The fright of being trapped for the rest of my life has worn off.
Now I’m mad.
Twice, Daniel has tried to take my hand. Both times I curled my fingers into to a fist and shook him off. This subtle attempt to reconnect is nothing compared to the banging in my mind. His hoarse cries for me to let him in ring in my mental ears. The projection of his pain scratches across the invisible plane of conscious.
The way Lee keeps flinching and touching her temple tells me he’s being quite loud about our troubles.
I double my efforts to block him until I’m so closed off to him he cannot sense my life force at all.
Isn’t this what he wanted? That I not exist at all to him?
The dirt bag was going to leave me.
He lied.
Was he trying to break my heart? Why should I forgive him so easily? He deserves months of silent treatment. It’s not okay for him to treat me this way. I’m submissive to him, but only if he gives me the respect I should command as his mate.
He blocks my path, and drops to his knees. Head bowed. He stays there for a while, entire being stooped in supplication.
“Please.”
The word is strangled from him.
His hurting pains me, and I ease back enough in my anger to let my mental guards drop.
He sighs in relief.
When he lifts his head his eyes are closed. His chest rises and falls steeply. Vampires don’t need oxygen. They don’t breathe to live – just talk.
So he’s overly emotional?
His Adam’s apple bobs. “Please allow me to explain why I did what I did. Will you let me?”
Ben and Lee keep walking to give us privacy. They glide through the waist high grass with their fingers entwined, bodies brushing.
‘He loves you.’ Ben’s voice floats through my mind whisper faint. ‘There will come a time when you must part. In that moment, all the time you spent not holding him will haunt you. Let him love you. You will regret it if you don’t.’
‘He hurt me.’
‘What you have with him is rare. As my darling is wont to say, “Chew his ass out,” all you like, but forgive him.’ Ben winks at me over Lee’s head. ‘Don’t take too long. Afzal and Iain return tonight, and they’ll want to meet you.’
With a spring in his step he scoops Lee into his arms and spins around. She throws her head back in laughter, looping her arms around his neck.
Their love is deep and unconditional.
I have a chance of that kind of devotion with Daniel. It is rare. Who knows how long I have with him? I’ve taken his blood into my body three times, and while I feel connected to him, I’m still mortal.
To stay with him forever I’d have to feed deeply. Daniel has enough venom in his blood to keep me alive, but there’s no guarantee I won’t go mad.
I nod jerkily, both at Ben’s words and Daniel’s question.
Freedom is mine, but I don’t want to regret not hearing him out.
Grudgingly I admit I had unlikely hopes about our relationship. I hadn’t considered the prejudice we’d have to face as a couple. I hadn’t thought of the consequences of openly tying myself to the Vampires, and of not going to see my Alpha to declare my feelings.
I’d been disrespectful to my old Pack, and if I was honest with myself, I’d acted like the naïve girl Daddy always says I am. I can face my faults. I was bold enough to make the mistakes, so I’ll be woman enough to face the fall out.
What pisses me off is that my mate should have been there to set me straight. He treats me like a child instead of his equal. He’s older and wiser. Surely he can help me without condescending?
My poor heart is a little battered, bludgeoned by what he has done. I feel like an abused puppy waiting for the next kick – the one that renders me unconscious.
Daniel tries to take my hand and I shy away.
His shoulders hunch to his ears, and his face flinches as if I’ve struck him. Single-minded, he wraps his arms around my hips and presses his face into my stomach.
I curl my hands into his hair. I want to remain distant, but his open affection is making that impossible. This was what I had wanted from him all along. Touches that say without words how much he needs me. ‘Is that your master plan? Confuse my senses with your touch and scent until you can snare me in your web of restrained feeling again.’
Clever bloodsucker.
“Mitt hjärta blöder.” His cheek rubs my stomach. “My heart bleeds.”
“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Sarcasm drips from me in fat drops of acid. “Certain, in fact.”
He tilts his head back with a sigh, eyes shadowed with regret.
My hesitation to jump back into this relationship is hurting him. Surely he understands I’m reluctant to return to paddling my feet in the treacherous depths. I’m holding on to what semblance of dignity I have left.
‘What if I betrayed you? What if I had dragged you before Daddy that first day without a second thought? If you’d survived you’d never speak my name again let alone pause long enough to let me explain myself.’
“Please be mine again.” He looks close to outright begging. “I wanted you safe and my life to return to something I could control. You make me feel. Perhaps too much for a soul as broken as mine. Walking away and hearing that mongrel,” he growls the word like a profanity, ‘tell you I didn’t care–” His lids lower as his fury rises. He breathes through it. “Understand that if you come to me now I will never let you go. I am not a good man. There are things I have done considered evil, and I will do things considered wicked. You have to accept this and love me in spite of it. I make no apology for what I am, but I do regret with all that I am, and ever will be for causing you harm. It was not my intent.”
When he stares at me like that it seems as if I’m his whole world. The truth is I don’t mean that much to him.
His head cants to the side. A glorious smile brightens his angel’s face. “You’re wrong, sweetling.”
Giving in now seems wrong.
What do I do?
Ocean waves crash upon the rocks. Seagulls crow loudly as they fly overhead, and a gust of wind whips through the grass, sprinkling my skin with the finest grains of sand from the beach. I lick my lips and taste the sea’s salt. The lighter stone of Castle is outlined against the black sky. Yellow lights twinkle behind the glass windows. Ben and Lee light fires to warm their home.
‘Your home.’ Daniel is hesitant, worried about encroaching on my thoughts when we’re arguing. “Our home if you want it to be.”
Lord, this is hard. I don’t think…. I can’t do it. My heart pounds, and bile rises in my throat. I don’t think I can forgive him.
‘I feel your pain. Let me soothe you.’
He betrayed me. I gave him everything and he trampled over me. He can’t think to ever love me and treat me so coldly.
“My feelings for you were never in question. If I were a Lycan male you’d shrug my behaviour off as vying for dominance.”
“At least you no longer describe my wolf sprit as a squatter.”
He winces. “Let’s move past this.”
My wolf, an ancient being created alongside the elder creatures of this world is so enraged she’s concentrating her power to break free of the invisible bonds that trap her inside my skin. She rises, taking control of my voice. “You held us in your arms and swore that you cared.” Her voice is profound, echoing with power. “You washed our hair, bathed our skin, and kissed our Human lips accepting love ordained for the mate of our soul while hiding the intention of throwing it back in our face.” I stifle a sob as my wolf’s grief flows from my lips. “You made us feel safe. Cherished. Your betrayal breaks our heart. It would not cut so deeply if you were not our true mate, but because you are the betrayal is too immense to disregard. You, Danielius are a demon with an angel face. Tricking us with your poisoned pledges of devotion. Take your hands off us. We are no longer yours.”
He’s so shocked his hold loosens.
I can taste his panic as his arms clamp back down.
Scrunching my eyes shut, I push at his shoulders. “Let me go.”
“No.”
My wolf recedes to where she can grieve in peace. I don’t blame her. This confrontation is hell.
“I can’t.” Leaning away from him, I fight his grip on my hips. “I need time away from you. I have to learn how to guard my heart so you can’t destroy me each time you think you’re doing what’s best.”
His expression hardens. “I won’t let you leave me.”
My patience snaps. “You don’t have a choice. You can’t control this.”
He stands to loom over me in all his dark majesty.
Strangely, I’m not afraid of his strength, but of what will happen if I don’t get away. I’ll fall deeper under his spell and never get free.
“I will make you hear me.” He leans down until our mouths are a hairsbreadth apart. As he speaks his lips brush mine. “We’ll compromise. I will keep you with me until the day I die.”
I realise it is a bum deal as he upends me over his shoulder like the Viking plunder he confessed he once was.
I bounce on his shoulder as he runs back towards Castle.
“But you’re immortal.”
“Quite.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Things have gone from bad to utterly fucked.
Mismatched pillar candles dimly light the room. The nutty smell of beeswax is velvet thick and I taste sugary pollen at the back of my throat. Yellow flames gilded with black smoke sway on crispy wicks, quivering madly as a draft steals through the open window, ushering the sound of sea waves breaking on the rocky shoreline.
Spread-eagled, I’m lashed to Daniel’s four-poster bed like some fresh Sub who doesn’t realise her Dom is out for pain. The air is cold on my cheeks, red from the exertion of the last hour or so. My throat is raw from growling and cursing. I haven’t screamed, yet, but I’m skirting the edges of one.
Flowers surround me. The leaves are deep green and the petals blush pink. I’ve noticed that before about Castle. Every room is densely decorated with vases of red roses. The larger potted plants with twisted trunks and leaves so thick they crinkle at the edges tend to always be flowering too.
The bedspread is satin soft under my back. A small mercy? Not really. All the wriggling is getting me nowhere since my limbs keep slipping. Raw cotton would have given better purchase.
My eyes swivel wildly and I dismiss the heavy drapes on the four-poster as being useful. The mantle over the roaring fireplace is crowded with collectable objects, and the worn rug I’m assuming came from some exotic place where they weave exquisite patterns.
There’s coldness to the room, a deeply engrained sadness clinging to the walls and seeping into my skin. It hums in the air. Others might find it creepy or discomforting. I find it curiously intimate. This room means something to Daniel and that’s why he has brought me here.
I just wish I wasn’t a victim of kidnapping that’s all.
I wiggle my fisted hands that are tied at the wrist. The cotton ends are jagged since Daniel body slammed onto the bed – I may have bitten him a few times – and ripped strips from his own shirt to secure me. He did offer me the option of not being tied, but I wouldn’t, quote, “settle down,” end quote. I’d already ripped most of the shirt from his back as I fought to get free, so he’d had little work to do.
Back in the field I saw my life flash before my eyes. It was terrible. If I didn’t draw the line now Daniel would turn into a possessive, overbearing jerk who thinks his way is the only way.
I was supposed to spend my life baring my throat in submission every time he does the exact opposite thing I ask for?
Trade one gilded cage for another?
He watches me from across the room his blue eyes glinting with lust. Legs crossed at the ankle his shoulders are propped against the aged stonewall, hips thrust forward to expose that enticing slash of muscle at his groin. Not that I care about that at all. He’s unflustered and unaffected by my obvious distress. A snarling woman bound to his bed is something he contends with on a daily basis? How blasé he can be? His arms rest high on his broad chest, hands tucked into his armpits, thumbs tapping the crease where his shoulder meets his pectorals. His skin seems pale and colourless. Unremarkable. But his bearing lends him an untouchable vibrancy. Containing him, sliding, and flexing over wiry sinew and prominent bone making him more colourful somehow. Colour is nothing but light on a spectrum. His flesh transforms the firelight bouncing off his chest when he breathes into a rare Omni-shade. Blonde head rolling to the side, he’s wondering what to do with me. I can see it. He nibbles his bottom lip in contemplation.
‘It’s not like I sashayed in here and tied myself to your bed. Why the puzzled expression? Has your unintelligent plan run out of steam already?’
He smiles. “Not at all.” Inch long fangs are brilliant white against red lips, and cause hot stabs of lust to spear me between my legs.
“Do not read my mind.” My relentless attraction to him needs to be kept under wraps. “Stay out.”
Those thumbs stop tapping and his hands fall to his sides. “I can’t. They flow to me and I have no desire to keep them out. It is a good thing. It will help us communicate.”
I glare. “You’ve lost it. Not sure what the ‘it’ was you had before, but ‘it’ has left the building.”
He lifts a shoulder. Nonchalant. “I can’t let you go. I’m not going to try.”
“You can’t keep me here. That is not healthy and not accepted as reasonable mate behaviour.” The negative words drop like kamikaze bombs into my sentences. I’m adding emphasize on my ‘not’s’ to stress the seriousness of his offense. His common sense is broken because he isn’t responding to negative reinforcement at all. Time to try threats. “Ben and Lee won’t let you–”
The flat of his palm slaps the wall.
The sound cracks the air, whip-like, tearing through my trailing words.
His eyes switch blue to black, and his brow slants as fangs lengthen to pierce his bottom lip.
He hisses like a wildcat ready to pounce.
I cringe into the mattress at my back – my shoulders and hips pushing down. My heart has just stopped. I’m quiet now, lips sealed and quivering with the rest of my body.
I take a vow of silence if it means his ire remains directed at the wall.
He’s mollified and the rage recedes. Strolling to the foot of the bed, he glares down at me. The cut of his chin juts in vexation. “They don’t have a say.” He bends at the waist. “I will not give you up.”
“Tying me down won’t change my mind.”
If I give in now he’ll be worse than before. He’ll think he can run me over whenever he takes a fancy to it.
His begging in the field was torture to endure, but at least I was in the position of power. Now I’m immobilized and at his mercy. It’s not wise to irritate him further by demanding he release me, but what else can I do? This situation passed disturbing hours ago.
“Submit to me.”
Hold on a minute. What did I say? “Out of my head.”
“I told you I couldn’t.”
Broken recording. Move on, Harmony.
“You think this is a play for dominance?” Ugh, I sound shrill. “That’s so not what’s happening here. I meant what I said. My wolf meant it when she rejected you.” Tired, my head drops back. Looking past the sheer canopy, I study the Hammerbeam roof, the rusted hinges and sickly looking plaster between the black lines. “Handle the rejection better.”
“You Lycans are different. This is the only way to reach your wolf. She will accept me again once I prove myself. I’ve hurt her, and you. I have not forgotten this either – that you are one with her yet separate. Words will never be enough to regain her trust. Not with the way you both view things. I see that. I must demonstrate worthiness. I am strong enough to hold you.”
“I don’t want this.”
“That is a li
e. You want me.” My mouth opens to throw that back in his face, but he holds up a hand. “’Ware, sweetling. My memory is absolute. I will remember every word forever. You’ve seen it yourself in my mind.”
Is that why Vampires are so finicky about the words they say? Why thought and speech means so much to them? I suppose it’s the one thing they cannot ever lose or forget. Sensation no matter how intense can be forgotten. Time sloughs intensity. Emotion is cherished for the sweet immediacy it brings but dulls with age. The meaning of a word and its usage is immortal. The words I speak to him are as everlasting as he is.
“Your males do not allow you to question decisions. We expect it of our Brides. We expect them to be relentless. This is where I went wrong. Now I see clearly. I must treat you as the creature you are. I must dominate.”
“You’ve swan dived off the deep end and made a messy splat at the bottom haven’t you?”
When he just chuckles darkly, I know I’m in trouble.
Shoving everything aside, all thoughts of betrayal, and this hollow sense of hopelessness, I drag in a calming breath to order my thoughts.
What do I want?
To be Daniel’s mate, his partner in eternity, his confidante, and his love.
What do I not want?
To be a burden, or an afterthought Daniel feels he must push around, or mindlessly protect because of a sense of duty.
Brides and wolf-mates are different. So we’ll have to compromise. It can’t be his way or no way and it can’t be the Lycan way either.
Before anything can be resolved he has to appreciate how big of an ass he’s been, and how deeply he’s hurt me.
He has to feel it, not just know the logistics of the feeling.
“Can’t you see where I’m coming from?” He’s privy to my thoughts, as we have already painfully established, but I want to say it aloud. “In the space of a few days I’ve gone from being a Lycan Princess to a Vampire’s plaything with no sense of direction.” I shake my bound wrists. “Not that the lack of direction is a problem right now. I commanded a Pack of wolves with the authority in my voice alone. Now? They shake off my birth right with a shrug. As if it means nothing. My place in my Pack is gone. Abolished. Everything I know – gone.”
Bite My Love Dark Creature Page 15