for Her Baby Page 19