Christmas Past

by Mary Burton

  She was aware of someone asking if she was okay, aware of the cops questioning Ayden. She answered questions from the local police. Painstakingly, she recounted her story and Richard, her flight and his attempt to kill her.

  She glanced toward Ayden as he spoke to the local cops. His head was bowed and his face grim as the other cops spoke to him. Then, as if he sensed her gaze on him, he looked up. His gaze softened and held hers. Seeing the hole in his shirt made by Denny’s bullet triggered a replay of the morning’s terrifying events. She tried to offer a quivering smile but in the end had to look away.

  Richard had reached out from the grave and smashed her life. She wondered how many other traps he’d set for her. How many other killers were out there waiting to finish what Richard couldn’t? What would Ayden do the next time something like this happened? Would he have to kill for her again?

  God, death had stalked her since she’d met Richard. She would never escape it.

  “I’d like to take you to the hospital.” The ambulance attendant’s voice cut through the haze in her brain.

  “What? No. No hospitals. I want to go home.”

  “You’re pretty banged up. The doctors need to check you over.”

  She shook her head. “I’m fine. I just want to go home. I want to see my daughter.”

  The guy had kind eyes. “You can’t drive.”

  “I have a ride.”

  She’d come with Ayden. He would have to drive her home. He was a good man. He’d take care of her. But was it fair to let him? Was it fair to care for him, knowing that Richard may have set other traps for her?

  The energy around her shifted, felt more tense, and she looked up. Ayden was standing before her. He had removed the vest but the bullet had left a gaping tear in the shirt underneath.

  He knelt in front of her. “How are you?”

  Nicole lifted her chin. “I’m good. I’m good.”

  “We can leave now.”

  Leave. It was magic to her. “I want to see Beth. I want to hold her.”

  Ayden kissed her on the forehead. “Let’s go.”

  The safety deposit box had a note in it. It was written in Richard’s handwriting and addressed to Christina. It read: Christina, I love you so very much. No one can love you like I do. We will be together forever. Your loving husband, Richard.

  Nicole’s hands trembled as she balled the note into a tight wad.

  Ayden laid his hand on her shoulder. “It’s not true. You are free of him.”

  She nodded. “God, I want to believe that.”

  “Believe it.”

  But as she glanced at the bloodstains on her shirt, she couldn’t summon his confidence.

  The two-hour drive home was tense and quiet and Ayden was aware that Nicole was still wound tight. She had every reason to be. To think her ex would have sent someone like Denny to kill her eighteen months after his death.

  Ayden had tried to discuss what had happened a couple of times but she’d not wanted to talk. She was withdrawing back into herself and it scared the hell out of him.

  The woman he’d made love to last night had been alive and vibrant. This woman was scared and sullen. And she was shrinking away from him.

  They pulled up in front of Lindsay’s house and Nicole was out the door before he could come around to her side of the car. She hurried to the front steps and rang the bell.

  Ayden caught up to her. “You don’t have to rush. Beth is okay. We’ve both spoken with Lindsay.”

  Nicole tapped a nervous hand on her thigh. “I know. But I’ve got to see her.”

  He’d learned long ago never to get between a mother and her child. The bond was too powerful and strong.

  Lindsay snapped open her door, took one look at Nicole, and immediately wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so sorry.”

  Nicole offered a wan smile. “I’m okay.”

  But her tense tone said otherwise and Lindsay picked up on it immediately. “Come in and see your baby.”

  Nicole moved into the house. “Thank you.”

  Lindsay and her husband, Zack, had renovated the whole place. The front room was decorated in a mismatched collection of furniture that Lindsay had collected at flea markets and antique stores. The pieces shouldn’t have worked together but they did. The casual relaxed style was very inviting.

  Zack came out of the kitchen. His tall body and broad shoulders filled the doorframe. Short black hair accentuated rawboned features. He had the lean body of an athlete. In his big arms Beth looked so small and helpless despite the wide grin on her face. She was gurgling and grabbing at Zack’s ear. But the instant the child saw Nicole she pouted and started to whimper.

  Nicole went to her immediately. “Oh, baby girl.”

  Zack looked confused. “I swear she was fine while you were gone. She and Jack were best buds.”

  Nicole buried her face in the little girl’s curls, inhaling the scent of baby soap and milk. Beth calmed immediately when Nicole kissed her on the forehead. “Hey, sweet girl.”

  “Why don’t you two come into the kitchen for a cup of coffee?” Lindsay offered.

  Ayden wanted that. He wanted to sit down with Nicole and get her around friends. He wanted to see her nerves calm and he wanted to see the light return to her eyes.

  “I’m taking Beth home. Thanks, Lindsay, but I just need some quiet.”

  Ayden glanced at Lindsay and Zack’s worried expressions. “Your car is still at the station.”

  “I brought it back,” Zack said. He went to retrieve the spare key Nicole always left with Lindsay.

  Nicole smiled. “Thank you.”

  “Nicole, don’t go home now. You need to be around friends,” Lindsay said.

  “Honestly, I will be fine.” A part of her worried that they were all in danger just by her very presence.

  “I’ll follow you home.” Ayden’s voice was hard, unwavering.

  “A good idea,” Lindsay said.

  “I’m fine,” Nicole said.

  Ayden was aware that Lindsay and Zack watched them closely. Lindsay’s gaze sharpened as she stared at the two and it seemed in seconds she’d guessed something more had happened in D.C. So be it. Hell, he wanted them and everyone else to know that Nicole was his.

  He loved her. He wanted her in his life forever.

  “I’m following you home,” Ayden said again.

  Nicole glanced at Ayden, realizing if she wanted to go home it would have to be his way. “Okay.”

  With Beth balanced in her arms, Nicole dug her keys out of her purse. The paramedics had washed the blood from her face and hands but the would-be killer’s blood still stained her shirt. He had no doubt her arms would be bruised.

  Just the thought of Denny sent anger shuttering through his body. He half wished the guy was still alive so that he could kill him again.

  Nicole loaded Beth in her car seat, kissed both Lindsay and Zack, and thanked them before slipping behind the wheel of her car. Ayden got into his car. He followed her home.

  Nicole lived on the second floor of a historic building in the city’s historic district. Called The Fan by locals, the area was home to young couples and artists. He didn’t like her living here. The crime stats were too high for his comfort. A woman alone and her baby … it just wasn’t safe.

  “Let me come up with you. I can stay until you get the baby settled,” he said.

  Sadness had drained the life from her. “That’s okay. Really. I’m fine.”

  He studied her. “You’re doing it again.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Shutting me out. Let me help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

  She shook her head as she glanced at Beth’s smiling face. “I know.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned toward her, lowering his voice. “Don’t shut me out.”

  “It might be better that way.”

  “Why the hell would you say that?”
>
  “I thought I was free of Richard, but I’m starting to believe that I will never be free of him. He’s managed to taint what we had. What if there is another Denny out there waiting? What if he hurts you or your sons?”

  “Don’t borrow trouble.”

  “I don’t want to. But I can’t ignore it.”

  He rattled the change in his pocket. Yesterday, they had been so close. He truly had felt that nothing would ever come between them again. And now here they stood, a sheet of glass between them. They might as well have been a thousand miles apart.

  “I want us to be together, Nicole. We can move past this.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. He saw genuine hurt and confusion and it nearly broke him. “You deserve someone who doesn’t have so much baggage.”

  “Hell, I’ve got enough of my own damn baggage. And whatever is eating you is affecting us both. It’s our problem.” He softened his voice. “Let me help you.”

  She stepped back into her apartment. “You can’t. I’ve got to do this.”

  Ayden wasn’t going to beg. Some problems had to be worked out alone. But it was killing him to see her pull away. She smiled sadly and softly closed her door.

  He pulled his hand from his pocket and fisted it. It was all falling apart and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

  Chapter Nine

  Thursday, December 25, 8:00 A.M.

  Nicole tossed and turned all night.

  Several times nightmares woke her up. You are mine forever. Richard’s words reached out from the past and there were moments she could almost imagine his hot breath on her face.

  At one A. M. she had sat up in bed soaked in sweat and fear. She was certain she heard footsteps several times. She ran to her front door and checked the locks. She also peeked in on the baby, who slept peacefully in her crib.

  She and Beth were safe.

  And yet the fear clung to her like a wraith.

  At dawn, she had swung her legs over the side of the bed and gave up on sleep. Checking Beth again, she padded into the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee. As the pot dripped and spit she glanced at her hands. They were clean now but the memory of the would-be killer’s blood was sharp and clear.

  She’d been so excited about this Christmas. This Christmas was to be her new beginning. Her fresh start. And Richard had found a way to ruin it all.

  Nicole pushed away from the counter and her untouched coffee and walked into her tiny living room. She stared at her tree, now a reminder of her own foolishness.

  Her cell phone rang and automatically Nicole started. She picked it up from the kitchen counter and checked the number. Lindsay.

  Nicole cleared her throat hoping her emotions wouldn’t reflect in her voice. She flipped open the phone. “Lindsay.”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  Nicole made herself smile. She would not let her mood poison Lindsay’s Christmas. “Merry Christmas to you.”

  “Is Beth up?”

  “Not yet. I think you wore her out.”

  “It wasn’t me; it was Jacob and Kendall.” Jacob was Zack’s partner and Kendall his wife. “Jacob tossed the kid around like a sack of potatoes—all of which she loved.”

  A faint smile tipped the edge of her lips. “I noticed Kendall painted Beth’s toenails again.”

  “Sinful Ruby Red. It’s Kendall’s new favorite color. She said every girl should be glamorous at Christmas.”

  Kendall was always dressed to the nines. Nicole glanced at her own plain short nails. “Kendall’s going to get my girl hooked on manicures and pedicures.”

  “She has a stunning outfit to give Beth at the party tonight. So cute.”

  The thought of the party did not excite her. “Beth is going to be spoiled rotten.” Despite her efforts to sound happy, sadness leaked into the words.

  Lindsay picked up on it immediately. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m good.” The lie tripped off her tongue as automatically as it had in the days she’d been married to Richard.

  “Bull. You sound like you didn’t sleep a wink.”

  Lindsay’s perceptive mind missed little. “I’m fine. Just trying to get my feet back on the ground since yesterday.”

  “Don’t let him do this to you. It’s what he would have wanted.” Her voice cracked.

  She straightened. “Lindsay, don’t let this get to you. It’s not your fault.”

  “The bastard managed to reach out from the grave and ruin your Christmas. I blame myself for giving you that stupid letter.”

  “This is not your fault. You had no way of knowing. Richard was a clever man.” Tears filled her eyes and she had to tip her head back to keep them from spilling.

  Lindsay sniffed and Nicole pictured her friend swiping away a tear. “Ayden filled Zack in on the details. Richard tried to kill you.”

  “But he didn’t.” She’d been unable to boost her own spirits, yet here she was trying to cheer Lindsay up.

  “When I think of all you’ve been through…”

  “And I’m still standing.” She couldn’t bear the sadness in Lindsay’s voice.

  “That’s right, you are still standing.” The steel was returning to Lindsay’s voice.

  “It’s all good.” She didn’t believe that but wanted Lindsay to.

  Lindsay changed tactics. “Something happened between you and Ayden.”

  Nicole didn’t speak, not trusting her own voice.

  “I was right!” There was no missing the triumph in her voice. “Are you going to see him again?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Nicole, I am not going to let you give up on David.”

  “Lindsay, let it go.”

  “You weren’t like this in college.”

  She didn’t want to ask but did. “Like what?”

  “Closed off. You were so open and expressive. Richard taught you to bury your pain and retreat. He taught you how to be afraid.”

  That made her angry. “I am not afraid for myself. But I am afraid for the people in my life. I can’t put them in more danger.”

  “We can all take care of ourselves.”

  “That’s what Claire said.”

  “Stop doing this!”

  Nicole could picture Lindsay’s green eyes blazing. “God, Lindsay, would you just let me deal with this on my own?”

  “Nicole, I can’t let anything go. Just ask my husband.”

  The hint of humor in Lindsay’s voice cut through some of her dark mood.

  “Ayden is a good guy. And I could tell by the way he looked at you last night that he is crazy about you.”

  Her heart constricted and this time the emotion erupted to the surface. The image of Ayden’s face when he dropped her off last night flashed in her mind. His features were stony and hard but she’d sensed the unbearable sadness in him. Guilt ate at her. “Lindsay, please stop.”

  “No, I will not, Nicole. You have a chance to reclaim your life fully. Not just career-wise and mother-wise but romantically with a great guy.”

  More images flashed. This time she saw Denny shoot Ayden in the chest. “David could have been killed.” A sob caught in her throat. It was hard to say the words out loud because it made her feel like such a coward. “I’m afraid to love him.”

  “Don’t be.” She softened her voice. “Love makes life so worth it all.”

  Nicole didn’t speak.

  “Stop hiding out in your apartment and rejoin life.” Her voice had grown gentle again. “If you don’t take a chance and try to love Ayden, Richard will have won.”

  That last statement infuriated Nicole.

  Beth started to fuss in her crib. “Beth is awake. I’ve got to go.”

  “Will I see you at the party tonight?”

  “I’ll think about what you said.”

  “Don’t think. Do.” Lindsay hung up.

  Beth’s wails grew louder and Nicole went to her. The baby was standing in her crib gripping the side rails. When Nicole’s gaze me
t hers, she cried louder and started to jump up and down.

  Smiling, Nicole picked up the child and held her close. “It’s okay.”

  Almost immediately Beth stopped crying and grinned. She grabbed a chunk of Nicole’s hair with her chubby hand.

  The weight of the baby’s diaper felt heavy in her hands. “Your diaper is about to explode.”

  The baby tossed her a sloppy grin that held no hint of apology.

  Nicole laughed and took the baby to the changing table. She laid her down and unsnapped her one-piece sleeper. As she pulled the little feet off, her gaze was drawn to the bright red nail polish that Kendall had put on Beth’s toes.

  The splash of color had her smiling. “Your aunt Kendall is going to turn you into a diva after all.”

  The baby kicked and laughed. Nicole removed the soggy diaper and cleaned the baby up. Within ten minutes the baby was dressed in a clean outfit and laying in Nicole’s arms. Nicole steadied a bottle in the baby’s mouth and the child greedily slurped.

  With Beth in her arms, the stresses and worries of last night faded. As long as she had Beth, she would always be at peace and she would know the love of her child.

  But what of the passion she’d shared with Ayden? He’d revived a part of herself that she’d thought dead. Lost forever. He was offering a full life to her. One filled with her child’s love as well as passion.

  Lindsay’s words replayed in her head. Don’t let Richard win.

  Ayden sat in his house in the family room, staring at the tree he and his boys had decorated. The job was a sloppy mess at best. The lights were uneven, none of them had bothered to put ornaments on the back of the tree, and the tinsel clung to branches in thick clumps. Julie would have been appalled.

  Ayden rose and walked to the collection of pictures on his mantel. Julie had seen to it that the boys had had their picture taken on Santa’s lap every year. Often he’d been working and been unable to help her with the boys but she’d steadfastly gone each year.

  Last year when he’d stood here and stared at the pictures he’d wished so hard for his old life back. He wanted what he’d had so much he could taste it.

  Now, as he looked at the pictures, he knew the past was dead and buried. No amount of wishing was going to bring it back. And for the first time, he didn’t want to look back but forward. His thoughts turned to Nicole.