I’ve been well behaved since our talk, not pushing for anything physical even though it’s damn well killing me. I don’t think I’ve gone through so much lotion and so many boxes of tissues since I was in high school. It’s almost embarrassing.
“I’ll be down in a minute!” Lilah calls back.
I haven’t been up to her bedroom yet. In fact, most of the time when I come by her place we don’t stick around long. I think being alone with me makes her nervous. When it’s just us, it’s hard to ignore the sexual tension, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to resist doing something to alleviate it. But I’m determined to be patient. I don’t want to ruin this new start with her, not when I’ve been without her for so many years.
I look up at the sound of heels on the stairs. I let out a low whistle when Lilah comes into view, taking in the strappy sandals, skimming my gaze over her tanned, toned calves to where the hem of her sundress stops a few inches above her knees. It’s pale yellow, buttery and warm like sunshine, with thin straps that tie behind her neck.
“You look delicious.” A flash of gold catches my attention. A thin bangle with a hockey charm circles her wrist—I gave it to her a month after we started dating. I’d used all the money I’d saved to buy it for her. “You still have th—” My smile drops and my question dies when I meet her gaze, though, because as gorgeous as she may be, something’s wrong. It’s in the slight waver of her smile, the barely noticeable quiver in her chin, the way she clutches the banister, and the soft glassiness in her eyes.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
She lifts a shaky hand to her lips and turns her head to the side. A tiny laugh turns into what sounds a lot like a stifled sob. I set the bag of baked goods on the side table and take the stairs three at a time to reach her. Even on the step below her I’m half a head taller, but at least we’re close to eye level.
I cup her face in my palms. “What happened?”
She covers my hands with hers, lids lowered as she takes a few deep breaths. “He was right.”
“Who was? What’re you talking about?” My stomach knots at the mention of another guy.
Her lids drift open. “How did you know something was wrong?”
“Seriously, Lilah? I spent more time with you than anyone else for over a decade. No amount of time changes the fact that I know you. Who is he? What was he right about?”
She searches my face for a few moments before she finally answers. “I saw Avery.”
“What? When?” She’s already signed the divorce papers—he can’t have her now. I take a step back and almost lose my footing, having forgotten we’re standing on the stairs.
I grab the banister to prevent us both from taking a header.
“When I was leaving the grocery store. He was with his new girlfriend.”
I watch her face carefully. I’m familiar with the subtle nuances of her emotions—changes in breathing, the way she bites her lip, touches her face, shifts her weight, fiddles with her hair—but I’m uncertain how to gauge her sadness and whether it’s in direct relation to her ex having someone new in his life. “And how did that go?”
“It was fine.” She pauses, maybe reconsidering her answer, because it’s not quite the truth based on the threat of tears. “Awkward. He introduced me as his ex-wife. I felt bad for her. She’s young.”
“Was that hard for you?”
“To see him with someone who’s barely able to vote?”
I’d like to think the sarcasm means she’s not that upset, but I’m aware that sometimes it’s a defense mechanism. “To see him with someone else period. Was that hard?”
Lilah sinks down, smoothing the skirt of her dress.
“I felt…sad. Not because we’re not together anymore, but because I couldn’t love him the way I should’ve. He’s not a bad man. Sometimes he was difficult, but it makes sense now why. I can see things clearly where I couldn’t before.”
I nod, as if I understand, but I don’t. None of my relationships since Lilah have had any real depth, and the few that shifted from strictly casual into real-feelings territory never had the opportunity to grow into something substantial, because I’d moved to another team before they ever could.
Lilah is my relationship baggage and likely the reason why I’ve never gotten as far as she did with anyone else. “You said he was right. Can you tell me what about?”
Lilah blows out a slow breath. “That I never really got over you. That I didn’t move on and I didn’t let him in. That he couldn’t compete with the memory of you.”
“He said this to you in front of his new girlfriend?” That’s one way to end a new relationship fast.
Lilah shakes her head. “No. She went into the grocery store and he stayed to talk for a minute. He wasn’t trying to be mean or hurtful. He mentioned seeing pictures of us together in the local paper. He said he hoped I wouldn’t hold back with you the way I did with him.” She looks up at the ceiling, chin trembling as she fights against tears that want to fall.
I kneel in front of her and clasp her hands in mine. “Listen, baby, he’s probably just having a hard time—”
Lilah gives her head a quick shake. “He’s right. I am holding back, like I did with him. And if I’m honest with myself, I probably never should’ve married him in the first place.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because I thought maybe at some point I could love him back the way he seemed to love me. I wanted to be able to. I thought I tried, but now, looking back…I don’t know. I think I locked my heart away because I was scared to have it broken again, so instead I ended up breaking his.” Tears track down her cheeks and drop to her dress.
“Don’t do that to yourself, Lilah. You can’t own all the blame.”
She pulls her hands from mine to brush away the tears. “But I am to blame. I took what he gave and I never gave back the way he needed me to. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to jeopardize this, not when you’re right here and wanting to try with me again.”
This is why I’ve been so patient with her. No matter how valid my reason for walking out of her life all those years ago, it doesn’t erase my absence or the pain I caused. I have to earn my place in her life and her heart. “I know you’re afraid. I understand why.”
“The season starts soon. You’ll be away a lot. This whole thing scares me.” She curves her palm along my jaw, and I see the shift in her, the sudden resolve. “But I won’t risk losing you again because I can’t handle my own feelings. I’m going to try my hardest not to safeguard my heart anymore. I know you’re being patient. I know it’s not easy.”
“You say it like you think I’m not tenacious enough to persevere.”
She gives me a real smile. “You’ve always been astoundingly tenacious.”
“I don’t know about that. But for you I’ll be whatever you need me to.” I run my finger from the bridge of her nose to the tip.
She closes her eyes, dragging in an unsteady breath. I give in to the desire to trace the contour of her perfect, pouty bottom lip.
When her eyes open again, the sadness has disappeared, replaced by uncertain longing. Her eyes drop to my mouth, lips parting as I repeat the action.
“Ethan.” It comes out on a breathless sigh. The shift from serious to needy is palpable. “I think you deserve some kind of merit badge for patience. A reward even.”
I tilt my head, returning the smile. “What kinda reward we talkin’ ’bout?”
As intense as the attraction is between us, there’s a playfulness there, too. I missed this about her—the sweet sexiness, the sometimes brazen way she’d taunt me. “The kind we’ll both like.”
I slide my palms along the outside of her thighs until my fingertips reach the hem of her dress. Lilah pulls me closer, until our noses brush. I savor this moment, the short seconds in which the anticipation becomes heady intoxication, where sensation is heightened, and need and desire envelop us.
The press of her
fingernails against the back of my neck becomes a sharp sting as I skim the sensitive skin at the back of her knees. A shiver runs through her and she arches, lips barely touching mine. I part her knees, making room for myself between her thighs.
Lilah’s breath comes faster and she drags her palm from my shoulder to my elbow, encouraging me to move my hand higher. The whole time I’m working to process and memorize every single sensation, because this is what I’ve been waiting for.
When our lips meet again, it’s soft and unsure. I taste the faint vanilla of her lip balm and the sweetness of cinnamint toothpaste when her tongue sweeps out. I meet the gentle stroke, that warm, wet tangle tentatively at first. But that tender reconnection quickly unravels as the lightning bolt of lust hits us.
Lilah moans, the hum across my lips shooting straight through to the base of my spine to my cock. She hooks a leg around my hip, seeking to unite more than just our mouths.
Our chests meet, too many layers of fabric preventing the kind of contact both of us are looking for. Lilah tilts her head to the side, angling back, opening wider as I stroke inside her mouth, drowning in the taste of her, the feel of her body melding to mine. I run my hand up her thigh, fingertips grazing lacy fabric, sliding under to grip the swell of her ass and drag her forward so my erection can provide the friction we seek.
I know why she’s been holding back—because this is how we’ve always been together, this frantic desperation, need, and want that overpower, steamrolling logic and reality until it’s about being connected in the most primal, visceral way.
Lilah breaks the kiss long enough to pull my shirt over my head, and then her mouth is fused to mine again, nails raking down my chest, hips pushing hard into mine and dropping just as quickly so she can work my belt buckle free.
I groan into her mouth when she palms me through the fabric. I consider that it might be a good idea to relocate to a bed, but then she pops the button and drags the zipper down, slipping her hand inside.
I pull at the tie behind her neck, and the top of her dress falls to expose a strapless bra. Reaching behind her, I flick the clasp and free her breasts. I want to put my mouth everywhere, touch every part of her, savor her, but we’re both beyond desperate. Lilah shoves her panties over her hips and I sit back on my knees so I can help yank them off. And then I’m right where I want to be again, my erection sliding along soft, smooth skin, wet and hot and so achingly familiar.
“Condom?” I ask between kisses. I fumble for my wallet, stuck in the back pocket of my dress pants—which I’m still wearing.
“Pill.”
I lean back enough so I can focus on her face. “You want me to go without?”
“Can you?” Those two words hold a million questions.
I haven’t gone in bare since Lilah. I’ve always been safe. Always taken care of myself and my partners in the years between then and now. “Yes.”
“Then please.”
I slide low and enter her on a slow stroke. This feeling, being with her, surrounded by her, enveloped by her—it’s fucking bliss. I keep my eyes on hers, watch the way her mouth drops open, relish the soft moan that passes as warm breath across my lips.
After a few seconds of stillness, in which we both adjust to newness fusing with familiarity, Lilah pulls my mouth back to hers and circles her hips. I move with her, reclaiming her body, more aware than I’ve ever been that she was mine first before anyone else.
Lilah’s moans turn into guttural pleas not to stop, to please, please, please, Ethan as I pump into her. And then she’s coming, eyes locked on mine, soul swimming to the surface as she shudders and clamps tight around me.
And I know now why I never found anyone else who compared to her, why she never let me go, because she’s meant to be mine just as I’m meant to be hers. She’s still pulsing around me when I come viciously, violently, kissing her hard, pushing as deep as I can, getting as far inside as her body will allow.
When the white-hot heat in my spine dissipates, I push up on one arm, taking in Lilah’s flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. “You okay?”
She blinks and glances around, so I do the same, taking stock of our surroundings. We’re sprawled out on the stairs like a couple of drunk teenagers who couldn’t be bothered to make it to a bedroom or a flat surface.
Lilah laughs and I echo the sound.
I give her a wry smile. “Well, that sure as hell lacked finesse.”
“I haven’t come like that in forever, so don’t worry about finesse.”
Her legs slide off my hips, one of her heels tumbling down the stairs. I can’t believe they managed to stay on this entire time.
“I owe you foreplay.” I grab the banister and sit back on my knees, taking in the vision of woman before me. Her pale dress is pooled around her waist, soft, round breasts still heaving with panted breaths, legs spread wide, my cock still inside her.
“I’ll take that in a bed. After dinner.”
I run my hands up her bare thighs. “Are you inviting me to spend the night?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I have to work in the morning, and I’m a little worried that if you stay, I won’t be allowed to sleep.”
“You think I’ll keep you up all night?”
She laughs and then groans when I graze the junction of her thighs with my thumbs. I slide them back and forth, along the slick skin, edging closer to her clit with each pass. I’m still keyed up. Going another round won’t be a problem. Relocating might be a good idea. But I’m too enthralled by the way she’s stretched around me, pretty clit all swollen.
I pull out until I can see the ridge at the head. I glance up to find her eyes trained on the same place. They flip to mine when I don’t move to either pull all the way out or push back in.
“Maybe you should show me your bedroom now, and we can do dinner later,” I suggest.
“That might be a good idea.”
I push back in, smiling at her gasp. “Wrap your legs around my waist, baby, and hold on.”
Lilah’s arms circle my neck as I grip two handfuls of ass and pick her up. I quickly adjust my pants so they don’t trip me on the way to her bed.
“Second door on your right,” Lilah says while kissing a path from my shoulder to my neck.
It’s a modest room, the bed only a double, the headboard one I recognize from her room as a teenager. The comforter is feminine, different from what she used to like when she was younger and a tomboy.
I shove the throw pillows out of the way and pull back the covers. “I hope you have some clean sheets. You’re gonna need to change these by the time we’re done.”
“Planning to get dirty on me, are you?” Lilah bites her lip through a smile of giddy anticipation.
“Fuck yes, I am.”
I climb up on the bed with Lilah still wrapped around me, moving us to the center. I push the pillows into a pile behind her and take a moment to pull her dress over her head so she’s naked. A bikini tan line frames her breasts and the triangle between her legs, the rest of her skin sun kissed.
I dip my head and capture a nipple, tonguing it. Lilah gasps and arches. Unhooking her legs from my hips, she spreads them as I sit back on my heels. “I know what you’re going to do.” Her grin is devious, tongue peeking out to wet her bottom lip.
“Do you, now?” I run my hand up the inside of her thighs, spreading them even wider.
She nods. Trailing a single finger down her stomach, she circles her clit and goes lower, until she skims the place where we’re connected.
“Why don’t you tell me, then?”
“You’re going to pull almost all the way out.”
I keep my hands on the inside of her thighs, holding her open as I shift my hips back until just the head is inside her. “Like this?”
“Exactly like that.”
“And then what am I going to do?”
“You’re gonna tease me, like you do.”
“Is that right?” I push in a couple of in
ches, eyes still fixed where we’re connected. “I used to love watching my cock disappear inside you.”
“I’m not sure that’s changed much.” Her eyes move over my body in a hot sweep, one that I can almost feel as if it were her hands.
This time when I pull out all the way, she bucks up, chasing what I’m taking away. I keep her spread wide, and she props herself on an elbow so we have the same view. I nudge at the opening with the tip, teasing like she expects me to. My cock is coated in both of us, and the next time I give her a couple of inches and pull out, the hand resting near her hip slides down and she pushes two fingers inside. Her eyes flutter closed, head falling back as her mouth drops open.
She pushes deeper until the remnants of our desperate fuck drips down her sex.
“Fucking Christ, Lilah.”
She laughs and then gasps as I move in closer, edging one knee against her inner thigh so I can free a hand. Turning it palm up, I ease a single finger in alongside hers, following the slow steady pump, curling my finger against hers so we can apply more pressure to that place inside that makes her gasp and arch.
“I want you to come like this, with both of us finger fucking you, and then I’m going to make you come with my mouth before I get inside you again.”
Lilah moans and her next finger curl is fast and hard. “God, I missed your dirty mouth.”
She withdraws her fingers, making room for more of mine while she circles her clit. Her movements grow less fluid and more aggressive as the edge of bliss closes in. Her elbow gives out and her back bows, her high-pitched moan the most delicious sound.
She’s barely over the crest of the orgasm as I adjust my position, stretching out on the bed, shouldering my way between her thighs. I brush her fingers away and latch on to her still-throbbing clit, sucking hard. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” she chants on a scream.
I lick and suck, fuck her with my tongue, lost in the taste of her, the feel of her against my mouth, and the sound of her need, memories becoming a new present.
The Good Luck Charm Page 11