The reality of her situation had begun to penetrate then. It was a baby that Bella had growing in her own womb. It was no leap at all to feel a protective love for that tiny being. And its father certainly wasn’t a drop-kick. As Connor had pointed out, when he’d come in to join the discussion, if she’d gone to a sperm bank and listed the qualities she wanted for a perfect father, Oliver would have been at the top of the list with his good looks and intelligence and impeccable family background.
An abortion had never been an option, had it? No. The curly problem was how to handle the other people involved here. Oliver, of course. And Lady Dorothy. The other grandmother of this baby.
The woman who was finally reaching her physical limit in her current task.
‘Do you think that’s enough?’
‘Absolutely. Look, we’ve got a whole basket full.’
‘Are you good at arranging flowers, Bella?’
Bella sighed. ‘The way I arrange flowers is to plonk them in a vase, hold my breath, go wiffle wiffle with the stems and hope for the best.’
Lady Dorothy laughed. ‘Wonderful. I can just see my floral art teacher from when I was your age having to reach for her smelling salts. She was such an old fuddy-duddy.’ Her hand was trembling quite badly as she laid the secateurs in the basket with the roses. She tucked her arm through Bella’s to disguise the evidence of her discomfort. ‘Let’s go and find a vase.’
With the flowers arranged, albeit haphazardly, Bella found some anti-inflammatory gel and massaged Lady Dorothy’s hands. And then it was time to take her blood-sugar levels and administer her evening dose of insulin. Bella took her blood pressure as well and wrote her daily notes up neatly. Flicking through the notes for the last week brought a wry smile to her lips.
How ironic that she had planned to impress Oliver and make him see what he was missing when she left by doing her job as perfectly as possible. She was performing at her absolute best now but she would never be able to impress the man she loved because, at some point, she had to reveal the fact that she was just as stupid and irresponsible as he’d suspected all along.
She’d asked him to trust her and she’d let him down in the biggest way there was. She’d let her parents and Kate down, too. Most of all, she’d let herself down.
Well…she’d finally learned her lesson.
Bella felt like she’d suddenly become a proper adult in the last week.
She was all grown up.
Maybe she’d known all along that being grown up was a scary and confusing place to be and that was why she’d resisted for so long.
With Lady Dorothy settled comfortably in the conservatory with a glass of sherry, Bella hurried to the kitchen to prepare dinner and think up an excuse for not joining her patient this evening because she knew that Oliver was planning to be there.
She heard the front door open and close as she was setting out Lady Dorothy’s special cutlery on the table. She should be getting used to the way her heart skipped a beat and then started racing. The way that knot of longing deep in her belly bloomed and then melted into her veins. It had changed since the revelation of her pregnancy, though. This was more than pure lust. It was more than simply being in love. This was a need for something huge. For the whole world to shift on its axis and create a new family. She and Oliver and Lady Dorothy and the baby.
There was no way it could happen. It was so far from being appropriate that it was ridiculous. Bella had rehearsed telling
Oliver about this pregnancy in her head so many times by now she had every possible scenario covered. At best, she would be made financially secure somewhere else and
Oliver would have contact with his child on a strictly negotiated routine. At worst, he would be so disgusted with her irresponsibility he would hate her for ever and order her out of his life and any child care arrangements, financial or other, would be handled by his solicitors.
She couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Not until Lady Dorothy was more independent. At least Bella could be responsible about that. She served the meals onto warmed plates, cutting up one of the pieces of fillet steak so that Lady Dorothy wouldn’t need to ask for any assistance. She put the plates in the oven to keep the meals hot and gave the table a final glance, which made her smile. It was just as well the roses were beautiful all by themselves, because the arrangement of them did nothing to enhance them, despite Lady Dorothy’s declaration that Bella had hidden, artistic talents. The remnants of that poignant smile were still on her lips as she went to the door of the conservatory.
Oliver had followed a familiar routine. He’d picked up the mail on his way into the house and helped his mother open the envelopes. There can’t have been too much today because now he was helping his mother up from her chair.
‘Dinner’s in the oven,’ Bella told them brightly. ‘I’ve got a few things to do so I’ll be in to see you later, Lady Dorothy.’
‘Wait…’ Lady Dorothy was holding a white card in her hand. She beamed at Bella. ‘Did you know about this?’
Bella stopped. There was no help for it now, she had to meet Oliver’s gaze as they came closer. And the gaze was intense. As though he wanted something from her. Curiously, he looked worried about her. Was he asking for reassurance?
Bella smiled at him with the intention of pretending that everything was fine. There was nothing to worry about.
She caught her breath when she saw the relief in his dark eyes. When he smiled back at her.
One of those smiles. As if she was special and important. Like the one he’d given her when he’d approved of what she was doing for his mother when she’d been an inpatient at St Pat’s. When she’d first caught a glimpse of the real Oliver hidden beneath the professional man. When it had touched something so deep inside her she’d known she was in real danger of falling in love with him.
And she’d known they were dangerous waters to even dip her toe into, but what had she done?
Dived in. Completely out of her depth. And now she felt like she was drowning. She had to tell him but…not yet. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of being sent away—physically or emotionally. When she told Oliver about the pregnancy, one thing she could be absolutely sure of was that she’d never see one of those smiles again.
Bella swallowed hard and tried to focus on Lady Dorothy. Her voice came out a little hoarsely. ‘What is it?’
‘A wedding invitation.’ Lady Dorothy sighed happily. ‘From your Kate and her Connor. At the beach. Such short notice, though. Only three weeks…’
Bella’s smile was ancient history. She felt slightly dizzy. Whose idea had this been? And why hadn’t anyone warned her?
‘Are you all right, Bella?’ Oliver’s smile had also vanished. He was looking really worried now. As though it really mattered to him whether she was all right or not. Bella wanted to cry.
‘I’m…fine…’
‘You did know about this?’
‘The wedding?’ Bella forced another smile. ‘Of course…I’m the bridesmaid.’
‘It’s so kind of you to get us invited,’ Lady Dorothy said. ‘I haven’t been to a wedding in so long. Oh, my…we’ve got to think of a gift, Oliver.’
But Oliver knew she hadn’t answered the question. He was still staring at Bella.
‘It’s a small wedding,’ she said. ‘A few friends and family and colleagues from St Pat’s. You’re friends with Connor, aren’t you?’
‘We have a fair bit to do with each other. We often share spinal surgery cases. And I suppose we get on well. But who wouldn’t, with Connor?’
Oliver was looking vaguely surprised, as if the notion of being friends with someone was alien. Bella felt the same kind of sadness for him she had when she’d learned that he’d had an unhappy childhood. Did he even realise how much he was missing out on in life? She wanted to reach out and take hold
of his hand. Let him know that she could sense things about him that only someone who loved him would be able to sense. And that she cared enough to make it better.
How amazing that she could have got to a point where she thought she was the thing that was missing from the life of a man who had once intimidated her to the extent that she’d felt she wasn’t good enough at anything. She would be good for him but he wasn’t in a space where he could recognise it. She hadn’t had enough time to impress him. And as soon as he knew that she’d lied to him about being safe to have sex with, any chance at all to impress Oliver Dawson would be obliterated. Oh, help. She had to get out of here before she disgraced herself and burst into tears.
‘And Lady Dorothy’s been invited because she’s an important person in my life right now.’ Bella ducked closer to give Lady Dorothy a kiss on her cheek. ‘Now, go and have your dinner before it gets cold and before your blood sugar takes a dive. I’ll see you soon.’
And with that, Bella escaped. Straight to her room where she grabbed her mobile phone and pushed the first rapid dial entry.
‘My God, Kate,’ she said, as soon as the call was answered. ‘What are you up to? You’ve invited the Dawsons to the wedding?’
‘It was Connor’s idea. And he’s right. They’re going to be a part of our family in some way now.’
‘They don’t know that.’
She could hear Kate sigh. ‘You have to tell him some time, Bella.’
‘I know…but…I’m not ready.’
‘The longer you leave it, the harder it’s going to be, hon.’
‘I know, but…’ Bella could feel tears threatening.
‘But what?’ Kate asked gently.
‘The longer I leave it, the safer it’ll be.’
‘What do you mean?’
But Bella couldn’t articulate the fear. The idea that Oliver would be so angry or that Lady Dorothy would be so appalled at the scandal in the family that they could somehow persuade her that a termination was the only way to manage this disaster. Facing Lady Dorothy’s disappointment and severing the bond she had with the older woman was almost as daunting a prospect as facing Oliver’s wrath and Bella wasn’t entirely sure she was strong enough to stand up to them. So she wanted to wait until she was past the point where it might be viewed as nothing more than a simple medical procedure. Until it became indisputably a baby for everyone involved and not just an accidental pregnancy.
‘Things can happen,’ she offered. ‘Especially in the first trimester. I…might lose it.’ The tears couldn’t be held back now. Maybe that would solve all sorts of problems but she really didn’t want to lose this baby. Oliver’s baby. Kate heard her strangled sob.
‘That’s highly unlikely, Bells. Look, I’ve got my sixteen-week scan coming up next week. Come with me and we’ll get a check-up for you, too.’
‘I can’t do that. Not at St Pat’s, anyway. What if Oliver found out?’
There was a silence. They both knew that it was only a question of time before Oliver was going to find out.
‘Nobody needs to know about the scan,’ Kate said quietly. ‘But you need to know that everything’s OK. And you need to start taking care of yourself.’ She chuckled. ‘I’ll set Connor onto you if you don’t behave. He’s become the world’s expert on how mothers-to-be need to look after themselves.’
Mothers-to-be.
She was going to be a mother.
So was Kate.
Bella’s voice wobbled. ‘Connor’s really happy about it, isn’t he?’
‘He’s over the moon. I still can’t believe it. It’s… I’m so happy, Bella.’
‘I know. It’s wonderful.’
‘I thought this pregnancy would be the last thing he wanted and that it would be the thing that broke us up but it’s brought us closer together. I had no idea you could be so much in love with someone and not understand something so huge.’
‘Mmm.’ Bella knew you could be so much in love with someone and not know them very well at all. How did that happen? How could she be so sure that she could love Oliver for the rest of his life if he gave her the chance but the only really personal thing she knew about him was that he liked fast food?
‘You could be wrong about Oliver, you know,’ Kate was saying now. ‘He might surprise you. He might like you a lot more than you think he does.’
Bella shook her head, her breath escaping in a quiet groan. Didn’t Kate understand that she was encouraging a fantasy? Making the bubble bigger? The bubble that Bella was so scared of having to pop?
‘He liked you enough to get you pregnant.’
‘He thinks I’m an idiot.’
‘He doesn’t know you, then. That’s why Connor thought the wedding invitation was a good idea. It will give us all a chance to get to know each other a little better.’
‘Why did you bring the date forward so much?’
Kate laughed. ‘So I’ll still fit my dress. It was either that or wait until after the baby and…well, neither of us wanted to wait.’
Of course they didn’t. They loved each other and they were excited about becoming parents.
Parents.
‘Oh, God,’ Bella groaned. ‘Mum and Dad will be there, won’t they?’
‘Of course. I was talking to them yesterday. They’re wondering why they haven’t heard from you this week.’ There was gentle admonition in Kate’s voice. ‘They’ll understand, you know. They’ll support you, just as much as Connor and I will.’
The support from Kate and Connor was already a safety net that Bella felt she didn’t deserve. She could live with them if she wanted. For as long as she wanted. They could find a bigger house that could accommodate an extended family and the babies could grow up being almost twins. Bella could mother them both when Kate was ready to go back to work. And, yes, she knew that her parents wouldn’t abandon her but they would, inevitably, be shocked.
‘They’ll be so disappointed that I’m going to be a single mother.’ Another sob escaped and Bella had to sniff loudly. ‘And then they’ll be at the wedding and so will Oliver and… Oh, Kate, how could you? I’m not ready for any of this.’
‘I’m sorry, love.’ Kate sounded contrite. ‘I guess we didn’t think things through enough. You can tell your mum and dad without telling them who the father is and that way they can’t say anything by accident. And maybe Oliver won’t want to come.’
Lady Dorothy would, though.
Unless…
Unless she dropped the bombshell first. Oliver definitely wouldn’t attend then and she’d be fired from her job and the timing might work quite well because she was planning to cat-sit for Kate and Connor while they went on their honeymoon and…
And her head was spinning like a top and the wave of nausea was the strongest yet.
‘I have to go.’ The statement was urgent. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’
CHAPTER TEN
THE bombshell was impossible to drop.
Lady Dorothy was so excited about attending the wedding that she demanded a more vigorous exercise routine and put her heart and soul into gaining strength and balance so that she could cope with walking on sand.
‘I won’t take my stick,’ she declared. ‘Oliver will be there if I need any support but I want to get dressed up and not look like an invalid.’ Her eyes had held an appeal Bella had no chance of resisting. ‘I want to look like me again.’
How could she have taken that away from the old lady she was so fond of? The outing would be a reward for all the hard work she’d put in over so many weeks since she’d become ill. She wanted to show her son that she could be independent again and rejoin society. Maybe she wanted to show that she wasn’t going to be a burden for him in the years to come. It didn’t matter what she was trying to prove, however. What mattered was t
hat it was so important to her and that she started every day glowing with determination and pride in what she was achieving.
The achievements spiralled upwards as the days went by. Life inevitably became busier for Bella and she was slipping away from the Dawson household at increasingly frequent intervals to help Kate and Connor with all the wedding arrangements. That prompted Lady Dorothy to increase her independence even further. She learned to manage testing her blood sugar by herself again and could—almost—manage her insulin injections. She had also agreed to wear a personal alarm around her neck on the occasions that both Bella and Oliver were absent and that way she could call for help if she felt a hypoglycaemic episode coming on or if she lost her balance and fell over.
The changes were a double-edged sword. Not ruining Lady Dorothy’s excited anticipation had the added benefit of letting the Dawsons know that they would be able to cope without Bella in their lives. It would, at least, remove any guilt in having to abandon her private patient if she got fired from her position.
Knowing that she was becoming dispensable didn’t make the prospect of dropping the bombshell any easier, though. If Bella was really honest with herself, the biggest reason she couldn’t do it was the change she was watching in Oliver.
Ever since the day the wedding invitation had arrived and she’d seen that look of concern in his intense gaze… Ever since he’d smiled at her again in that way that made her feel so special, something was happening between them.
He was spending more time in her company. Drawing her into conversations she couldn’t resist, like when he’d talked her through the surgery that Wally had had and brought her up to date with the wonderful progress her old patient was making.
‘He’s missing his line-dancing classes,’ Oliver told her, and there was a gleam of genuine amusement in his eyes. ‘Might be time for me to have another one myself.’
Bella had been gobsmacked. She made some joke about how embarrassing it would be for Oliver if it got around St Pat’s that he was taking line-dancing lessons and nothing more had been said but it was becoming more and more obvious that Oliver was reaching out. Trying to close the gap between them. Actually trying to make her laugh?
Falling for Her Impossible Boss Page 11