Stuck Landing

by Lauren Gallagher

  “Not on horseback, no. On foot? That’s a different story.”

  “Well. Okay.” She winked. “I won’t run off, then. Except maybe on foot.”

  He laughed, but my chest tightened a bit. Was she flirting with him?

  I quickly dismissed the thought. He was gay and very much spoken for, and just because they were trash-talking didn’t mean they were flirting. And even if they were, who cared? We weren’t exclusive. I didn’t want to be that serious with her. Did I?

  No. Of course I didn’t. I shook myself.

  Natalya laid her reins on the saddle behind the horn, took off her hat, and started gathering her hair back into a ponytail. That simple, innocent motion of lifting her arms pulled her T-shirt up just right to bare the narrowest strip of skin across her firm abs and tighten the fabric around her breasts, and I was staring again. As if being on a horse didn’t make her sexy enough.

  I distantly heard our guide lecturing us about getting separated from the group, letting the horses run, and all the other shit we weren’t supposed to do. I even made a half-assed effort to look contrite, but that took work and most of my focus had zeroed in on the grinning windblown Russian still fixing her hair on the horse next to mine. Some of her dark-blonde hair refused to be tamed by her baseball cap and was twisting and curling beside her face, and the wind had brought a touch of color to her cheeks, and I . . .

  I couldn’t stop staring at her. My heart was pounding fast and hard, and it had nothing to do with the adrenaline from tearing down the beach on a galloping horse. The rigid, take-no-shit stunt coordinator was long gone, replaced by the laid-back, laughing woman I hadn’t shared my bed with in far, far too many nights.

  We need to do something about that. And soon.

  There was always my office, right? We’d fooled around in there a few times. And we were no strangers to the gym showers.

  But, damn it, I wanted her between the sheets. Wrapped up in my arms, smiling down at me like that while we took our sweet time and didn’t have to worry about being anywhere else.

  Pity we couldn’t do that today. There wouldn’t be time. As it was, we’d no doubt be cutting it close enough that instead of going home first, we’d have to use the showers at work before we reported to the set.

  And since we hadn’t slept all day like the rest of the cast and crew were probably doing, we’d be dead on our feet by dawn. Sex? Not a chance.

  Sometime around sunrise, I’d definitely be cursing myself for wasting the opportunity to sleep. But right now, as I walked beside Natalya, both of us dusty and disheveled and grinning like dorks, all I could think was it was worth it.

  I glanced at her. She glanced back. A couple of strands of dishwater-blonde hair had once again fallen out of her cap and ponytail and now tumbled across her dirt-smeared cheek.

  Yeah. Definitely worth it.

  The crazy thing was, we’d barely touched all day. It would probably be a while until we did. We’d ridden horses, we’d raced down the beach, and we’d laughed and talked and just been here, but . . . there’d been nothing sexual at all.

  So why was I flying like I did when we were in bed?

  “Oh, I am going to feel that ride for a few days, aren’t?” Natalya groaned as she got out of her car.

  “Yeah, me too.” I rested my foot on my bumper and stretched gingerly. Less than twenty-four hours had passed since I’d stepped off the horse, and I was paying for it. “How about you, Jeremy?”

  He glared at me over his coffee cup.

  Scott snickered. “You sure that’s from—”

  “You’re not helping,” Jeremy muttered. They exchanged glances, then both chuckled as they sipped their coffee.

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. It was another nice day, and since Scott was off today and Natalya and I didn’t have to be on set until later this afternoon, we’d all decided to take advantage of the weather. And, well, since three of us were a bit stiff from yesterday’s ride, a leisurely walk on the beach to loosen up those sore muscles seemed like the perfect idea.

  Natalya leaned into her car, and I heard her say something in Russian. Then something metal clicked, and she stood. “Okay, Misha.”

  Her black lab exploded out of the car. Mouth open, tongue hanging out, tail whipping against Natalya’s car and legs, he tugged at his leash and wiggled in every direction, as if he couldn’t possibly explore and absorb all these new surroundings.

  She said his name again, followed by a terse Russian word, and he dropped onto his haunches. His tail still wagged, and he whined softly. He sat still, but . . . barely.

  “Good.” She pulled a treat from her pocket and tossed it to him. He caught it in the air with a sharp snap, and crunched happily.

  “Misha?” Scott asked. “Isn’t that a person’s name?”

  She nodded. “I named him after my cousin.”

  “Your cousin?” Jeremy laughed. “Does he know that?”

  “He does. And he gets squirmy and excited just like this, so . . .” She shrugged. “He gets to share his name with my dog.”

  The guys laughed.

  “Seems fair,” Scott said.

  At our feet, Misha shifted and squirmed, still whining.

  “You ready?” Natalya asked.

  He whined even louder.

  “We should start walking.” She nodded toward the beach. “Or he’s going to go insane.”

  “Well, then.” I took her free hand. “Let’s go.”

  She gave him a quiet cue, and he was instantly on his feet, staying beside her but obviously so excited he could barely contain it. The four—well, five—of us walked from the parking lot to the beach and slowly made our way down to where the tide was lapping at the sand.

  While we strolled along beside the surf, Jeremy and Scott hung back a little, giving us and themselves some privacy while keeping Jeremy close enough to fulfill his duties as my bodyguard.

  Like most labs, Misha was fascinated by everything. He tugged at his line, eagerly sniffing every rock and footprint. Sand covered his nose and, somehow, his ears and head.

  “Doesn’t he get lonely?” I asked. “With the hours you work?”

  Natalya shook her head. “He stays at my neighbor’s house during the day, and her kids wear him out. And twice a week, I take him to a doggy day care.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “A doggy day care?”

  She nodded. “That way he can play with other dogs.”

  “God, don’t tell Levi about that kind of thing. He’d probably quit Wolf’s Landing to open a kitty day care.”

  Natalya laughed. “Wouldn’t cats hate that?”

  “Probably. But he’d love having a million cats around. Though I think Carter would veto that.”

  “I think Zelda would veto that,” Natalya muttered.

  “True. She is pretty opinionated.”

  “Aren’t most cats?”

  “Well, some more than others. Especially Levi’s.”

  She laughed. “They’re cute, though. Must be why they get away with it.”

  “Just like Carter.”

  She nodded. “Just like Carter.”

  We kept walking for a minute or so, and then she spoke again. “Oh, good news.” She smiled. “It took some pushing, but the studio’s security company agreed to hire my brother.”

  “That’s great!” What a relief—I’d been worried sick that I’d gotten her hopes up for nothing, but thank God, the company had come through. “When will he be here?”

  “It’ll still take some time, but by Christmas, he thinks.”

  “That must be a huge relief.” If it is for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.

  She released a long breath. “It is.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.”

  We talked for a little while about her brother, his travel plans, and how she’d need to rearrange her place a bit to accommodate him. As conversations do, this one tapered off, and once again, we were walking in comfortable silence.

  She wh
istled at Misha to get his attention. When he turned, she tossed him another treat, which he caught in the air with another loud snap of his jaws.

  “I’m curious about something,” she said out of the blue.

  “Hmm?”

  “When we first started, you weren’t sure about me because I’m bi.” She glanced at me. “Did you date someone like me before?”

  I’ve never met someone like you.

  My mouth had suddenly gone dry, and my stomach twisted as I thought back to that unhappy set of memories. “I dated a bi woman once, yes.”

  She turned to me as we continued down the beach. “What happened?”

  I gazed out at the strip of sand in front of us. “Her name was Michelle.” I couldn’t believe how bitter that name still tasted after all this time. “She was one of the first women I dated after I came out. She was older. Had a good ten years on me.” I sighed. “But she’d also just come out of a nasty divorce, and I guess she just wanted someone who was as far from her ex-husband as possible. A younger lesbian instead of an older man.”

  “What happened? When it ended, I mean?”

  I drew my tongue across my lips, staring at the sand at my feet with unfocused eyes. “She started cheating on me with her boss. For like six months.”

  “My God.” Natalya tensed.

  “She didn’t think it even counted as cheating. Since she never thought we’d actually go anywhere, it didn’t matter.” I exhaled, and my lungs felt like lead as all the air slipped free. “So I was just there until something better came along.”

  Natalya grimaced but said nothing.

  “So,” I went on, barely projecting enough for my voice to carry over the ocean beside us, “I guess in that respect, I know what you mean about being used. People using you for some . . . purpose besides just being with them. And then moving on when that purpose is served.”

  “Yeah.” She exhaled. “It’s not pleasant.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  We halted and watched Misha digging for some unseen treasure in the sand. Then Natalya whispered, “Can I confess something?”

  I turned to her. “Okay?”

  She stared down at her sand-covered, tail-wagging dog. “I keep telling myself you’re not like the others. Like your ex and the people I’ve been with.” She pushed her shoulders back and met my gaze. “But I guess I still keep wondering what my purpose is with you.”

  I blinked. “Your purpose?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You mean . . . what I’m expecting to get from you? By dating you?”

  Natalya nodded.

  “That’s . . .” I shook my head. “Holy shit, Natalya. I . . . You think I’m—”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Her eyebrow rose. “It’s all I’ve really known with people.”

  In an instant, any defensiveness I might’ve felt vanished in favor of bone-deep sympathy. I reached for her and gently drew her to me. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I’ve never thought of you as a commodity. I can’t imagine anyone who would.”

  She brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “And I can’t imagine anyone who’d cheat on you. Or use you the way they did me.”

  “But they do.”

  “Yeah.” She swallowed. “They do.”

  I had no idea what to say. How to tell her I had the same deep-seated fears—that my psyche had zeroed in on at least one reason why she might do just that to me.

  She moistened her lips. “I want to do this. Or I’d never have given you a second chance, or come on to you at the gym.” Gaze down, she added, “But I’m a bit . . . cynical. Jaded.”

  “I can see why, if people have used you like that.”

  She winced.

  “For the record,” I said, “I’m not in this to use you. Yeah, I’m worried. Kind of nervous. This is . . . way out of my comfort zone, I guess.”

  “What relationship isn’t?”

  “Can’t argue with that.”

  “I guess,” she whispered lifting her gaze, “what I’ve always wanted is to find someone who can’t get anything from me—money, a career boost, whatever—but who still wants me anyway.”

  My heart dropped into my stomach. “I think everyone wants that.”

  Natalya met my gaze. “Then why is it so hard to find?”

  “I . . .” The words died on my tongue. I didn’t know what to say that didn’t sound like empty platitudes or wouldn’t make me a goddamned hypocrite for having the same fears where she was concerned. After all, hadn’t I been suspicious that she was just using me as a placeholder until something better—something male—came along? Now I felt like an ass for ever thinking that.

  And yet I was still thinking it. Somewhere in the back of my mind, those nagging doubts remained. They didn’t make as much sense now, but they were still there.

  She tilted her head slightly, and I realized she was still waiting for me to finish my thought. I didn’t know what to say, so I just cupped her face, gently drew her in, and kissed her. She relaxed into my embrace, and I relaxed into hers, and though there were still questions hanging in the air, this was better than searching for answers that wouldn’t come. I didn’t want to use her. I didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t know how to convince her of that except . . . except like this.

  Abruptly, she broke the kiss with a laugh. “Shit!” She lunged for Misha, who’d just wrapped his leash around our legs. “Silly dog!”

  We erupted into giggles as we untangled ourselves. Once we were no longer in danger of being knocked flat by the crazy lab, she took my hand again. Our eyes locked.

  I still didn’t know what to say. Apparently she didn’t either, because neither of us said anything. We just exchanged subtle smiles, one more kiss, then continued walking down the beach together.

  I didn’t know if I felt better or worse about our situation.

  But her hand was still in mine.

  She was still beside me.

  That had to mean something.

  Right?

  We kept our conversations lighter after that and wandered down the beach until we had to turn back or risk being late to the set. With Scott and Jeremy trailing behind us as always, we headed toward where we’d parked.

  Misha was starting to mellow out a little. His tail still wagged, and he still sniffed everything, but he was finally winding down. Instead of wiggling and bouncing with every step, he walked along with some slack in his leash.

  “Great,” Natalya said. “He’ll go over to my neighbor’s and sleep now that I’ve worn him out. I should do this when I come home so he sleeps for me.”

  I laughed. “You didn’t get a lab expecting a low-energy dog, did you?”

  “Of course not.” She grinned. “I like dogs like—”

  A Frisbee flew past me, narrowly missing my face.

  Natalya caught it. We both stared at it, blinking a few times. Then we looked around.

  A couple of guys in shorts jogged toward us.

  “Sorry about that,” the blond called out, a sheepish but smarmy grin on his face. “Guess the wind caught it.”

  “It happens.” Natalya smiled at him. “Here you go.”

  She handed the Frisbee back, and I bit down on a comment about the wind going the wrong way for anything to “accidentally” blow toward us. If anything, it was an impressive toss—he must’ve had damn good aim.

  “So, um . . .” The blond cleared his throat and gestured with the Frisbee at their buddies. “You, uh, want to join us?”

  “It’s always more fun with more people,” the other added.

  I barely kept myself from rolling my eyes. Way to be subtle, guys.

  “Thanks,” Natalya said. “But we’ve got to get going. Maybe next time.” Her smile set my teeth on edge, but I forced myself not to show it. She wasn’t flirting. She was just being polite.

  And even if she was, so what?

  So . . . I still wasn’t sure how I felt about dating a woman who was attracted to men.

  So . . . I sti
ll couldn’t make myself believe a man wouldn’t drop from the heavens and turn her head.

  So . . . I still had all those insecurities that had made me second-guess this thing in the beginning.

  Shit. Who was I kidding?

  Movement beside me caught my eye, and when I turned, I didn’t think I’d ever been so relieved to see Jeremy appear. He eyed the two guys, then looked at me, eyebrows up.

  One of the guys cleared his throat and took a step back. “Anyway, ah . . .” He held up the Frisbee. “Thanks. Sorry again.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Natalya said, still smiling. “Have fun, guys!”

  He flashed her a smile that made me want to kick him in the balls, but he wisely didn’t say anything else. He and his buddy went back to their friends and their game, and we continued up the beach with Scott and Jeremy. And my brain stayed right there in that short, stupid conversation.

  Because yeah, I was jealous.

  And I felt like an idiot. Was I really jealous of a couple of guys who’d not-so-subtly thrown a Frisbee toward us to break the ice? They were already halfway down the beach, no doubt working out a strategy to approach the next women they came across.

  I was being stupid. I needed to get a fucking grip.

  As we continued down the beach with Misha sniffing and wagging his tail in front of us, I slipped my hand into Natalya’s.

  This relationship didn’t feel like any I’d experienced before. Being with her was easy. But at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling a little uncomfortable when I was with her. This thing between us, it felt like a time bomb. Or some volatile thing that would wait until the moment I let my guard down, then blow up in my face.

  Early on, maybe I’d convinced myself I was okay with this relationship having an inevitable finite end. I’d known, and I’d gone into this anyway.

  So why did it feel like such a surprise now? Like I was being blindsided by something that had been right in front of me the whole time?

  I had no idea. All I knew for sure right then was that, man, it was going to hurt when she finally moved on.

  One sunny morning, I had some déjà vu of trying to get onto a closed set. Or a military base.