I ignored Hawke’s warning about not contacting him; I had to. I needed to tell Nicolas how sorry I was, and that if I could turn back the clock, I would have never used him in that way. I searched for his number through my phone’s address book and hit dial. It’d be going on 11:00 PM in Miami; that was still early enough to call.
I grew anxious as his phone rang and rang, and I began biting on my fingernail. I wasn’t a biter; I hated the sound it made against my teeth, but whenever I was nervous, I’d find myself subconsciously chewing on them.
I hung up after the call got directed to voicemail. I’d never been one to leave a voice message, because I’ve never really known what to say. In this case, what the hell was I supposed to leave? I opted for a text message instead; at least I was able to edit what I wanted to say.
It’s H. Please answer your cell. I first want to know how you are and secondly, tell you how incredibly sorry I am. I never meant for this to happen, especially to you. Please call me back. HH Xx
I stared at my phone, at the message, in hopes that I’d see him typing a new message, but nothing. No response. I felt another small piece of my heart break away. I wasn’t going to give up on him; he might have just been asleep or unavailable to get to his phone at that time.
Dina had called me around to her house to talk. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to a chat, but I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to tell her that whatever we were doing, I wasn’t interested in continuing anymore. The plan was to make the visit as short as possible. I knew she wasn’t going to take it very well, and that she’d have the whole afternoon set up with different ways to keep me there, avoiding any subjects that included me possibly ending our whatever-relationship-thing we had. She’d done these things before. I’d fallen for it every time and was beginning to think it was the reason why we’d lasted for as long as we had.
The entire way over, all I could think about was getting back to Harper before my parents arrived back home that evening. Despite our Friday night at Jervis Bay and seeing her cry on Saturday morning, it had turned out to be one of my favorite weekends.
I knocked on Dina’s door and suddenly realized I had a massive grin on my face. Shit! I quickly wiped my features free of emotion before Dina opened the door. Only it wasn’t her, it was some guy I recognized as a Rugby League player for one of the outer Sydney teams. I didn’t watch the sport, so I had no idea which one to be sure; I’d just seen his face on posters in the past. He was a little shorter than me, with a heavy beard and an entire sleeve covered in colored tattoos. He glanced up and smirked at me as he passed. “She’s all yours, mate,” he said, then turned to look over his shoulder calling out, “Come on, little fella; it’s time to get going.” A small, chubby child came running out, an oversized Transformers backpack strapped to his back, and stopped at his side. The guy put his hand on the kid’s shoulder and led him away toward the bright-green Holden truck parked in the driveway.
I didn’t get a chance to respond because something had caught my attention. Inside the house, making her way down the stairs was Dina, buttoning up her blouse.
After seeing something that should have angered me, or even have me questioning her about whether she was still hooking up with the father of her kid, I was stunned to find that I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t even care. That only confirmed I had moved on and it was time to end this.
“Hey, handsome,” she sang as she reached the door and stood on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on my lips. I didn’t respond to the kiss. I just stood there; waiting for the very second her lips left mine before I took a step back so there was a comfortable space between us. How she was doing this right in front of the guy she just had sex with, and her child, I had no idea. His truck was still in the driveway, with the engine turned off and his window down; he’d be blind if he’d missed that. No point questioning it, mate; you don’t care, my mind informed me.
“Are you going to come in or just stand out there?” I glanced up at Dina and noticed a suspicious look on her face. She knows! I immediately thought. She’s the one who slept with her ex. Don’t let her get you like that! You don’t know whether that’s true or not. “Jackson! What the hell is wrong with you?”
I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and stepped inside. “Sorry. Just… got a lot on my mind.” Oh, that was clever. If only there was a way to stop the nosey voices in my head…
She locked the front door and I followed her into the lounge room where we sat down on separate couches; I knew I’d made it awkward. She’d sat down first, and patted the seat beside her, but I’d opted for the couch opposite her. She’d thrown me a strange look, but I avoided eye contact and tried to look as relatively normal as possible. I wanted to make it quick. There was no need for me to be here, but I wasn’t an arsehole, and even though we weren’t technically together, Dina still deserved the respect of me ‘ending’ it to her face and not over the phone or via a text message.
I cleared my throat. Jeez, you aren’t acting suspicious or anything. Ignoring the annoying voice inside my head, I said, “Dina…”
“Don’t bother, Jackson, I know what you’re about to say.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” I blinked, half-stunned that she’d guessed, but then again I wasn’t acting normal since I’d arrived. “And yes, I slept with him, okay…” Huh? “But, it’s not what you think. There isn’t anything happening between us; it just sort of happened. I was upset about the weekend and then he was here to pick up Toby. He just wanted to comfort me, and one thing led to another. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Dina, I don’t care about that.”
“You don’t?”
Shit. Now, I was in for it. “Err… What I mean is: we aren’t exactly a couple, you’re still free to do what you want.”
The look on her face turned suspicious. “What are you insinuating?”
“Nothing. I’m not insinuating anything.”
“You are such a terrible liar.” She rolled her eyes. “Just say what you’re thinking, Jackson.”
Here went nothing, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
She blinked a few times before a look of realization dawned over her face. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
My brows drew together. “Who?”
“She’s your cousin, for fuck’s sake. That’s disgusting!”
I immediately went into defense mode. “We aren’t blood-related, Dina! I was adopted, in case you’ve forgotten.”
A sly smirk grew on her face. “I knew it. Jon mentioned he’d caught the two of you kissing. I didn’t want to believe it, but seeing the look on your face now says it all.”
I stood up, frustrated, ready to storm out of her house.
“So, what, you’re just planning on leaving without discussing it?”
“There’s nothing to discuss. You’re right, I like Harper, and we kissed. You can think what you want, but we aren’t related so there is nothing wrong with what we’re doing. But Harper has nothing do to with the conversation we are having right now.”
“Oh, really?”
I glared at her. “Dina, I was going to end things before she came along. I think deep down, you knew that, too.”
“But you didn’t! And now that she has her filthy little claws in you, you’re doing everything she wants. She’s manipulating you, and you’re so blinded by her you can’t see it!”
“It’s nothing like that!” I shouted. Fuck, I had to leave before I lost it.
“Oh, no? The way she watches you, then deliberately flirts with the others to make sure you see and get jealous? She’s nothing but a rich, conniving, little snake that is using her fame to get you!”
“Shut up, Dina! You have no idea what Harper has been through! You have no right to talk about her that way! I’m leaving!”
I stormed out of the room and headed for the front door. I could hear Dina calling out to me from behind, but I ignored her. Closing the front door firmly, I head
ed toward my truck and started the engine.
I dared a glance over at the front door, but she wasn’t there. Thank God! I didn’t particularly want the neighbors listening to our argument.
I reversed out of the driveway and was able to take a breath once I rounded the corner and could no longer see her house in the rearview. It hadn’t gone the way I’d planned. I hadn’t wanted to piss Dina off, but I couldn’t change what had happened. Perhaps in a few days, I could send her a text or call her and see how she was doing.
Determined to not think about the argument anymore, I turned my thoughts to things I could do for Harper. I wanted to do something sweet. Nothing over the top or mushy, but just a little gesture to show I was thinking about her. Flowers, girls loved flowers.
I spent a half hour inside the florist trying to choose the right ones for Harper. I didn’t even know whether she liked flowers or not, but I was determined to get her some. The lady in the store was very helpful. She’d asked what the occasion was and after I said, “I just want to show her I like her,” she’d gone through a list of potential flowers to use, ruling out red roses, of course. After going with a box filled with a mixture of bright, colorful gerberas, lilies and orchids, I paid for my purchase and made my way home with a huge smile on my face.
My happy mood ended as soon as I turned into my street and noticed a familiar blue car parked next to my house. Fuck! What the hell was Dina up to?
As soon as I heard the doorbell ring throughout the house, I raced downstairs and swung the front door open, full of excitement and without a care in the world. I expected it to be Jackson; he had texted a short time earlier to say he was on his way home, so who else would it be?
My face dropped as soon as I noticed the figure standing on the other side wasn’t him but Dina instead.
Why hadn’t I bothered checking first? And why on Earth would I think Jackson would ring the doorbell when he had keys?
I could tell by the way her eyes widened with surprise that Dina hadn’t expected me to be the one opening the door. She straightened her posture and her face transformed into a hateful glare. “Where’s Jackson?”
“He isn’t home,” I responded with the same bitterness in my voice. I wasn’t afraid of her, because in the back of my mind I knew that if she dared to lay a hand on me, I’d be quick to make her pay by getting my family’s lawyers involved. Money and fame had a way of making you feel like you were invincible at times, like nobody could touch you. I learned that from my parents and it was something I truly believed in; after all, with everything I’d done in the past recent years, I was pretty much the poster child.
“Are Juliana and Hugo home?”
I eyed her carefully, trying to read her body language. She’d said the names of Jackson’s parents on purpose, to try and make me jealous; I picked up on that immediately. She could have known them, for all I knew, but something in her eyes told me otherwise; that and the fact I’d never once heard my uncle and aunty mention her name the entire time I’d been staying with them. I decided to play the same game back at her.
“Nope.” I smiled. “The whole family has been in Melbourne this weekend. It’s just been the two of us.”
Her eyes flashed with jealousy, but she didn’t say anything. I could tell her mind was racing around for something to say. Gotcha!
“Is there something you want?” I asked after Dina continued to stand there, unmoving but now staring at me with calculating eyes.
The corner of her mouth twisted up. “You know, I will never understand how you continue to live with yourself after everything you do.”
My grip on the door tightened. “Excuse me?”
“I said—”
“I heard what you said,” I interjected. “I want to know what you’re implying.”
“Shouldn’t you know?” she scoffed. “You ruin lives, Harper. You think that just because you have this fame and all this money you can do whatever the hell you want! You took Jackson away from me. You’re his fucking cousin, you sicko! You’re constantly getting in trouble with the law but yet somehow getting away with it every time. Then again, you were sleeping with a police officer, so that probably explains it, but how did you end up repaying him? Oh, that’s right, you ruined his relationship and career. What else?” She paused to tap her index finger against her bottom lip while she smirked. “Oh, that’s right, you killed your own sister.”
I straightened, releasing my grip from the door and taking a step forward. I’d never been a physical fighter; I was more comfortable lashing out verbally, but I’d never wanted to slap someone as much as I wanted to at this moment in time. As anger filled me, so did the pain. Dina was right; I ruined lives. I lived recklessly, not caring about how the consequences affected other people. She knew about Nicolas, which meant it was headlining news on social media or in the Australian papers. She knew about Quinn; I had killed her. If I had stopped her from going outside in the storm, she’d still be alive. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and clenched my jaw together to try to make the hurt stop.
“You need to leave!” I ordered, keeping my voice even. I wasn’t going to show Dina that her words affected me. I thought of my mother, how she tried to cut me with her words.
“Why? Can’t take the truth, Harper?”
“Just go away!”
“Does Jackson know about your little affair?” she continued. “Does he know about what you did to your sister?”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I shouted, slamming the door in her face.
I ran, heaving as the pain in my chest grew unbearable and the tears streamed down my face. My head spun and my vision blurred. I didn’t know where I was running to, only that I needed to get away. I needed to escape from where I was.
When I felt my body stop moving, I realized I was on the floor of my room holding a large amount of mixed prescription pills in my shaking hand, not sure how they’d gotten there but refusing to question it. Still crying, I didn’t hesitate to lift my hand up to my waiting mouth, eager to ingest the entire amount. “Wait!” shouted a familiar female voice. I froze and slowly lowered my hand as Quinn’s voice spoke to me again. “Don’t do it, Harp! He needs you.”
“Stop! You’re not real! Get out of my head!” I growled, choking on a tear.
“I’m not? I’m your twin sister. Of course I’m real!”
“No. Quinn is dead. Because of me. I killed her.”
“Don’t do it. He needs you,” Quinn’s voice repeated.
Who needed me? “You need me!”
“He needs you more.”
I ignored the voice. I didn’t really believe Quinn was speaking to me from beyond the grave. Maybe, the hallucinations were caused by the trauma of everything that has happened in my life, or the copious amounts of pills I’d taken, perhaps a mixture of both.
I glanced down at the pills, staring at them through watery eyes. I’d listened to Jackson and had stopped taking them. It had only been a few days but I felt like being around him, I hadn’t needed them, and the past two nights when I’d fallen asleep in his arms, the nightmares didn’t come. I was grateful to have him in my life, but he wasn’t going to end the pain of my past; nothing was. I was sick and tired of living in a life filled with the hurt, sick of people attacking me because they didn’t understand what I was going through, and sick of people asking their stupid questions.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Slowly and shakily, I picked up one of the small, white, round pills on top with my other hand. It was all going to be over soon.
I cut the engine and jumped out of the car just in time to see Dina walking back to her car. Was she smiling?
“What are you doing here?” I called out. Leaving everything in the car, I jogged up to her.
She stopped when she heard my voice and spun around. Her smile faded and turned into a glare. “You never mentioned your family wasn’t home for the weekend. Was you leaving the camping trip preplanned so you could come home and fuck your cousin in an empty h
ouse?”
I stopped in front of her and frowned. “No, we haven’t slept together.”
Dina scoffed and rested both her hands on her hips. “Yeah, right, like I’m supposed to believe that.”
“Well, it’s the truth. I don’t care whether you believe me or not, Dina.”
Her eyes flicked up toward the house. I automatically turned, following her gaze. “If I’m correct, your incestuous little girlfriend is up there beating the shit out of something and pretending it’s me, or crying her little eyes out.”
I turned back to see a smirk on Dina’s face. I felt my cheeks heat up with anger. “What the hell did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. She did it all on her own. Haven’t you had the chance to read the papers yet? Never mind, I’ll tell you.” Her smirk grew after seeing the confused look on my face. “She screwed a police officer in the back of a Porsche and the pictures are all over the net, even here on the news.”
I felt a stab of jealousy inside my chest, but I quickly tried to shake the feeling off. I’d seen the way Harper flinched or tensed when someone touched her; I found it hard to believe, after what she’d been through, that she would easily give it up for just any guy. And anyway, the boys Harper had chosen to be with before had nothing to do with me. It was hardly fair that I get jealous, considering the girl I’d previously been sleeping with was standing right in front of me. Also, the media lied all the time; the story could have easily been made up. I wasn’t going to believe Dina’s version of the event. If I wanted to know the truth, I’d go and ask Harper.
“Like I said before, you don’t know the first thing about what Harper has been through. Please, go home, Dina.”
All That Matters Page 14