by Ella Edon
“Surely you know that saying that does not make it any better.” She could taste her soup now and was grateful for the distraction. As much as Louisa hated to admit it, having Jerome next to her was preventing her from focusing on the man on the other side of the table.
“I seem to be quite adept at putting my foot in my mouth when I speak to you,” Jerome said with a sigh.
“At least you are aware of it.”
“I hope we can at least grow comfortable with each other while we are married.”
Hearing him say the words aloud made her shudder. Unable to help it, she shot him a short-lived glare. “How brazen of you to assume I will be comfortable at all living under your roof when you are the one who has deceived me into this marriage.”
“Have I?” Jerome’s brows lifted. They were quite even, not too bushy. A handsome pair that fit well on his already handsome face. Louisa quickly looked away. “I do not recall deceiving you at all. If anything, I was the one who was used for your own gain. I merely took advantage of it.”
“Yes, and take advantage of it you have.” Louisa swept her gaze around the dining room. Heavy chatter hung over the lot of them, everyone engaged in their own conversation. Her parents chattered on with the Duke and Duchess of Balstory, who sat a short distance away. Across from her, Charlotte and Kenneth were also a part of that conversation, but Louisa could tell a lot of Charlotte’s attention was focused on her and Jerome instead. Selina and Tereza, as usual, were off in their own little world with each other. Louisa avoided her sisters’ eyes, avoided her silent uncle, and looked around the dining room at the other familiar faces. “Will your father be in attendance?”
“No, he will not,” Jerome said simply.
“Is that so? Have you not told him yet? Or do you want to make the fact that you are eager to marry into a titled family a little less obvious?” Jerome was silent for a bit, so she peeked at him. Her heart jumped when she saw that he was staring at her, his face contemplative. Louisa shielded her expression and lifted a brow. “Did I say something wrong?”
“Yes,” Jerome said without hesitation. Louisa blinked. Had he always been this blunt? “But I am certain you know that.”
Without another word, he resumed eating. After a moment, Louisa did so as well. To her utter annoyance, she couldn’t seem to ignore him next to her. He didn’t touch her, didn’t even look at her, and yet she was quite aware of every move he made. So much so that she could hardly enjoy her meal, and didn’t even hear when her father called for everyone’s attention.
“Louisa?” came Jerome’s voice. She looked up at him, her glare at the ready. He merely tilted his head slightly toward the end of the table. Louisa looked to see that her father was holding up a glass of wine.
The earl bore a wide grin, happiness shining in his eyes. Louisa felt a lump form in her throat. “Thank you all for attending this dinner party,” he began, his voice booming down the length of the long, food-laden table. “Certainly, you are all aware that it is to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my dearest daughter, Miss Louisa, and her betrothed, Mr. Jerome Cooper. As the father of the future bride, I wish her nothing but happiness and security in the days to come.”
“And as the mother of the future bride,” Lady Warwick cut in, raising her glass as well. “I wish that you all enjoy this evening as a sign of gratitude for the well wishes.”
Laughter rumbled throughout the room as all the guests lifted their wine to their lips. Louisa felt as if they tightened the noose she had put around her own neck. The wine barely went down her throat.
A loud clink drew her attention. Louisa’s heart sank when she noticed that it was Uncle Benjamin. He raised his glass as well, his gaze sweeping across everyone who was now staring at him. “I would like to say something as well,” he stated. “I have known Louisa since she was just a child who liked to race around the hallways. Now that I have returned to England, seeing her grown and preparing to have a family of her own…well, it could not make me prouder. But I would like to address Mr. Cooper.”
Louisa clutched her knife in her hand, blinking rapidly. So many things coursed through her body at once, too many emotions to decipher. Her palms grew sweaty, her blood ran cold, her chest became as warm as a fireplace.
Uncle Benjamin’s eyes were gentle, sparkling with mirth. So unassuming that it would be hard to believe that a monster lurked underneath. Louisa could never forget the wicked look in those blue eyes as they filled with such carnal pleasure that had brought only nightmares.
“Louisa has always been a strong woman,” Uncle Benjamin said jovially to Jerome, not looking at Louisa once. “There is no taming her, so I pray you learn how to be a devoted husband.”
He said the words in jest and everyone, even Jerome, laughed in response. Louisa couldn’t force a smile to her face. Uncle Benjamin looked at her as he drank deeply from his glass, the intent behind his eyes as clear as day. The chatter started back up, the happy and festive air. No eyes were on her save for the horrible man she had to call her uncle.
“Please allow me to be excused,” Louisa mumbled, hardly loud enough for her father to hear. She was already rising by the time the earl looked at her.
“Louisa, what is it?” asked Lady Warwick with a twinge of alarm.
“I am feeling a bit lightheaded,” Louisa managed to say. Getting those words out was a feat she couldn’t imagine she’d accomplished. “I only need a bit of fresh air. I will be back shortly.”
Louisa turned away before her parents had the chance to say anything. She knew a few eyes followed her exit, but she prayed no one would think anything of it. She prayed she’d schooled her expression enough so as not to incite worry in Charlotte, because her sister would surely come looking for her. Louisa prayed, above all, that Uncle Benjamin would not even dare.
She didn’t stop once she was out of the dining room. She hurried down a lonely hall, her fingers trembling. Breathing fast, Louisa reached into her dress and pulled out the small vial of laudanum. She didn’t hesitate to down it all, knowing that it was hardly enough to be noticeable.
The moment it was finished, Louisa let out a long, shuddering breath, resting her back against the wall. Her heart was racing, the image of Uncle Benjamin’s smiling face flashing through her mind. Tears pricked her eyes, but she quickly dashed them away. She wouldn’t let him reduce her to a crying mess. She wouldn’t allow him to see just how much he affected her. Louisa knew she was stronger than that, even if she was currently hiding in a hallway waiting for that calm to come over her.
“Louisa.”
Louisa stiffened. Slowly, she turned her head to see Jerome standing just a few feet away. His features were masked by a shadow. Louisa curled the empty vial in her fist, hiding it by her side. “Why did you follow me out here?” she asked.
“How could I not? You seemed distressed about something.”
Louisa gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to hear that her reaction to Uncle Benjamin’s small speech had been obvious, especially not from Jerome. “Leave me be,” she said. “I only want some fresh air.”
“Then would you like to go for a walk through the gardens before returning?”
“No, I do not,” she snapped, a little harsher than she’d intended. The rush of anger felt good, but when faced by Jerome’s stable composure, she couldn’t help but regret it a little. “I do not like you. I do not want to be around you. Please, leave me be.”
“Very well.” His acquiescence bothered her more than it should have. “I understand you are still coming to terms with this marriage, which is why you may not want to be around me for now. But I have an inkling that that is not the reason you are angry.”
Louisa looked sharply at him. Jerome stepped closer and she stiffened, gripping the vial even tighter. He glanced down at her fists then lifted his gaze to her face. His hazel eyes appeared as dark as chocolate in the dim lighting.
“I have learned,” he said, his voice soft. Tender, almost. “That it is a
lways better to face your battles with confidence, without running from it. And if you do not think you are strong enough, there is no shame in asking for help.”
Louisa swallowed harshly. She stared at him for a few seconds, studying the quiet warmth lingering under his hard features. For a very brief moment, Louisa wanted to confide in him. It was easy to give in to the gentleness he exuded, to relax at his composed gaze. She studied the hardness of his jaw, his strong brows, the tight yet slightly smiling mouth. Like a bolt of lightning, desire rushed through her body, bringing her hair to stand on end. She felt a shiver run through her and she was afraid to know where it had come from—if it was borne of her disgust or her odd need.
The feeling came and went in an instant, but it angered—and scared—her all the same.
“Do not think that now we are betrothed, you have any right to speak to me like that,” she snarled. Turning her head dismissively, she continued, “I will not forget that you refused to let go of this idea of marriage until you got your way. So I have nothing more to say to you. Leave me be.”
Jerome was silent for a long moment. Louisa was annoyed with herself, knowing how much she wanted to look at him to see his expression. But she stood in rigid stubbornness, staring blankly at the opposing wall, trying to radiate as much coldness as she possibly could. Finally, Jerome nodded, a quick movement. “Do not be long.”
Louisa gasped silently at him, but he’d already turned away. The audacity of him! After she’d so pointedly spoken her mind to him, she’d expected him to only leave with a few courteous words. Not give commands.
She glared at his retreating back, wishing for a moment that he would turn back. That he would give her the chance to continue arguing, because for some reason, talking to Jerome made her forget the world around her. But Louisa wouldn’t depend on him, not even for a reason so small. And no matter how kind he was being to her, Louisa knew she couldn’t do the same.
Not when she was basically signing her life away just to become someone’s wife. For the tenth time that night, Louisa sighed.
Chapter Twelve
The day was young, a gentle fog rolling in from the distance. It coated the base of the manor, giving a lazy air to the day. It was the type of morning where Louisa would roll out of bed feeling a bit groggy, with a slow smile stretching across her lips as she prepared for the day. Instead, she’d hardly slept at all the night before and was thrumming with anxious energy. Today was the day of her wedding.
The Earl and Countess of Warwick had truly outdone themselves during the preparations, because, just as they had projected, the wedding had been organized in little over a week. The quick planning had given Louisa very little time to come to terms with that fact that she was to be married. Even as she sat like a stiff doll in front of her vanity table, with more than one maid fussing around her, Louisa didn’t want to admit it. She didn’t want to think about the fact that, somewhere on the Warwick estate, guests were gathering at the chapel and that she would soon have her name changed from King to Cooper.
She felt ill.
“What do you think will happen when it is your turn?” Tereza’s voice drifted in from behind Louisa, distracting her from her thoughts. Louisa knew the question wasn’t aimed at her, but at Selina, who was sitting on the hassock at the base of Louisa’s bed. As usual, the moment the two had finished preparing, they’d come to Louisa room to chat. Whether it was to help calm her nerves, or because they were simply too excited, Louisa wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was both.
“I’m not sure,” Selina mused, her eyes lifting to the ceiling in thought as a smile played around her lips. Louisa could see her sister in the mirror, could see that her slim frame was wrapped in a cerulean gown that brought out the blue of her eyes. As usual, she looked lovely. “Perhaps he will hand me a ring before. Don’t you think that is rather romantic?”
“It is,” Tereza said with a nod of her head. She was dressed the same as her sister and, if you one didn’t look hard enough, the two could easily be mistaken for twins. “But do you not think that might be a tad boring?”
“Boring?”
“Yes, certainly.” Tereza straightened. Even with her back turned to her, Louisa could tell there was a shimmer of enthusiasm in her eyes. “I think it would be lovely if my suitor made a bold declaration of our love first. Or perhaps he will throw a ball in my honor and beg me to stay with him for the rest of his life.”
Selina giggled. Louisa nearly smiled. “Woe to any man who does not approach you with such bold intentions,” Louisa said softly.
“I am an understanding woman,” Tereza said with a dismissive wave. “I do not expect much. If he is quite clear about his undying love for me then all will be fine.”
“You have many Seasons ahead of you when it is your time,” Selina said wisely. At that moment, the maids finished with her hair. They stepped back and Louisa looked at herself in the mirror.
“You look absolutely beautiful, Louisa!” Tereza rushed up to her from behind, Selina right on her heels.
“You truly do!” Selina agreed. “I nearly did not think it was possible.”
Louisa murmured a dry thank you, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight before her. She truly did look more beautiful than she’d ever seen herself, and she hated the fact that it had a lot to do with the white dress she wore. As the maids settled a flower crown of white roses onto the intricate curls they’d just made, Louisa wanted to rip it off her head.
Someone knocked on the door. “Louisa?” came Charlotte’s voice. Selina hurried over to open it and Charlotte swept into the room in all her graceful loveliness, her brown hair done in a much more relaxed style than her sister’s. She wore a gown of a deep blue shade, her lips tinged with rouge. Louisa looked up at her in the mirror to see that same concerned gaze shining from behind her spectacles.
“Selina, Tereza, could you give me and Louisa a moment, please?” Charlotte asked. The maids were already rushing out the door.
Tereza opened her mouth to protest but Selina laid a hand on her arm, shaking her head. Taking her hand, Selina pulled Tereza out the room and closed the door behind her. With stiff limbs, Louisa rose. She plastered a smile onto her face as she turned to face Charlotte.
“Do not smile,” Charlotte said gently, “when I know you want to do the opposite.”
“Cry?” Louisa asked, tilting her head to the side. It was becoming far too easy.
Charlotte let out a breath of frustration as she bridged the distance between them and took Louisa’s hands in hers. “You know that is not what I mean. Are you certain you are all right?”
Louisa brushed idly at the curls framing Charlotte’s face. “Has anyone ever told you that you worry a little too much?”
“You have said it on a few occasions.”
“And yet you insist on ignoring me.” Louisa shook her head sadly, smiling. “Your older sister, no less. When will you learn?”
“I cannot help myself. It all feels so sudden.”
Louisa nodded. “I must agree. Mother and Father have truly outdone themselves by organizing this so quickly, but I have decided to marry him for a reason. I will not step away from it.”
She neglected to tell her the truth, knowing full well that Charlotte wouldn’t let her walk down the aisle. But it was as close to the truth as she could go. Louisa knew there was no turning back. She’d chosen this, had brought this upon herself, and would stick to it—no matter how much the thought of it made her ill.
“Now, come along,” Louisa chirped. “I do not think it would be wise to be tardy for my own wedding.”
If Charlotte wanted to argue some more, she decided not to, much to Louisa’s relief. Together, they left her bedchamber and made their way to the chapel. It was quite a walk from the manor, but Louisa could already hear the tender notes of a pianoforte drifting through the air. They were silent as they continued, and silent still as the chapel drew near and Louisa spotted her father waiting for her by the door. Charlotte pul
led away from her then, squeezing her hand lightly. Louisa would see her again by the altar.
“My lovely daughter,” the Earl of Warwick greeted her, taking her arm in his. “You look absolutely beautiful.”
“Thank you, Father,” Louisa responded, her voice tight. “You look quite dashing yourself.”
“I will be walking you down the aisle, you know,” he chuckled. “Eyes will be on me as well. I must ensure I look my best.”
“For a moment, you nearly sounded like Mother,” Louisa teased.
“After you have been married to someone for as long as your mother and I, you will grow to be like them in ways you could not even imagine.” His eyes sparkled at her. “But I am certain you will know that soon enough.”
Louisa’s heart only sank at those words. She faced the door, trying to mask the uneasiness coursing through her. When the earl asked her if she was ready, Louisa nodded jerkily, even though she was anything but.