He caught the look between Allie and her sisters. “We don’t mind, Daddy,” she said. For an actress, she did a pretty poor job of lying.
“Is Michelle coming to stay with us?” Meggie asked.
“Michelle’s having dinner with her parents tonight, punkin. Laurie’s coming.”
“I don’t want Laurie.”
Jacob pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. “What’s the matter with Laurie?” he asked, turning to face Meghan. His middle child was wearing the stone-faced expression he recognized all too well.
“I want Michelle.”
Allie and Jessie exchanged worried glances. The girls knew better than to talk that way to their dad.
“I already told you that Michelle’s busy tonight, Meghan. Laurie’s coming and I expect you to be good for her.”
Meggie didn’t argue but she didn’t agree, either. She climbed out of the Explorer silently and didn’t say a word for the rest of the outing. Jacob felt as if he was walking a tightrope that was about to shred.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE FEELING WAS STILL with Jacob a couple of days later when Nonnie came out to the garage to find him. He was working on Jessie’s bicycle, realigning the chain that had come loose when she’d sideswiped a curb the last time she’d been riding.
The housekeeper stopped just inside the door, her face lined with concern.
“Meghan pinched her fingers in the step stool. I don’t think she’s broken anything, but they’re bleeding and she won’t let me attend to them.”
Jacob dropped his screwdriver and headed toward the house. “What was she doing with the step stool?”
“Trying to reach a puzzle up on her closet shelf.” Nonnie wrung her hands as she hurried beside Jacob.
“Let me guess,” he said, holding the kitchen door open for her. “She didn’t ask for help with that, either, did she?”
“No, Mr. Ryan. I’d have reached it for her if I’d known she wanted it.”
“I know you would’ve, Nonnie. Don’t worry about it.” He headed down the hall toward the sound of running water in the girls’ bathroom.
“Let me see, Meggie.” He recognized Allie’s commanding voice.
“I wanna see, Meggie. Is it bad?” Jessie asked.
Both girls stepped aside as Jacob entered the room. “Meggie hurt her hand, Daddy,” Jessie said, wide-eyed.
“On your step stool,” Allie supplied.
Meggie looked at him as he lowered himself to one knee beside her. Fresh tears welled in her big brown eyes. By the look of things, she’d shed more than a few before he’d gotten there.
“What’s the problem, sport?” he asked, removing Meggie’s hand from the water. Her little fingers were icy cold.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“I’m sorry, too, Meg,” he said. The skin had been stripped away just below the knuckles of her index and middle fingers, and the surrounding area was already black-and-blue.
“Can you bend them?” he asked, holding up her hand.
She sniffled, but very slowly all four of her fingers bent forward into his palm.
Jacob reached into the medicine cabinet for some antiseptic cream. “No bones broken, but your hand’s going to be pretty sore for a while. We’ll put some ice on it as soon as we get you cleaned up.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Meggie said, subdued.
“Does it hurt real bad, Meggie?” Jessie asked, watching from the side of the sink.
“Not too bad.”
“She’s not in trouble, is she, Daddy?” Allie wanted to know.
“No, Al. She’s not in trouble.”
But he was. Ever since he’d begun going out in the evenings regularly, Meggie had begun withdrawing more and more. First from Laurie and now from Nonnie. The problem wasn’t going to go away. It wasn’t going to take care of itself. And he couldn’t ignore it any longer. He was going to have to have a long talk with Ellen. It was time to bring her home and introduce her to her daughters.
* * *
MICHELLE WENT to the gym after work on Thursday, needing to release some of the tension building inside her. She was no closer to making any decisions about her life. How could she, in good conscience, forge ahead in a new relationship while she still believed Brian was alive? And yet she dreaded waking up each day and going in to work, afraid Jacob would tell her that he and Ellen were getting married again.
She’d just walked in the front door after an hour at the gym when the telephone rang. Ms. Wilson, the principal from the girls’ school, was calling. A truck had run into a hydro pole by the school, bringing down the power lines. School had to be let out early for the day and Jacob couldn’t be reached.
“I called Mr. Ryan’s housekeeper, Nonnie Moore, but she’s out for the day, as well. Your name was the only other one on the list of approved caregivers,” Ms. Wilson said.
Michelle thought of the traffic between her part of town and Jacob’s. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes, half an hour tops,” she said, hanging up as soon as she’d assured herself that the principal would wait that long.
Still wearing the gray sweats she’d put on after showering at the gym, Michelle hurried out to her car. She didn’t want the girls waiting around like unwanted puppies. As she drove down the 405, she tried to remember if Jacob had said anything about where he was going after work. She couldn’t remember him mentioning anything. She wondered if that meant he was with Ellen; he’d stopped telling Michelle when he was going to be with his ex-wife.
The girls were in the cafeteria with a handful of other students when Michelle arrived. Allie and Jessie were sitting across a table from Meggie, their backs to the door, trying to color by the dull light filtering through the windows. Meggie was watching the door.
She leapt from her seat the second she saw Michelle.
“You really came!” she said, running over to take Michelle’s hand.
Meggie’s grip was like a vise, nearly cutting off the circulation in Michelle’s fingers. “Of course I came,” Michelle said, bending to press a quick kiss on Meggie’s cheek. It was a statement of how distraught Meggie was that she allowed Michelle’s kiss. She’d been limiting their tokens of affection to hugs only.
Allie and Jessie bounced out of their chairs with a flurry of goodbyes to their schoolmates, and Michelle herded the girls out to her car.
“All the lights went out, Michelle, and it was really dark,” Jessie said as Michelle pulled out of the school lot. Jessie and Meggie were strapped in the back seat. The girls had told her that it was Allie’s turn to ride in the front.
“It was a little scary,” Allie said.
“And Meggie said you weren’t coming to get us, even though Allie told Ms. Wilson to call you,” Jessie said.
Michelle stopped at the corner and glanced back at Meggie. She was looking out her window.
“Why would you think I wouldn’t come, Meg?”
Meggie shrugged, her head still turned away.
A car honked behind Michelle, and she pulled through the intersection, turned into the parking lot of a convenience store and stopped.
“I told all three of you I’d be here for as long as you needed me, Meg. Didn’t you believe me?”
Meggie nodded. Allie and Jessie were watching the exchange, silent for once.
“So what’s changed?”
“Maybe you didn’t want us anymore.” The words were so soft Michelle could barely hear them. But they hurt. A lot.
She reached back and tapped Meggie’s shoulder. “What would make you think such a thing?” Michelle asked, holding Meggie’s solemn gaze with her own.
“Daddy’s been doing dates. A lot. And not with you.”
Michelle felt a rush of fear.
“You won’t marry Daddy if he’s doing dates with other people.”
“I can’t marry your daddy, anyway, Meg. I thought you understood that. I’m already married. But remember what I told you? Even if my husband comes home, even if I have other children someday, nothing’s going to change the way I feel about you. And that works the same if your daddy ever gets married to somebody else. I love you guys. Nothing’s going to change that—ever.”
“Even if we’re bad?” Jessie asked.
Michelle smiled at the little girl, barely holding her tears at bay. “Even if you’re bad.”
Allie turned, placing her hand on Michelle’s arm. “Don’t you think you could love our daddy, too?”
“I think your father’s a pretty special man, Allie, but I already promised to love someone else, and your daddy has the right to date anyone he wants to date.”
Allie chewed her lip, pondering that.
“She’s just like all the rest.”
Michelle looked into the back seat. Meggie was staring out the window again.
“Who is, Meg?”
“The lady. She doesn’t want to meet us, just like all the rest.”
“You don’t know that, Meggie.”
Meg looked at Michelle, her eyes too old for her age as she nodded. “Uh-huh. That’s why Daddy always has to go places to be with her without us. People say we’re too much trouble, ’cause there’s three of us all at once, and it’s true ’cause no one ever wants us. They just want to be with Daddy.”
“No, Meggie! It’s not like that at all.” Michelle could hardly believe what she was hearing.
“Meggie’s right, Michelle,” said Allie. “We heard Katie Walters’s mommy say it. And even our own mommy didn’t want us, and not Jennie or all of Daddy’s other girlfriends, either. Besides, people always look at us when we go places and say things to Daddy like ‘You sure have your hands full.’” Allie’s voice grew very adultlike as she mimicked.
“Have you talked to your daddy about this?”
“He told us we’re not too much trouble and it wasn’t our fault Mommy didn’t want to stay with us, but he has to say that, ’cause he’s our daddy, doesn’t he, Allie?” Jessie looked at her sister for confirmation.
Michelle had had no idea things were this bad. “Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, girls, but I don’t think you’re a handful at all. I think you’re a heartful. Do you know what that means?”
All three girls shook their heads, their eyes trained on her. “It means that you fill up my heart until it’s full of love. And that’s an awful lot of love, because my heart’s been almost empty for a long time.”
Allie leaned over, hugging Michelle. “We sure wish you were our mommy.”
Michelle took the girls home, and while they waited for Jacob she did everything she could to convince them they were the light of her life. But nothing could stop Meggie’s words from running around and around in her head. There were some home truths Jacob Ryan was about to hear just as soon as Michelle had him to herself.
* * *
MICHELLE WAS STILL UPSET as she drove to work the next morning. Jacob had invited her to stay for dinner the night before, but she’d been too angry with him to pretend, even for the girls’ sake, that nothing was wrong. So she’d gone home, instead, and gotten madder and madder. Jacob had to know what he was doing to his girls. Ms. Wilson had pointed it out to him months ago. He’d told Michelle so himself. So why did he continue to foster the triplets’ belief that no one wanted them? Why was he keeping even their own mother from them?
The radio show was a nightmare. Part of her knew that her attitude was irrational, but her anger continued to fester inside her regardless. And no matter how hard she tried to banter with Jacob as usual, her words kept sounding more like nasty barbs than playful darts.
“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Jacob asked as soon as they’d signed off the air. Even in his baggy sweats and T-shirt, he looked pretty intimidating.
Michelle tossed the CD she’d been holding onto the counter. “Yeah, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You. You’re what’s wrong.” She had no idea where the words came from. She’d never talked to anyone like this before.
Jacob stood up so fast his stool spun. “I’m what’s wrong? And how’s that?” His voice had grown soft, deceptively soft.
Michelle stood, too, her back stiffening as she thought of her conversation with the girls. “Your daughters think they’re nothing but trouble—that nobody wants them. Do you realize Meggie didn’t believe I was coming to get them yesterday even after Ms. Wilson told them I was on my way? I know you’re aware of their problems, Jacob, because we’ve talked about them. Is seeing Ellen so important to you that it’s worth your daughters’ emotional stability? Where are your priorities? How can you be so insensitive to their needs?” And to mine?
Jacob’s jaw clenched, his eyes like flint. “My priorities are right where they need to be, right where they’ve always been—with my children. I may not always get it right, but I always put them first. And right now what my girls need is a mother. One who’s willing to live with them, not just visit occasionally. And it looks like Ellen might be interested in that.”
“She’s so interested they don’t even know she’s in town?” Michelle asked, sarcastically.
“They don’t know she’s in town because I think it’s in their best interests not to tell them yet. I’m not bringing Ellen back home until I’m certain she’s here to stay. I can’t risk putting them through another one of her dramatic exits.”
“I’m not so sure you’re sparing them anything. They’re already feeling rejected.”
“It would be worse if they grew to love Ellen again and then lost her. At least now they think they aren’t wanted by someone who doesn’t know them. And maybe my way isn’t right. I’ve never claimed to be an expert at this. But at least I’m trying.”
“And you think I’m not?”
He slid his hands into the pockets of his sweats. “I guess that is what I think.” His eyes were as hard as a rifle barrel as he delivered his blow. “You claim to care, Michelle, but you wear your wedding band like armor, and whenever things get too much for you, you retreat to your shrine of the past. You tell the girls you love them, but you’re really too frightened to risk loving anyone.”
Michelle hid her trembling hands in her pockets. They were talking about more than his daughters now. “You don’t understand.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
Jacob reached for his keys and wallet. “I understand, probably better than you do,” he said, going to the door of the studio. “You’d rather cling to the five-year-old image of a dead man than risk giving yourself to a flesh-and-blood one again. At least Brian can’t expect too much from you, can he?”
He opened the door and walked out.
Michelle stood in the empty room, shaking, hurting so badly she could hardly think. Finally she sank onto her stool. She leaned on the counter, resting her head in her arms, and willed herself to get up and go to her car.
“You okay, Michelle?” Bob Chaney poked his head in the door.
She swung around, embarrassed. “Fine, just tired,” she said, hoping the words didn’t sound as unlikely to him as they did to her.
He nodded, but didn’t look completely convinced. “Well, if you ever need a shoulder I’ve got an extra,” he said hesitantly.
She smiled and tried not to cry. “Thanks. I may just take you up on that sometime,” she said. But she knew she wouldn’t. The only shoulder she wanted to lean on had just walked out on her.
* * *
JACOB CHANGED into his swim trunks and headed down to the beach the minute he got home
. He plunged into the water, eager to battle the white-capped waves. This was something he understood. Nature wasn’t forgiving, but at least he knew the rules. And this time, at least, he knew he could win.
He wasn’t so sure with Michelle. He’d had no right to lash out at her as he had. Her loyalty was one of the things he admired most about her. It was just so frustrating that her loyalty was all for another man, one who probably was no longer alive. But what if Brian Colby wasn’t dead? What if Michelle fell in love again and then Brian came back into her life? What would she do? What would Jacob do in her position? He didn’t have any answers. So where did he get off judging her?
He swam as far out as he dared, slicing into the waves, conquering them. And then, when his skin was numb with cold, he turned over, letting the waves carry him back toward shore. He’d been a fool to fall in love with Michelle. Knowing that she cared for him, too, was no excuse. Because it wasn’t enough. And that was what had goaded him into his outburst that morning. He couldn’t forgive Michelle for not loving him enough to let Brian go. She’d stood there and preached to him about the girls, telling him what he was doing wrong, not even seeing that she was the one who could make everything right. All she had to do was say goodbye to a memory. Was that too much to ask?
Jacob’s feet scraped the sand and he stood, welcoming the warmth of the sun on his chest. He was doing it again. Expecting too much.
He waded onto the beach, wiping himself down with the towel he’d left lying there. The girls weren’t due home for several hours yet. That meant he had time to go to Michelle and apologize, to try to salvage something of the friendship that meant more to him than she’d probably ever know.
* * *
THERE WERE TWO MESSAGES waiting for Michelle when she got home. One was from Grace, telling her that Amanda Blake had just delivered a healthy eight-pound baby girl; the other was from Frank Steele, asking her to call him. Her fingers trembled as she punched in the numbers he’d left.
“There’s still no word from Karim, Mrs. Colby, but I’ve found some people here in Sana with information for sale. And from what I gather, I’m not sure your husband’s worth the money you’re spending on him.”
Four Times the Trouble Page 17