Meggie looked scared all of a sudden. “What if Daddy’s going on a date? If Michelle’s going to be our mommy she won’t like that.”
Allie shook her head. “He’s going to do business,” she said. He hadn’t said so, but Allie knew that people in love didn’t do dates with other people.
“Is this the last time we have to be so good?” Jessie asked, sounding resigned.
“I don’t know. But maybe,” Allie said. “Come on, let’s get our tennis shoes on so we can ride our bikes. Maybe Daddy’ll take us to the park.”
“I get to swing first if he does,” Jessie said, sliding down off the bed.
“And I’m second this time,” Meggie said, joining her sister in the doorway of their closet.
Allie came up behind them. “Those are my shoes, Jess. That’s my ’nitial on the heel.”
Jessie tossed Allie her shoes. “Do you really think Michelle’s going to be our mommy, Al?”
Allie noticed that Meggie was looking at her, too. She loved it when her sisters asked her important stuff. “Yep, I’m sure,” Allie said, crawling into the closet to find Jessie’s shoes.
* * *
ELLEN WAS AS BEAUTIFUL as ever. Jacob sat across from her at a secluded table in the restaurant at the top of the Maison de Maison, remembering how he used to tell her just how gorgeous she was.
“So how long are you in town?” he asked.
“Maybe permanently. I’m between jobs at the moment.”
“Do you have any leads?”
“I’ve had an open-ended offer. I’m just not sure I want to stay in politics. I, uh, kind of thought I’d like to, you know, pursue something else that once mattered to me.”
Her blatant look made it clear that that something was Jacob. He just wasn’t sure why.
“I’ve grown up in the past few years, Jacob. I’ve learned to be a little more flexible.” She smiled across at him, her dinner fork poised above her plate. She was wearing a black silk dress, and it looked as expensive as she did.
“You mean I could’ve worn my sweats and you still would have been seen with me?”
“I said flexible, dear, not uncouth. Besides, that suit looks good on you. It matches your eyes. You clean up very nicely, you know.”
He recognized that come-hither smile. “So do you, but then you always did.”
“I used to wonder sometimes if you even noticed.”
What? “Of course I noticed!”
“Before the babies were born, you did.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that you lost interest in me after we had the girls.”
“That’s ludicrous! It was just harder to make time for us after the girls were born. But we still managed. Remember that weekend in San Diego?”
Ellen’s face softened. “Yeah. It was the best, Jacob. I was amazed you’d go to all that trouble. You even got the honeymoon suite. I never knew you could be such a romantic.”
“I never stopped finding you attractive, Ellen.”
“Not even when I was as fat as an elephant?”
“Especially not then. I thought you were beautiful. And afterward, too. But with the girls waking up on three different schedules all night long, sleep had to be our priority. If you remember, I took turns getting up with them, too, and still had to be at work at five o’clock in the morning. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open some days. I thought you understood that.”
“I suppose I was a little inflexible on that score. I wanted to come first all the time, not just an occasional weekend. But you could have tried harder, too, you know.”
Jacob shrugged, seeing those years in a new light. The triplets had consumed so much of his time and energy then, perhaps he’d forgotten he needed to be a husband, not just a father.
They finished dinner and Ellen was charming throughout. She didn’t talk much about her life in Washington, but whatever had happened there appeared to have been good for her. She’d grown up. But she hadn’t changed completely. She was still a little too interested in appearances, in material things. And other than a brief inquiry the night before, she still hadn’t asked about her daughters.
“So, do you have anybody special in your life?” she asked after their waiter had cleared their dinner plates and brought their desserts.
He thought of Michelle at home with his children. “I date.”
“But no one steady?”
“Not right now.”
She slid her fork into a three-inch slice of chocolate mousse, a smile curving her lips. “We were very good together once, you and I,” she said.
“I thought so.” His dessert fork still lay on the table beside him.
“I bet we could be again.”
He nodded, his forearms resting on the pristine white tablecloth. “Probably.”
She stopped eating, studying him across the candlelit expanse, her expression assessing. “You know, I have to commend you, Jacob. We’ve been together almost two hours and you haven’t mentioned the girls once.”
“I wondered if you were ever going to get around to asking about them.”
She shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to see if you’ve changed as much as I have. In the old days, you never talked about anything else. It was always the babies this, the babies that. If one of them hadn’t gotten a new tooth or learned how to drink from a straw, then someone had a runny nose.”
“They’re our children, Ellen. Who else would I talk to about them?”
“Well, nobody of course, but it’s nice to have adult conversation once in a while, too, you know. There were days there when I felt like little ropes of ABC’s were going to wrap around my neck and strangle me to death.”
One thing hadn’t changed. She still had that knack for making him feel guilty. “I guess I should have listened to you a little more closely. Maybe a full-time nanny wouldn’t have hurt.”
She smiled, looking more grateful than victorious. The old Ellen would have gloated. “So how are they?” she asked.
And Jacob suddenly found himself not knowing what to say. He’d love to be able to spill out all his worries to the mother of his children, to have her share them. He’d love to tell her about Ms. Wilson’s warnings, about the play, about Meggie’s withdrawal. But he wasn’t sure she really wanted to hear them.
“Good. They’re doing fine.”
“They’re in first grade now, aren’t they? How are they doing in school? Do they like it?”
“School’s good. Allie’s separated from Meggie and Jessie this year.”
Ellen’s eyes shadowed. “Is it hard for her? She was always kind of the leader of the three, wasn’t she?”
“She still is. And yes, it’s been a little difficult, but for the best, I think. She’s adjusting. And their grades are all pretty good. Jessie’s dip every now and then, but she’ll come around.”
Ellen smiled. “She never was a good listener.”
“She still isn’t.” Jacob grinned back at her.
“Remember that time she fell in Rick Morris’s pool right after we’d both warned her to stay back from the water?”
Jacob wasn’t likely to forget. The station manager hadn’t been too pleased to have his wedding reception interrupted by a wet screaming child.
They talked about the triplets for a few more minutes and then Jacob paid the bill. He didn’t want to keep Michelle out too late.
He walked Ellen to the elevator and pushed the button. “Can we do this again sometime?” she asked.
Jacob slid his hands into his pockets. “Sure.”
“Soon?” She gazed at him in her familiar way.
The elevator arrived. “I’ll call you,” he said as she disappeared insid
e.
* * *
IN SPITE of the relatively early hour, Michelle was asleep on the couch when Jacob let himself into his beach house forty-five minutes later. As he stood gazing at her sweet gentle face, he had to consciously restrain himself from touching her.
Slipping out of his suit jacket, he wondered if maybe it wouldn’t be better for both of them if he simply joined her there. It might even be good for Michelle. Maybe all she needed to be free from her past was to keep finding herself in his arms. Because he just didn’t believe she was as in love with her husband as she claimed. If she had been, she wouldn’t have responded to his kisses as she had.
He took a quiet step forward. What if he was wrong? How could he be sure she wasn’t still in love with her husband? What if her response to Jacob was a substitute for what she couldn’t have? What if Michelle hated herself when he kissed her? Could he live with that? Was a kiss worth losing the friendship of the woman he loved?
He leaned over her, bracing his weight on the back of the couch as he smoothed her hair away from her face. With a sigh, she turned over, flinging her arm out over the edge of the couch. Something glinted in the light from the single lamp she’d left on. Her wedding ring.
Jacob straightened and backed away. It wasn’t for him to decide whether or not Michelle loved her husband or to determine what was best for her. Even if she was hiding behind her marriage vows, he couldn’t be with another man’s wife. And as long as Michelle wore Brian Colby’s ring, that was exactly what she was—another man’s wife.
Jacob went down the hall to check on the girls, giving himself a couple of minutes to pull himself together before he woke Michelle. As he kissed his three sleeping daughters good-night, he promised himself he’d call Ellen first thing in the morning. They’d reached some new understandings tonight. Maybe, for the girls’ sake, they’d be able to salvage some of their old love.
* * *
MICHELLE MISSED another easy shot and knew there wasn’t any way she was going to win the match.
“You wanna call it quits?” she asked her father.
He picked up her towel and locker key and handed them to her. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so distracted,” he said.
“It’s been a rough week.”
He looked at his watch. “I’ll bet your mother’s home by now. She has a way of making almost anything look better.”
Michelle stood on tiptoe to kiss her father’s cheek. “I love you, Pop.”
“I love you, too, baby. Don’t ever forget that.”
* * *
GRACE WAS OUT BACK with a pitcher of lemonade when Michelle and her father got home.
“Everything okay?” she asked, looking from one to the other for an explanation of their early arrival.
“Everything’s fine,” James said, answering for both of them, but Michelle didn’t miss the silent communication that passed between her parents as her father leaned down to kiss his wife. “I think I’ll go fix that drip in the guest bathroom before I take my shower,” he said, taking a glass of lemonade with him.
Grace poured some of the freshly squeezed fruit juice for Michelle as her daughter sat down beside her in the lounge chair. “You want to talk about it?”
“Jacob’s ex-wife is in town.”
“The girls’ mother?” Grace asked, frowning.
Michelle nodded. “He’s seen her three times in the past week.”
“Is she here to stay?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t asked.”
“Why not?”
“I figure if he wants me to know he’ll tell me. It’s not like I have any hold on him.”
Grace nodded. “Is Jacob happy to see her?”
“He doesn’t seem unhappy.”
“So where does that leave you? Are you still spending time with his girls?”
“Some, and I don’t know where it leaves me. Part of the problem is I have no idea where it should leave me.” As fast as she blinked them away, tears welled in Michelle’s eyes. She didn’t want to break down in front of her mother. Grace worried enough about her already.
A bird flew over to the patio table and perched on the pitcher of lemonade. Michelle swished it away. “How can I want the man’s children and have nothing to do with the man? I keep telling myself that a relationship with Jacob is wrong, and yet it’s eating me up to think of him out with that woman.”
Grace cast her a motherly glance. “Why do you think that is?”
“Because I’m jealous, that’s why. I can’t have him, but I don’t want anyone else to have him, either. Doesn’t make me a very nice person, does it?”
“It makes you human, honey.”
Michelle stared out at the lush green lawn wishing she were a little girl again, able to climb into her mother’s lap and wait for her to make everything better.
“I’m scared, Mom.”
“I know, sweetie. It may be time for you to make some decisions.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to lose the girls, and I love them so much.” Michelle gazed at her mother. “I don’t know when I started feeling as though they were part mine, but I do know I can’t bear the thought of losing them. If their mother comes home to stay, they aren’t going to need me anymore.”
“Has she been spending a lot of time with them?”
Michelle shook her head. “I don’t think Jacob’s even told them she’s in town. Allie thinks he’s out doing business when he’s with Ellen.”
“But she’s their mother! Doesn’t she want to see them?” Grace asked, her usual calm manner gone.
“I’m not sure Jacob’s given her the chance. She may not want to see them for all I know, but I think that even if she did he wouldn’t allow it. Not until he’s sure she’s not going to hurt them again.”
“He’ll never have that guarantee. Not from anyone.”
“I know. But in Ellen’s case I can see him being especially careful. After all, she deserted them once, so who’s to say she wouldn’t do it again? The last time, she took them to a neighbor while Jacob was at the station and drove off without a backward glance. They were too young to realize what was going on, but something like that would kill the girls now.”
“If it was that bad I’m surprised he’s even seeing her again.”
“Apparently she’s changed. But it still doesn’t seem fair that she can suddenly waltz back into their lives and claim them as if she’d never left. Just because she gave birth to them doesn’t make her their mother, not in the ways that count.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it does give her some legal rights. And the truth of the matter is, honey, if Jacob decides to get back with Ellen, if the five of them become a family again, there’s not a lot you can do about that.”
Michelle’s voice trembled. “Are you saying you think I should just give up?”
“No, sweetheart.” Grace reached across the table for Michelle’s hand. “I’m saying you need to think long and hard about what you want and what you’re willing to do to get it. Answer me this. Are you in love with Jacob?”
The denial that rose automatically to Michelle’s lips froze there. She couldn’t lie to her mother, even if she was still trying desperately to lie to herself. “Maybe,” she whispered, ashamed.
“It’s not wrong to love someone, Michelle.”
“It is when you’re married to someone else.”
“Brian’s been gone a long time, honey. You’re a different woman now. It’s only natural for your feelings to be different, too. If Brian had been here, you two would probably have grown together through the changes the years have brought. But apart, who knows?”
“I’ve always thought the love Brian and I shared was like yours and Daddy’s. I thought it would last forever.”<
br />
“If Brian had been here it probably would have. Michelle, your father and I have been together more than thirty years, and yes, we’ve been very lucky to be able to maintain our love throughout our marriage, but a lot of that comes from growing together and coping with life’s challenges as a team. Who’s to say what would’ve happened if we’d been apart for years, dealing with life’s hardships separately?”
The quiet of the afternoon settled around them. “Are you telling me I should forget Brian and tell Jacob I love him?”
“No. Whatever decisions you make have to be ones you can live with. And only you can decide that. I wish with all my heart I could help you, but this time I just can’t.”
Michelle leaned over, hugging her mother. “You already have, Mom. Just by being here.”
“That’s one thing you can count on, sweetie.”
* * *
“OKAY, GANG, CLIMB IN.” Jacob stood in the school parking lot, opening the Explorer’s front and rear passenger doors.
“It’s my turn to sit up front, Meggie,” Jessie said, trying to push her sister aside.
Meggie didn’t budge. “It’s not, either. You sat in front on the way to school.”
“I did not. Allie did.”
“She’s right, Meg. Hop in back with Allie. You’re first tomorrow morning,” Jacob said. He never forgot the seating schedule.
“How come you came and got us today, instead of Nonnie?” Allie asked, climbing in beside her sister.
“Because we need to do some shopping. We’re all out of bread and milk.”
“We coulda goed later. I’m hungry for my snack.”
“Me, too. What’s for a snack, Daddy?” Jessie asked.
Jacob checked to make sure all seat belts were fastened and then put the Explorer into gear. “We’ll stop for ice-cream cones, and we couldn’t go later because I have a date tonight.”
“Another one?” Allie asked.
He glanced at her in the rearview mirror. Her face looked like a disapproving schoolmarm’s. “I was home with you guys last night, Al, and for the most of the weekend, too. You’ve never minded my dating before.”
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