Feather

by Laurie Lyons

  "I love you," Lucy said.

  "I'm glad you like it," was all he said back. Lucy would take it. The house was enough…for now. "Can I show you around outside a little? If you want to take a nap or shower or anything…"

  Lucy shook her head. "I want to see everything," she replied.

  "Ok, let's go," he took her by the hand and led her down the stairs. Lucy took a look at the bed and the walls around and tried to imagine all the effort that he put into this for her. She smiled to herself at how lucky she was. "I'll just take you around the meadow. We'll go farther tomorrow. It will be dark soon"

  Lucy followed him out the front door and Nathaniel closed it behind her. She took one step down the deck stairs and froze in panic. Lucy only had one defense mechanism - her memory. It kicked in and brought up every nature book and wildlife documentary she had ever seen. She had the creature classified immediately, Ursus arctos horribilis carnivora- not that this would do them any good at all. Of course if you were going to die, it was always preferable to know exactly what was going to kill you. Despite all the information, Lucy could only say one simple, powerful word.

  "Bear," she whispered.

  Not five feet away, standing on all fours was a massive grizzly bear. Its brown fur glistened in the sun and it stood there regarding Lucy with interest. We are going to die, Lucy thought, right here and now. Nathaniel was stronger than the average man but Lucy wasn't sure if he was a match for a full grown grizzly. She started to lift one foot to slowly back up into the house when she felt Nathaniel's hands on her shoulders.

  "Don't move Lucy. Don't say a word," he whispered in her ear. Lucy froze and wondered if he had a gun stashed somewhere. Nathaniel certainly didn't seem like a gun guy. She watched in shock as he stepped around her carefully but without fear. He descended the stairs and walked towards the massive animal. It was like he was committing suicide and Lucy had to bite her tongue to stop herself from screaming at him to stop. Nathaniel continued towards the bear and stopped a foot away. Lucy winced not knowing if she could watch him be torn limb from limb. The bear seemed to pay little attention to Nathaniel. It craned its neck slowly around him to keep its eyes on Lucy. Nathaniel reached out and again Lucy had to stop her self from screaming in horror.

  He laid his hand gently on the bear's neck which was almost level with his own. "Don't be afraid," he said softly to it. Lucy was in awe of his bravery or his stupidity – she didn't know which. The bear only snuffed lightly while keeping its eyes trained on Lucy. "That's my Lucy," Nathaniel said smiling. Amazingly, the bear reacted by almost breathing a sigh of relief and sitting back on its haunches like a dog. Nathaniel smiled and buried his fingers in its fur. "I told you I would bring her one day." Lucy was stunned. This was too bizarre. Was Nathaniel really having a chat with a wild grizzly bear right now? He would never cease to amaze her.

  Nathaniel turned slightly, "Come here Lucy," he said calmly like they were at a cocktail party. "There is someone I would like you to meet."

  Lucy shook her head slowly, every human instinct screaming in protest. "It will eat me," she whispered. The bear snuffed again and Lucy thought it sounded quite a bit like laughing.

  Nathaniel smiled, "No she won't, I promise."

  Lucy swallowed, "Does she understand us?" The bear seemed to take offense to that and huffed.

  "Yes," Nathaniel said. "Perfectly, now come here. Trust me."

  Lucy, showing her biggest display of trust to date, slowly walked down the last two steps. She shuffled towards Nathaniel's out reached hand and clasped it like a lifeline. Fear bubbled through her and she could taste it in the back of her throat. She swallowed again.

  "Lucy," Nathaniel said politely, "this is Mother."

  "Hello Mother," Lucy said awkwardly. "It's um, nice to meet you." Nathaniel took her hand and laid it beside his on the bear's neck. Lucy was surprised that the fur was soft. Her hand disappeared in the thick coat and Lucy smiled warily.

  "Mother?" Lucy whispered at Nathaniel.

  He shrugged. "It felt wrong to give her a name like a pet and it felt wrong to call her 'bear'. She seems to like it," he replied. The bear almost nodded in agreement. "I met her my first night here," he explained. "We were fast friends. I've told her all about you because really, whom else can I tell? I think at times she tired of it." He rubbed her fur affectionately. Mother huffed a little and Nathaniel laughed.

  "Can you understand her?" Lucy asked.

  "Well, she can't talk if that's what you mean," he replied. "But anyone can understand her if they try."

  Lucy looked at Mother's face. It was far more expressive than she would have thought. Her eyes were a deep brown and had flecks of gold in them. The fur around her eyes and muzzle were a lighter tawny color and her brow was heavy but communicative.

  "You're beautiful," Lucy said quietly. Mother huffed again, her eyes brightened and she all but smiled. Lucy laughed.

  "How are the babies?" Nathaniel asked. Mother motioned her head towards the forest. He looked at Lucy with his eyes glowing, "Do you want to meet the cubs?"

  "Yes!" Lucy answered immediately, the magic of the moment melting her fears.

  "Alright then," he took a step back from Mother, "lead the way."

  Mother stood on all fours and started lumbering for the trees and trudged ahead of them into the dense bush. Nathaniel and Lucy followed. Lucy shook her head at the wonderful surrealism of this moment. She was grateful that she would never ever forget it. They walked through the bush, the ground climbed under them.

  "So I'm guessing that animals can see you?" Lucy asked.

  "Not domesticated ones," Nathaniel answered over his shoulder. "Cats and dogs are as oblivious to me as their owners but wild animals can see me."

  "Had Mother even seen a human before you?" Lucy asked thinking of the dense vegetation and lack of trails.

  "Yes," he called. "I think it was a hunter because she was very wary of me at first." Mother stopped ahead of them looking back. Was that impatience on her face? "We're coming, we're coming," Nathaniel called to her. Mother practically rolled her eyes. Lucy felt slightly embarrassed knowing she was the one holding up the caravan. When Nathaniel and Mother made this trek on their own they were no doubt much faster. She picked up her pace.

  "I don't think she likes me," Lucy whispered to Nathaniel's back.

  He glanced back at her, "Oh she likes you because I like you." He smiled, "If she didn't like you Lucy, you would be dead." Lucy shuddered at the thought and made a mental note not to aggravate the bear in any way. Nathaniel saw her face and laughed, "I'm kidding Lucy. I would never let her hurt you."

  "You can stop a grizzly bear?" Lucy shot back doubtfully.

  "Yes Lucy," he said with confidence, "I can stop a grizzly bear." He smiled again and kept walking.

  Ahead, Mother had stopped again but it seemed that they had reached their destination. There was a small clearing in the bush and the afternoon sun shone brightly down. In the corner of the meadow was a hill with a hole in it. Mother headed there and Lucy thought the hole looked far too small for the bear's hulking mass but Mother slipped in easily.

  Nathaniel stopped at the edge of the clearing and turned to Lucy, "You don't want to go in there," he explained. "It's cramped and it doesn't smell very nice." Lucy nodded. There was movement at the mouth of the den. Out of the darkness came three little bear cubs, followed by Mother who was shuffling them along with her nose. The three tumbled out of the den blinking in the bright light. Nathaniel sat on the ground and Lucy followed suit.

  "Hey pals," Nathaniel said grinning and all three cubs broke into a sprint towards him. They hit him at the same time and Nathaniel leaned back laughing. Lucy grinned. He grabbed each bear in turn and introduced him or her to Lucy as the others clamored over his legs wrestling. "This one," he said holding up the darkest cub, "is Daughter. She's fast and clever." He put Daughter down and picked up the next one, "This one," Nathaniel said of the lightest cub, "is Brother One. He's the soft one a
nd a little timid." He put Brother One down and almost grunted with the effort of lifting the biggest cub, "And this one is Brother Two. He is rough and tumble, a real trouble maker." Lucy grinned at the trio and looked at Mother who had lain down in the grass a few feet away.

  "They're wonderful," Lucy said to the bear. Mother recognized the compliment and seemed to nod her head in thanks. Suddenly, Sister noticed Lucy's presence and leapt at her chest. "Oh," Lucy said surprised, "hello." Sister batted at Lucy's shirt and rolled over her legs. Lucy tumbled the cub around gently with her hands laughing. She looked at Nathaniel as he rolled around on the ground with the two boys and she felt another surge of overwhelming love for him. He grinned back at her, a piece of grass stuck in his hair. "Thank you," Lucy said softly to him. It sounded like a weak explanation of her gratitude so she added, "I love you." Nathaniel only grinned at her as Brother Two jumped on his back and he tumbled forward. Lucy laughed.

  The afternoon light had faded when the cubs ran out of steam and started to rest. Sister was cuddled upon Lucy's lap, barely awake, the two brothers sat lazily on either side of Nathaniel and Mother dozed lightly in the grass. Suddenly, Mother lifted her head up and she sniffed the air. She gave a barking growl and the three cubs jumped up in response and headed for the den obediently. Nathaniel and Lucy stood up. Mother sat up and then with agility beyond what Lucy could expect from such a large creature, gracefully raised herself up on her hind legs still sniffing the air. On her hind legs she had to be at least ten feet tall.

  "What's wrong?" whispered Lucy. Mother came back down on all fours with a thump and huffed at Lucy and Nathaniel aiming her nose in the direction they had come.

  "We have to go now," Nathaniel said quickly. He took Lucy's hand and pulled her towards the trees.

  "Thank you," Lucy said to Mother. The bear huffed at her with urgency again directing her to the trees. Lucy and Nathaniel left quickly and hurried down the slope.

  "What did I do?" Lucy asked when they reached the front yard of the house.

  "Nothing, I told you she likes you," he said pausing in the daisies. "There is food nearby, she needs to hunt."

  "Oh," Lucy said relieved she hadn't insulted anyone.

  "I know I don't want to see her take down a moose and I don't think you do either."

  "No, not really," Lucy said and hurried into the house.

  "You go up and take a shower," Nathaniel offered as they walked in, "I'll make dinner."

  "Sounds good to me!" Lucy replied loving this whole scenario and headed up the stairs. Nathaniel had packed her well. Lucy took a long hot shower and changed into a pair of tight sweat pants and a tank top. When she came back down, Nathaniel was putting their plates on the table. He looked up at her but quickly looked back down. Lucy sat at the table eagerly – she was starving and the chicken in mushroom sauce looked delicious. Nathaniel sat down and they dug in and ate in silence for a while.

  "This is great," Lucy said finally.

  "Thanks," Nathaniel replied sincerely, "I made it up."

  "No," Lucy said putting down her knife and fork, "this is great. Everything is great." She reached out and took his hand, "I love it all, thank you."

  "I'm glad you like it," he said quickly. Then he suddenly released her hand and looked back down at his plate and kept eating.

  "I love it," Lucy said to the top of his head. She waited for a response and didn't get one. "I love you," Lucy said. Nathaniel only nodded with his face still looking down.

  Lucy was confused and suddenly very frustrated. Nathaniel was being so terse. She looked down and pushed her plate away. How many times was she going to throw herself out there like this? What was Nathaniel waiting for? He was sending so many mixed signals. Why would he build her a house and yet not tell her that he loved her? Did he regret it now? Roman's words came back to her, 'he doesn't love you,'. Was that possible? Why would he do all this for her if he didn't love her? Or did he know it was time for him to leave? Was this their last meal together? Did he build a house as a remembrance of himself? Lucy was torn.

  "You all done?" Nathaniel asked oblivious to her inner turmoil. Lucy nodded. He grabbed her plate and walked to the sink. He did the dishes in record time and whistled the whole time. Lucy sat there, staring at his back. What was wrong with her? How could she not be enough for him? What more could she do? He walked quickly past her, not looking at her and headed to the living room. He knelt in front of the fireplace and lit a fire quickly.

  Lucy followed him. For the first time she felt awkward in his presence. She curled up on the couch and tried to dismiss the tense feeling in the air.

  "So what now?" Lucy asked trying to sound casual. She so desperately wanted to make whatever this was better.

  "Now," Nathaniel said standing up and brushing off his hands, "I have to go out and you are going to relax here."

  "What?" Lucy said shocked, "I thought you had to stay with me."

  He shook his head. Lucy noticed that he was still not making eye contact with her. "Not here. Here, you are safe. No Demon could find you here."

  "Oh," said Lucy trying not to cry. The mood in the room was tangible; it was desperation – Lucy's desperation to keep Nathaniel there and Nathaniel's obvious desperation to escape. "I thought we could…um… spend some time together," she said lamely.

  "Lucy, we've been together almost every second for days," he said while pulling on his shoes. "You'll get sick of me."

  "Never," Lucy said while looking down at her lap. She heard him pull on his jacket.

  "If anything happens, and I don't think it will, just call me," he said with no emotion. Lucy nodded and didn't look up. "If for some reason, you can't say my name, just scream. Mother is close and she will come."

  Lucy nodded again, tears stinging so close to the surface. Just go, she thought, just go so I can cry. He walked over quickly and kissed the top of her head.

  "I'll be late, don't wait up," he said while walking back to the door. Lucy swallowed a sob and didn't even nod this time. Just go, please just go. I don't want you to see me cry this time. "See ya," he said lightly as he opened the door. She could hear the urgency in his movements. He can't wait to get away from you.

  Lucy heard Nathaniel open the door and pause for a second. Then he left, closing the door softly behind him. She didn't care that he was most likely still on the porch when she put her head in her hands and sobbed. She wondered why Nathaniel had told her he wanted to stay with her. Why didn't he ask her to send him back if he didn't want to be with her? Why did he act like he loved her but never do anything about it? Was he sick of her? If he wanted to go back, maybe this trip was a way to let her down easy - here's a house, now I have to go because I really don't love you as much as I love Heaven. If he wanted to go, then Lucy would send him, it was that simple. It would put her in a mental institution but she wouldn't hold him hostage if he didn't love her.

  Lucy took a deep breath and started to calm her sobs. She decided to wait for Nathaniel to come back to force this discussion. If she was going to be shattered, it was going to be on her terms. She wiped her eyes and sniffed. It was really very uncomplicated, she would wait for him, she would let him out of whatever contract they had here, he would leave and she would die inside. It was a daunting task but Lucy needed to get it over with because she couldn't live in this limbo forever. She was in her own little purgatory and it had to end – one-way or the other. Lucy nodded to herself and stared blankly at the wall for what seemed like an hour.

  Finally Lucy picked up one of her schoolbooks, opened it to the first page and began to read. She had to pass the time or she would be insane by the time Nathaniel returned. Two hundred pages later, he still wasn't back. Lucy sighed and stretched. She was getting sleepy – the fresh air and warm fire having an effect on her. Her eyes started to droop, she willed them back open determined to confront Nathaniel - they closed again.

  A short while later, Lucy did not wake as Nathaniel lifted her gently off the couch and up to b
ed. He tucked her in, watched her sleep for a moment and went back down to the living room. He lay down on the couch and sighed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Heat

  "Heat is the process of energy transfer from one body or

  system to another due to thermal contact."

  ~Wikipedia

  Lucy was livid. She could not believe that she allowed herself to fall asleep the night before. She wished she had forced herself to stay awake last night and forced a confrontation with Nathaniel. Lucy stared up at the ivy covered ceiling and listened to the sounds of the house. She could hear Nathaniel downstairs in the kitchen. She got up and dressed, dreading the day. The only logical reason for Nathaniel's behaviour the night before was that he didn't want to be with her anymore. A heavy weight sat in her stomach as she descended the stairs.

  "Morning!" Nathaniel called happily.

  "Morning," Lucy replied with misery. He walked over and kissed her lightly on the cheek and walked back to the stove to plate up bacon and eggs. Lucy stood for a moment. She bit her bottom lip trying to savor what she realized could be their last moments together. Nathaniel set the plates on the table and pulled a chair out for Lucy. She sat and he sat beside her, grabbed his fork and dug in. Lucy didn't move. After three bites he noticed and looked at her.

  "Lucy, is something wrong?" he asked with concern in his face.

  "I…" she stammered. She didn't think she could say it. Lucy considered running for the door and then he couldn't follow her. She dismissed the idea when she realized that she needed to hear this from Nathaniel himself. She would replay it in her mind and remember every excruciating detail. Even though she knew that would be torture, it was oddly comforting. "I wanted to talk to you about something," she said quietly, suppressing her desire to howl with grief.

  Nathaniel looked her in the eye, "Lucy, I just need one more day to show you some things. It's going to be a wonderful day, one that I have been waiting for since the day I met you. Can you trust me for just one more day and everything will be explained. If you want to have this conversation tomorrow, we can but please just give me today."