Beyond Definition

by Wilder, Jenni

  “Does it hurt?” I moved closer to him and lifted my hand to caress his gently, as if that would help with the pain.

  “Not too bad,” he answered. I could feel his eyes roaming my face. “Ivy… last night you said… you said…” he stammered and cleared his throat.

  I looked up at him. His eyes were fearful as if he was worried I would take back what I said.

  I inhaled deeply. This was it. “Bo, I’m sorry for any heartache I caused you. I never wanted to do that. I feel like I jerked you around and led you on for so long.”

  “No,” Bo said interrupting. “You never led me on. You were very clear we were just friends. But truthfully, Ivy, nothing you could have said or done would have stopped me from falling in love with you.”

  “Bo… “ I whispered. No one had ever made me feel this special. Tears formed in my eyes again.

  “Don’t cry, Ivy. I just want you to be happy, whatever you decide.” He was giving me an out.

  I shook my head and sniffled. “There's no decision to make, Bo. I can't be without you.” I stepped up close to him and rested my hand on his chest. “I should have realized a long time ago that I will never love anyone the way I love you. What we have is beyond definition. Best friend... boyfriend... lover. None of those terms work because what we have is more than any of that. I don't know where I end and you begin anymore. There's no me. There's no you. There can only be us. Together. I can't exist any other way.”

  Bo exhaled loudly, and his shoulder sagged in relief. “Ivy...” he said in a moan. His eyes burned into mine. “I've waited so long to finally be able to tell you I love you. I've dreamed of you saying it back. Please... please tell me you love me.”

  I moved my hand to cup his cheek, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. “Bo, I've loved you forever. I will love you forever,” I said with determination as my eyes filled with tears.

  A shudder ran through him as he closed his eyes and absorbed my words. He pulled back from my face slightly and peered down at me. His eyes were sad. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I’m so afraid to hope this is real only to have you disappear on me.”

  “It’s real, Bo. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.”

  “Ivy… “ he said in an adoring whisper.

  “I love you, Bo.” I looked him deep in the eyes. “I'm so sorry I couldn't say it before. I don't know why I denied it so strongly for so long.”

  “What made you realize? What made you come here last night?” he asked, begging to understand what changed my mind.

  I backed away from him and clasped his uninjured hand in mine. He looked down at me, waiting for an answer, but I gently pulled him toward the bed. He followed me, both of us still wrapped in our towels, and we crawled under the covers. Bo closed his eyes and hummed happily as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him until our chests were touching.

  We lay in each other's arms in silence for a moment, simply enjoying being close to one another again. I had missed him so much.

  I brushed my fingers over the scruff on his jaw. He blinked his eyes open and looked at me adoringly. All these years of sleeping in his arms, and he was in love with me the whole time. My heart hurt over his years of longing for me.

  “I'm sorry,” I said as I caressed his cheek.

  His eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “For what?”

  “I can't believe you laid here, night after night, knowing you loved me and never said anything.”

  “Would you have listened?”

  I smiled. “No. Probably not. But I thought we didn't have any secrets, Bo.”

  He smiled but then his face turned serious. “I was scared.”

  I caressed his cheek again. “Scared?”

  He closed his eyes. “I was terrified if I told you I'd lose you. I was content with taking whatever you would give me. I was okay with just being by your side. Of course, I constantly wanted more. It took everything I had not to grab you and run away with you every day. But I was so scared to tell you how I felt and you wouldn't care.”

  His face looked so pained. I hated that I had caused that. I never wanted him to feel that way again.

  “But then it got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand not being the one you were with. And when we were together, I was dying to tell you. I ached to hold you in my arms and to tell you I loved you.”

  My heart clenched at his confession of his unrequited love. I felt terrible for making him feel so much pain. I shifted against him and hitched one leg up over his hip. I pushed against him, causing him to roll on his back. I rolled with him, straddling his hips, and lay against his chest, my towel coming undone in the process. His big strong hands rubbed against the bare skin on my back.

  I sighed and lay my head against his bare chest. “You asked me why I came here last night? What made me realize?”

  “Yeah?”

  I traced the tribal lines on his shoulder with my fingertips. “Axel told me he took you to a strip club.”

  Bo froze underneath me. “He told you that?”

  “He said I needed to get over you because you had already gotten over me by getting your rocks off with some stripper.”

  “There is something seriously wrong with that guy,” he said with a laugh.

  “So you didn't go to a strip club with him?”

  He sighed and kissed the top of my head. “I did. The guys took me. I think it was Axel's idea, but your uncle's bouncers could tell I was a wreck, and I think they were just trying to help.”

  I felt a rush of anger go through me. Typical men. I've never understood that. Does having a pair of boobs jiggling in your face really help you forget heartache?

  “I was at home feeling miserable over you, and you were getting your jollies at a strip club.”

  He exhaled sharply. “I was not getting my jollies. I walked in, had one drink and left. Axel had three women on him, and I started thinking how you would react if you saw that. How you would react if you saw me like that. I didn't think you loved me, but I didn't want to ever sink to Axel's level, knowing what you thought of him.”

  A small laugh escaped my mouth. Then another. Before I knew it I had rolled off him, onto my back, and was hysterically laughing at Bo's confession.

  He shook his head at my outburst and then rolled on top of me, bracing his forearms on either side of my head. He hovered over me so he could look me in the eye.

  “Why is that funny?” He was trying to hide the small smile on his face.

  I laughed again and then sighed in amusement. “You finally realized how low an opinion I have of Axel.”

  His face broke out in a wide grin as he chuckled but then turned serious. “So hearing I went to a strip club made you realize you loved me?” he asked dubiously.

  I pursed my lips. “No. But it made me realize how miserable I was without you. I mean, I knew life without you was unbearable, but I guess I was still holding on to the hope that you'd come back. When Axel said you were having fun at the strip club, I realized you weren't going to.”

  Bo shook his head. “I wanted to be with you. I argued with myself every day.”

  “No, you were right. It sucked ass, but it doesn't matter now.” I grazed my hands down his bare back until I reached the towel that was wrapped around his hips. I traced around the edge of it until I found the knot that was holding it closed.

  As my fingers worked to undo the tie, Bo closed his eyes and exhaled. “Ivy,” he said in a strained voice. “I'm trying not to rush you if you aren't ready. If you want to take this slow, we can.”

  “Fuck taking it slow,” I said as I lifted my mouth up to his and kissed him hard.

  I undid the knot and pulled at the towel as Bo groaned into my mouth. He raised his hips, and I tugged the damp cloth out from between us and threw it next to mine on the floor.

  I could feel him growing hard against my hip as he rested his naked body against mine. His lips m
oved to my neck finding that sweet spot that made me quiver. I whimpered as our earlier passion reignited, and I realized how much I craved his touch. His fingers wandered down my body until he was close to my core. I flexed my hips instinctually in an attempt to get him to touch me.

  His mouth moved down my chest, and he kissed my breast, lightly nuzzling against the tip. I groaned in anticipation and cupped the back of his head trying to encourage him to take me. I could see the smile on his face as he flicked his tongue out and teased at my nipple. At the same time he pushed a finger through my wet folds and I convulsed with pleasure.

  I cried out for him, begging for more, and he complied. He quickly moved down my body and paused when his mouth reached my pelvis. My chest rose and fell quickly as I watched him, waiting for him to continue. In all my years of sexual activity, no man had ever gone down on me like this. No guy had ever been this selfless of a lover. Not even Bo when we had slept together after prom. It had been both our first times, and neither one of us really knew what we were doing.

  Bo smiled up at me and then looked down as he pushed my legs open. His finger softly caressed the inside of my thighs as he continued his kisses, going lower and lower until he was kissing my sensitive nub. I groaned and arched my hips as I felt the flutters of pleasure he was causing.

  His mouth became more aggressive, and I closed my eyes and allowed the waves of sensation to wash through me. I cried out as Bo alternated between sucking and licking at my clit until I couldn't take it anymore. My thighs shook and my back arched as the pressure became too great and it exploded within me. I cried out as pleasure radiated from my core through my chest and down my limbs.

  Breathing heavily, I collapsed back on to Bo's bed as he crawled up my body.

  “Bo... that was amazing.” I panted, trying to catch my breath.

  He kissed me hard on the mouth, and I could taste myself on him. I pushed against him again, and he rolled off me onto his back. He scooted up on the bed until he could lean back against the metal headboard. His hard erection stood up from his hips as he waited for me.

  I sat up and walked on my knees to the head of the bed. Straddling him, I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him hard. His hands cupped my breasts, and he groaned into my mouth, kissing me fiercely. Relentlessly.

  I shifted my hips and felt the tip of his hardness at my entrance. I broke the kiss and pulled back from him. “No condom,” I said, repeating the words he had uttered in the shower. Even without a condom, Bo and I knew we were safe. I was on the pill, which protected us from pregnancy, and I knew we were both clean. I wanted to feel him inside me without any barriers, without anything between us.

  He nodded, and I sank down onto him. Bo's eyes never left mine as he filled me and I gasped at how amazing he felt. His breath caught and my lower jaw trembled as I felt him swell and grow inside me, causing me to stretch. I clutched at his shoulders, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

  “Ivy... “ he moaned as his hands clasped my hips. He lifted me up and pulled me back down to him and we both groaned with pleasure.

  His love radiated through me, and I surrendered everything to him as we moved together. He was my world, and what we had was beyond logic. Beyond definition. I poured my love for him into my movements, and I felt him doing the same.

  “Oh God, Bo,” I whispered and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “I love you.”

  I cried out as our lovemaking became more intense. He wrapped his arms around my back and began thrusting in to me harder. My breasts rubbed against his chest as I rocked my hips savoring the feeling of our movements.

  “Ivy!” he cried out and when he thrust up again, he let out a low groan and I felt the warm sensation of him erupting inside me.

  Sensation washed through me and, knowing he had found so much pleasure in my body, I exploded around him with a high-pitched scream. I tipped my head back and rocked against him several more times as every nerve ending deep inside me tingled, and my inner muscles spasmed around him.

  I finally collapsed against his chest and locked my arms around his neck. I refused to move. I refused to allow any space to come between us.

  Bo's arms remained tightly wrapped around my back, and I felt as if he was doing the same as me. Both of us stayed still, basking in our newly declared love.

  Eventually Bo rolled us to the side, and we lay in his bed for a long time, still tangled around each other.

  “You're stuck with me now. You know that, right?” I finally whispered. “I'm never going to want to leave.”

  Bo chuckled softly and kissed me lightly. “Sounds perfect.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Okay, I had to admit this was pretty awesome. I had incessantly given Bo a hard time over his weird obsession, but this zombie pub crawl freaking rocked. Everyone was dressed as a zombie, and there were a lot of people who had gotten creative with their costumes. I saw a zombie Elvis, zombie clowns, a zombie bride, and a zombie groom. There was a zombie nun and a zombie priest. A zombie baseball player and a zombie nurse.

  I was seriously in awe over the level of dedication some of these freaks had, and my Bo was no exception. Somehow he had gotten his hands on some movie-level makeup and managed to make the left side of his face look like it was decaying. It was disgusting, yet somehow inappropriately sexy at the same time. Hmm... maybe I was the one with the zombie fetish, but I couldn't help it. He was dressed as a zombie policeman, and he looked damn sexy in his fake uniform that was slightly too small and accentuated his bulging muscles. He looked mouth-wateringly good, even if the left side of his face was decomposing.

  Bo had told me my costume had to be kickass. So in addition to my zombie makeup, I had found a short green and white pleated miniskirt and paired it with a tight white short-sleeved sweater that had a deep V-neck and showed off my midriff. Aunt Suzy had found some green and white pom-poms for me, and I was wearing thigh high white stockings, black-and-white Converse sneakers, and I had my hair in pigtails and ribbons. Yep—I was a zombie cheerleader. Oh wait, a sexy zombie cheerleader. Bo nearly had a seizure when he saw me. Then he tried to drag me to his bedroom even though we were already late to meet everyone. I think he was almost as thrilled with the idea that he could drag me to his bedroom as he was with trying to actually do it.

  It had been two weeks since our reunion. Two weeks of bliss. Bo had basically moved me into his apartment, and unless we were working or I was in school, we were inseparable, and neither of us had ever been happier. As natural and easy as our friendship had been, this was even better.

  Tonight was Halloween, and Bo had organized a large group of people to join us at the pub crawl. Kammy was here, of course, as were several of my uncle's bouncers and their dates. Jaxson even agreed to come dressed as a zombie WWE wrestler. Kammy loved it and spent her evening dressed as a slutty zombie librarian chasing after my cousin. Even Destiny and her husband had showed up in costume. Now that I knew she wasn't my competition, we got along much better and had plans to double date sometime in the near future.

  Our group was standing on the sidewalk waiting to proceed to the next bar on the pub crawl when Bo stumbled toward me from across our circle of friends. At first I thought maybe he had too much to drink, but he seemed steady on his feet despite dragging one leg awkwardly behind him.

  “Braaaains... BRAAAAINS...” he moaned in a perfect zombie impression and reached his arms out to grab at me.

  I laughed as I pretended to swat his hands away only to have him clutch at me harder and pull me into the circle of his arms.

  “BRAAAAAINS!” he wailed one final time before lowering his mouth to my neck and kissing me on my collarbone. I stopped resisting his zombie attack, and he tightened his arms around my waist and moved his lips lower on my chest until he was nuzzling at my cleavage.

  I tapped him on the top of his head. “I got news for you, buddy. Those aren't brains. Those are boobs.”

  “Fucking irresistible is what they ar
e,” he said as he straightened up and kissed me hard on my mouth.

  I sighed into his kiss and circled my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “Do you want to go home and have kinky zombie sex?” I whispered in his ear.

  “Ivy. Do you really need to ask me that?” he said with a smile and moved his hands to rest on my ass. “I was ready for kinky zombie sex before we even left the apartment.”

  I bit my lower lip and tried to look seductive. “Me too.”

  Bo's eyes flared with desire. He grabbed my hand and started to pull me toward the taxi stand. I quickly turned back to shout good-bye to our group and saw Kammy and Jaxson wrapped around each other. Surprisingly, it looked like her persistence had paid off.

  Bo stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as we stood in line for a taxi. “Did you have fun tonight?” he whispered into my ear.

  I nodded. “Did you?”

  “Best night of my life.”

  “Because of the promised kinky zombie sex, right?”

  His arms squeezed me tight. “No.” His voice was serious, refusing to play along with my teasing. “Because of you. You make me happy. Zombie sex or not. You're so beautiful, and I love you.”

  I turned to face him and brought a hand up to his nonzombie cheek. “I love you too, Bo. So much.”

  I lifted up on my toes and kissed him. My words had been the truth. The love Bo and I had for each other was unfathomable. Nothing short of a zombie apocalypse would stop me from making him happy every day for the rest of my life. And I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he felt the same way.

  Bo broke our kiss and inclined his head toward a waiting taxi. “Let's go home, zombie girl,” he said and swatted my butt.

  “Home.” I smiled. My heart and my home were with Bo, and that was never going to change.

  The End

  Note from the Author: