Atonement (Heart of Stone)

by Sidebottom, D H

  I reached forward, sliding my hands down her damn fine body. “For me” I whispered as I pinched her stiff nipples, rolling them between my thumb and finger in a pleasant torture before releasing them and cupping the whole of her breast, massaging gently as she moaned softly.

  Her eyes opened as she tilted her head back further to look at me, “Okay.”

  I beamed at her. Her friendship with Courtney was important to her and I hated seeing them both ache with the distance between them. “Good girl. Kiss me.”

  She winked as she lifted up and caught my lips with hers, “I love you” she mouthed ahead of thrilling my whole system with the moulding of her lips on mine.

  Fuck me, she was one glorious warrior. My little warrior.

  Chapter 32

  Ava

  I paused with my knuckles resting against the hard wood of the door as my stomach somersaulted and my throat quivered.

  Before I yielded and ran, I rapped twice and took a step back.

  The door opened and Kade’s surprise registered openly on his face before he softened, smiled and moved aside to let me in.

  “Wow, two Fox’s in a week, I am honoured.” His voice held no mockery but I could hear the harsh sarcasm in it along with the shock.

  I walked into the vast room, surveying the place with a shocked admiration and a pleased respect. “It’s stunning” I breathed as I took in the soft chic furnishings and the sense of peace in the uncluttered space.

  He was silent and I turned to him, his face clouded but his eyes bright, “Yes, yes it is.”

  My throat closed when I realised he wasn’t talking about the room and I chewed furiously in nervousness on my finger.

  We gazed at each other for a while, both apologising silently for our behaviour the previous week, each of us asking what couldn’t be asked as we feasted on one another.

  I grimaced as the old feelings surfaced and my heart clenched in guilt, my emotions feeling as betraying as my actions eight years ago.

  “How are you?” he eventually asked, his tone as soft as his expression.

  “I’m good” I nodded and smiled, “You?”

  His eyes flicked before he blinked and smiled gently, “I…” he shrugged and I pulled in a breath.

  “I need your help, Kade.”

  His jaw dropped slightly as he frowned at me, “How?”

  I looked around the room and pointed a hand at the sofa, asking him to sit before I pulled him into the mess of my life.

  We both sat, Kade at one end of the sofa as I reluctantly perched beside him, my treacherous body angering me when it heated and moistened.

  I handed him a file which he frowned at before he cocked his head questioningly at me. “It’s a list of Mason’s employees, from both Allure and personal. I need you to find a connection.”

  His brows pinched harshly, “Allure?”

  I gulped, knowing how this was going to sound as Kade’s relentless protection and safeguard over me for many years would see his anger flare. “It’s a brothel what Mason owns.”

  His eyes widened as he stared at me open mouthed, “What the…”

  I rolled my lips and looked into my lap, my confidence that brought me here shattered in his presence, leaving me feeling vulnerable and small and I hated it. “I need you to do this for me Kade and I… I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need to…”

  My belly pulsed as his eyes darkened, his dominance and discipline dragging the blood from my brain and into my core.

  His teeth sank into his bottom lip, his anger bubbling forcefully as the news of Mason’s new sedition covered my face with hurt. “Why do you let him do this Ava, why?”

  My anger surfaced, Kade’s never-ending gibes and pushes tearing me in half, as I stood “I shouldn’t have come here.”

  I picked up my bag and walked towards the door but his next words halted me, “Did he tell you?” he asked calmly from his place on the couch.

  I stopped instantly; my footing shook slightly as I stared at the apartment door, my escape within reach but my inquisitiveness wondering where he would go, my sick mind wanting his attention as my pussy twitched in taunting glee, “Yes.”

  I jerked when I felt his breath on the back of neck. My whole body trembled in delight as I chastised it and shut it down immediately. I would not got there again, would not give in to the connection we still held, the passion we both still fought fiercely.

  “Did he tell you how hot I was for him, Ava? Tell you how hard he was for me, for my cock, just like you always were.”

  I spun round, my palm connecting harshly with his cheek as I forced his head sharply to snap sideways, “Why Kade? Why do you do this? God damn, don’t you think it’s hard enough, why do you always make it fucking harder? Why won’t you let us be?”

  I stormed towards the door but his arms wrapped around my waist before he lifted and twisted me back round, holding me to his chest in near hopelessness as his heavy inhalations hammered his chest rapidly beneath me. I struggled desperately against him as his strong arms enveloped me and held me firmly, the frantic beat of his heart heavy at my ear as a choked sob caught in my throat and my fists battered against him. “Stop it! Stop... Please…”

  “Ssshhh, Sweetheart, Ssshhh.”

  “No please, please don’t, I… I…”

  His arms gripped me harder, his firm body holding me tight as I fought against old and new emotions. The heat of his body heightening my desire as the familiar but prohibited sensations ached my heart, “Please…” I whispered as I gave in and slumped against him, my arms drawing around his back as I held onto him, pulling him further into me harshly. My hands fisted the material of his shirt as I breathed in his unique scent, my body feasting on the forbidden fruit as my heart clashed with the wrong and the right.

  “I was strong Kade; I was so strong but…”

  “Ava” he breathed as he nuzzled my hair, one hand sifting through the strands as the other spanned the dip of my lower back.

  A fierce heat raged through my veins as the darkness whispered in my ear to concede, to give in and take, take everything on offer and take it hard.

  We remained clinging to each other for a long moment, both of us taking what had been banned for so long. “I want you both, Ava. I need you both; your touch, Mason’s heat, the feel of silk as I slide inside you, the grip of your pussy as I stretch you. His screams in my ear as I fuck him slow and hard. The soft moans that you make as we love you, the look of rapture on your face as both Mason and I fuck you into oblivion.”

  I nodded but blew out a breath I had been holding, “It’s going to destroy us all.”

  He closed his eyes as if in pain before he opened them and pierced me with a determined longing. “Maybe I want to be destroyed, Ava. Maybe I’ve had enough of being broken, shattered and damaged. Maybe I want to finally obliterate the half of me that’s left behind and risk the consequences to feel whole, even if just for an hour. Just one God damn hour of ecstasy with you both.”

  I swallowed as I took a final pull of his deliciousness, his masculine aroma, his unique soul pacifying love and his potent adoration. “Can we do this and be unemotional? Be together without being together?” I asked with a hard tone, reminding him what would happen if all three of us came together as one.

  “No” he said bluntly, “But do you want to be detached, Ava?”

  “We have to be, Kade, for Mason’s sake as much as ours. It can’t be done without emotion, without sentimentality. I love Mason, Kade, so God damn much that it hurts; it kills me to hurt him and I won’t ever do that to him again.”

  He smiled slyly, his lips twisting on one side as he leaned into me, his lips brushing mine and bringing a tiny moan from me, “Ask him Ava, ask him what he wants.”

  “I have” I rasped as I closed my eyes and pushed my head away, denying the urge to just kiss the man that had taunted my dreams, my life for so long.

  “And what, what did he want?” he breathed as his lips wisped over the hypersens
itive area below my ear.

  “You” I answered and smiled in victory at Kade’s growl, “He wants you. He wants to fuck you into hell and back. He wants you to screw me brutally whilst his cock sinks so deep inside you it feels like he owns every inch of you.”

  I placed a chaste kiss on his neck and pulled away, dipping under his arm as I left him stood palming the wall. I paused as I gripped the handle and turned back to him, “The thing I asked for?”

  He rotated his head slowly to look at me. I smiled when I caught the bright twinkle in his bright blue eyes, the fun and amusement that had attracted me to him in the first place flashing back at me. “I’ll be in touch, sweetheart.”

  “As I’m sure Mason will be.” I winked as I exited and closed the door softly behind me.

  I grasped at the wall for support, fighting to pull myself together as I waited for the elevator. Why wouldn’t my desire, my yearning for Kade ever fade? Would I forever be tortured with the need for him, would it ever get easier to resist him? I didn’t know what the pull was between us but it was always there, always paining and persecuting both of us.

  I wouldn’t admit it openly but Mason was right, I did still love Kade. I had always loved him, nowhere near what I felt for Mason. Mason was my life, my soul and my entirety but Kade - Kade was the forbidden, the illicit pleasure, and the outlawed gratification that hounded me. He made me feral with want and greedy with self-satisfaction, my selfish body demanding its fulfilment and indulgence.

  I shook my head and jiggled my body, releasing the pent up energy as I prepared myself to make the second visitation of the day that I needed to make. This one being much harder, knowing what I had to say to Courtney would either push the breach wider or hopefully see the crack heal. I loved the bones of my friend and my ache at her loss made my heart falter. I needed her as much as I needed Mason. She was my rock, my bounce board and my spirit’s sister and I was prepared to be honest enough to restore the bond between us.

  I just hoped she would feel the same.

  ***

  I pushed open the door to her nail parlour. The scent and fumes of masses of nail polish and other shit used to manicure hit me and I blinked as I looked around the room for Courtney.

  She was stood behind a counter, her head buried in what looked like a large diary as another girl smiled at me, “Hey, Ava.”

  I returned her bright smile as I noticed Courtney’s head pop up. Her eyes fixed on me and I could see her anger as well as her slight regret but she pulled in a breath as I approached. “Hi” I said quietly as I noticed her stiffen when I drew close.

  To be honest, it ached my heart but also bubbled my gut with anger. I hadn’t done anything wrong, it wasn’t me who had gone with her ex, someone she knew still mattered a lot to me.

  “Can we talk?” I asked softly, not wanting to alert her clients and her staff to our problems.

  “No” she answered bluntly as she dropped her face back to the book in front of her and exaggeratedly scanned the page.

  “Please, Courtney.”

  She continued to ignore me and I leaned onto the counter, “Fine, I need my nails doing then.”

  Her brow lifted as she slowly raised her head to stare at me, “You – you want a manicure?”

  I nodded as I begged wordlessly for her to give in; I knew the look on her face was surprise. I was the last person who ever had their nails done, hell; I didn’t even have nails, just stumps of chewed cuticles and dead skin. “Yeah, I think it’s about time I looked after them now. Mason thinks they’re mank so…”

  She huffed loudly before pointing to a table and I scurried over before she changed her mind.

  She plonked heavily into the chair opposite me as she nodded her head, gesturing for me to prop my hands on the small velvet cloth she placed in front of me. “How are you?” I asked as I bit the bullet and dove straight in, needing as much time as possible to win her round.

  She shrugged as she wiped some weird stuff over my finger ends but didn’t answer. I nodded as though she had replied and ventured on, “The twins miss you.”

  Her eyes flicked up to mine as a small smile curled her lips, “I miss them too.”

  She continued with the hopeless task of fixing my stumps as I persevered, “I miss you.”

  She scoffed and I sighed, “Look Courtney, I’m sorry okay, you just shocked me, that’s all.”

  Her eyes shot to mine as she proper glared, her temper finally rising at me and I knew it was coming, but it was needed, essential for us to move forward. “You hurt me, Ava. For over ten years I have been there for you, dragged you up time and time again; supported you through each of your crazy notions and stupid ideas. Hell, your relationship with Mason provided more drama than a west end musical, but I was there, right beside you to pull you through.”

  I nodded as tears pooled in both our eyes, and fuck, she was right, she had always been there and where had I been when she needed me… nowhere near.

  “I know….”

  “I fucking needed you, Ava. I needed my best mate when my lover told me I was just a fuck and that he still loved my best friend.”

  My eyes widened with her revelation and I closed my eyes in guilt as I pictured Kade and mine’s tryst this morning. “Oh Jesus, Courtney, I…”

  She shook her head and sighed heavily, “Don’t, it’s not that much of a huge sorrow.”

  “What? But I thought you said you loved him.” I swallowed in confusion as I lifted my hand to rub over my face. Courtney caught my palm before I managed to smear the gooey tonic crap currently moisturising my nails all over me.

  She rolled her lips and sat back into her chair as she fixed her sad eyes on mine, “I… Oh, I dunno Ava. It’s all a mess, but it’s true what they say, you don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone. I miss Greg, God I love him, Ava, so fucking much and I… What the fuck have I done?”

  I scrambled off the chair and swiftly moved round to her when her face crumbled and her tears fell rapidly, washing her thick mascara over her cheeks and smudging the smoothness of her foundation. “Hey, talk to him.”

  She shook her head, “I can’t Ava, he hates me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you, he’s a mess too. He’s permanently pissed, always itching for a fight; he loves you Courtney; you know he does.”

  “I know he loves me Ava, but what I’ve done is…”

  “A mistake. A mistake repairable if you both want it enough.”

  She sighed and gestured for me to sit back down so she could start gluing twelve inch false nails over my real ones. I stared at the length of the bright pink monsters and cringed. I would never be able to eat again, or write, or fasten buttons or hell, even wipe my bits and pieces. “Holy hell Courtney, how long?” I scoffed in amazement as I continued to watch my fingers turn into claws.

  “Sexy as fuck Ava, Mason will love them, I promise.”

  “Uhh Courtney,” I leaned towards her with my eyebrows in my hairline as she leaned into me so she could hear my whisper. “You know what Mason’s fetish is, don’t you.”

  She nodded then her eyes widened before a wicked smile lifted her lips quite cruelly and I couldn’t hold back the laughter. “Ouch” she mouthed as she winked.

  We both started laughing until we were rolling with tears, “Do you not like my husband?” I choked out as I pictured Mason’s face when I next slid my finger in his backside.

  “Well there’s one thing,” she chuckled. “You won’t miss his prostate with those beasts.”

  “No, I’ll probably stroke his tonsils as well.”

  We were laughing so hard we missed the approach of the six inch tart heels that housed a fuck whore.

  “Well, well, care to share the fun?” A high pitched drone broke the happy atmosphere.

  Courtney groaned as I looked up at Rebecca and smiled sweetly, “We were just discussing your arse, Rebecca.”

  Her evil smile faltered slightly as her teeth sank lightly into her bottom lip but she pulled
it back together just as quick. “Funny Ava, at least my arse is good enough to be discussed.”

  “Good enough to be dis-gusted you mean.”

  Her eyes hardened on me and I could feel the ice of her soul freezing her heart from where I sat. “You think you’re so clever don’t you Ava, Little Miss Mafia Queen. Well, let me tell you something… you are just a fill in, just a fad until he realises what he’s missing in me.”

  Courtney looked at me with an amused expression as I tried to control the laughter, “A fill in? A fad? For eight years, Rebecca? That’s one fuck of a fad.”

  Her lips twisted with cruelty as she leaned closer, “Are you sure it has been eight years, Ava?”

  Okay, now I’d had enough. She was pissing me off big style and my anger surged with her insinuation.

  I shot upright and pointed in her face. I had completely forgotten about the new spur attached to the end of my finger, gaining me another two inch of coverage as I thrust the nylon sliver of a weapon into her cold eyeball. A shrill squeal left her throat as she lifted the heel of her hand to her eye as Courtney spat out a gust of laughter, “Oops, watch the new nails, Ava.”

  I swallowed back my own laughter as I gripped the bitch by the hair and yanked her ear to my mouth, “You know one day Rebecca, you’re gonna have one hell of an accident and it’s gonna be mortifying when your shattered legs won’t open wide enough for the next dick to get between them.”

  I dragged her through the shop, Courtney’s clients and staff gawping at us as Rebecca’s heels squeaked across the polished floor behind us.

  Courtney ran in front of me and opened the shop door before I threw Rebecca out. She stumbled onto the pavement as people bumped into each other so they didn’t trample her. Shame.

  “Oh and by the way, that wasn’t a threat, it was a promise,” I hissed at her as she screwed her palm further into her bleeding eyeball. “And I’d get that checked if I were you, looks nasty.”