Cauldstane

by Gillard, Linda

  ‘Poor man. He must have been terribly upset.’

  ‘I suppose so. But his face showed nothing. The only time he seemed to be in danger of losing his self-control was when he asked me how long it had been going on. I told him it had started when I was a student... You’ve never seen Sholto when he’s angry, have you?’ Alec shook his head. ‘It’s not a pretty sight.’

  ‘But he believed you?’

  ‘He was under no illusions about her. She’d had an affair with a friend of his and he’d felt humiliated. And very hurt. I think he gave up on the marriage after that. Up till then I think he’d probably been faithful to her, but afterwards… Well, I gather he started seeing other women. And Meredith’s idea of poetic justice would have been seducing Sholto’s son.’

  I hesitated before asking my next question, unsure if I really wanted to know the answer. ‘She didn’t succeed, did she?’

  ‘No, she didn’t, though I had to put up a physical fight a couple of times. I woke up one night and found her in my bed.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘I threw her out and put a bolt on the bedroom door the next day. God knows what Wilma thought when she was turning out the room. I suppose she put it down to poor Mr Alec’s neuroses.’

  ‘But Sholto believed you’d given Meredith no encouragement?’

  ‘He knows I’m a lousy liar and he knew how I felt about Coral. We were a very happy couple. I was determined to keep it that way by moving out of Cauldstane. Sholto said he understood and thought it best for all concerned.’

  ‘So he told Meredith he knew what had been going on?’

  ‘No. I did.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘On my wedding day. She got drunk and started her usual antics, so I assumed Sholto had said nothing. Meredith told me she’d be paying regular visits to our new home and that she was looking forward to telling Coral how close she and I had become over the years.’ Alec’s expression was thunderous. ‘I told her to get lost. Then she came out with it. Her pathetic attempt at blackmail. She said she would tell Sholto we’d had an affair, that it had been going on for years. She said she’d also tell Coral. Unless I… met her conditions.’

  ‘Which were?’

  He gave a derisive snort. ‘You can guess.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘Well, I’d had a fair amount of champagne too, so it was with great pleasure I informed Meredith that my father already knew what had been going on, that I’d told him a week ago and explained my reasons for wanting to move out. I told her she’d no power over me. She could tell Coral what the hell she liked. My wife would never believe I’d slept with such a shabby whore.’

  ‘What did Meredith say?’

  ‘She was speechless – understandably, I suppose – so she hurled her champagne glass at me. But I saw it coming and dodged. So then she gave me an earful and said I would pay for what I’d done and so would Coral. Then she swept out of Cauldstane, got into her car and drove off. Dead drunk. And then… well, then she was just dead.’

  As he exhaled, his body sagged, then he started to tremble. I leaned forward, throwing my arms around his neck. ‘It’s going to be all right, Alec! You don’t have to go through this alone. Not any more.’

  I felt his lips moving against my bare shoulder, then he lifted his head, so his mouth was close to my ear. ‘You don’t know what a relief it is… to be able to talk about it. After all this time… But when I think Coral might have known too. Known before me. But she never said anything!’

  He was still shaking and I held him tight. ‘How could she, Alec? Who would have believed her? I wouldn’t have believed you if I hadn’t seen what Meredith can do. And I would never have told you about my laptop messages. I wouldn’t have told anyone.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘For the same reason Coral didn’t tell you. You’d have thought I was mad! You already had good reason to believe I was mentally fragile. If you hadn’t found me cowering outside my room last night, I don’t know what I would have done. But I wouldn’t have dared tell anyone.’

  ‘Meredith would have found a way to make you leave. That’s what her game is.’ He extracted himself from my arms and took both my hands in his. ‘And that’s why you have to go, Jenny. If Meredith wants you out, she’ll keep bullying you till you go.’

  ‘Well, that’s just tough, because now you’ve told me what sort of woman she is – I mean, was – I’m even more determined not to desert my post. And let her win? Over my dead body!’

  He squeezed my hand. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’

  ‘Oh, don’t be daft! How on earth can she harm me? She’s just a ghost! I may be a bit unstable, but I’m hardly likely to die of fright. Now don’t go smiling at me like that, Alec MacNab, or I shall haul you into bed. And that would really piss Meredith off.’

  ‘Aye, but it would make my day,’ Alec said, still smiling.

  ‘Stop that right now. Today’s a big work day for me. In just over an hour, I shall be interviewing your father in the library. Can I also point out, if you do want me to leave, going to bed with me probably isn’t the best way to go about it.’

  His smile vanished. ‘I don’t want you to leave, Jenny.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘But I think you should. For your own safety.’

  ‘No way.’ He scowled, an expression only slightly less endearing than his smile. ‘You know, you look just like Sholto when you do that. And I don’t want him pulling that face at me, so I need to get a move on or I’ll be late.’ Clambering out of bed, I said, ‘I want a bath and some breakfast. A bowl of Wilma’s porridge will be just the job this morning. Who would have thought ghost-hunting would give you such an appetite?’ I summoned up a cheerful smile, but Alec didn’t respond. He looked miserable and I regretted my flippant remark. Picking up his dressing gown, I said, ‘Can I borrow this to get back to my room? Just in case anyone’s about.’

  ‘Of course. Would you like me to go with you?’

  ‘No, I’ll be fine, thanks,’ I replied, with more conviction than I felt. ‘But you could tell me what to do about the breakages. I have two smashed spaniels to account for. Wilma might accept one was an accident, but two?’

  ‘Leave me to deal with that. I’ll clean up when you’re with Sholto. Wilma won’t mention their disappearance to you and if she says anything to me, I’ll tell her I put them in the attic because you needed more space. Maybe you could spread your writing stuff around a bit more to make it look like it’s true.’

  ‘Were the dogs valuable?’

  ‘Who knows? Cauldstane’s full of junk, much of it loved, some of it detested. I dare say some of it’s valuable. But those hounds will not be missed.’

  ‘You’ll need to sweep up thoroughly. If Wilma finds bits when she hoovers, she’ll think I broke them.’

  ‘Stop fretting and go and run your bath.’

  ‘If you come across the hat pin…’ I hesitated, remembering but scarcely believing the thing had flown through the air towards me, like a heat-seeking missile. ‘Could you put it on my desk? I want to return it to Zelda and ask her about its history. I have a nasty feeling Meredith left that pin on my desk for a reason.’

  ‘What will you say to Zelda?’

  ‘I’ll just tell her I found it. Which I did. A hat pin is the sort of thing that could suddenly turn up, isn’t it? Easy to lose.’

  Alec looked sceptical. ‘If you say so.’

  ‘Oh, I’ll think of something to say! Remember, my natural bent is fiction. Making stuff up comes easily to me. Sticking to the facts requires far more discipline.’

  ‘So which facts are you discussing with Sholto today?’

  I thought about fudging the issue, but decided to be straight with Alec. I sat down again on the edge of the bed and said, ‘I’ve asked him if he’ll tell me about the deaths of his wives.’

  ‘He wasn’t there. For either of them.’

  ‘I know. And I think that’s something that bothers him. Which
probably means it needs to go into the book.’

  ‘He can tell you what he knows, but the information is secondhand. The police told him what happened to Meredith. When my mother died he wasn’t even first on the scene.’

  ‘Who was?’

  Alec fixed me with a bleak look. ‘Apart from me, you mean?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Meredith.’

  ‘And you told her what had happened?’ He nodded. ‘And she told Sholto?’

  ‘She told everyone. They all came out into the courtyard at once. Because of all the racket. But Sholto was the last to know. He thought something terrible had happened to me. Meredith told him why I was crying, then he saw my mother lying on the ground… I can’t tell you what happened then because Wilma took me inside. I sat on her lap in the kitchen until I stopped crying, then she put me to bed. She read to me for a wee while, then I must have fallen asleep.’

  ‘I had no idea Wilma had been at Cauldstane for such a long time.’

  ‘She’s been here as long as I have. She was young when the accident happened. Well, she seemed old to me, but she wasn’t. She’d been our nanny and then she stayed on as general factotum. She was promoted to housekeeper after Ma died.’ There was a silence in which I struggled not to ask more questions, but Alec must have sensed how my mind was working. ‘If you need to know, Jenny, I’ll tell you what I remember, but it isn’t much. I didn’t recall much at the time and my mother died over thirty years ago.’

  ‘I’d prefer to talk to Sholto first. It’s his book. What he remembers is what’s important. For the book I mean.’

  ‘He feels guilty he wasn’t there. Guilty he betrayed her. Guilty he wasn’t able to deal with a distraught son who had to be comforted by a servant. Go easy on him, Jenny. He’s a sad, old man.’

  ‘Oh, I will, don’t you worry. I’m almost as fond of Sholto as I am of you.’

  ‘Careful now,’ Alec said, shaking his head. ‘That was Meredith’s problem.’ A smile flickered briefly across his face. Just the ghost of a smile.

  ~

  I’d declined Alec’s offer to accompany me back to my room because I hadn’t wanted him to see how frightened I was. If he’d picked up on my nervousness, it would only have strengthened his conviction I should leave Cauldstane. He was clearly concerned for my physical well-being, but since he was acquainted with my mental health history, he might also have feared for my emotional stability, so I’d wanted to give the impression I’d taken Meredith’s ghost in my stride, that it would be business as usual. If Alec thought I was bluffing, he’d been too polite to say so.

  Standing outside my room, I hesitated for a long moment, then grasped the door handle, turned it and walked in – actually, I swept in – but I left the door open, in case I needed to beat a swift retreat.

  The room was just as Alec and I had left it. A tip. I was relieved to see the laptop was still shut. I didn’t know when I’d have the courage to open it again, but I certainly didn’t have time now, so I looked away from my desk and surveyed the rest of the room.

  Two pillows remained propped up side by side against the bed head, still bearing the imprint of our bodies where Alec and I had sat in bed, trying to guess what Meredith would do next. As I picked my way through the pieces of broken china on the floor, a dark brown canine eye stared up at me, accusingly. I felt vaguely guilty, even though I hadn’t been responsible. I bent and picked it up, together with the larger fragments and set them on the desk. The dogs were smashed beyond repair and I felt suddenly furious at Meredith’s wanton destruction. Then it struck me: smashing ornaments was the least of the wretched woman’s sins.

  I began to ponder the extent of Meredith’s powers. Could she hurt me? She’d hurled things at me, but could she do anything more dangerous? Were Alec’s fears reasonable? My stomach lurched as another idea struck me: could Meredith read my thoughts?... I’d seen no evidence of that, though she’d shown she could respond to what I’d written on the laptop.

  My imagination started to run wild. Could Meredith see me? Was she actually watching me now? Did she watch me while I slept?... I started to shake but took comfort from the fact that Alec wasn’t far away and had placed a protective blade under my mattress. I didn’t see how that could make a blind bit of difference, but if Alec was prepared to put his faith in ancient superstitions, that was good enough for me. It was no more irrational than Rupert’s faith in the power of prayer and since I had no other means of defence at my disposal, beggars could hardly be choosers.

  Feeling vulnerable and more than a little despondent, I gathered up my towel and toiletries and headed for the bathroom next door. Once inside, I locked the door. A temporary sense of security gave way to the realisation that locked doors were unlikely to deter vengeful ghosts. As I watched the bath fill with hot water, I decided to unlock the door again, in case Meredith should try to drown me and I needed to call for help.

  I slid the bolt back again, reflecting that I’d known of Meredith’s ghostly existence for only a matter of hours, but already full-blown paranoia had set in. I tried to laugh at myself and failed.

  ~

  I bathed in record time, humming tunelessly to keep my spirits up and to warn the unwary that the bathroom was occupied. Back in my room, I dressed with some care and applied a little make-up. This wasn’t for Alec’s benefit, rather to give myself a bit of Dutch courage to face my day, a day which would encompass Sholto’s double bereavement and before that, confronting Meredith’s portrait, which I’d have to pass on my way down to the dining room.

  I examined my face in the cracked mirror and was reasonably happy with what I saw. I was surprised to see I looked quite normal, not at all like someone who’d seen a ghost. A slight tendency to smirk could be curbed if I stopped thinking about Alec. (Easier said than done.) I re-touched my lipstick and told myself I didn’t look bad for a woman who wouldn’t see forty-two again.

  My confidence lasted until I faced Meredith’s portrait. Life-size, with lustrous dark eyes that followed the viewer, it was impossible to ignore. I didn’t even try. I stood on the stairs, facing the picture and tried to fathom the woman.

  Delusional, obviously.

  Talented, evidently.

  Sexually voracious, apparently.

  But sociopathic? Not while she was alive, surely? Yet Alec was clearly afraid of what she might do now. After years of being bullied from both sides of the grave, he’d finally found someone in whom he could confide, yet he wanted me to leave. For my own safety. Was Alec as delusional as Meredith?...

  I looked her in the oil-painted eye and muttered, ‘Can’t we just be adult about this?’ There was no response, so I set off downstairs in search of breakfast.

  ~

  Fortified by a bowl of Wilma’s excellent porridge, some fruit and a pot of strong coffee, I made my way back up to the library for my daily meeting with Sholto. Mounting the stairs briskly, I ignored Meredith’s portrait.

  As I walked along the dingy corridor, I considered my feelings for this old man, who was endearing and exasperating in equal measure. The idea of Sholto coming to any harm made me feel angry, so I had to assume what I felt for him was a kind of love. Deep respect coupled with warm affection – wasn’t that love? For a few years I’d told myself a similar cocktail of emotions would sustain my relationship with Rupert. I don’t believe there had been a great deal more on Rupert’s side. He’d always found science and religion more exciting mistresses than me, but I hadn’t felt physically starved. My life had been one of the intellect and the imagination. Writing fiction had provided me with hordes of imaginary friends, then ghostwriting had put me in touch with a wide range of subjects, their families, friends and, in some cases, their enemies.

  Life had seemed full. I hadn’t ever felt hungry, but I suspect I was malnourished. Since meeting Alec I’d become increasingly and uncomfortably aware of the years, post-Rupert, of sexual famine. But would my professional ethics – or Alec’s misgivings about my personal safety
– allow me to indulge in a feast?...

  Pleasant as it was, I pushed this thought to the back of my mind and assumed my professional persona. Imogen might be falling for the heir to Cauldstane, but Jenny had a job to do.

  I knocked on the library door and entered.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Sholto was standing at one of the long windows, watching the rain. He didn’t turn or give any indication he’d heard me enter, so I suspected he hadn’t heard my knock. Sholto insisted he wasn’t hard of hearing, but Zelda often teased him about it. I’d noticed that the best way to keep his attention was to sit somewhere he could see my face, which made me wonder if he depended to a degree on lip-reading. So I approached his desk slowly, not wishing to startle him. When he still didn’t turn, I cleared my throat discreetly. He spun round, his faded blue eyes wide with surprise.

  ‘Good Lord – Jenny! Is that the time?’

  ‘Good morning, Sholto. I’m afraid it is. In fact, I’m a little late this morning. Sorry to have kept you waiting.’

  ‘No need to apologise. I’ve just been standing here, watching the damn rain, trying to compose my thoughts. Without much success, I’m afraid.’ Leaning heavily on his stick, he tapped the window pane with a finger. ‘We buried Meredith on a day like this. Rained cats and dogs! Liz was luckier. She got sunshine,’ he added, then lapsed into morose silence.