“Oh, dear! I had no idea, brother dearest. My apologies.”
“Thanks, Hildy!”
“You’re welcome. But just for the record, if she breaks your heart, I’ll come back and smite her boney ass… 80’s outfit and all. Then, I’ll turn her into a toad like I did when we were kids.”
“Fabio couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. Instead, he continued smiling and simply said, “Duly noted, sis. Duly noted.”
* * * * * *
Zoe and Nicolai came downstairs holding hands and smiling like the cat who had eaten the canary. It was obvious the two lovebirds had come to an agreement that satisfied all parties involved.
“Oh my Goddess! They had sex,” Fabio grumbled.
“Quiet you old fool. Just because you’re a six minute man doesn’t mean Nicolai is,” Hildy admonished.
Chuck and Viola couldn’t help but laugh at the two siblings’ antics. If nothing else, they were definitely entertaining. Viola doubted there had ever been a dull moment in their house when both of them were in the room.
“Hey everyone,” Zoe said, oblivious or rather ignoring the comments from her aunt and dad.
“From the smiles on your faces, I take it your conversation went well,” Aunt Viola had scribbled on her notepad and held it up for both of them to read.
Zoe and Nicolai nodded in agreement as they snuggled closer to one another. “We still have a few things to work out, but we’ve agreed a good starting point would be to go out on a date after this nasty business with Alaric is resolved,” Zoe replied.
“Dating? Did you say dating? Hmm. Dating is good, as long as you don’t start playing dress-up during sexy times because I don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared to handle that at this point and time in my life. One daughter playing Little Red Riding Hood with the big bad wolf is more than enough for me,” Fabio babbled on to no one in particular.
“Oh for Goddess’s sake, Fabio. Let it be. Besides, they would never play Little Red Riding Hood. Nicolai’s a black panther. I see them playing cat and mouse. No offense Zoe.”
“I got it. The Cat In The Hat,” Chuck said.
“You two are not helping,” Fabio shouted.
“Since everyone is determined to discuss my sex life, where’s my mother? You’ve mentioned my sister, Zelda, many times, but no one has said a word about my mother. Was she heartbroken when she had to give me up? Will I get to meet her soon? Do Zelda and I look like her? Do I have other siblings besides, Zelda? I’m just curious.”
Everyone in the room suddenly became quiet, which made Zoe nervous. “Why is everyone quiet all of a sudden? Is my mother some kind of a mass murderer?”
“Sweetie, come and sit with me for a moment and I’ll explain,” Fabio said, soothingly. “Hmm. Where to begin?”
“How about she’s a backstabbing, conniving, two-timing, power hungry, evil witch of a spawn of Hades, who killed me and tried to take her own daughter’s magic,” Hildy shouted.
When everyone in the room turned to look at her, she shrugged and said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I still had that much pent up anger toward your mother, Zoe. I’ll be quiet now.”
“From your mouth to the Goddess’s ears… Please. Please. Please, let it be,” Fabio countered. “Now that that’s settled. What was your first question?”
“Was my mother heartbroken when she had to give me up?”
“Um… Viola, you wanna chime in here?”
Viola knew Zoe’s initial question regarding her mother would be relinquished to her to answer. Not because Fabio was afraid to answer it, but because he simply didn’t know the story, which is the reason she had already written out a response.
“Sweetheart, your mother doesn’t know about you. It seems that the Goddess and Fates had been watching her hunger for power grow stronger and stronger over the centuries. So when she hooked up with your father and became pregnant, they quickly realized that a plan needed to be put into action.”
“What type of plan?”
“The type of plan that would prevent her from stealing her daughters’ magic. The reason your father never knew about you was because your mother threatened your lives while you were still in her womb. I’m sorry, but there’s really no easy or subtle way to explain this without making it sound as bad as it is.”
“Your mother was born hungry for power, Zoe. Even when we were at Witchery U, she aligned herself with witches and warlocks who had the potential to increase her magic. She’s spent centuries, hopping from one warlock’s bed to another. To be honest, dear, she was more of a ho-bag than your father,” Hildy said, matter of factly.
“Your Aunt Hildy would be correct. Therefore, when your father succeeded in getting her pregnant, found out about it and only backed down after she threatened your lives, the Goddess and Fates stepped in. The only way for the plan to work was to allow your mother to turn your father into a cat.”
“I still don’t understand how she didn’t realize she was carrying two children.”
“That was accomplished with a little divine intervention from her doctor, the Goddess, and the Fates of course. Initially, Zelda hid you when your mother had her first sonogram because you were so tiny. From that point on, the Goddess made sure she continued to believe there was only one child using her infinite amount of magic.”
“Okay, I get that you were able to cover up my existence when she was carrying me, but how did she not figure it out during the birth?”
“Your mother is a petite woman; therefore, when it came time for the birth, the doctor explained he would need to do a C-section. She was given medicine laced with a magical spell to help her relax, or so she thought. In actuality, it knocked her out long enough for the doctor to deliver you and Zelda.”
“How did you decide which child to leave with her?”
“That’s where the Fates, come in. They had foreseen both yours and Zelda’s futures and knew she would be able to handle your mother. Besides, after the birth, Zelda’s magic was the stronger of the two. The Fates were concerned if they left you with your mother, she would harm you in her quest for more power. We couldn’t take that chance.”
“How did I end up with you, Aunt Viola?”
“During that time, I sat on the Council of Witches. We were made aware of the situation by the Goddess and Baba Yaga. When Baba Yaga asked for volunteers to take care of the newborn named Zoe, I immediately stood up. I knew that I would never have children of my own, so you were like a gift sent from the Goddess herself. Thirty years later, here we are. Of course, I never imagined that ass-wipe, Alaric, would turn on me and try to kill the only person I’ve ever loved.”
“I love you too, Aunt Viola. Thank you for everything,” Zoe whispered in her aunt’s ear as they hugged.
When the two women separated, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.
“I have one more question. Where is my mother now?”
“I can take it from here, Viola. Thank you for everything you’ve done for our Zoe,” Fabio said in a genuine voice that brought more tears to Viola’s eyes. “There’s really no easy way to say this, so here goes. Your mother is in the pokey for playing a role in murdering your Aunt Hildy and for attempting to murder your sister, Zelda, me and the entire population of Assjacket, West Virginia.”
“Holy Moly!” Zoe exclaimed, eyes as big around as saucers. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. Of course, she had some help from Blondie, a Wolf Shifter, Hugo – her Vampire boyfriend, and those damn Honey Badgers, but Zelda, Hildy and the rest of the gang in Assjacket handled it. She’s also been stripped of her magic and is now a human, which in your mother’s case, is a fate worse than death or the pokey. That was your sister’s idea by the way. She’s crafty like that,” he said with a wink.
“You people give a whole new meaning to the word, dysfunctional family,” Zoe said. “Oops. Sorry! I didn’t mean to say that out loud. My bad.”
“No worries. I know exactly what you mean,” Fabio chuckled
. “We’re strange, but whenever you’re in a bind, know that we’ll always have your back, kiddo.”
“Thanks, I think,” Zoe replied with a frown on her face.
“Why are you frowning?” Fabio asked.
“Well, based on everything you’ve told me, I guess I’ll never meet my mother. Even if I could, would it be safe?”
“We honestly don’t know, Zoe. I think that’s a question you’ll need to ask Carol,” Hildy said.
“Who’s Carol?”
“Carol has been my best friend since childhood. She’s also the Baba Yaga that at times, we lovingly refer to as Baba Yo Momma, Baba Love, Boney Ass, in your case, Bob Saget, in Zelda’s case, Old Lady Crotch, and in your father’s case, Babalicious. Regardless of the name, she’s the most powerful witch in all of the land and she alone can grant you access to visit your mother in the pokey. All you have to do is ask nicely.”
“Hmm. I’ll think about it. Thanks for the suggestion,” Zoe replied, pondering how a mother could willingly harm her child. “Tell me about Zelda,” she finally said.
“Zelda’s a handful, but I’ll love her forever,” Fabio said. “She has auburn hair, just like yours… the only difference being hers is curly and yours is straight. You both have stunning green eyes and wear a size 4 by my estimation.”
“Good to know. I’ve never had someone I could share clothes with,” Zoe countered.
“Um… about that. Your sister is a tad bit materialistic. Okay, more than a tad and she can be unstable at times, but if you haven’t figured it out yet, everyone in the family is a bit unstable, especially Hildy. Like your mother, she’s spent some time in the pokey for accidentally running me over with her car several times and using her magic for self-gain, which is an offense so be forewarned. Therefore, if you ever piss her off, just pick her up a Louis Vuitton bag or a pair of Minolo Blahniks and she’ll love you forever.”
“I heard that, you ass-hat and I’ll make sure you pay later,” Hildy replied, shooting him the finger of love.
Although the entire room burst into laughter, Fabio continued. “She likes using potty words in her spells which is hilarious at times, and her magical gift involves healing Shifters and other magical beings. She recently took over Hildy’s position as the Shifter Whisperer, but often refers to herself as the Shifter Wanker.”
“Do I have the power to heal?”
“Yes. You come from a long line of healers and before you ask, I know this by the color of your hair. All healers have auburn hair.”
“Cool, I can’t wait to try it.”
“Be careful what you ask for,” Hildy said in a singsong voice.
“As I was saying, she’s mated to Mac, a wolf and the King of the Shifters; and she’s inherited Hildy’s three familiars who are cats. Their names are Fat Bastard, Boba Fett and Jango Fett. They love to eat, gamble, lick their nads, and watch Say Yes to the Dress with Zelda. They have some vile, personal habits, but don’t we all.”
“What are familiars and do I have one?” Zoe asked excitedly.
“Think of familiars as guardians who watch over you. As your douche knocker of a father already explained, they’re always cats, which is the reason we didn’t think anything of Nicolai’s presence. Although when Carol and I were in Witchery U, the Jezibaba gave her a familiar who could shift into anything. She called him the Great Emeritus. He shifted from a Raven into a Hellhound and then a large white owl right before our eyes. It was amazing,” Hildy said in awe.
“I can’t wait to get my familiar,” Zoe said with glee. “Tell me more about them.”
“Well, every familiar gets a file on their witches. Although they have powers, they’re never more powerful than their witch. They can’t transport without their witch and most of them take on the traits of their witch.”
“Holy smoke! Do you think my familiar will be able to split himself?”
“What are you talking about, Zoe?” Fabio asked.
“If I wish hard enough, I can split myself into two people. Aunt Hildy called it astral projection.”
“Why are we just now hearing about this?” Fabio exclaimed.
“Oh, don’t get your leotards in a wad. We weren’t intentionally keeping it from you. In fact, we had just discovered Zoe’s new power when you and Viola popped in from Vegas and you were wearing that stupid Elvis costume. Oh wait! You’re still wearing it. Never mind,” Hildy said in a deadpanned voice.
Ignoring Hildy, which was difficult at times, Fabio said, “Can you control your new power, Zoe?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Well, you need to practice because it might come in handy defeating Alaric. Speaking of that ass-wad, we need to develop a plan to get Viola’s magic back and defeat him once and for all.”
“I propose we grab a bite to eat and then come up with a plan,” Viola had written on her notepad for everyone to see. They all nodded in agreement and headed toward the kitchen.
CHAPTER 10
Fabio had whipped up an Italian feast fit for a King. Still dressed in his Elvis costume, he rambled off the dishes on the table in a ridiculous Italian accent that had Zoe giggling uncontrollably.
“For your eating pleasure, Chef Fab-u-lo-so has prepared fettuccine Alfredo in a rich and creamy garlic sauce with Parmesan, spaghetti with meat sauce, lasagna, shrimp sautéed in a garlic sauce, tossed with asparagus, tomatoes and angel hair pasta and grilled chicken topped with a lemon garlic butter sauce, sundried tomatoes, capers and Parmesan crusted zucchini. To complement these delizioso dishes will be my famous house salad with green, leafy lettuce, hearty tomatoes, red onions, black olives… well, you get the idea, homemade minestrone soup, warm garlic breadsticks, and several bottles of Moscato Primo Amore because I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need a drink… lots and lots of drinks.”
“Mm-Mm. Smells delicious! I can’t wait to try it all,” Zoe said rubbing her stomach and taking a seat at the table.
“Um… Guys! Incoming, but don’t blow him up. It’s only my brother,” Nicolai said quickly as Stefano transported into the kitchen.
“Dude! Looks like I arrived just in time. Oh, is that… lasagna? Yum!” Stefano said, oblivious to the strange looks he was receiving from around the room.
“Everyone, this is my brother Stefano. My mother’s positive that he has a hollow wooden leg because he’s always hungry and she’s yet to figure out where he puts all the food he consumes.”
“Hey, don’t hate me because I’m a man with a healthy appetite and a fast metabolism. Besides, I work out. You think it’s easy keeping this girlish figure? I think not.”
“Welcome, Stefano. I’m Fabio, Zoe’s father. Please! Join us!”
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Stefano replied, sitting down next to his brother. “What’s up with the Elvis costume? You gotta gig later on?”
“No, I was in Vegas earlier doing a little gambling.”
“Okay, but why are you still wearing it and what’s with the wannabe Italian accent?”
“Stefano, you’re being rude,” Nicolai admonished.
“Come on! I’m just asking what everyone else is thinking. It could be worse. He could be that dude who likes wearing women’s leotards and licking his nads. You know, the guy you told me about earlier. Now that’s a real looser,” Stefano countered using his thumb and index finger to form the letter L in front of his forehead.
Hildy couldn’t contain her laughter. “He’s got your number, Fabio. Bet you’ll think twice the next time you leave home wearing that stupid yoga outfit.”
“Wait! Dude! That’s you? Sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Obviously,” Fabio replied through gritted teeth. He looked like a bull ready to charge. “Let’s cease with all the chatter and eat in silence. Oh! And for the record, these two bottles of Moscato are mine.”
“Understood,” Stefano replied, holding up his hands in surrender.
Everyone filled their plates, settled in and began diving into the scrumpti
ous meal. Hildy sighed as she imagined the wonderful flavors bursting off her tongue. Oh, what she would give for just a teeny, tiny bite of the sautéed shrimp.
“My brother may be a man-whore, but boy can he cook. While this ghost gig has its perks, I really miss the taste of food. Know what I mean, Big Guy?” Hildy asked Chuck.
“I know exactly what you mean, Sugar Plum,” Chuck replied, longingly. “What I wouldn’t give for a big, juicy steak with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. Maybe for desert, a nice slice of chocolate pie.”
“Goddess that sounds delicious!” Hildy moaned.
“Don’t do that!”
“Don’t do what?”
“You know what. Make that sound that always revs me up.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Big Guy” Hildy feigned with innocence. “However, I’d hate for you to be all revved up with no place to go. Maybe I could help you out with a little game of Goldilocks and the Bear?”
“Oh, I’m positive you could,” Chuck said in a low growl.
“This kitchen is too hot!” Hildy exclaimed, enjoying the heat that filled Chuck’s eyes as she finished undressing.
“Someone has me all hot and bothered,” Chuck growled in Hildy’s ear.
“Oh dear, now I’m too cold,” she countered, as he pulled their bodies closer, nipped the sweet spot between her ear and collar bone before suckling on her neck.
“Someone needs to sit in my lap, NOW,” he said, caressing her hips and butt.
“Ahhh, that feels just right,” Hildy happily professed just before he took her mouth in a searing kiss that made her iridescent body glow with pleasure.
“Someone will be sleeping in my bed… well, maybe not sleeping,” he whispered in a sultry voice that melted all of her reserve.
Suddenly, Zoe stopped eating and yelled, “Oh for Goddess’s sake! Get a room, already. Why do you two insist on doing the nasty in my presence? All of the moans and groans and lust filled emotions are driving me crazy. Not to mention they’re kind of making me hot. Oops! Did I say that out loud?”
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