Atonement (Heart of Stone)

by Sidebottom, D H

  “Baby.”

  I turned to her soft voice in my ear and took her bottom lip between my teeth. Fuck, I was horny, coke always made me horny and I couldn’t wait to get her home and bang the fuck out of her.

  “You book into a hotel tonight.”

  My eyes snapped open as I reared back to see if she was serious or fucking with my head as well as my mood.

  “You don’t go anywhere near my children while you’re high.” Her tone sanctioned no arguments and I scoffed at her attempt at discipline.

  “Your children?” I hissed at her. They were her children now.

  She leaned in closer to my ear and I could feel the anger radiating off her with a tangible chill pouring from her tight little body. “You’re not exactly acting like a decent fucking father right now, Mason. I do not want Katie and George to see their daddy acting like a fucking adolescent teenage fuckup. Don’t fight me on this cos’ after eight years with you I have learnt how to pack a suitcase in three minutes flat.”

  Okay, now I was just getting fucking pissed at her. What the fuck was happening here?

  She picked up the bottle of Corona and I grabbed her wrist before she had chance to retreat. “What the fuck, Ava. Don’t you dare fucking challenge me. No way, baby.”

  She rolled her head with a smirk, “And don’t call my bluff, baby, cos’ you’ll find I play well and I play to win where my babies are concerned. Find a hotel; work it off and come back home when you decide you don’t wanna shove any more of that fucking filth up your damaged fucking nose. Don’t you fucking challenge me, Mason. You won’t like the outcome.”

  With that she pulled back harshly, burnt my retinas with a fierce look and propelled herself down the corridor and back to room 7.

  She had never - never spoke to me like that. “Fuck!”

  My glass shot across the bar and smashed against the full length mirror donning the wall behind the optics, distorting my reflection as the final drop of whisky slid down my duplicated face.

  I could feel Owen’s frustration but he remained tight lipped as William approached me flanked by two huge guys. “Mason, go home and cool off. I don’t wanna do this but if you’re gonna act like this every time Ava’s at work then I’m gonna have to refuse you entry when she’s on duty.”

  What the hell was wrong with everyone? “You know what William? Fuck you, fuck you all. I don’t need this damn shit.”

  I jumped off my stool and made my way out, whistling for a taxi when I hit the pavement.

  She wanted me to book into a hotel? Well, fuck her; I would take her at her word.

  And I did as I booked in for three nights.

  Let her fucking stew.

  It was just a few lines, nothing I couldn’t handle and get out of when I wanted, but she was acting like I was back on the smack. I just needed the high to take my mind off all the shit that was happening. I needed it to block out the fact that everything was coming to a head.

  Everything I had managed to keep hidden for eight years.

  Everything that could blow my marriage apart and take the only thing that had ever meant anything to me - my family, my fucking amazing and beautiful family.

  It was all so fucked up.

  A fucking heap of shit that wouldn’t bury itself and let me breathe.

  It was getting too close to home now. The images from the photos that were sent to me by some anonymous fucking prick had been straw that broke the camels back in my stretch of being a virtuous drug free, good boy.

  Whoever he was, he knew how I would react to this latest development and I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was the same person who had killed Yvonne and this meant this prick was fucking serious at what he pursued.

  My marriage.

  The words on the letter still burnt my mind as well as my heart.

  Leave her or she’ll find out all about your filthy little ‘sport’

  Chapter 8

  ava

  Slamming the bottle in front of him on the table I gave him my best glare and leaned towards him.

  His mates were currently fucking a couple of girls on the long Chesterfield sofa decorating the back wall whilst Puss and Brandi shared a pole, topless and making out as Kade sat alone in the corner of the room, observing both sets of entertainment.

  His eyes swung to me as I reached in, “Do you have a death wish? Mason’s here.”

  He smirked but slid his forefinger down the length of my arm, triggering a shiver as well as fear and I shot a glimpse at the door to make sure Mason hadn’t followed me.

  “Don’t, Kade.” I warned.

  He rolled his lips, his eyes locking me down with their potent lust. “Just…miss you, Ava.”

  I sighed again. This man was ruthless in his persistent pursuit on me. It had been just past seven years now and I thought, no hoped, he had moved on. If Mason knew how Kade still kept in touch with me; his never ending texts, phone calls and e-mails, shit would hit the fan quicker than it slid off a shovel.

  “There was never anything between us to miss, Kade.”

  He scoffed but I noticed the hurt cover his features, “Maybe not for you, sweetheart.”

  I settled my arse on the edge of the table and took his hand in mine, hoping my comfort wasn’t misconstrued. “Kade, you need to understand, after seven years containing just a couple of fucks, there was nothing more ever from me. I told you this at the time. You need to find someone who will love you as much as you reciprocate that love. You deserve that.”

  His teeth sank into his bottom lip but he nodded slightly. “I know, I know this Ava, but…” he shrugged again, unable to say the words that would cause him pain.

  “Listen, we’re all going up to Greg’s cabin this weekend to celebrate Mason’s fortieth. I am probably gonna regret this with my marriage already a little strained, but why don’t you join us, that’s if you don’t mind kipping on the floor. There are a few friends, female friends, of Marcy’s and Courtney’s going and…well, you never know.”

  He frowned but stared at me before he smiled, “Okay, you sure it won’t cause problems?”

  I snorted and huffed, “Kade, believe me, you won’t hurt my marriage any more than it’s hurting right now.”

  He frowned with concern, “Everything okay?”

  I shrugged but gave him a confident smile, “I’m sure it will be.”

  I lifted my backside and stepped away but his fingers closed around my wrist and I turned back to him. “I…just thanks really. I’m glad we can be friends.”

  “Me too” I answered honestly.

  I just hoped I hadn’t completely severed the last remaining thread holding my marriage together, but I cared about Kade, I always had done and I hated to be the cause of his heartache.

  He needed to move on now. Seven years was too long to hold onto a hope of something that would never be, never mind something that never was.

  I plonked my weary arse on a stool at the bar and groaned into my palms. What a shit bloody day. “Okay, honey?” Owen asked and I lifted my face with a fake smile and nodded.

  “You get off. It’s died down now; just a few stragglers left and I can handle ‘em.”

  “You sure?” I asked with a yawn.

  He laughed and nodded, “Go on.”

  I leant across the bar and kissed his cheek before I made my way to the dressing rooms to collect my belongings.

  “I tell you, he was sat at the fucking bar. He looked at me but I he was so high I don’t think it registered who I was.”

  I settled beside the open door without making my presence known. I knew they were talking about Mason and I hoped their conversation would get a little more elaborate and clue me in to what the hell was going on.

  “Ginny, there isn’t anything he can do anyway. He doesn’t rule where we work.”

  “I suppose, but, well, it was a little embarrassing.”

  “Why?”

  “I dunno, cos’ it was Mason Fox and we work here now and not at Allure.”r />
  The other girl laughed but I spun round when I saw Puss walking down the corridor towards me, “Everything okay, Ava?”

  “Sure, just resting my feet, first day aches and pains” I told her hoping she bought it as I followed her into the room.

  “Yeah, it can get you like that. Hey, girls, how’s it going?” she asked Ginny and co with a wide smile as she flopped into the large comfy chair in the corner what Layla always claimed when she was in here. It was accepted by all the girls here that it was Layla’s chair but she didn’t mind the others using it when she wasn’t in.

  They both beamed and nodded together like a pair of twins psyched into each other. “Good.”

  Puss nodded as she pulled a bottle of water from the small fridge beside the chair and looked at everyone in query as to whether we wanted one.

  We each nodded and caught Puss’s offering as she narrowed her eyes on Ginny’s friend, “Marlene, right?”

  Marlene nodded as she downed her water in one visit. “How come you left Allure for us? I heard it was an okay place to work?”

  Oh, Puss, I loved you right at this minute.

  Marlene shrugged and nodded, “Yeah, the rates were good and the management were honest and reasonable but…” she glanced at Ginny to see how much she should disclose.

  “There’s been some…security issues and…”

  Puss nodded as if she understood. I didn’t.

  Nobody said anything further so I took the plunge, “Security issues?” I asked nonchalantly as I removed a boot and rubbed at the sole of my foot.

  Both girls exchanged looks and shrugged, “Yeah, there’s been some…beatings and stuff and well we didn’t feel…safe anymore.”

  I nodded, “Who runs the place?”

  Both instantly shut down, completely removed themselves from the conversation as they shrugged, scooped up their things and left.

  I stared at Puss as she returned my confused look, “Did I say something wrong?”

  “Fucked if I know, babe.”

  She threw her bottle in the plastic recycle bin as she collected her own belongings. “See you tomorrow, Ava.”

  I nodded as I flopped back in the chair to deliberate on the girl’s conversation.

  Why the hell had Ginny been concerned at Mason’s presence tonight? And why would he have a problem with them working here anyway? None of it made sense and if I knew I could get away with it, I’d bug the room and tape their god damn cagey conversations.

  “Go home, Ava. You have the bed to yourself tonight; starfish, girl” I said to myself.

  The thought of the whole bed to stretch out in should have been appealing but my heart constricted and I bit back the tears. I knew I wouldn’t sleep tonight, I never did without Mason’s steady and calming breathing beside me, his small twitches and his slight moans comforted me always and for the first time in six years, I would be sleeping alone.

  I loved my glorious bastard with everything I was but could I go through another withdrawal with him? Was I strong enough? And I didn’t mean physically.

  No, this would be what finally broke us. I couldn’t do it again; the mood swings, the paranoia, the aggression, the women! No, no way.

  I swiped away the tear that absconded without permission as I climbed in my car and made my way home, to my empty cold bed.

  ***

  I heard the front door open and Katie grinned. “Daddy?” she shouted with a content happiness covering her face now that she could see her dad before school.

  “Hey, sweetie” Mason smiled softly at her, bending into her for a kiss whilst ruffling George’s hair, before he flicked me a guilty smile. “Hey.”

  I returned his smile as I stood from the table and placed the empty breakfast plates into the dishwasher, “Hey.”

  “Daddy, you’re poop. You shouldn’t let mummy sleep alone, she’s been up all night baking. You need to tell them misters at your work that they shouldn’t keep you out all night.” George scolded and Mason nodded firmly.

  “I will, Georgie, it won’t happen again.”

  Another hesitant glance was shot my way but I ignored it and turned to the twins, “Teeth, socks and shoes. Nearly time to go, peanuts.”

  Mason walked over to the kettle and flicked it on as he scooped up a sultana and apple Danish, taking a huge bite from it. His appetite was always humungous after a session on the coke and I was glad I’d had the foresight to bake breakfast goods, otherwise his waistline would take a hit from all the sugary cakes he could have demolished in his mission to bate his hunger. Even though Mason’s fitness regime was tighter than a heavy weight boxers, his morning runs and time in our private gym were taken with military precision for him. But I suppose in his line of work, he needed to look hard and capable of looking after himself if the need arose.

  “So I see” he murmured with a troubled expression as he studied the many racks of cooling pastries and scones.

  I caught his eyes and warned him to keep quiet whilst the kids were in the room. “Teeth and shoes” Mason reminded them when he understood my hooded look.

  “Yes, daddy” they both drilled out like good little soldiers before they chased each other up the stairs. “I’m using mummy’s sink” George shouted to his slightly faster sister as she rounded the landing.

  “You can have mummy’s, I want daddy’s anyway” She sneered a little too nastily.

  “Did you sleep at all?” Mason asked quietly and I jolted slightly as he slid his hand gently down my arm and took my hand, encompassing it in his large one after he had flicked a delicate kiss over my knuckles.

  “A little” I replied as I studied our joined hands.

  “I’m an arse, baby, I…”

  I snatched my hand back and glared at him, “Words are no good Mason if they hold no conviction. I won’t do this again, I can’t do this again. I won’t survive it a second time.”

  He nodded, his guilt mixing with sadness on his face as his hand now settled on my cheek and I instantly nestled in the familiar essence of him. “You know how important you are to me, Ava. You’re everything baby; you’re my life, my fuckin’ breath, my own personal life support machine. Without you there’s no beat in my heart and no point to…anything.”

  “Then prove it, Mason, prove to me how much I mean to you. You know without words how much I love you, how I would die for you, baby, but put my babies at risk and I will kill you.”

  He jerked at my words but nodded, “I know, and you know I would never do anything to hurt you all. I know how much you’re in pain right now, Ava and I’m gonna make it all better, baby. I’m gonna scour the earth for what our marriage needs to make it whole again. I promise.”

  His words triggered the tears that had been threatening to materialise since last night.

  He pulled me in tight and wrapped my hair around his fingers in his possessive hold; his heart was beating rapidly against the thin material of my shirt as he whispered words of love and commitment in my ear.

  “We need to talk about something.” I tipped my head back and peered up at him. He kissed the tip of my nose and nodded as I took a deep breath.

  “I asked…”

  “Katie smacked me….” George bellowed as he came sobbing through the hallway into the kitchen.

  Damn, just when it was good time to tell him!

  I needed to tell him quickly and whilst he was feeling so indulgent, so I blurted it out the same time as George scuttled himself into my legs and Katie came stomping in to shout her disapproval at George splashing her with dirty toothpaste water.

  “I asked Kade to come this weekend.”

  The children quietened immediately when they felt the chill envelope us and the air tighten to a near struggle to breathe in.

  Ice seemed to cover everything in the room from the kettle to the fridge, from the window to my babies. From Mason to me.

  Mason blew out a breath slowly then inhaled purposefully as Katie and George stared at their daddy desperately trying to rein
in his temper in front of them.

  “Go get your bags and climb in the car” I told them with no room for argument.

  They didn’t even moan or acknowledge my demand as they thankfully had an excuse to remove their precious bodies from the house.

  “Mason” I warned as I palmed his cheek and turned his face to me, “We need to sort all this with Kade. We’re just friends and I hate to see him hurting after what I did to him. It still pains me and I need to fix it.”

  He screwed his face up and a deep growl rumbled through his chest. “What you did to him, Ava? What you did? Fuck, baby, was he not there when you two fucked like rabbits?” he hissed out and I felt his anger like a physical slap.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean that, Ava.”

  I nodded, I understood, it must hurt him every time my affair was revisited but I needed to be firm on this. It had gone on long enough. They used to be family as well as friends and I ached at how far apart I had blown their friendship.

  “You need to understand, Mason. I need to do this. Parts of my life…hurt; they ache inside me, Mason. It’s like something that I can’t control and I need control after… everything I’ve been through. I need this.”

  He exhaled loudly then he did something I would never have expected from him. He nodded. He nodded in agreement. He fucking nodded.

  “Okay… thank you.”

  He leant into me so his nose was touching mine as his hands settled on my bum and pulled me close to him. “Just… don’t let me down, Ava, because it happens again and…”

  This time in was turn to nod. “I know, baby. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  His eyes pierced mine as he placed a soft chaste kiss on my lips, “I do Ava, more than you realise.”

  Chapter 9

  mason

  I turned and smirked at Ava as we passed the Gretna Green Service station on the M1 as we made our way up to the cottage. The erotic images of Ava’s hot little mouth around my cock in that car park had my dick roaring to life, the hard length pressing into the zip on my jeans with my lack of underwear.