Feather

by Laurie Lyons

  The five-year-old Lucy had not fully understood this explanation but the eighteen-year-old Lucy did. Her father was trying to tell her that when she found out about the origins of her abilities, she would still be her own master. Lucy had worked at her memory; she had fostered it and fed it. She didn't have to do that. She could have sat on her butt for the last sixteen years and played video games and memorized the McDonalds menu rather than literature or history. She had decided her fate, no one else. Lucy was exactly who her father had wanted her to be. She was exactly who she should be and Nathaniel was a part of who she was. Her parent's divorce and her father's death, as painful as those truths were, were a part of who Lucy was today. She listened to her father's words and looked into her heart. Nathaniel stood there, all alone, waiting for her with open arms. Lucy knew she was being lied to.

  "I've decided," she said with a nod.

  "Excellent," Roman perked up, "now we'll hash out the details later. But first."

  Lucy smiled at Roman, her best, most wonderful smile. He smiled back warmly at her. "I've decided," she said grinning, "who is to be master." Roman kept smiling and shook his head slightly in confusion. "Nathaniel! I need you!" she yelled.

  Roman's eyes narrowed in hate for a second before he suddenly hunched forward as if punched in the stomach. He was quickly pushed back by an invisible hand and flew back cutting a swath ten feet long through the wheat. Lucy looked up and there stood her Angel. Her savior. He glowed in the dying light and took his eyes off Roman for a split second to smile for her.

  "You can't get rid of me Angel!" Roman screamed. He was on his feet now. "I will haunt her until the day she dies! If she won't be cajoled into sending you back then she will be forced to!"

  He raised his hand and pointed at Lucy. She flinched, expecting pain. Instead, she screamed in panic as the wheat around her lit on fire, encircling her in flames. The wheat caught quickly, she could hear the crackle as each stalk ignited. Massive waves of heat pushed at her from all sides. Lucy spun around, frantically looking for an escape but there was none. She gasped as the smoke filled her lungs instantly cutting off her oxygen. In desperation, she dropped to her knees sucking in air.

  "Do not move Lucy," Nathaniel said calmly. Lucy squinted through the flames to see Nathaniel raise his hand to the sky. She heard a hissing sound and felt tiny droplets of rain touching the back of her neck. Within seconds she was sitting in a torrential downpour as the rain easily extinguished the flames and left nothing but a blackened, smoldering ring around her. She looked up to see that Nathaniel and Roman had stayed dry.

  "Go Demon! You have your answer and now you will leave her," Nathaniel commanded in a voice Lucy had never heard from him before. He wasn't just angry. He was irate and powerful and he knew it.

  "I will keep pushing until the end of time!" Roman raged. He was wild with fury. "Do not get comfortable Angel, you are not staying!"

  "I said go Demon!" Nathaniel commanded again.

  "We will find a way Angel," Roman yelled while starting to stalk away backwards. "My kind always does!" He vanished into thin air.

  Lucy ran into Nathaniel's arms. He grabbed her fiercely, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He pulled back and clutched at her face, "Lucy Bower, don't you ever run away from me again! Ever!" He hugged her tightly again breathing rapidly.

  "I'm sorry," she said into his chest. "I didn't know."

  "I didn't tell you. I should have, I'm sorry," he said kissing her head. Nathaniel looked back at the spot where Roman had been a moment before. His eyes narrowed again in fury, "Lucy it took everything I had not to rip him to shreds. I don't think I have ever been so angry."

  He looked her over and shook his head in disgust, "Your face is starting to bruise. Hold still." He gently placed his hand over her mouth in the same manner that Roman had. The difference in the two touches was astounding. Nathaniel's hand felt just as strong as Romans but his touch was soft. Lucy felt warmth spread across her skin under his hand. It intensified to an almost searing heat before he took his hand away and examined her again. "There, all gone," he said nodding. "Now we have to get you home, but I can't bring you back in this condition."

  Lucy looked down at herself, her clothes were soaked through and her hair hung wet and limp on her head. There were huge streaks of black soot on her chest and legs. She grimaced at herself. Nathaniel smiled, "You are beautiful Lucy." She felt a light breeze and suddenly her mass of tangled red hair and clothes were dry and clean. Nathaniel looked back at the field. The wheat was scorched in a circle and trampled and broken all around. Nathaniel raised one hand and aimed it at the field. Immediately, the stalks began to shiver and shake violently. The stalks slowly healed from the ground up. The black soot disappeared and the stalks pulled themselves upright. Within seconds, the field looked perfect again.

  They walked back home in silence. Their conversation would have to wait until they were alone. For now, Lucy had to deal with her Mother. When they walked in the door, Sandra leapt off the couch and sprinted to Lucy. She had the phone in her hand.

  "I was so worried honey! Thank God you are alright!" Sandra yelled while clutching on to Lucy.

  "I'm sorry I scared you Mom. I just needed to think," Lucy sighed into her mother's shoulder.

  Sandra realized she still had the phone in her hand. "She's here!" she yelled into the handset. She paused as she listened, "No, she's ok," pause. "I will," pause, "Thanks, ok, bye." She hung up and looked at Lucy, "Dr. Hannon," she explained. "I thought you might have tried to call him." Lucy sighed again thinking about how she would have to deal with that later too. For now though, Lucy realized that she was totally exhausted. The events of the day and the shock of the last crisis had left her spent of all emotional and physical energy. "Honey listen," Sandra began but Lucy cut her off.

  "Mom, I'm fine, I'm ok. I'm not mad or depressed or sad," Lucy explained pressing her forehead against her mothers. "I am totally fine. I'm just really, really tired and I have to sleep. I don't leave until tomorrow afternoon, we'll talk over breakfast ok?"

  "Ok," Sandra whispered, relief flooding her voice. "I love you."

  "Love you too," Lucy answered. "But I would love you more if I could take a bath."

  Sandra smiled, "Sorry babe."

  "Night mom and thanks for loving me so much."

  "That's an easy thing to do baby," Sandra replied kissing Lucy on the forehead.

  Lucy trudged up the stairs and when she got to her room she didn't turn on the light or change out of her clothes. She just kicked off her shoes, pulled off her jeans and crawled under the covers. She felt Nathaniel slip in gently beside her and wrap his arms around her. Lucy fell into a deep, deep sleep.

  When she woke up, it was still the middle of the night. Lucy could see the moon sitting high and bright through her window. She rolled over and looked at Nathaniel, he was awake and smiling at her. She smiled back.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

  Lucy nodded. "I was terrified," she admitted.

  "I know," he said apologetically. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about running away. It never occurred to me that you would ever run away from me."

  "I wasn't running away from you," she explained. "I was just running. I thought you would follow. I thought he was you at first when I heard him coming."

  "I know," he said.

  "Then he sat down beside me and said…"

  "I know what he said," Nathaniel said softly.

  "You know?" Lucy asked shocked. "How?"

  "I heard the whole thing," he said ruefully. "It was…" he paused, searching for the words, "painful. I was trapped, not being able to get to you, knowing you were in danger and incapable of helping."

  "How did you hear us?" she asked.

  "Roman made sure I did," he said seething at the name. "He was so positive he could get you. He was confident he could strike that deal and he wanted me to witness every horrid second of it. To torture me."

  "Oh," Lucy said. So th
at meant that he had heard Roman talking about how Nathaniel had never told Lucy he loved her. She wondered what he thought about that portion of the conversation but didn't want to ask outright for fear of sounding desperate and clingy. "What did you think about it?" she asked generally.

  Nathaniel thought for a moment. "I wonder how you came to your final decision?" he asked.

  "I did the right thing didn't I?" Lucy asked concerned.

  "Oh yes," he nodded emphatically, "yes you did. But what made the decision for you?"

  Lucy thought about it. "Well, to be honest," she said carefully, not wanting to insult him, "it was tempting."

  "I'm sure it was, that's the nature of a deal with the Devil," he replied.

  "I was sitting there and I thought about my father and now nice it would be to have him back. I thought about the day he explained that quote from 'Alice in Wonderland' to me and how important honesty was to him. I realized the lengths he went to so I could learn the truth. He sacrificed his family and the love of his life in an effort for me to see the truth. I suddenly knew that he would not want me to take that deal. I knew that I was being lied to, that Roman was tricking me. The wind kept howling and it was difficult to think straight. But then I thought about you and how you have never lied to me. That's what ultimately made the decision for me. You."

  "That wasn't the wind howling Lucy," he said looking at her. "That was me."

  "Really?" her eyes went wide.

  He nodded, "I was half mad listening to him lie to you. I'm glad you saw the looking glass for what it was - a pack of deception."

  Lucy recalled the power of the wind in the field and thought that Nathaniel must care for her very much indeed. But was Roman right? Did he love her?

  "So everything he said was a lie?" she prodded.

  "Most of it, yes," he replied.

  "So he couldn't bring back my father or take my photographic memory away?"

  "Oh no, he most certainly has the power to do that," Nathaniel answered with conviction. "But it wouldn't be your father Lucy. It would be a soulless creature pretending to be Richard Bower. It would not be him. The free soul is the only thing that Hell cannot control or reproduce. It is the essence of a person. How you behave in your life determines where your soul will go when you die. Once a soul has chosen a path, it cannot be altered. Your father's soul is in Heaven and there is no way Roman could get to him."

  "And if I had made the deal?" Lucy asked warily, already knowing the answer.

  "The Devil collects souls like some collect knickknacks. Once you allow the Devil to alter your life, Heaven cannot take you," he explained.

  Lucy shuddered, grateful that she had made the decision she had. "You said that he only lied about most things?" she prompted. "What did he tell the truth about?" Lucy looked down, waiting for the blow, for him to say that he didn't love her.

  "That you are the factor keeping me here," he said plainly.

  Lucy flinched, that was almost the same thing. "Oh," she swallowed. "I see. Well, I'll just send you back so you can be happy then," she said quietly. Lucy felt a chasm of pain begin to open up inside her. "I wouldn't want you to stay here on my account, suffering," she whispered.

  Nathaniel reached over and lifted her face gently to look at him. "You will do nothing of the sort," he said softly. "Roman was right about you having to power to send me away but he was wrong about me."

  Lucy felt a ray of hope, "Really?"

  "Do you think he knows me?" Nathaniel asked. "Do you think he has any idea what I want? Lucy if you sent me back, I would be devastated. I don't think I can be happy without you, even in Heaven."

  Was that the same thing as saying he loved her? No, but it was close and as with so many other things with Nathaniel, Lucy had to take what she could get. Nathaniel leaned in and kissed her, oblivious to her inner thoughts and wishes. The kiss had so much passion that Lucy felt like she had turned to water. She lay back on the pillow and pulled him down on top of her, feeling his weight pressing down upon her. Nathaniel lifted his head breathing heavily. Lucy gave him a sneaky smile.

  "What's that smile?" he asked with a grin.

  "You kicked his ass," Lucy said smiling.

  Nathaniel laughed, "I was angry. He is very lucky he survived that encounter."

  "Are Angels allowed to tear Demon's to shreds?" Lucy asked.

  "Angels usually don't have to," he looked at her lovingly. "But when it comes to you Lucy, I'll do anything to keep you safe."

  "Will he come at me again?"

  "Oh yes," Nathaniel said ruefully. "It is evident that neither he nor Bael will stop until you make me go away."

  "I won't do it," Lucy said with conviction. Nathaniel just nodded and smiled at her. She thought for a moment. "You looked so hot," she said breaking the quiet.

  "What?" Nathaniel said like Lucy was crazy.

  "When you were all mad and doing your magical Angel stuff, standing there, all glowing and defending me," Lucy explained grinning. "You looked really hot."

  Nathaniel threw his head back and laughed. "Lucy," he said shaking his head, "you were in a ring of flames. You were in very serious danger, not to mention the fact that thirty seconds before that you were tempted to sell your soul to the Devil and all you can think of was what I looked like?"

  "Don't get me wrong, I was terrified. But my memory allows me to look back on it with perfect clarity and you looked so gorgeous." He laughed for a moment before kissing her again.

  "So speaking of your memory," he said while breaking off the kiss, "how do you feel now about it's origins?"

  Lucy sighed and flopped her head back on the pillow. "I'm ok with it now. It just sucks that it all started as an accident. A fluke, no gifts, no chosen one, just…" she shrugged, "a mistake."

  Nathaniel pushed him self up and sat beside her. Lucy pulled up the covers instinctively, not for modesty but because she so missed his warmth. He held out both his hands, each held a single wheat stalk. Lucy shook her head. How did he do that?

  "This wheat stalk," he shook his right hand slightly, "was a result of natural germination. This one," he shook the left, "is the result of planting. Can you tell them apart?"

  Lucy shook her head. "How do you know where the wheat stalks come from?"

  "Well," he said nonchalantly, "I just know these things. Anyway," he continued, "the natural one started as a tiny dried out seed that fell off its main stalk. It blew haplessly in the wind for a while, flopping and flipping around until it caught on a tiny pebble. There it stayed, waiting for the rain to start its roots and begin its life. It was a total fluke. After that, the seed had to fight for its existence. As far as the other one is concerned, a farmer came along and planted it purposefully in the soil for it to grow. He watered it and sprayed it with pesticides to keep the bugs off. It was created on purpose. The seed had to put in very little effort towards its own success" He paused to smile at her and Lucy smiled back. "They have two completely opposite beginnings and yet they can't be told apart. But," he raised a finger, "which one will make a superior product?"

  He closed his hands into fists and when he opened them, each had a small amount of flour in it. Even with only the moon as her source of light, Lucy could tell the difference. The man made wheat made a flour that was grayish and grainy but the natural one was soft, powdery and white as snow.

  "Oh," Lucy said in awe.

  "Yup," Nathaniel closed his hands again and the flour disappeared. "Lucy, the best things in this world are the result of accidents. And you are no different. Your photographic memory was not of anyone's doing and it required you to fight to make it the true gift it is. That is what is so wonderful about it."

  "Thank you," she said smiling at him.

  "Anything for you," he said laying back down beside her. Lucy yawned. "Still tired?" he asked. She nodded. He turned on his side and wrapped his arms around her. Lucy snuggled against his chest. Nathaniel kissed her forehead. "Sleep my miracle," he whispered in her hair. She did.
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  The next day went smoothly. Lucy and Sandra had a long breakfast and talked everything over. Lucy described her epiphanies in the field omitting huge amounts of detail of course. Sandra of course was relieved that her mistakes of the past did not develop any resentment in her daughter. Lucy was sad to leave her mom because she wouldn't see her again until Thanksgiving. Lucy worried less about her mom this time. With Sandra dating and her work going well Lucy was confident that she would be ok. The mother and daughter hugged tightly at the airport, neither wanting to let go. Lucy finally did and boarded the plane with Nathaniel leading the way.

  The return flight was not as eventful as the outbound and Lucy rejoiced at the moments of peace. Sadly, the flight was almost full and Lucy could not get an empty seat beside her. Nathaniel sat several rows back in an empty aisle seat and when Lucy walked back under the guise of going to the bathroom she found him fast asleep. She realized that yesterday had been exhausting for him too and she suspected that he hadn't slept the night before. Lucy knew now that he had stayed awake all night making sure she was safe. Her heart warmed at the thought and she fought the urge to bend over to kiss him on her way by.

  They took a cab back to the University, using part of the huge wad of cash Sandra had pressed into Lucy's hand at the gate. Lucy had protested at first but now she was thankful because the bus would be a nightmare with Lucy's extra bags from the shopping sprees in Kansas. Lucy was happy to get back to her little dorm room. It felt like an anchor of reality after the surreal trip. While unpacking she called Dr. Hannon and left a message telling him that she was fine and that she would come to his office on Monday to talk over lunch.

  She was cramming the last of her new clothes into her already jammed closet when Nathaniel asked, "Are we going to the bookstore to get your books for Monday?"