She makes me want to right some of my wrongs, starting with people I should have at least checked up on, like my grandma. She may have been hard to live with, and not exactly nurturing, but she took me in when my parents gave me up, and I know it was a lot to take on. I wasn’t exactly a good student, or a kid that had any kind of moral compass. It’s not like I had good role models.
Now that I’m older, and I’ve been through this major catastrophe, I want to be in a good place with the woman, to at least tell her I’m sorry for the way I never kept in touch.
Miley moans something in her sleep, catching my attention. I watch her breasts rise and fall with each breath she takes. Fully exposed, her soft, mounds, topped by highly sensitive tan nipples, beg for more attention. A smile of sorts remains on her face. I'm not sure if it was stuck there from earlier, or if she’s dreaming we’re still having round two. Her silky brown hair frames her creamy complexion, draping just slightly around the pillow.
I take her in while dragging the back of one hand across her abdomen. All of the times I pegged her for being shy, and I couldn’t have been more wrong. Miley was trusting. She stayed open-minded, and did everything in her power to make sure I was taken care of. What happened on the beach was mutual. We were in sync, which is probably why it happened again as soon as we arrived back at the house.
I want to savor this sight longer, so I draw my hand away to keep from waking her. As the breeze blows freely again, I inhale the sweet scent of her conditioner. Her warmth draws me in, until my fingers are able to coast gently over her lips.
Miley nestles her body closer to mine and flops an arm across my chest. I run lines with my fingertips over the skin and close my eyes. I’m more relaxed than I can ever remember being. There’s no stress of competition, or what might come tomorrow. All I care about is being right here in this bed with a woman I might actually be in love with.
I wake to the sound of the rain beating down on the terra cotta roof. Miley’s skin is stuck to mine in places, making it impossible for me to move without waking her. She stirs, so I take it upon myself to slide my feet off the bed. When she sits up on her elbows I’m already standing. Realizing I’m completely naked, I start searching the floor for clothes, but it’s harder than it should be because I can’t move my neck to search below. Rolling my eyes, I turn to find Miley holding up a pair of boxers. “Looking for these? I was holding them hostage so you couldn’t leave.”
I smirk as she tosses them at me. “Yeah right. I wasn’t going anywhere.”
We both get quiet when voices resonate from the other room. Miley’s eyes bulge as she quickly jumps from the bed and begins gathering her clothes. I head toward the door and lock the knob so Max won’t be able to come in. “It’s cool. Take your time.”
“This is so embarrassing. They’re going to know we slept together.”
I happen to laugh. “Yeah, well, I’m sure they’ll expect it anyway. We’re two adults who’ve both gone without it for a while. Who cares what they suspect? They’re my family.”
She’s still not slowing down from covering up her tantalizing appendages with clothing. “I need to get back to the dorms.” Picking up her phone, Miley searches through messages. “I have ten missed calls.”
“I never heard it ring.”
“I put the phone on silent. I didn’t want anything disrupting our day.”
When she’s finally done, I pull her into my arms and hold her against me. I hate that I have this stupid shit on my torso and head. “You could stay.”
“I can’t. There’s not enough room here as it is. Besides, I only have a few more weeks in the program. Once I’m through I’ll be able to have enough saved up for my first months rent somewhere.”
“On the island?” I need to know if she plans to stay here permanently.
“Well, yeah. If I can find something I can afford. Do you think I shouldn’t put roots down here?”
“I think you should do what makes you happy. What made you pick this island?”
She shrugs. “Actually, I sort of put them all in a cup and picked one out. It was just be chance.”
“The island is beautiful. I’ve been over to Maui. It’s nice, but crowded. There’s a lot more laid back places here, but there’s communities if you’re looking for that kind of atmosphere.”
“Would you want me to stay?” I should expect this question, however I’m midsentence when she interrupts me, I’m caught off guard.
“It’s not up to me. I mean, sure, we could hang out and have more fun, but it’s entirely up to you.”
Before she’s able to answer Max starts yelling and beating on his bedroom door. “Let me in, dude. I need to change.”
I open the door and move out of the way to let my buddy through. He stops when he sees Miley and holds up his hand for me to slap. “Bro, my bed better not have sticky spots.”
Miley’s face turns a bright red. I motion for her to follow me outside. Once we’re in the clear, I lead her through the jungle again. “Sorry about Max. He’s kind of a dick towards chicks.”
“I’m not here to see Max. I’m pretty sure he hates me anyway.”
“He doesn’t. He just likes giving me a hard time.”
“I should go,” she suggests.
“It’s the collar right? You can’t deal with it?” I toy.
“Stop. That’s not even remotely funny, and you know I don’t think that. Soon it will be off.”
I smack her ass. “And then you’re in for it.”
We’re standing in the middle of the path, she’s in my arms, and all I can think about is the next time I’m going to see her. I know a relationship complicates things. I’m in serious debt with growing medical bills, plus I have no idea what I’m going to do to make end’s meet. Why she’d want anything to do with me is crazy. All I can do is hope something starts looking up for me. Miley needs positive balance in her life. She can’t get caught up with someone who doesn’t have a pot to piss in. If I don’t want to lose her I need to start looking at other options, and I don’t know the first place to start.
Chapter 36
Miley
As soon as I walk into the building I know I’m in a load of trouble. I signed up promising to obey the rules. There are scheduled meetings each afternoon, and I’ve obviously missed mine. I’m met with a supervisor who tells me I need to report to the main office promptly. Though hesitant, I use the stairs and come to the back of the building where the main coordinator uses as her office.
She’s on the phone, so I take a seat in front of her and wait patiently for her to be finished. When the call ends she looks me up and down. “Miley Rose, correct?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I have you down for the three o’clock meeting slot and you were marked absent. Guidelines require you to report to each and every daily meeting as listed in the syllabus pertaining to the program. Was there a legitimate reason for your absence?”
I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I was applying for jobs and looking at apartments. The bus I was on broke down and we had to wait for another. I kind of got lost since I’ve never been around the island. It was a little scary when my phone died.”
“I see. Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m just glad to be back.”
“I’ll have to report this to Dr. Lucas. She won’t be in tomorrow, but I’m sure you’ll hear from her at some point during the day.”
“I understand.”
“We have policies you need to stick to. There are plenty of other people who need this program.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t.” She pauses for a moment. “Do you need to talk to someone tonight?”
“No. I think I’m fine.”
“I need you to be certain. Getting lost and being overwhelmed can get to the best of us.”
“Honestly, the island is so beautiful that I enjoyed most of it. I’ve never been to such a tropical par
adise before.” As I say it, I’m picturing sex on the beach with Baz. I try not to think too much about saying those three special words and getting no response. Truth be told, it’s all I focused on during the taxi ride back.
This woman may have bought my story, but I highly doubt Dr. Lucas will let it slide.
“The next time you leave the premises after your work release, you have to sign out with where you will be going. The book is located in the front lobby.”
“Thanks. It must have slipped my mind.”
“Next time try to follow the rules. We need to know all of our patients are safe.”
When I leave the office I head upstairs to my room. All I want to do is shower and slip into bed where I can relive the day I spent with Baz.
The beach was secluded, the sand soft like laying on cotton. In the distance I could see the mountains, which I believe are active volcanoes. Maybe I should have paid better attention in high school.
With my eyes still closed I can recall the way the air smelled, and how it felt to be naked with his hands exploring every part of me. All of a sudden I’m hot and uncomfortable, wishing I was anywhere but in a shared room with three other people.
It’s dark when I slip out of bed and make my way into the hall. When I reach the common area I plop down on the couch and text Baz.
Got back safe. Missing you already. – M
He replies almost immediately.
Miss you too. Lots going on tonight. Can I call you tomorrow? – B
Sure. Is everything okay? Are you sore from what we did? – M
Hell no! You were awesome, babe. Not you at all. Just in the middle of something. – B
Sorry I’m interrupting. – M
No big deal. Later. – B
I kind of feel like he’s giving me the cold shoulder. Suddenly my mind begins to wander. I’m imagining local chicks stopping by because they heard he was home. I wonder if he’s going to hook up with them since he knows his cock isn’t broken. I’m filled with animosity by the time I type in a reply.
Goodnight. – M
I have no clue why this bothers me. I’ve never been jealous, but I’ve also never only had one person in my life. It’s scary to think he might not want me the way I want him.
For a while after the messages end I sit on the couch worried. I think the worst, and then do my best to remember the beautiful day we spent together and all the kind things he said. Baz made me feel special. He cuddled and held me close. He touched me in ways I’m not sure I’ve ever been handled. He was ravenous and determined. It wasn’t about getting the task over with. We kept wanting more. If I were to have stayed it would have gone on through the night and into the morning. It’s something I could never tire of.
But what if he’s just that good at sex? What if he’s casual with lots of people, and now that he’s home it’s going to start back up? Why am I even thinking the worst possible scenarios? He didn’t even mention having company.
I run my hands through my hair and cover my face as I finish. “What in the hell is wrong with me?” I question out loud.
I don’t want to be this person. I can’t do this to myself. Something good happened today, and instead of celebrating I’m freaking out, because honestly, nothing good ever happens to me. It’s pathetic, but true.
When I climb back in bed I go through our messages over and over again. I want to believe I’m overreacting, but a part of me still considers I’m about to get my heart broken.
Chapter 37
Baz
It was still early when Miley left, so I decided to make use of my time and check in with my grandma. It’s been around five or six years since I’ve seen or heard from her, so I expect she’s not going to welcome my call, but I try anyway.
Being that she’s old fashioned, I know she probably has the same landline number. I dial the digits and listen to the hum of ringing. After the third tone someone answers.
“Hello?” This female doesn’t sound like my grandma. She’d been a smoker for years and carried a rasp in her throat with every word she spoke.
“Um, is Mira there?” I ask for her by her first name since whoever this is may not know she has a grandson. For all I know she’s thrown away my pictures and disowned me.
“No. I’m sorry, may I ask who’s calling?”
“This is her grandson, Brian.”
“Brian. Is it really you?”
“Who is this?”
“It’s me. Mom. Oh my goodness, I tried to look you up but you weren’t listed. It’s so great to hear your voice.”
My mom. The woman on the other line is my mother; the woman who abandoned me when I was just a kid. “Where’s Grandma?”
“Don’t you read the papers? She passed away last week. She had emphysema and died in the hospital. That’s why I’m here.”
Maybe I should be more upset. She was a blood relative who took me in when Mom didn’t want to deal with me. She’s fed me, put clothes on my back and taught me to be respectful. I may not have always lived by her rules, but I take pride in knowing most of them stuck with me.
It finally occurred to me that she was probably in the same hospital while I was stuck there. I could have said goodbye if I hadn’t been such a prick for all these years. We lived on the same island and I never once stopped by to check on her.
“I didn’t know. I’ve been laid up with a broken neck.”
“Yeah, it’s too bad. I’m sure she would have liked to see you before she went. She kept going on and on about the boy I abandoned. She told me you were probably dead or in a gang.”
I almost laugh. Of course she’d think the worst. “Did you already have the funeral?”
“Well, yeah. A dead body can’t just sit out.”
She’s just as cold as I remember. There’s no reason for me to offer condolences. All I want to do is end the call and forgot about it ever happening, until she delivers a blow I can’t possibly ignore.
“Look, Brian, I’m only in town to deal with my mom’s affairs. You should stop by. You’ve got a little sister to meet and some papers to sign. We’ll be here for the next week or so.”
“Wait, did you just say you have another kid?”
“Yeah. Keegan is six. I think it’s time you two meet.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“Fuck if I know. That bastard left me in a casino in Reno and never came back. He’s probably six feet in the ground. It was the best thing that happened to me. It led me to a good man who helped me turn my life around. We were married five years ago. He’s military. You’ll like him.”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ve been doing just fine on my own. I don’t need a family. I have one here.”
“You married, kid?”
“I’m hanging up now. I’m done with this shit. You abandoned me. You turned me over to the state without a second thought, and now you want me to come and meet another child that you’ll end up screwing over? Forget it. Good luck with that.”
I slam down the phone and walk outside. I’m so pissed I can’t see straight. I don’t know what’s worse, knowing my grandma died, or learning I have a blood sibling who could be in the hands of piece of shit parent.
When Miley texts me I’m not in the mood for talking. I can’t explain what’s going on because it’s just too much to comprehend. I know she’s thinking I’m blowing her off, but I’ve got my own shit to work through, and she’s too distracting. Besides, I need her to steer clear of this new drama. Miley needs to feel safe and not know I’m going through turmoil. I want her to be strong and get out of that place so she doesn’t have to deal with their rules and regulations.
I’m awake most of the night. My head won’t let me sleep. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ve wanted to say to my mother if given the chance. I’ve spent countless hours in a jail cell writing down every single time she should have been around for me. I blamed her for the way my life unraveled, and my troubled adolescence. Hell, I blamed her f
or all of the problems I’ve ever encountered, and she deserves nothing less.
By morning I’m hell bent on giving her a piece of my mind, in person. After Max and his dad leave for work, I call someone to give me a lift. Since it’s an hour ride no one wants to help, so I get ever more pissed off.
Knowing it’s going to cost a ton, I end up calling a taxi. The ride there only intensifies the animosity. A couple times I think about calling Miley, because I know she’ll put a smile on my face, but I remember I don’t want her involved in this and change my mind. The further away she is, the better it will be. Miley cares too much about me. She’d try to talk me out of this, in fear that I’ll do something irrational. Maybe she’s right to worry. I’m unhinged, and it’s only going to get worse when I come face to face with the first and only person in the world who broke my heart.
Chapter 38
Baz
Standing outside a house I used to call home is bittersweet. The voices resonating from within make my stomach churn. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to come up with reasons why I came, and how in the world I’m going to look my mother in the eye after all the time that’s gone by. She should be apologizing to me. She should have acknowledged she was a shitty parent who neglected her own child for a fix, but she didn’t. At one point she almost sounded amused that I wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere.
I try my hardest not to picture my own funeral with only a few local friends in attendance. God knows she wouldn’t show up to support me, not even after I’m gone. It’s so damn pathetic it’s hard to admit, even silently to myself.
When I reach the threshold I’m contemplating making a beeline for the street and running down the taxi driver, but then I remember I can’t run, or really walk fast. I’m still in a good amount of discomfort, and technically, I’m not supposed to be out riding in cars. This is a terrible idea, but it’s sort of too late to come to my senses. There’s only a door between me and a past I think deserves closure.
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