Vamp-Hire

by Rice, Gerald Dean

  “What?” Phoebe was doing an over-the-top cartoonish voice too now. “I think it’s time for the peepee dance.”

  “The peepee dance?” Dolph asked with a comically cocked eyebrow.

  “The peepee dance.”

  What the hell is happening? Nick thought as the two of them began arrhythmically thrashing their limbs to tunelessly hummed music. Nick thought his eyeballs would have melted before seeing a guy as tough and old as Dolph do what he was currently doing. Randy joined them, a big smile on his face as he hopped from one foot to the other. He was proud of what he’d accomplished.

  “Why not?” Nick said and joined them.

  * * *

  Other than being a little damp, Nick’s mattress wasn’t much worse for wear. He and Dolph had managed to get it back down to the basement and Phoebe had given him sheets to put on it. He’d dressed it while Dolph had showered, Nick mistakenly assuming he’d have a minute or two to talk to her. The former Marine had showered fast. Nick had barely put down his pillow when he heard the water shut off.

  After getting cleaned up himself, the old man had caught him in the hall. “We’re going to leave around nine, so that’ll give us plenty time to have something good for breakfast. Take this.” He’d handed Nick some clothes on a hanger and now Nick looked at them. A sharply pressed pair of khaki pants and a blue shirt.

  Nick cleaned off his shoes in the sink in one of the rooms. As worn as they were, they’d have to do. He’d put up a couple sheets of plastic wrap and taped them down to cover the open hole in the wall where the egress window was going tomorrow and shut the door to that room. Some genius had noticed his loose window and fixed it. He wouldn’t be able to use that anymore.

  He wasn’t certain what tomorrow had in store, and would have to play it by ear. He had to find some means of earning a living, and if that meant getting a little too close to officialdom then he’d have to live with that.

  Dolph seemed like he might be an okay guy. Maybe he could tell him that this had been his house as a child. It might be a funny story they could laugh over. However, Dolph seemed the type to value honesty. Nick not being straightforward with him from the start meant he was already in a trust deficit. Nick had to figure a way out of this hole. Maybe he could take that plastic off the wall, climb out, and not look back. Dolph didn’t know anything about him except his first name and what he looked like. Nick could hide and wait for him to leave. No, that didn’t seem like it would work, either. Once you started running you had to keep running.

  Nick lay down on his semi soggy mattress. He was actually tired. Normally, by this time if he had laid down to sleep it was a fifty-fifty shot whether or not he would actually be able to. As his mind drifted, he wondered for a moment what tomorrow would bring.

  He has been following the small crowd for several blocks. These would-be partygoers have assumed he is another one of them, looking for an all-night party. He smells his prey and traces his tongue across the fangs behind his teeth. It is well after midnight and every single one of them is violating curfew.

  He walks faster, stepping on the shoes of the lambs directly in front of him, roughly shouldering the others out of his way.

  “Hey!” a lamb bleats. He doesn’t turn to acknowledge her and smiles when her boyfriend calls him a name. There is only one between him and his prey and he places a hand on a bare, muscular shoulder and shoves him to the ground. The lamb climbs off the ground, a few of the others coming to his side as he gets up.

  The prey stops and looks. They are all watching him. They curse him. Threaten him. One lamb steps forward and shoves him. He is in a crowd of about fifteen and he could easily kill them all. He turns to his prey, feeling the bones in his hand begin to shift.

  He keeps it in check long enough to make a fist and punch his prey. The lamb stumbles back, though the blow was nowhere near as hard as he could have hit. The lambs surge forward, hitting him, knocking him to the ground. The blows hurt like flashes of light at the other end of a long tunnel. He covers his head and allows them to go on, letting the change wash over him.

  Some begin to notice something is wrong and their blows become lighter. One of the lambs screams and jumps back. Several begin moving away until only one or two are standing within arm’s reach.

  “What the hell?” one says. He doesn’t give them another moment to think about what is happening. He reaches out, impossibly fast, knocking a lamb aside and seizing his prey. He fastens his fangs on its neck and shakes him like a rag doll, splashing the lambs closest to him in his prey’s blood.

  He drops the body and glares at the ones who are still here. He roars and the last of them run away. He will get them. He will get them all.

  Soon.

  Chapter 3

  Tuesday

  Breakfast was bland, this time not because of his malfunctioning taste buds. It was steel cut oats with toast and coffee. Nick suspected that had his taste buds been functioning properly, his pill would have tasted better. The kitchen didn’t even smell like anything good outside of coffee, which of course, Dolph had black. He seemed in a mood so Nick didn’t ask for cream and sugar for his own and choked his down. Phoebe and Randy were already gone. She had to be to work by nine, which meant having her son dropped off by a quarter after eight. Nick wasn’t supposed to know that and said nothing.

  They ate in silence while Dolph read the paper. Well, near silence anyway. Dolph would grunt sporadically at whatever article he was reading. Nick noticed he took a deep sip of his coffee before eating his oats, then his toast, then sipped from the cup. It looked almost ritualistic. He wondered if Dolph had OCD. Perhaps he felt off-put at not smashing the opposite side of Emilio’s face to make both sides match.

  Despite being exhausted last night, Nick hadn’t slept well. He’d dreamed, only remembering corners of it. Someone was chasing someone, but he couldn’t remember if he was the chaser or the chasee. He kept rubbing at his neck like it hurt.

  Dolph slapped his paper down. “It’s time to go.”

  Nick followed the bigger man outside, noticing he had his own keys to lock the door. Nick didn’t even have his own key. He could go as he pleased, even though he could only come when Phoebe was home and could open the door; a concession he’d made because of her son. Now he didn’t even have his window exit even though technically he would be able to walk out anytime through the egress window once that was installed.

  The sun was high up in the clear blue sky, but it felt painted on. It was much colder than yesterday and Nick zipped up his jacket. As they crossed the walk to the driveway, Dolph thumbed the key fob to unlock the Hummer’s doors. Their next door neighbor came out; a fortyish-looking man in a tan suit carrying a briefcase.

  The man spotted them and came halfway over. “Hi, neighbor. I’m Tom Palmer. We just moved in the day before yesterday.” Tom had a gap between his front teeth and blond hair that was graying at the sides. He looked slovenly in a short sleeve checkered shirt and pants that looked like they’d never seen an iron before.

  At least his shoes looked clean. Nick preferred to think something positive about people whenever he could.

  Dolph grunted a response and Nick said hello. The man offered a hand and Nick shook it, then Palmer reached toward Dolph. The old man slowly grabbed his hand, gave it one firm pump and released. Even though it was a little early in their relationship, Nick could sense he was angry.

  “So welcome to the neighborhood, huh?” he said as if they were the ones who’d just moved in. “Saw you were doing some work yesterday.”

  “Yeah,” Nick said. “Welcome, welcome. So where are you and the missus from?”

  “Toledo. The job transferred me and the missus up here for the Great Rebuild and all. How about you guys?”

  “We’re gay,” Dolph said. “And we’re late.” Nick felt his face flush and Dolph climbed into the Hummer. Nick couldn’t bear to look at Tim and hopped in the passenger seat, tossing his duffel bag in the back.

  “Why t
he hell did you say that?”

  “That’s the other thing I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Dolph said. “Shut up.” They peeled out of the driveway and accelerated to the corner. Dolph made a rolling stop and cut in front of a car.

  “Okay, at the risk of having my head chopped off I’m going to ask. What’s your problem?”

  “That man beats his wife. Maybe he didn’t have time to do it between his morning shave and his Cheerios, but he likes to slap her around on occasion.”

  “You saw him do that?” Nick turned his head in the direction of the rapidly receding house.

  “No. If I saw him do that, he’d be dead already. I didn’t need to see him do it to know he does it. You didn’t notice how wrinkled his suit was? The ring around his collar? His bruised knuckles?”

  Nick hadn’t. “So what?” he said. “Just because the guy’s a slob doesn’t make him a woman beater.”

  “I’m going to let you in on two secrets you wouldn’t know about as a bachelor. One—no self-respecting woman would allow her husband to leave for work looking unpresentable. Two—women are typically smaller and physically weaker. So when they get us back it’s sometimes in ways we don’t even realize. Did your good friend Tom look a little green around the gills?”

  Nick had noticed something was a little off about his complexion, he didn’t know that Tom didn’t look like that all the time, though.

  “So what are you saying? She’s poisoning him?”

  “Exactly. Maybe she’s called the police, maybe she hasn’t. Maybe she feels like she’s in a place where she can’t rely on anybody to help her out of a bad situation. The way I see it, it’s a wash, a race to the finish line to see who kills who first.”

  “So you’re saying he deserves to die and she does too? That’s a pretty awful thing to say, don’t you think, Dolph? I mean, if you’re right, he’s abusing his wife.”

  “And she’s poisoning him. Are you really going to make the distinction that it’s worse to be punched than poisoned?”

  That was certainly something to munch on. Nick thought about that a while.

  Pretty soon they were out of the city and a half hour later in territory he didn’t recognize. He hadn’t bothered asking where they were going and it could have just as easily been someplace where Dolph could drop him off and leave him like in unwanted dog.

  He wouldn’t do that, he thought. He gave me these clothes and everything. That reasoning felt weak. Hell, so far as he knew, Nick was on his way to getting a bullet to the back of his head.

  He felt hot and cold at the same time, like he had a fever. Nick had the sudden urge to fling the door open and jump out. He liked his chances better at fifty miles an hour than whatever was about to happen.

  “Something happened the other night,” Dolph said out of the blue. “A woman was killed.” Though Nick didn’t know where he was going with this, his monologue was better than the one currently going on in his own head. “So far, the only official statement was an animal attack. Not that too many people care; she was a squatter.”

  “So where do I come in?”

  Dolph flashed his eyes on Nick then back to the road. “There’s significant reason to believe the animal was of the two-legged variety.”

  “A kangaroo?”

  “Don’t be a smart-ass.” Dolph gave him a look that was the ugly big brother of the first one.

  “Okay, but you’re spoon-feeding me info, here. Tell me what’s going on and why you need me there. So far I feel like the family dog you’re about to leave by the roadside.”

  They stopped at a light. Dolph reached behind him to the back seat and grabbed a manila folder. He opened it and licked his middle finger, paging through the few documents.

  “What’s that?”

  “Your medical file. Ten years in a coma?”

  “Hey, that’s my personal information. You’re not supposed to have that.”

  “You’re right. I’m not.” Dolph continued looking through them. A car behind them honked several long times; he ignored it just the same as he ignored Nick’s protest. An engine revved and a second later a two-seater pulled to the side of them in the left turn lane, the top down despite the cool temperature.

  Dolph looked at the vehicle, rolling down his window. The man stopped shouting obscenities and quickly drove away. Dolph hadn’t moved and hadn’t said anything. He went back to the file and Nick tucked away any notion of snatching it away from him.

  Who was this guy?

  He closed the envelope and tossed it back on the rear seat. Nick was pretty sure he remembered his medical history from his last checkup yet he wanted that file badly for some reason. He resisted the urge to reach back to pick it up as Dolph chirped the tires to blaze through a yellow light.

  “So?” he dared to say after a few minutes.

  “So what?” Dolph said.

  “So my file? Did you like what you saw?”

  He’d meant it sarcastically, but Dolph answered, “Yeah.” Nick went on staring at him. “You have some elevated blood levels, normal for someone in your condition. You passed all your physical and mental tests and you were cleared for reassimilation first time out.”

  Nick shook his head, not sure what he was getting at.

  “You’re eager to get on with your life and you’ll endure cooperation to make it happen.”

  “Cooperation with what?”

  They turned into a gated driveway with a guard post and two armed guards dressed in black. Nick had seen men dressed much the same in the Pens.

  Dolph rolled down his window, grabbed an ID on the underside of his sun visor, and presented it to the guard who walked up. The man took it back into the booth, picked up a black phone and began speaking into it, looking at the ID the whole time. Nick looked at the other armed guard, a steely-eyed man with a face like a hawk. Now had no doubt that guard would shoot him dead within a few feet of Dolph’s truck if he ran.

  The first guard came back and handed back the ID. He gave instructions and Dolph nodded before rolling up his window. The security gate rolled back and they pulled in. Whatever was here, this complex was huge. Nick guessed it must have been a plant used by one of the Big Three.

  They drove toward a bank of cars in front of a large one-story building. Even though there were many spaces a lot closer Dolph parked far away.

  He cut the engine and turned to Nick. “It’s important you look like you belong here,” Dolph said. “I’m retired, but I do some consulting on occasion. I got a call late last night asking me to come in to take a look at the body I told you about. There’s reason to believe that two-legged animal was someone like you. Now, I will clue you in. The reason for you to take a lot of your medications is propaganda. It’s not to help you resume a more normal life. Well, not exactly. If you don’t stay up on your medications you could revert.”

  Nick opened his mouth to ask what that meant and Dolph held up a hand.

  “I don’t mean a bat-flying, cape-wearing Dracula fiend. But you could start craving human blood and manifesting certain… abilities.”

  “Like what?”

  Levitation? he thought.

  “Never you mind. Let’s go.”

  They climbed out of the Hummer and walked toward the building. Nick wondered why they were so far away. Maybe Dolph was one of those people who was paranoid about his ride being scratched if somebody parked too close to it.

  “The reason you’re here is as I said—a consultant. I see the way you handle yourself. You’re not a maniac, you can actually be around other human beings.”

  Nick understood what he was talking about. He’d seen others like him at the Pens who he hoped never made it out. Men and women who screamed constantly, who were violent, or who were completely mindless.

  Nick mentally shuddered.

  “When we get in there, I want you to follow my lead. Don’t speak unless you’re asked a direct question.”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  Th
ey made it to the front door and Dolph held it open for him.

  “You’ll understand better in a few minutes.”

  They walked into a small reception area, completely unadorned save for a small potted plant in a window. A woman smiled and nodded at them from behind a counter.

  “Good morning. Please state the nature of your business today.”

  Nick almost made the fatal mistake of speaking when Dolph’s elbow to his arm silenced him. He walked to the counter, a credit-card sized piece of plastic in his hand.

  “Colonel Adolph Stone to see Lieutenant Leonard.” He presented his identification.

  “Please hold it up to the scanner on your left.”

  Nick saw the small box she was referring to on the end of the counter in front of her, but Dolph fumbled around looking for it. The woman was patient, silent, not saying a word to help him find it. Nick sidled up to him, took the ID away, and held it in front of the scanner. A green light lit on top of the box and something above and behind them clicked and whirred. Nick didn’t look, afraid to find out what it was.

  “Thank you,” the woman said.

  She looked weird to Nick and then he realized it was because he couldn’t see her hands. They should have been placed on the counter or perhaps typing away at a keyboard. All he saw was the scanner and some papers that were closer to them than her.

  For a moment, he wondered if she was some kind of sophisticated animatronic puppet. Her voice barely held any human inflection and the way she sat there looking at them made it seem like there was nobody home.

  “If you would, sign the provided documents and claim your PT-0415, please.”

  “Sure,” Dolph said and took out a pen. He began signing the paperwork and after he finished, slid the whole pile over to her. The woman’s hands came into view and she laid two wristbands on the counter.

  Dolph snapped his on and held out the other for Nick’s wrist. Nick held up his arm and he snapped it on. There was an electronic beep to Nick’s right and a green light came on above a door. It slid back and Dolph walked toward it, leaving Nick to trail behind again.